Hi all, Linda told me a few of you kindly asked about how we were getting on. Avoid reading on if you'd rather not read about bad news.
Our baby has very sadly been diagnosed with the most severe form of spina bifida. S/he is viable but life prospects are just horrendous: severely disabled (although might be able to walk in very early life, but eventually give up), completely incontinent and with a high risk for mental disability (is that the word?) too, although they can't say for sure before the baby is born. S/he would fave a lifetime of operations in spine and brain etc etc - won't bore you with the details but the neurosurgeons at Great Ormond Street were very helpful but not hopeful.
We have made the devastating decision to terminate this pregnancy. I feel physically sick typing this, but I know myself, my strengths and my weaknesses, and I think of our daughter. We are incredible lucky (for want of a better word!) to have been diagnosed this early - this isn't normally picked up until the 20w anomaly scan- but we are at UCH and the consultant who scanned me ironically specialises in early anomaly detection. Fear not though (I can tell you're all now terrified about your own 20w scan): this affects 1/2000 pregnancies so I've technically taken the statistic for all of January. I never thought I would ever face anything like this. Grief comes in waves, recedes and then hits again when you least suspect it.
This awful experience really has made us appreciate the true miracle that any human life is. I am in constant awe at our beautiful daughter. I wish you all successful and happy pregnancies and beautifully chubby, cheeky, healthy and smiley babies.