November 2014- thread 4- 12 week scans and blooming in the second trimester!

[barmybunting]

Hi everyone, we have run out of posts on our last thread so hopefully we'll all find this one easily enough.

Here is to more positive 12 week scans and enjoying our second trimesters, all feeling more human hopefully!

put rainbow muslins into ebay, there's some great ones!

I love the idea of a muslin dying collective! I'm normally quite crafty but haven't picked up a needle (sewing or knitting) since our bfp. I think I must be feeling slightly better as I've been looking out knitting, crochet and quilting patterns tonight, although a long way from actually making anything I feel like its a positive step! I'm loving the idea of rainbow coloured things, have seen some lovely rainbow quilts.

Lovely to hear more good scan news and good luck to those with scans the next few days!

annarose - i had a round commuting journey of 4 hours with DD. I was lucky enough to be able to sleep for alot of it and had my hypno-birthing CD on loop to make use of the time. i do sympathise with all those facing it.

how many days a week will you be doing it?

Thanks weeonion! My appointment is at 2.45pm, I will have a blue bag with white spots with me- say hi if you see me, it would be lovely to meet you.

Loving the idea of brightly coloured muslins and feel the same about avoiding pink/blue colouring. I've started looking out for which shops stock lovely bright clothes for girls and boys. Found Tiny Vikings this week and have fallen in love with some if their fabrics!

Annarose - I also work long shifts and am wondering how I'll cope as the pregnancy progresses.

weeonion thanks for the link!

Also the info aimed at parents to be is TOTALLY out of Peter & Jane books to the point where it surely excludes pretty much everyone, the straight couples I know don't live like that (or maybe that's just my weird friends…) But the adverts on the hospital TV were all

• man of approx 35- 45, white, clean shaven, obviously middle class
• woman of approx 25 - 35, white, slim (or slim with bump), obviously middle class
• no single parents
• no non-white people
• no unmarried people (they all had wedding rings!)
• DEFINITELY nobody who can't afford the products they're promoting
• daddy puts the car seat in and constructs the high chair, while mummy looks radiant and / or eats salad...

I was watching the same ads for 90 minutes. They got quite hypnotic.

ok - getting carried away with rainbow collective idea! it could extend beyond muslins - baby gros, baby vests, socks... the list is endless and we could end up with complete rainbow sets of lots of things.....

Our november babies could be a colourful rainbow collective.

posy I'm trying not to sound ignorant but how are you planning things to be in your house? is one of you stereotypically more mum or more dad? are you both being called mum? is your partner planning on carrying one in the future if you decide you want more? sorry if that's a bit personal just interested smile

Not at all Alita, it's my only favourite topic of conversation at the moment :)

Neither of us are stereotypically one or the other, we don't do the butch / femme thing. We'll both be "Mum" and if our child is anything like others I've met he or she will work out their own names to distinguish us in the future (mummy & mamma / mummy & mum / mummy posy & mummy partners-name for example).

DP doesn't want to carry, she's never had any desire to be pregnant and goes pale at the prospect of labour , also she's slightly older than me so if we have more it will be me who carries again, as it makes sense if we're paying for the insemination to go with the one with more chance of conceiving which is the younger one. And we know I can do it now!

stripey - gah! i may be gone by them but watch out for a red head with long hair and a green and black polka dot satchel!

we will hopefully meet at some stage tho' as we are homebirthers in the same city . On my last MN antenatal thread - a few of us managed to meet a few times - the tramway, Mono, 13th note so fingers crossed for this too...

Haha, love your incredibly accurate description posy. Unfortunately I think that attitudes regarding stereotypes are particularly prevalent in maternity care.

Where I work many if my colleagues are terrible for promoting gender stereotypes, it drives me mad. Particularly in relation to talking about men being useless, not understanding emotions, not cleaning etc. I've either found the only man who isn't like this, or he's secretly a woman!

Weeonion-
I'll look out for you, just in case we happen to cross over tomorrow. But if not, then certainly another time. I'm actually really excited about beginning to meet other mums/mums to be. It'll maybe make things begin to seem more real!

Sorry everyone, this board is moving so quickly some of my messages may not have been clear exactly what that are replying to tonight.

weeonion I do three 13 hr shifts a week. That could be nights or weekends too, it's never the same two weeks in a row and that kills me as you can't get into a routine or plan more than two weeks ahead cos the roster is never done further away than that.

After baby is born I'm signing with an agency. At least then I'll be in control of what days I work.

I wish I could fall asleep but I drive! The drive home is particularly hellish, as its right into the setting sun. Exhausted me + fiery ball in my eyes = very cranky pregnant woman!

annarose - my sympathies are with you. DP is a nurse so i am used to his shifts being all over the place but that is a tough call. i had the luxury of getting coach / train so again - no practical suggestions to help wih that. A couple of others here are doing long commutes so maybe they have found / are finding ways to cope.

that is interesting posy (not in a condescending way!) or rather uninteresting in that it sounds totally normal :p
See I would have pushed for the opportunity to see dp carry a child, would do him good when he's telling me to stop moaning :p I envy you having that potential hehe

my dp is extremely stereotypical man... untidy, hates housework, easily distracted, loves tools and making/ fixing stuff, panics if I require him to do 2 things at once, struggles with empathy... :p but he is also lovely in lots of ways and is super cute behind the man :)

if I wanted to reply to anyone else I've forgotten again!

does anyone have yellow filled nipples yet? I asked about a month ago but people didn't really. I've had bits of yellow since my mmc but have lots more crusty Ness now. I picked most of it out and there's red gappy nipples with dampness in the gaps. familiar?

Anna shifts sucks! so glad my placement finished and next one is when ill be around 20 weeks. You have my sympathy!

Ailta - my nipples are going through all kinds of wondorous changes but not quite as crusty as yours seem. Did you bf last time as i am putting mine down to that? I sometimes get a sensation almost like "let down" which is weird and at times my boobs feel hard / engorged....

yet more delights!

Alita you can always get him a "sympathy bump" suit like in this clip: I'm sure that would go down well :-P

No yellow nipples and can't say I'm too keen on the sound of that but (TMI alert) I seem to be producing enough CM to flood a small island.

posy I have been regularly having the same rant! Single mothers are a taboo or are depicted as Vicki Pollards. There are huge numbers of older women using donors and skipping the relationship bit either because like me they choose not to have relationships anymore or like my friend they have never met anyone and are running out of time. The only depiction of a single mother was I think in the Emma's diary from 8 years ago which may well have changed by now (I hope!) but I've not read it again which had a white married middle class couple who sailed through pregnancy with no problems, and a young teenage single mother who had every problem going and a terrible birth. Hmmmm the message there wasn't clear at all.

I am loving the rainbow collective!! I'd be up for that! Buy a set from Primark of whatever plain white items, pick a colour and send one to everyone. That would be awesome! We should definitely do it!!! Seriously!

Do we have a Facebook group? Would anyone want one? It's become my daily ritual now to check Facebook then check this thread, then Facebook again.

onion this is dc1 , last one was a mmc but had leaky boobs after and could squeeze milk out until I'd been on the pill a while then when I came off it to ttc I could squeeze a tiny bit of cloudy stuff (colostrum?) out every so often). so my boobs seem to be super functional, touch wood.

posy I think he needs it, along with emetics!

Random I'd be interested in a fb group in a few weeks - a month , don't want anything on fb until I've told extended family in case the privacy settings aren't right or something. I'm sure lots of those who haven't had scans yet may want to wait too?

Yep I'd rather wait for FB until I've told everyone too. My 12 week scan is Friday so hoping to tell people over the weekend, assuming all is well...

Posy, I was raised in an 'unconventional for the early '80's' family - my mum and her partner, my 'other' mum, my dad being a gay colleague-from-work-cum-(excuse the pun)-sperm-donor!
This was pre-petri dish conception, he had a pot, they had a turkey baster pipette.
Sadly because of their own hang-ups and societal pressures about their set-up, plus negative responses from some of those around them at the time, including my grandmother, they ceased to have a relationship (in the true sense of the word) after I was born and they left London.
To be honest, my other mum wasn't truly gay anyway (more happily asexual) so to my mother's disappointment they continued to live together and raise me jointly, but just as friends.
It seems so bonkers and tragic in hindsight, everyone locally assumed they were a couple anyway so also pointless, but there was a real sense of what was 'socially acceptable' at the time to them and its really sad.
It's still daft that although things have moved on massively,the concept of 'family' is still so ridiculously stereotyped and nuclear.
I was oblivious that they had once a couple for many years (very unobservant in hindsight) but I knew my 'family' was different and I couldn't have cared less.
Never really known my dad, not at all fussed about that either.
I'm pleased to report that they still live companionably together after 33 years, well, in fact 38 years in total.
But it makes me really sad that they felt they could not proudly be together properly when I was younger and now it is all too late for them.
I love to hear of same sex couples doing it properly; my 'other' mum would have absolutely loved to have been called Mummy X by me and she certainly has earned the title over the many years of raising me, but it just wasn't an option for them.
Still, they'll both be equal Grandmas to mine.

Turkey baster babies rock.

Sorry to hear about your parents societal struggle, ellie, but your point about equal grandmas made me happy. We have friends who are lesbians (dh's ex girlfriend and his best female friend from teens - not as soap opera as it sounds) who have faced real issues from the parents of one of them regarding their relationship for years but decided finally to say "stuff you all" and get married anyway, and suddenly THAT makes her very Catholic parents fine!

They're thinking of children too soonish and have elected that dh's ex will be the one to carry as she'd get better maternity leave etc and again the other isn't keen on the pregnancy bit as much. I confess I am secretly a bit jealous of the option to choose; ds is lovely, but I HATE being pg and it's effects on my body with a passion. If there were any way of avoiding it I would im a shot. Thankfully dh is hugely sympathetic and admits he's dodged a bullet there...

Also stripey I know what you mean about gender stereotypes - it drives me mad how it seems that to say women are hormonal and unstable (for example) is sexist and chauvinistic, but to say all men are emotionally stunted and only good for diy is somehow considered either fine/a laugh, or worse an acceptable truth! I know plenty of people who don't fit in with the stereotypes, dh included..

Has anyone been told they aren't immune to rubella (German measles) after blood tests at booking in appointment? I've had five letters about it for some reason, seems a bit overboard to me! I wasn't vaccinated against it as a child as I wasn't born/raised in the UK but now they say I should have it post pregnancy. Does anyone know if it's actually necessary?

Morning all. Good luck to all today's scanees - looking forward to hearing all the updates later!

I'm another who would prefer to hold off on a FB group. I think it was mentioned in an earlier thread? I haven't told anyone yet and dont want it to "get" out as yet. Also - I find it tough to keep up with everyone here, never mind having to retain info from 2 places!!! We know everyone here is on MN but not all want to nor have a FB profile? Being selfish - I quite like keeping my FB "life" and my MN one separate??

Utopia - I agree about stereotypes. I think they are all damaging and limiting. Our family, whilst heterosexual, doesn't fit in with alot of them. DP is a nurse and the amount of people who assume his srxual orientation based on just that fact is shocking!
I am v glad that DD has been brought up knowing that women love women, men love men and all kinds of combinations from she was born and has a pretty "rainbow" collection of family friends so she doesn't really ser anything as the 'norm'. She was at her 1st Pride march when she 8 weeks old and has been to them every year since then.
I think it takes a village of all kinds of people to raise a happy healthy balanced child - the more in the mix the better.

Have a good day all.