TTC 10+++ Months Grads Thread

[sweetgrouch]

Decided to start the new thread seeing as the old one is filling up.

Tricky. I stayed in hospital (St Helier) for 10 days, in a private room, to be close to DD - sent me a little bit insane but made expressing, bonding etc much easier and gave more time for (very necessary) sleeping and eating as no commute. Worth asking whether that might be an option if you found yourself unable to travel? How is your local hospital in terms of NICU? Very helpful to have a paed friend!!

My local hospital (Lewisham) claims it can take babies from 25 weeks. That is one of the first things I asked about. But the only level 3 NICUs in S London (according to paed friend) are those at King's and Tommies. So where I would want to be would depend how early it was going to be and how teeny the baby is. I'm 30 weeks today and the last scan estimated the baby at 2lb7, so not quite as teeny tiny as thought at the 28 week scan.

Given my hatred of hospitals I can't see myself staying in myself for a minute longer than necessary (I discharged myself against the clinic's advice straight after my egg collections - I REALLY hate the hospital environment. I just panic). So staying in hospital is not really an option.

See what being active on this thread has done- brought the graduates back to have a nosy! I was also an early grad and also wanted to congratulate Euro... yay! It sounds as if they are taking good care of you and they always err on the side of caution, so it sounds like you should be fine. Congratulations to everyone else as well, although I probably left the thread before your time, but if any have been here from the start and NCed, then special congratulations to you as well.

Both (yes both) mine were born at 37ish weeks by planned section (DD started to come a few days before the planned date so was technically emergency, but not really). It is really not much fuss and although I might complain slightly about the scar, if asked, 7months after number 2, I do remember thinking when DD was about one than I hadn't even thought about it for ages and all traces of an overhang had disappeared while I wasn't paying attention. My insurance didn't care if I drove after and I could easily lift a 22 month old after a week. By week three I had forgotten about it (and I had had a few complications due to my medical history).

It also doesn't feel like other hospital stays, more like a sleep over crèche. People are healthy and nurses just have nice supportive chats with you and coo over the babies instead of being rushed off their feet, patients worried and elderly and confused people waking you in the night to tell you there is an air raid. Honestly, it is so much nicer than other hospital stays you will have had!

Congratulations again and best of luck whatever you decide!

Euro - I looked into private hospitals in central and west london. Almost all said you could change to private care late in the day. There is a lot of choice but when I was considering it I thought it would be silly to go completely private at places like the Portland or St Johns and St Elizabeths as they don't have special unit for pre term babies and that was something I was really worried about when I was expecting twins. I actually made decisions on hospitals based on whether or not they had neonatal - it's not much use to you probably but queen charlotte, uclh and chelwest all have good ones apparently - with queen charlotte being the best.
It doesn't sound like he/she is so tiny at all. Good luck!

That's encouraging, sea. I'll have to have a phone round. My paed friend works at UCH.

runner I remember you, of course. I can't believe you have 2 now!

I've never stayed in hospital. I've only ever had day surgery (twice under GA and then the 4 IVF procedures). I bolt. I'm practically streaking down the high street in my hospital gown. I cannot get out of the place fast enough. I don't even like visiting (but do it to support loved ones). There is just something about the environment that freaks me out.

sea sorry for being alarming. I have read ina may gaskin - Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - lots of positive birth stories and positive - you can do it messaging. I am listening to Maggie Howell - Effective Birth Preparation (Hospital or Birth Centre): Self Hypnosis (Natal Hypnotherapy Programme) [Audiobook] [Audio CD] along with the book - Effective Birth Preparation: Your Practical Guide to a Better Birth [Paperback]

So far, these are really helping me feel less afraid and remain calm about labour and giving birth whether it is a VB or CS. Can I ask you about your doula sea - what is her experience? I have had one recommended through a friend but she hasn't gotten back to me and I am feeling like I really want to get it sorted now - (just into my 33rd week). I have another potential but she has only assisted at 7 births. I'm not sure. Better crack on with it if I want one.

to the grads - thanks so much for dropping in with your stories and positive encouragement.

Free. I sorted my doula out just after 15 weeks pregnant because in west London they get really booked up. I did it as a add on when I decided against a private birth which would have costed around 18k - 20k all in. I just couldn't justify that after the money we spent on ivf. My doula came via recommendation and it's actually 2 ladies - they work as a pair but only one will be present at the birth. For £800 they give me 2 antenatal one on one session at my home, will be present at the birth for support, help me establish breast feeding before leaving me at the hospital and come once after the baby is here to make sure everything is okay. Both the ladies looking after me also do post birth doula work and one does night work as well. They are also available for advice and took me to see the hospital birth unit and labour ward. I think it's good if you don't have a lot of confidence about pregnancy and need emotional support eg no mother to give you that. The idea of being left on my own during labour also terrified me so I thought this was a good option. They are not medically trained but are v experienced having worked with so many ladies and babies. One of mine also works as a Nhs doula in the hospital when I will give birth and knows the place and the docs/nurses/midwives well so that seemed a good option.

wow! You ladies are all very organized for labour. I had a bag packed and figured I would just go with whatever happened when I got to the hospital .

Free - Don't worry too much about the possibility of an episiotomy, my friends got them and were out running within 4 weeks. if you're like me you will put your head in the sand and hope for the best like an ostrich

Sea - I understand the concerns. I think everyone is worried to some degree. Not knowing what to expect or the precise outcome of labour is difficult.

Euro - Glad to hear that centime is still sticking around. The hospital in the birthing ward was much better than the other areas I have visited.

hi sweet thanks for the encouragement - how are you getting on? I am slowing getting more sorted. One of the practice partners of my gynecologist has agreed to attend the birth, my own gynecologist doesn't attend births - the hospital have midwives for the labour and then a doctor has to be present for the actual birth bit. I've now met him and he inspires confidence so I am glad I will have a face I've seen before. And although the doula recommended by my friend is unavailable - she recommended another doula who seems really nice and experienced and who speaks fluent English. I'm feeling happier.

Hope you are all having a nice weekend.

Just popping on to say good luck to euro for her scan today.

Free glad you have everything sorted now and feeling better about birth.

Sweet i agree not knowing what to expect is v scary. I read the birth skills book euro recommended - I actually cried - I think it's just nerves getting to me.

Euro - how are you lovely? Do you have a scan today. Are you still working?

That sounds like a strange system free but you seem to be negotiating it well.

sea pregnancy is a strange and emotional time. I find the body takeover very odd.

Thanks for the good wishes. The growth scan showed baby has dropped a few centiles but is still growing. After the last 3 doppler scans showed a steady deterioration in the blood flow, it was no worse today, so it was about the best news we could have hoped for. They'll carry on with twice weekly blood flow monitoring and do another growth scan two weeks today (if I get that far). We have a brief reprieve! I was sure the deterioration would have continued and we would be nearing the end of the road, so I am very relieved. I'd love to get close to 34 weeks - that's a good goal in terms of lung development and ability to breastfeed.

Oops, pressed post too soon.

I am still working. I am trying to wind down so I can finish or at least work from home after this week, but I just seem to be getting busier! Having so many ante-natal appointments is not helping (4 last week, 3 this week). I'm having to compress 5 days of work into a much more limited time.

I still feel physically fine, but the stress was getting a bit overwhelming last week. I didn't really have the brain space for work when I was trying to get my head around hospital choice/likely c-section/dealing with a premmie.

How are you both doing on the work front?

euro - It's really too bad about work getting busier. I'm glad you're feeling fine and 34 weeks is barely premature by todays standards . I'm amazed by how well you're coping with all the extra antenatal visits.

Sea - Nerves are a normal part of the process. I think being pregnant and knowing there is no way back from the impending birth adds to the stress.

free - I didn't realize you were having to find someone who speaks fluent english as well as cope with the stress of finding careworkers that click well with you. How stressful!

AFM I am busy.. while removing a deck we discovered that parts of our foundation are rotten - joy! So we are trying to meet with architects etc.

Euro you sound like you are handling it well. I agree 34 weeks is hardly premature these days. My god daughter was born at 32 weeks. She is a fab 3 year old now and thriving. Sorry to hear work is getting busier. Tough when it gets like that. How long are you planning to take off?

My work is super busy and understandably they are not happy I'm going off on maternity leave (me having started only this year). I have just been invited to speak at a conference 2 weeks before my due date - that should be fun. I'm planning to take 6mths off max and already looking into childcare options.

Sweet sorry to hear about rotten foundation. House renovations are so stressful. We have just been through it ourselves. Glad to have got it out of the way before little one arrives though.

Waves to Free.

And buzz how are you? How's little bee? Weaning yet?

I'm planning similar sea. I intend to go back in early 2015, which is 4 or so months after my due date and probably 5 or so from when this baby is likely to come now. Then mr euro is going to take 2-3 months, to get us to 6-7 before using childcare. We're planning to move, so there's no point in us looking into childcare at the moment. I just have to hope we can find something when we need it.

Oh sweet what a pain. I hope it's not too bad.

Euro it's great that mr Euro will also get a chance to stay at home with the little one. I wish it was more common in this country for parents to share childcare but then I guess it's not popular anyway except the Scandinavian countries. Mr Sea will be lucky to get a week off after the baby arrives.

It's v quiet here. Hope you are all okay and enjoying the sun.

Forgot to ask euro if you made a final decision about transferring to private consultant.

Not completely final but pretty much. We met with another private consultant from St Thomas' yesterday and liked him more than the first one. I'm still slightly hesitant to spend so much on it, but I think it'll probably be worth it.

sea you have the right to transfer unused maternity leave to him and he has the right to take it. How it would be received is another matter. Mr euro is at one of the Big 4 and the firm shouts quite a lot about being family friendly, so outwardly at least they are supportive.

Hi ladies. I'm back!

Trying not to jinx anything by posting here but just thought I would dip the very tip of my little toe back into the grad pool. Still worried. Lots of conflicting feelings. Every cramp and bit of brown-tinged CM frightens the pants off me. But so damn grateful to be here and for today, at least, I hope the twibling is safely bedded in.

euro sounds like a good decision about the consultant. I reckon it'll be money well-spent.

Hello to all my other lovely pregnant 10 plussers.

So so delighted to see you here Critter! It's made my day! Of course it's a nerve racking time and it's so natural to be anxious. Oh I'm do happy twibling is on board! Yay!

Euro glad you liked this consultant better. It's so important to feel a good rapport. Thanks so much for the suggest of the juju book btw. I did find it helpful in that I have a better idea what to expect.

Re parental leave - yes I know that in theory that's the case but there is absolutely no way mr sea can do it. He works for a small us firm and there is no way they would tolerate that. The firm's in house legal counsel was called by the owner 3 days after his wife gave birth and he was back at work immediately.

Critter wow - so amazing. I haven't been reading the other thread so delighted and so pleased to see you here this morning. Wishing you all good things.

euro thinking of you and centime often. My colleague just had her baby girl at 34 weeks. Both are completely well.

I am now on maternity leave. I took a couple of days holidays beforehand. I haven't relaxed much due to a constant stream of visitors - MrFree's brother, my parents, MrFree's friend, my parents inlaw, my friends. We'll be through with visitors mid July. Which is a month before I am due. I literally have just enough time to strip, and remake the beds, vaccuum clean, wipe the bathrooms down and then the next lot arrive. I was perhaps overly optimistic about how much energy I would have at 34 weeks when we agreed/planned all this. At least we managed to get a cut off point. Only small problem is the guest diet is causing me some digestive troubles. Will just have to eat vegetables and drink more water.

critter it's fantastic to see you over here. :)

sea I'm glad you found the book helpful. I don't think I will ever get to use the techniques. :( But one relaxation technique that has come up there, in my Maggie Howell hypno CDs and in the hypnotherapy I had last year to help me deal with IVF EC was visualisation. Mine is a Maldivian beach. As I went down for egg collections, I tried to remember the white sands, lapping waves, etc and it did seem to help.

free that's great to know. I'm 32 weeks today and have another scan this morning. I have 4 more scans to get through to reach 34 weeks, but I'm keeping everything crossed that I can manage it.

That sounds like quite some visiting schedule. I'm glad it will stop a month before your EDD so you will get some time to yourself. I have told work that I am going to be mostly working from home from next week. I'm just going to go in to the office for meetings, and when I don't have anything pressing to do, I am going to take some annual leave, so hopefully I will get a bit off time off to do my tax return and stuff like that before D-Day (assuming they don't say today that centime needs to come out). I might come to regret this though - my house is like a greenhouse. It was 24 degrees in here first thing this morning. It'll be pretty unbearable by this afternoon. I might miss my air conditioned office!

Thanks ladies. Will probably lurk for a bit - only 5 weeks and haven't had any scans or anything so still worrying away. Hope you're all doing well. Very nice to be on the other side. Sorry for stresses about mat leave, visiting hordes and looming births. Paw squeezes all round.