Due February 2007 - 2nd Trimester

[CurrantBun]

For those of us due February 2007 and moving from the first to the second trimester ...

We've made it this far - only another 6 months to go! (Gulp!)

maisie - I have a friend who went though a very similar time when her Dad died. It took her time, but she did get though it. I think seeing the GP (or MW) is a great idea and perhaps see if you can be referred for breavement counselling. I know people who have found it very helpful, esp. when you aren't finding it easy to talk to dp about how you are feeling.

It certainly sounds like you have a bit of depression to me (it's something I have first hand experience of and your description sounds very familar) and if you can get to talk things though with someone it will probably help a lot. Remember too that losing someone close is a huge thing to deal with, as is having a toddler, as is being pregnant, and with all of them together, with what sounds like only limited support at home, you are entitled to feel low and frustrated and you are entitled to be given help too. You aren't bothering a GP or MW with something like this, you are just looking after youself and by doing that looking after both your children too.

You might find this site helpful crusebereavementcare.co.uk

Hope you feel better soon.

Maisie, I would see your GP rather than a midwife because this is not primarily a childbirth issue. Let us know how you get on.

Maisie, sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Pregnancy can be a very emotional time even without the added trauma of a bereavement, so it's no wonder that you're feeling down and frustrated. I'd certainly suggest getting some help. I lost my dad when I was 18 and it took a long while to work through the feelings of anger, guilt, and rejection I was feeling. I didn't even recognise these as symptoms of bereavement at the time - it was only some years later that I was able to look back and find an explanation for feeling permanently angry and emotional for quite a few months. At this time you need to take extra care of yourself, especially as you're also pregnant, and some bereavement counselling as suggested might really help.

Good luck, and please come on here and offload any time you feel the need: it's what we're here for!

Sending you hugs Maisie. I would agree with the others that seeing your GP and arranging some counselling would be good. Especially before your little one arrives.

Off work now with spd and unable to drive anywhere. Not too bothered atm tho'. Had planned to take all my annual leave at once and go off in the middle of Dec anyway so not too much sooner.
I second whoever suggested going off a little earlier to get some rest before the birth, it's amazing how dream like your world seems to be a month or so before, when you really just want to withdraw from the world and prepare for the birth. I've never worked past 34 weeks with either pg and really felt it helped me.
Measuring 23 weeks for a 26 week pg. Don't care.
I find it odd that in the space of 5 mins one person tells you you're huge and the next that you're really neat. My sister commented yesterday that she thought my bump was getting smaller!
Cot is ordered, baby chair thing came yesterday. Have freecycled loads to empty the spare bedroom, just need to finish off the painting, get the curtain material and fit the carpet, then we're good to go.

Sorky, sorry to hear about the SPD. Hope you're not finding it too debilitating.

I definitely don't think I'll finish work before 36 weeks. Any earlier and although the rest would be nice, I know I'll go demented being at home all day.

Everyone thinks I'm tiny and 'neat' so far. Hubby keeps marvelling at my ever-increasing belly and MIL said I'm a 'good size' (considering I'm such a tiny person). As an ex-midwife, she should know! I was out running last night and passed one of our neighbours who has just taken up jogging. I told her I was 6 months pregnant and she was completely gobsmacked. I don't think many people would even notice I'm pregnant unless I told them! I definitely haven't been offered a seat on the Tube yet - might need to stick my belly out a bit more obviously!

Haven't bought/ordered anything for the baby yet - still trying to work out how to get all the furniture we'll need into our spare room without chucking out everything that's in there now as we'll still need space for some of our own stuff. Also nursery furniture is SO expensive - apart from some we found in IKEA which we didn't really like much. Really want to start getting a few things now though as time is marching on!

maisiemoosmum - my dad died two years ago, but I didn't have children on my radar at the time so had plenty of energy, time and support to deal with it, though I'm not sure it's something that's ever really dealt with definitively. From what you say, it sounds like you don't need to be so hard on yourself for feeling low - it can become a viscious and destructive circle. Everything you're going through is tough and I'm not surprised you're struggling. The fact that you recognise you're not yourself and want to sort it out are really good signs. As the others suggest, I reckon a counsellor could really help you come up with some coping strategies to get you back on track. Would also recommend getting your partner to understand how seriously awful you're feeling too - it'll help having him on side. Good luck - I really hope things improve for you.

Hi - I'm new to this site, I'm due with our no.2 on 5-Feb. I just had to say something to
maisiemoosmum.

Have you tried any alternative therapies? You sounded very much like me the first time I was pregnant, and I went to an amazing women and children's clinic in north london (www.viveka.com). After a course of antenatal massage and reflexology she was able to tell me what was wrong with my diet and it really did help. They even helped turned my baby around from the breech position and so I delivered normally without any painkillers (not even gas & air!).
I also tried self-hypnosis which taught me how to take control of my emotions, that + yoga really helped me regained my strengh and confidence in my pregnancy..

Really feel for your Maisiem.....I think it is wise to see the GP, even just to flag it up. I have been back to my GP/Nurse Practioner today - I went back to work on Monday after 3 weeks off and buckled after 15 mins. Had been off with stress caused by work and it seemed nothing has been done to alleviate things and people just bombarded me with questions and seeking advice on things. I went home at lunch time and have been very low since.

The GP signed me off for two weeks (which is three including this one) and has given me a form to fill in - a sort of depression guage questionnaire which I have to take in next week. At least if I've slipped past acute stress into depression they can help before the baby arrives.

Perhaps your GP can offer something similar? Indeed, you have had so much more to contend with with such a sad bereavement AND already having a child. Do vent your spleen here if it helps....xxx

hey guys im due feb 14th with my first im having a girl cant wait im really sorry for ur loss, im having a pretty stressful time found out my partner now ex had been lying to me re a house we were due to move into now have nowhere to live and no dp dont know what im going to do the council r no help wot so ever i would be waiting 3 years be4 they give me a house

Hi all
Maisiemoosmum I too am sorry for your loss, we lost my FIL last year and I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through that with a little one and be pregnant too.. I can only echo what everyone else has said and hope your GP will be able to do something for you. remember there is always someone around on mumsnet and usually on our thread if you need to chat online.
Welcome new ladies, have you seen the stats thread
I had a parents evening tonight and it was all very positive, one mum said I was carrying very well and she thought it was a girl!! another dad warned his wife to watch what chair she had would be sitting on!
We have been explaining to the parents how we are going to start talking about my NN's baby as she is going on maternity leave in 2 weeks. We haven't really spoken to the kids about either of our pregnancies.
We will go for the 'having a baby coming to live in our house' line as I have found this to be the most successful when talking to our kids about their mums having babies. Most of them don't even notice their mums have got bigger and it is just a shock when the baby arrives through the door!
Curent bun .. how did the trousers fit? have they come yet? Have you looked at the stuff in Toys R us? They have some cheaper cots etc whch look nicer than the ikea ones.

Maisie and Becs - both of you are having a tough time. Sending lots of good wishes to you. Maisie, I haven't been in your position but DH lost his mum to cancer when he was 18 and although he grieved at the time it all came back again three years later and he went for counselling and it cropped up again around our wedding plans. I think what I am trying to say is that grieving and bereavement hits you in all sorts of ways at different times and to ask for help is noble, rather than a cop out.

On a much more mundane note - WHERE DO YOU BUY GOOD MATERNITY TIGHTS FROM? I finally had to admit this morning that the normal ones wouldn't do and put on a brand new Mothercare pair. They have a nice overbump bit but I couldn't get them up far enough and with a tug I laddered them instantly. £3 in the bin! Luckily the other pair in the box went on without laddering and although they still feel a bit low between the legs they will do for now. Perhaps I need to get a size up from my normal tights size? Do M&S do maternitey ones?

Currentbun - someone turned up at my pregnancy yoga group last night who was the picture of what I think you look like! Very petite and barely showing a bump at 30 weeks. I thought you'd like to hear there are others out there too (unless you snuck into Haywards Heath last night and lied about your weeks!).

On the topic of 'baby stuff' I have said before, but we have bought almost all our stuff second had - on Mumsnet For Sale threads, on e-bay, at NCT sales etc. (oh, and also shopping around for new things on the internet - e.g. the car seat was £40 less than the ones in Mothercare). We worked out that we spent about £500 and to buy it all new / for the high street price would have been about £1300. Maybe I sound mean, but I really think it is worth it, especially as we will al probably be taking an income cut with out precious bundles!

Oops, long post ...

Have a good weekend all of you.

xxxxx

Soundbites I'm completely with you on the shopping around thing. We got some real bargains for DS by shopping on the internet and by holding off until sales. We did buy everything new as noone was selling what I was looking for. But there's very little that you use for a long time so second hand makes so much sense to me. We're off to an NCT nearly new next week to see if we can pick up a few bits for this little one, not that we need much.

We've got everything secondhand (ebay) so far and have saved a fortune! I feel very strongly about not being sucked into the commercialisation of having a baby and have found some great bargains. I used the mumsnet review book from Mothercare, to find the recommend stuff and got loads - brand new cot - £60 cheaper than in shop, second hand urban detour 3 wheeler, £50, dresser to match cot £5.50 - winnie the poo curtains - £6.50! All stuff in great condition! I cant recommend it enough!

Couldn't agree more about ebay.

I've had a really smart 3 wheeler pushchair with footmuff and raincover; a lovely wooden cot; and a very fancy bouncy chair...total cost 25 pounds for the 3 items.

the bouncy chair alone is in the current mothercare catalogue for over 30 pounds.

The trick is to use the search facility for items near you, so you can collect and there's no postage, also look for items put on with a low starting bid in order to attract bidders, the seller takes a gamble with this. Often this starts a bidding war, so don't bother, but sometimes you'll be the only bidder and get the item at the rock bottom price, especially if it's a large item for collection only, this limits the potential number of bidders. If an item goes high, forget it, there will usually be another listed in a few days.

I love looking through baby catalogues just to see the ridiculous prices people pay for stuff that's out there at about a tenth of the cost.

Soundbites, no - it wasn't me! I was pounding the pavements of Winchmore Hill at the time and was nowhere in the vicinity of Haywards Heath! Good to know that there are other ladies like me though - if you see her again, ask her if she's also having trouble finding maternity clothes to fit! I met one of my neighbours while out running the other night - we had a brief chat and she said something about me being far too quick for her, so I said I'd slowed down a lot now that I'm 6 months' pregnant and her jaw nearly hit the floor! To me I look obviously pregnant, but no-one else seems to notice. Maybe they all just think I've got a bit lardy and are too polite to say anything .

Peachygirl, trousers haven't arrived yet. Was hoping they'd turn up today so I can see whether they're any good before my mum goes off to New York on Monday. If what I've ordered doesn't fit she's going to look in Gap Maternity for me. The order is being delivered to work so if it doesn't arrive today I won't know until Monday whether the trousers fit, which is a bit of a pain.

I just can't get into the whole eBay thing. I know I should but the whole PayPal system really puts me off. Also, I never find it very easy to find what I'm looking for on eBay. There's an NCT sale near us tomorrow so will go along to that. Other than that I'm sourcing a lot of stuff online as it seems to be much cheaper than buying directly from Mothercare, Babies'R'Us etc.

hi everyone, and positive thoughts particularly to maisiemoosma and becs.

currantbun - and other second hand scouters, have you tried gumtree.co.uk? People place adverts there and you can search by location and type of item, and if you see something you like you just email them and then arrange to meet up or whatever. I'm looking there as well as ebay for pushchairs.

soundbites, tights have been driving me mad too! M&S do them, but only in (un)natural tan and black opaque in my store. On me the fit is hopeless, they start rolling down the bump and then I feel them slipping off my hips and taking my pants too so have chucked them. I found the Mothercare ones OK but have been using opaques/patterns which I think are a bit stronger. If you can find them, Aristoc do mat tights as well I think. Dept stores might stock them if you're lucky (I had a couple of pairs left from last pg).

As for me, feeling fine - everyone seems to think I look well, and I feel it too for the moment but as I'm now entering the third trimester (whispers to avoid panic OMG I have not actually done ANY real preparation yet!!!!) I am waiting for all those enormous bump problems to kick in big time.

Good weekend all. Will try to check in but if not, see you in a week's time as we're off to Centreparcs and then parentsIL while our disgusting ancient kitchen's being ripped out (hurray, hurray!).

Good grief ! I haven't bought a single thing for the wee one yet. Not a sausage. I have had to get in far more maternity clothes than I wanted to, bump is low slung and absolutely nothing fits including lots of maternity stuff, and got a bump belt to lower my seat belt but that's it. (I had a nasty experience with a cat running in front of the car and doing an emergency stop which gave me an evening of pain in the jarred bump)

I was in Mothercare after work this eve and the sheer number different things I need to get and the variety things to choose from made my head spin. I felt actual relief when I got outside the doors, having purchased nothing.

I think there's at least part of my brain is still in denial about what's coming.

hi sorry to crash your thread, i'm due in march, but just wanted to post a quick message for becs21 as she left one for me! my dp left me when i was 9 weeks pg and since then has been corresponding by email as and when he wants to. i have nfi where he is. i have dd 4 in jan from a previous relship, so i'm coping with the 2 of them on my own, struggling at times, other times surprising myself what i can deal with. but frankly i'm terrified. maisie also i read your posts below and i can really, really relate to how you feel. think i will start a thread about this in the depression section, i.e. pregnant and feeling f'd in the head! so if you want to join me there you'd be most welcome. it's so hard feeling surrounded by happy joyful expectant mums, online or offline. i've already moaned in the march thread about this!! lol. anyway just sending best wishes to you both and anyone else who may be feeling low you can find me in march07 thread or in this thread i'll start in depression..

After a busy day out and about I just thought I'd log on and see what everyone had been up to - no messages all day!! I hope that means that everyone has been having a lovely, bonfirey, fireworky time with lots of laughs, no aches or pains etc. We've been to pick up our first ebay purchase - a travel system - so I'm feeling quite excited. Have a good Monday!

Winter coat/jacket - anyone seen a maternity one that isnt just a cardigan? Thought I could do without but button popped off normal one yesterday as I tried to force it shut over my boobs! Already looked at Next, Blooming M, JoJoM, M and S and nothing or nothing suitable - are we meant to be so hot we dont need anything!?

Topshop maternity does a coat in salmon or navy. £70. I am hoping I can make do with mine for one more year - it is approaching the stage when the lining is virtually shredded and I was thinking I'd wear it out and get a nice one as a treat next winter. I might not be saying that when I can't do it up though!

Soundbites, have to say I've found the same problem with maternity tops generally - they're all tops rather than jumpers, even considering the time of year. Despite everyone telling me I'd feel hot when pregnant, I don't and still feel the cold as much as I did pre-pregnancy (which is a lot!) Haven't bought any maternity clothes apart from two long-sleeved t-shirt type tops from Mothercare which it's now too cold to wear except maybe to go out in the evening in. Am planning to just buy normal sweaters in a bigger size, but probably the cheap acrylic ones from Next or M&S as they're only £12 each and I'd rather have money to spend on nice clothes after the baby's born.

Peachygirl, trousers from Reet Petite were awful, unfortunately. The size 6 was enormous and hung off my waist, hips, bottom and thighs. Really badly cut and the material was paper-thin and very poor quality. On the plus side, the service was excellent and they provided a business reply-paid label so I didn't have to pay postage again when returning the items. It's a shame that the quality/cut wasn't very good as I'd rate them for customer service.

Had a fairly relaxing weekend apart from the NCT 'nearly-new' sale we went to on Saturday, which was bedlam! 'Nearly-new' was a bit of a misnomer - to be honest most of it was tat and more like a jumble sale. Mostly toys and clothes too, which we won't be buying second-hand anyway - I don't mind hand-me-downs from people I know but wouldn't buy clothes for anyone at a jumble sale (sorry, just have a 'thing' about that). We did get a bouncer you hang over the door frame though for £4. They're around £20 new so bit of a bargain.

I bought a fleece from Sainsbury's the other day for £8, it's a man's size small and is big enough on me that I won't leave a ghost bump in it and dh can have it after me. I'm a size 8 and it doesn't swamp me, it's good enough for if I don't want to look smart! When I do I've got a cardigan from Debenhams (not maternity) which does up with 2 buttons at the top so won't get stretched either. I'm trying to get by without buying a coat, my goretex thing undoes from the bottom so is wearable over a fleece, hopefully that will do, but then I don't go to work so don't need to look smart every day.

Am feeling loads of movement these days and seem to have got my energy back, have been doing lots of nest-building but have got stuck for a few days while I wait for bin day. Also had my first bump-touching experience today, a lady at playgroup did it then immediately looked really embarassed and apologised as she said she hated it when people did it to her! Also held a tiny baby for the first time since DD was one, they're so light!

Think that's all for my update today, hope everyone else is well...

Hi all,
What a shame currentbun about the reet petite stuff but lets hope your mum comes up trumps in the US.
There are lots of those wrap over cardis in at the moment, I've got one and its quite good, current bun maybe you could look out for these when you shop for winter woollies. I thought they might do for breast feeding too.
I've also got a wrap round cardi I bought in the summer which got alot of nice comments when I wore it to school on thursday, Hopefully this will expand with me although one of the ties is enormously long and if I don't afsten the cardi I have to wrap it round my shoulders I also bought a black cardi with ties at the front on sunday, It's a bit like a bed Jacket!!
All my cardis can be worn after the baby comes and I won't be buying anything else unless this is the case. ( although i did see a lovely red coat in Mand S - not maternity )
How about getting a couple of maternity vests? I know you can get them in debenhams- I got 2 in the red herring sale £2 each and I think the mirium stoppard lingerie range has them too.
This might just kep you that little bit warmer
Alocin I have the black zip sweat top from Jo Jo and am wearing it as a coat, so far it is proving to be very warm. I know it's not a coat but I plan to add layers and a scarf, hat etc.
It probably sounds like I bought lots of stuff but I haven't really, just enough to create a 'capsule wardrobe' - for the first time in my life!!
I know what you mean about the NCT sale too Current bun. Me and DH went to one, and it was a bit of a bear pit. We got a baby bjorn carrier for £10 but were not interested in anything else. In fact I think DH was quite scared by all the pregnant ladies