Graduated Elderberries. Thread 9

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting or just had their first baby.

I'm so gutted I can't enjoy this time as much as I could be. Feel like having a Kevin the teenager style strop about how unfair it is!

Poor Sophia screamed in the GP surgery through the whole app. Two GPs saw her, both said it's hard to diagnose and to come back in the morning to see another GP who's allegedly better with babies. They just gave me loads of sympathy, asked about support network and suggested infacol - admitted they don't know much about silent reflux when I talked about what I'd read online (basically that GPs often just try wind treatment, then gaviscon but there is a reflux drug you end up on eventually that some people say helps, quite a hard core drug though). I then went to Boots to buy infacol which I might try and also a pack of dummies and little Sophia screamed so much all the women in Boots were giving me sympathy, I got so flustered! Argh!

Oh Alex you poor thing!

Things to remember - people are nearly always kind and sympathetic rather than judgey (really surprised me); you are doing the best you can do and that is the best thing for Sophia; and I think nearly all new parents have some sort of cross to bear in the early weeks - mine was a DP who kept trying to stop my breastfeeding and being a general tit so we spent a lot of time screaming at each other.

This too will pass. Sorry it's so crappy but it will get better - and probably sooner than you think.

Infacol is pretty good with minor wind drama - use it before every feed - but it can take time to work so don't panic.

Really hope the 'good' GP can help tomorrow. For now, give yourself a hug. You're doing a great job. Your daughter is very grateful (she just doesn't know how to say so yet).

Thanks brave What bothers me most is that maybe her being so upset and frustrated will affect her as a person or even physically (lots of the silent reflux sites worn about her throat being burnt by the constant acid). and of course I keep blaming myself, was I too stressed and upset in pregnancy, is it because of my no meat diet etc Hope things get better for her soon and she is less upset.

How did you give yours the infacol? S has finally fallen asleep on me so I want to let her get some sleep and don't want to move but I haven't had a chance to have lunch yet! Bright side is my preggers weight is falling off me!

Oh alex so sorry you're having such a tough time! I'm with you on the food thing though, I've just realised all I've had is 2 milk tray chocolates all day....oops.

H will take the infacol straight from the dropper, hope S does too.

I also agree with brave that we all have a bug bear from those early weeks, mine is that H simply wouldnt latch at all without shields and that became impractical hence the expressing.

People are very kind and forgiving when you have a little one so dont even let it cross your mind to worry what others think.

I hope the doctors can give you help tomorrow!! I also agree not to cut too much out too soon, just keep a food diary make sure it includes birthday cake and see if you can make any links to what upsets her using that. It took me ages to work out that it was being in the car seat that gave H his worst wind, now I know I make sure I wind him when I take him out of it and dont leave him in it long.

Thinking of you.

I had a shit night too, my hot water bottle burst in the night leaving me with a soaking wet bed, I had to just get on with it as OH is back at work today and so I couldnt leave him to deal with H. Not an ideal start to the week. Did get H weighed today though and he is now 11lb 4oz

wow, sorry for the essay

Thanks mother i also keep telling myself things could be so much worse in terms of her health so we should be grateful and we'll get through this. Find myself dreading her next screaming session but am trying to just accept it will happen. Really hope the GP is helpful - I'm going to push for a referral to a paediatrician too.

Quick question - any advice on dummies and when to use them, things to avoid? Just gave S a new brand of dummy (nuby) and she is sucking away. I'm wondering if it will help soothe her when she's distressed (hopefully the extra saliva won't make reflux worse). She might need a proper feed so do I just swap dummy for boob for a proper feed? And can they just fall asleep sucking away on the dummy?

Ooh Brave thanks for the tip re expressing, hadn't thought of that. Hopefully seeing as we are on an upward curve in terms of what she's demanding at the mo, if I start expressing daily now my supply should be able to cope? I'm never sure when the best time to express is - before or after a feed? It does feel like another ball ache thing to do so not the easiest thing to make part of your routine!

alex we were bought 3 different brands of dummy and H will take all 3. I find that if H is hungry he wont take it but if he just wants comfort he'll take the dummy.

Its also fine for her to fall asleep with it, I was told it helps reduce the chances of sids as it keeps the airway open or something like that

My only advice in the longterm would be not to use it to settle to sleep as they can become reliant on them and difficult to wean off them. Not an issue this early though.

quod my advice would be to try an express 2 or 3oz before a feed, you'll find it easier to express when you're boobs are full, plus it won't effect W as she will be far better at getting milk out than the machine will. If you try expressing afterward you might find it harder and that you'll get less...or thats what I found anyway. I've also heard some people express one side while feeding from the other....that sounds seriously hard work to me though, surely you'd need 3 or 4 hands?!?

I've bought several dummies, V firmly refuses all of them.

For expressing, when he still slept properly, I expressed first thing in the morning, as was always overflowing by that time. And when he started to eat from one boob at the time, expressed the other (after feed though, I'm not an octopus).

Quod - in terms of expressing I too used to do it first thing: feed M from one boob, express of the other (usually after but if I was in a rush at the same time - you get lots more, more quickly that way). I think it's best to do that - if you do before or after you get an imbalance of hind and fire milk....

Alex - really hope you get somewhere tomorrow with the other GP. I agree that everyone seems to have something that taints those early weeks (three days in NICU followed by daily trips to hospital for heel prick tests due to jaundice) but for me those memories truly have lessened. I'm already getting my rose tinted on and hopefully you will very soon once this is sorted!

Oh hazle I remember when our twins boys used to sleep. I miss those days sooo much!

Oh and Alex please please make sure you eat enough. Your milk supply isn't established until after six weeks and if you don't eat enough it will decline, and you really will have a screaming baby Oats are good for milk apparently!

RE expressing, I have never been any good at it. The most I have ever got when my boobs have been really full was about 5/6oz, but it's usually more like 4oz and even that takes about 20 minutes with a heat pack on each boob. Some women are just better than others at it. I've only got small boobs so presumably they can't store very much so I think that's got something to do with it.

Alex because you feel like you're missing out on it I think you have this picture postcard image of what the first few months with a newborn are like, but certainly for us it just wasn't like that. Our issues were small fry compared to what you're going through but there was always some issue or something to worry about, in fact I remember feeling guilty that I wasn't enjoying her as much as I should have been. FX the Doctor can prescribe something to help you out but if not try not to worry, it won't last long in the scheme of things. Having a newborn is not a bed of roses, it is fucking difficult even if they don't scream for hours on end.

Alex I'm sorry you're so worried and hope things get better with the gp tomorrow. As usual listen to cav the voice of reason and try and not feel guilty.
Talking about that I was out with L today and she started screaming wanting to be picked up from her pushchair. I rushed and banged her head, and she then proceeded to cry even harder with the pain. Then I burst into tears cause I've hurt my baby. She was fine but as cav says we always feel guilt for one thing or another!!! Oh and happy birthday. It's mine next

Oh how u feeling janey??? Has your temperature gone down?
Rough times in berry land!

H is awake for a feed even though he had 3oz at 8.30pm, 5oz at 10pm and 6oz at midnight....where the heck is he putting it? Yawn.

Hope you feel better Janey! An hope they can help you today Alex!

I thought I was over this bloody cold but now have a sore throat, feels like razorblades when I swallow....oh joy

and again at 5.30 zzzzzzzz

Oh mother Really hoping it was a one off for you...

M slept well. 7pm - 1.30am solid, then 2-5.30, then brought him into our bed from 5.45am until 7am. Lovely. Still feel shocking though, worse at night. Sure I will get better sooner if he sleeps like that again tonight...

Good luck this morning Alex x

Think it must be a growth spurt as he was up again at 7.30, every 2 hours is not fun!

glad you're feeling a bit better janey!!

My delightful baby was cluster feeding 7-10, up from 1am to 4am last night and then got up for the day at 6. Luckily I had managed to express 100ml after all your advice yesterday so DP took her off my hands for the morning shift and let me get a few hours zzzz.

Sorry you're all having such a rough time. I'm not telling you about L's night or you'll all pelt me with dirty nappies

The thing she's Not any good at Is sitting, I think as an escape artist she can't see the point. She can stand, roll (she's very good at rolling, I curse the day she learned it, she can roll right across a room in the time it takes you to turn round and think 'fuck! Where's the baby?') she can crawl in a fashion, if going around In circles is the fashion but if you sit her down she just looks bemused, falls over and tries her roly poly escape method. How do I teach the little monster to sit? On your knee with no support really she does it but if you put her down she does drunk person slump and just keels over!

Alex - hope you get on okay the GP today

Purple we cracked sitting up by me spending hours sitting on the floor with my legs in a v shape while E sat between them playing with her toys and then she got good enough at it to replace me with cushions.

I may well have the worlds most phlemy baby I'm sucking out what I can with the nasalaspirator snot sucker but he is also coughing up nasty milky muccus, thats when hes not breathing like darth vader....it's a joy at the moment honestly

A friend gave me what is effectively a giant rubber ring just before Christmas. Within four days of having it M had mastered sitting, have been, quite frankly, crap at it previously. Now the little bugger has learnt to escape from it too by throwing himself over the side head first, so whilst it does seem an easy and safe way for them to learn, I suspect you'd get better value if you bought it at an earlier age. As such cavort'a method seems best if slightly more hard work than my bung him in the ring and leave him method

Janey - has M bitten you yet? Because can I just tell you OWWWWWW! Also, have you started brushing his teeth yet? I've bought a brush and paste like a good Mum but so far have just looked at her a couple of times and wondered how!