June 2014 thread 5: 12-wk scans and leaving the 1st tri behind!

[wispaxmas]

Thought I'd get us started

MTMD I'm originally from Germany.

I'd have to decide beforehand, really, we get extra maternity pay in our organisation but if you don't come back you have to repay it and I don't want to be in that situation. I'll probably go down to around 20 hours and see how it goes - it'll be hard enough with absolutely no relatives around.

We've actually pretty much decided on names This isn't because we are super organised (ha! If only!) but because I am impatient and they were the only ones from a very long list that DH likes. He is SO picky and thinks that anything out of the ordinary is 'weird' or 'poncey'.

We have, however, thought of two 'dummy' names to tell MIL - partly because she clearly can't be trusted to keep a secret and partly because she keeps foisting her opinions on us about what we should do and clearly thinks I'm not looking after DH well enough, so this way she'll be so relieved we haven't gone with the wacky one when we do tell her the real one that hopefully she won't comment...

Must admit I feel lucky as schools are pretty good with mat leave. I plan to do what I did last time - take 11 months then go back for 4 days a week.

Sorry, that was a very long sentence...

Bee I am slightly jealous... I adore Germany and would love to live there but sadly DH won't entertain the idea of living anywhere but Britain. Don't get me wrong, I love the UK, but I'd love to spend even just a year over there and stock up on Knoedel and Yogurette and other such goodies

You don't have to say when you are coming back and they aren't allowed to ask either. Even when you are off they can't ring up and ask when to expect you back - you just have to give them X number of weeks notice of when you want to return. (can't remember how many!) Also they are obliged to offer you the same job on return if you are off for up to 9 months but over 9 months I believe they are only obliged to offer you a job of 'an equivalent level'. That was the case a couple of years ago when I was off with DS anyone but things do seem to change quickly!

Also I'm not sure if this is specific to my company or more general but you can tag any holiday entitlement onto maternity leave as you still accrue holiday while off.

Super, top tip - go on amazon.de, I stocked up for Christmas and some Yoghurette almost fell into my basket. shipping is cheaper than getting my mom to send me a cafe package.

I'll have to look into term time only conditions with my employer because I'd love to be able to spend summers with the kid in Germany.

Haha, love the idea of dummy names Super- hope it works!

Oh God Wispa, I was just reading some of the top twin names (American) here - Taylor and Tyler, Ella and Emma? I would just get them mixed up all the time, or else do what my mum does and go through the whole family before she come out with the right name!

Re. mat leave - just looked at the policy for my work and you have to give 8 weeks notice to return. It also says that afterwards you go back on the salary scale you would have been on if you'd not been off but doesn't say about the actual job.

Bee - I'm thinking that too - we get paid extra but have to pay it back if we don't come back for at least 3 months afterwards. I had always planned to return part time but have just been chatting to my colleague about it and he told me what he pays for childcare - worked out the number of days and what my salary would be and it seems for 2 I'd be paying out 70% of my wages on a nursery. Would it be worth it? We'll have to see, as I know people say it's about having time away from the house and kids as well as having adult conversation, but this is the first time I've seriously thought that maybe I won't go back

I had a horrible comment from my (normally quite lovely) father yesterday regarding names. He asked me if we’d thought of any yet, and then said that when my eldest sister was born they had a boy’s name ready but it hadn’t occurred to them to think of a girl’s name (?!), because they were “thinking positive”!

!?!??!?!?!?!!?!?!!!

A lot of people hope for one sex or the other. I'll agree it might not be the best phrasing, but H and I are hoping for a girl, but that doesn't mean we would love a boy any less.

My dad was like that when my brother was born, apparently it was 'an heir', and I was chopped liver.

Clever, I went and did the same thing on mothercare, I wish you hadn't told me. Bought two sets of newborn bodies as well, I hope I haven't jinxed myself.

That phrasing did make me giggle!

I was actually called my mum and dad's selected 'boys' name (which is unisex), as my dad apparently told my grandmother the baby was born on a telephone call from the hospital - but forgot to add what sex I was. By the time I was out of hospital, she had told everyone she had a grandchild called x! So mum and dad decided to just use the name anyway!

(I was first born grandchild so she also seemed to be "thinking positive"!!)

I have a secret inkling for a girl - and surprisingly so does DH. However, I currently "feel" its a boy (though this might be my brain preparing me for either one! :-)
We've decided not to find out until D day!

I have had a very scary 24 hours, last night when I went to the toilet I had blood all in my undies and trousers and a massive clot came out it was a good 3 inches long! We went to the hospital and had an internal exam which showed my cervix is still closed so we finally got home at 3am. Today I have had a scan which shows a health 12 weeks old heart beating legs and arms all over the place and no sign of a bleed in the uterus I have never been so relieved in my whole life - I have to rest and take it easy and luckily I have my 12 week scan on Monday so I can see him again and make sure all is ok. This is going to be a long 26 weeks (I am induced at 38 due to GTT)

Oh my goodness seat how scary. Take care of yourself.

Sorry for the tip Bee

Ada that is bloody fab news so so happy for you xx

MTMD last night they did in internal to make sure the cervix was still closed and swabs checking for infection I do hope it settles down for the both of us it is just so scary and horrid x

Seat, I'm so glad the scary night had such a happy ending!

Oh, seat, I'm so glad everything was ok and baby is healthy and kicking!

Thank you clever luckily my mum had taken my smallest to hers for a week (she lives 100 miles from me and came down last night bless them) the other 2 our good boys and are easy :)

I just have a little blood now when i wipe they think it could have been a pollop on my cervix.

seat so glad for you. How stressful and so happy your bean is squirming like it should.

Interestingly enough I had an appointment with the midwife today and she said if there was any red blood that I was to go straight to the hospital. She said not to listen to any GP's, or other midwifes or the NHS helpline and to just do it. Given the various responses that I have seen on MN I found this quite reassuring.

Seat, oh dear, poor you it's so horrible and scary, isn't it? Glad your baby is fine and k

...,and kind of jealous of the cervix check (how crazy does this sound??!). Take care of yourself.

Mtmd it's kind of make me sore so don't be too jealous The bleeding has got a bit heavier tonight so I have taken myself to bed and all I can do is hope for the best.

Wow just had a massive catch up on here as not been on for a week or so and so much has happened! So sorry to read of the losses hugs to you all but good news for ada, mtmd and seat. I have my scan next Wednesday and am torn between can't wait and dread. Also secretly hoping for another girl but don't tell the baby cos I really think it's not.

Seat, you know your baby is fine and your baby house is fine, nothing else to worry about! Take it easy and look after you two :)

I ate so many raw cranberries, my tummy hurts now :D

Seat. how scary! ! glad everything is okay

thanks for the advice re telling work. I'm in the UK and my contract states that I'm automatically entitled to 52 weeks of maternity leave unless I tell them otherwise. But I looked at the department stats and inbthe past few years the few people who had children only took 6 months. My team has some women but my impression is that they are very career driven in order to be where they are at the moment. anyway I should focus more on this baby rather than work. only 12h20 minutes till the scan (scary.!)

names. .. if it's a girl we have a couple of names that work on both languages. If it's another boy... oh dear. . we do not have a single name

Feel your excitement Liquid, I've hot 12 hours 50 minutes til scan!

Seatfor5 so happy that all seems ok.
I had bleeding similar to yours a few times in my 2nd and it's awful, you so fear the worst and think what else could it be but bad!