June 2014: Thread 4: Making our way through the first trimester one day at a time!!!

[GillyBillyWilly]

Jump in this new thread to carry on the daily chit chat!!!!

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Morning all

My symptoms have more or less vanished (8+1) which has me worrying. I saw a heartbeat less than 2 weeks ago so there's every chance it's all fine, but my 12 week scan isn't until 18/12 - a whole month, how can I wait that long?!

Have a good week everyone.

Has anyone else missed any work? My 1st pregnancy I didn't miss any time until the last few weeks (and have never missed work when non pregnant) but I was off 2 days last week as I feel so crap and I'm not 100% sure if I'll drag myself in today. It's such a shock thinking you know what pregnancy is and then finding out no 2 is completely different!

winkly I wouldn't worry unless symptoms go for more than a few days (and even then some people have completely symptom free pregnancies... Mine have definitely been better this weekend apart from the tiredness but I do find that by the end of Monday I feel awful again. Hope you feel "awful" soon for peace of mind.

cheesy that sounds normal to me too. I get stretching pains quite a lot as well as pains from wind

bumblebee I have been pleasantly surprised this time. Was so much worse last time, but yet I had still forgotten how exhausted I would be. All the time. And thirsty. I could drink a litre of water every five minutes at the moment.

good morning everyone. Another week of work.... thank god this one will be slightly different with a work trip down to London and Reading.

bumblebee if you are not feeling great don't go to work. can you do anything from from home, even just checking your emails to keep track of what is going on.

drama good luck with your appointment. tell all your fears to the mw. She's there to help you. Also, when she asks how you have been feeling mentally explain how anxious you are (for the obvious reasons). There is help out there and she can send you to see a counsellor or psychologist. They can teach great tools to relax and avoid some thoughts.

I hope everyone will have a good Monday.

Yes bumblebee - see my thread in the pregnancy forum!

Morning all!

So I lost 3 kg during a very sickly month and got it all back in one GREEDY week :/ Must watch out!

Jealous of pregnancy buddies and being on my own means more fussing about, no? :D

hackney I don't know what it is with mothers. Maybe ours swapped stories! With my first pg I told her and her first response was 'well you know a lot of pregnancies end in miscarriage so don't get your hopes up'. I mc 5 days later.

I haven't told her about this pg. I had to tell work as I have been very sick and we told DH's parents for the same reason as they have had to do extra dog care lol, but aside from that until I know it's all good at my 13 week scan my lips are sealed!

bumblebee I've easily had at least two weeks off if not more being pg as a combination of morning sickness and appointments and problems with my bipolar. Pregnancy can be really challenging physically and there's no shame in taking a few days easy. I just work as much as I can and then head home and do some more there if possible. My work have been very flexible for which I am grateful. My boss had told me he knows I am trying my best. And it is the law - they have to accommodate you.

I've been signed off for a week. Good in one sense but I can't help feeling like I've failed!!

Bumble I've been signed off for the last 5 weeks- hyperemesis has been awful. But even if I had a regular pregnancy without any severe symptoms, I'd look at it like this- we are growing the generation of uk citizens who will look after the country on our behalf when we are old. All of the dr's, nurses, lawyers, bin collectors, care assistants, teachers, council workers, journalists, political campaigners that the country will need to function properly are growing inside us now. If you can't work because you are feeling rotten, please don't feel bad about taking some time off to feel better. You're doing such an important job on behalf of your colleagues.

Is anyone else struggling with being really indecisive? I am really trying I get organised with Christmas shopping but just can't make a single decision, have spent ages starring at websites adding things to my basket only to then change my mind and then buy nothing!! Maybe it's because my mind is on other things half the time

Hi ladies. Had a bit of a stressful weekend, ended up going to A&E because I was bleeding yesterday. All has stopped but it was more than just spotting, but no clots. They we're very friendly and did urine sample, BP etc and had external and internal examinations done, they referred me early preg assessment unit and I am now waiting for a call to book in a scan to check all is ok...........the phone can't ring soon enough, I would give anything to see my little bean on screen and check if it's ok. Trying not to worry and reassure myself that bleeding has stopped but it was terrifying and the wait for the telephone call is so hard :(

Oh, Vicky. What a stressful time. Hopefully they will call soon and you can check all is well. It's a really good sign that the bleeding has stopped now. Is anyone with you whilst you wait? Keep us posted.

Doctor has signed me off for another two weeks today. Been having v bad headaches which meant I was struggling to work effectively (am a brand consultant and job involves talking knowlegeably to clients, presenting etc) and my boss is being a total arsehole. Completely OTT (called in HR after two days of me being sick, hasn't even backed off now he knows I'm pregnant). To cut a long story short he is trying to put me on short term objectives and has threatened me with "serious consequences" if i don't meet them. I pointed out that as my ability to meet all the demands of the job was compromised right now due to a pregnancy related illness this constituted discrimination. I don't object to the objectives per se, more the threat of punitive action should I not meet them because of my illness. He is refusing to back down so have asked Dr to sign me off again to give me some breathing space and will be speaking to my friend who is a Partner in employment law. Such a shame, I am putting extra pressure on my team by being off and it is really unnecessary as was happy going in and doing my best to support the team as much as possible but he has left me no choice. I'm very angry at the moment.

Any HR spcialists with any thoughts on this would be very welcome?

Hi drama. I cannot imagine how hard this must all be for you. MC-ing is bad enough and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but to lose a child so late in pregnancy.........I know a couple of people that have had the same experience. Once couple went on to have another child, another couldn't face it. I'll be thinking of you! Someone has given great advice above, to tell the MW to see if you can get extra support.

living, when I had my second MC, (I told my Mum after the event this time, she hadn't known I was PG), she said 'so what went wrong this time then?'. I mean . And she wonders why I never tell her anything! Emotionally, to me she is like nails down a blackboard but that's a rant for another thread I think.

Vicky It's encouraging you didn't have any clotting and that the bleeding has stopped. Keep us posted and we're all crossing everything.

Anyway, I had my 10 week scan as part of my Harmony test at the FMC this morning. Baby with heartbeat, matches my dates EXACTLY so I am 10+2 today.

Now just got to get through the next two weeks as we get the results and have the NT 12 week scan on 2nd Dec.

Hi lady yes, I'm at work, thought it would take my mind off everything and maybe help the phone ring quicker! DH came with me last night and was lovely. It's just really hard waiting, I was hoping they might see me today or tomorrow but the more time goes by the more it feels like I will have to wait longer. I guess they have a whole weekend worth of referrals to work through before they get to mine. Trying to think positive though.

Vix I had the same thing a couple of weeks ago and all was fine. The waiting is the worst isn't it? Hang in there! X

Lady That is absolutely outrageous! You definitely need legal advice. I can't believe your boss thinks that's an acceptable way to treat anyone, pregnant or not, but given your circumstance he should be ashamed of himself. If you have a decent HR department they should know your rights and be able to put him straight. So sorry you're having to deal with this!

I NEED SERIOUS HELP!

My scan is Wednesday morning and I can't think of anything else. A couple of people in work know and they're all "ooooh you must be so excited!" And I'm just like "hmm yes... More anxious than excited to be honest!"

And they look at me in shock and tell me I've no reason to be anxious and should be excited and everything will be fine.

But I'm so worried and anxious (and excited too) and it's the only thing I can think about!

I just want it NOW! I want to know everything's ok! Arghhhhhhh. The closer it gets, the harder it gets to wait!!!!

My mum had a late miscarriage (twins, at nearly 6 months, they probably would have survived nowadays but no one bothered in 1983) and one of the reasons I haven't told her anything yet is that I'm worried about triggering her trauma if something goes wrong.. On the other hand, she would be amazing support but I just don't want to worry her...

Lady, that's horrid!! Good job you had a lawyer friends, wouldn't it be lovely to successfully sue that arse?'! :(

Vicky - sorry you're having to go through such stress - fingers crossed it's all ok

Lady - no HR expert but know a reasonable bit. Are you a member of a Trade Union? Basically they can take action against you for performance etc as long as they can separate performance from pregnancy ie if you were not meeting x target before pregnancy then they could push that. Pregnancy doesn't exempt from performance measures BUT anything pregnancy impacted must be accounted for. So if you were missing a target now & never before or say you were making less calls in a call centre due to extra loo breaks etc then they can't peruse. So it all depends on the exact situation you're in.

Caveat - not an expert hopefully you're friend will be able to help

Hi ladies,

Lady - that is awful poor you!

Gilly - I will wish the hours away for you!

Jaykay - thanks have also booked into fmc

Drama - I know exactly where you are coming from. I lost my son in very very late pregnancy. I have since had a gorgeous dd but the thought of going thru another set of pregnancy highs and lows scares me. My hospital have me on a special programme where I am consultant led (i never see a mw),I have scans when I want and they induce from 36 weeks. I found this reassuring maybe have a chat to your consultant early about your options. I will be thinking of you

Just checking back in with you all before I read back. Been finding the tiredness really hard with DS, so fell off mn for a while. I'll probably just lurk for a bit till I get more energy. I'll be thinking of you all though!

Well.....I'm stressed/terrified!

I'm still not feeling great - which my whole team are aware of - but my manager isn't on site with us much, we mainly talk on the phone, so he isn't as aware.

A girl on my team felt unwell last night so is working from home today. My manager is onsite today and over lunch said "dont worry - I asked her if she was pregnant and she said no - so you don't have any resourcing problems!"

Hmmm......not quite sure how he is going to take my news! Luckily he is my current manager - but not my personnel managers (appraisals etc) I think he was only joking....but made it really awkward for me!

Im glad I've already decided to keep quiet until 20w or if I show - whichever comes first! I wasn't even worried about him - there's other people I think will take it less well! Aggghhh!

Hi everyone, not read back yet, just checking in now I'm back in gay Paris. I forgot my keys to the flat back in London, stupidly, and I've lost my phone, and even though I had H's personal phone it was dead, so I had to use a pay phone with credit card to call H, leave him a message that I had no keys and arrange to meet him at gare du nord when his train got in. What a nightmare! I'm so tired now, all it want to do it go to sleep

It's lovely having told basically everyone about the baby. H's family didn't react as crazily as mine did, but perhaps it's a cultural difference... I can't wait to see my family in person next month. A month yesterday we will be in Toronto!

Sorry I'm so OT today, I hope everyone has been ding well and all sickness is subsiding!

Afternoon all , lady your boss sounds like a small minded bastard. I'm no HR expert but as others have said pregnancy needs to be taken into consideration. It's a shame he appears to be so short sighted on this. Hopefully HR will get their act together and sort out appropriately.

jay just sounds like that boss was trying to be funny - but wait if it makes you feel more comfortable. At the end of the day women sometimes get pregnant. Work has to deal with it!

On a personal note had my panorama test this morning ( it's like the harmony but can do a wee bit earlier). Dated a 9+5 so EDD spot on and it was a squirmy little bean. Now for my two week wait on this test to see the results. Seems a long one but my NHS scan wasn't until 9th dec so still will know all before then. Oh and I was told that if I wanted I should still do the NHS one as there was such a long time between this and then that although the nuchal bit maybe redundant they would be able to check development at this one.

Finally - is 9+5 too early for maternity jeans?!