Martians 2014: thread 10. More scans, bigger bumps and eating for two! Nearly halfway there, ladies!

[IceNoSlice]

Thread 9

Shiny new thread. Welcome all those due to pop out a baby in March 14, whether you're an old hand or a newbie, come join the fun!

just checking in. maybes and pramalaaar I'm doing better today although.....I can't actually cry any more bcos.. I think I have tear induced sty eye starting!!! I'm feeling more balanced though thank feck.

maybes We're not married , my ds has oh surname though. Sometimes I feel a bit left out...especially when the mil points out to me that even the ex wife shares the same surname as my child! We'll get married ...one day. Especially if it brings in an extra $3.50 a week , great policy Condemns! ...

Saggy I was catching up and thinking of you my dear. How r u? Hope people are being supportive , you need to get your head round it without worrying about peoples reactions. You are going to have a beautiful, loved and secure baby from the sort of person you come across as.

pram re the sisters, one of them is highly toxic so I (and my parents & sometimes other sister) have maintained an arms length policy with her, having given up about 7 years on ago on rescuing/being abused by her . Since having my ds even more than ever I want to rid my life of toxic influences as its v stressful being around her and not good for anyone. Re other dsis it's much harder and only in the last six months. A long story and not for here but basically a huge betrayal of our family. So that's tough also bc she has cut contact with us all and ..I also miss my d nephews

On a happier note my bump is looking less cake-belly and more bump! it seems to change every day though!

Saggy that didn't read as self pitying at all. Self pitying is me worrying thAt I'm going to run out of dried apricots....

Sorry for late responses, busy day! to whomever asked, I'm ward based at the moment, managed to get one of my 30 min breaks today so was a good shift :) they're being good to me though giving me the closest rooms to the office so I do have to walk as far each shift.

I don't mind the odd general question but specifics should really be aimed at your own mws who know your history, plan of care etc, policies and guidelines in your area. Also it's quite difficult diagnosing anything when you aren't with the person in RL.

BWP there's no worry of me doing that, I'll be arguing with the consultant myself for a home birth, though I think because of my job they will prob be less overly 'knowledgable' 'I know best' attitude with me haha! I'll refrain from consultant bashing. NICE guidelines are just that, 'guidelines' but enough of my earth mother midwifery-ness.

I won't take offence to MW rants if they are warranted, bad care is bad care, and if I feel I need to I'll give my opinion hehe!

So very tired now and same again tomorrow, was very annoyed at OH when I got in from work, after a stop at Aldi aswell, to find my dinner not ready to eat, when he's been off today with not much to do at all, so I was grouchy as hungry and tired, grrr, he redeemed himself though as it didn't take too much longer to cook and was yummy.

Did people who went to the manchester baby show get many freebies, we considered going but as I was working decided maybe next time.

Thanks pram and JK10, evening was actually lovely thanks. I made individual beef wellingtons and they were yummy which I think helped the mood! (And yes, pink butter like steak, although I did find a recipe that didn't include pâté).

I think my grumpiness earlier was influenced a lot by tiredness. I have heard others mention it too, but I feel worse in trimester 2 than I did for the first! Is anyone else the same? By Friday I'm proper knackered. Is there anything for it but just trying to nap when possible? I'm not really one for vitamins but I am considering it. Not planning to take iron though as it does funny things to me guts!

sorry only just catching up if i miss stuff!

hot we haven't decided yet - dp might take my name, i might take his, no double barrel though. you can always change it by deed poll if you wanted to so you're all the same name, you could always have the baby having your name then change it so you all have the name when you're married (if you plan to marry). I'm also same as bn and last with the name so i am a bit more under pressure to keep mine!

either way, no one has more right to the child having their surname, do remember though if you don't get married/take the same name and wanted to go on holiday without him you may have to have letters from him etc permitting this, which could be very annoying in this and other circumstances if you were to split (sorry being devil's advocate here) - same idea as the parcels thing.

kara my dog has been weird recently, he's a lab and he is very much the baby, he's just been a bit distant for cuddles but he's usually all over me. my mum thinks he may scared to hurt me/cause any harm and can sense I'm vulnerable so is perhaps a bit worried but i don't think its anything sinister at all could be how yours is - what breed is yours? sorry if you've already said and I've missed it!

ice pleased u had a lovely meal in the end, you all sound like amazing cooks, I really need to experiment more! I always do the same old stuff but I find it really hard cooking food and having no clue how it tastes when I serve it to someone!! To scared to invite ppl round for dinner in case i end up poisoning them or it tasting like crap.

apprentice sorry to heat you have been feeling so rubbish but pleased u have perked up a bit. Rub the stye with a gold ring!

Ice, now then, now then (Jimmy Saville)...how do you make individual Beef Wellingtons? Do you have to buy individual fillets of steak then? Costly! Tell me more..

I made beef stew and herby dumplings again tonight but this time I took the plunge and bought the required bottle of stout (as instructed in the recipe). It felt incredibly wrong to buy alcohol and even more wrong to have it in my house. The kitchen stank of it whilst the stew cooked in the oven for two hours and I regretted using the stuff. When I sampled it I was very disappointed. It tasted just wrong and I much preferred the way I cooked it last week with beef stock instead of stupid stout.

Sorry to bore you with that tale but it was so strange holding a bottle of alcohol after three years.

Apprentice, you do sound a little perkier. Was it you having relationship counselling? How is it going? Actually, I have a feeling it's not you..

jk 10 thanks for ur advice! As indicated in surname discussion oh has yet to put a ring on it , perhaps a sty cure would be the tipping point?!!!

pram. Yes we r also in counselling. It's been excellent. We have had a lot of ishoos to address, 5 sessions in and only tip of iceberg but we agree it's helping. We decided to strengthen our relationship for our kids and for us. It's a combo of psychodynamic - talking about the link between our backgrounds and the effect on us (rather than hardcore psychodynamic couchness ) and behavioural.

Last week we talked through our needs list - each wrote a list of what we need...we didn't even get to mine cos oh was so bloody loooooong! My turn Monday Recommend anyone trying this wee exercise, so helpful to think about it.

How is your counselling going? You both sound like you have many biggies to work thru.

just realised time !! Manjana ..

Grey, I didn't have any trouble taking DS1 out of the country without XP when I had my own surname and DS had his.

saggy you get insensitive stupid comments whatever the situation, I lost count of the times a was told "oh dear" when I told people I was having another boy last time. I'm just waiting for it to start again if this one's a boy!!!

When we went on holiday in may I hadn't changed my passport yet as we only got married a month before. Dh took dd to one desk and I took ds to another when we were coming home through gatwick customs. The man at the desk said ds had to go through with dh because I had a different name.

Jk10 if you ever fancy trying to cook something different, there are so many recipes online (and free) now. Google some ingredients you like, or have a browse on BBC Good Food. You could start by making something you already like but slightly differently, or making a new side dish - something like dauphinois potatoes. Or do a new pudding, yum! It's fun trying new stuff - and you don't need to invite anyone round, do it for yourselves

Pram - yes, it does have individual fillet steaks so it is pricey but it was a birthday meal, so a good excuse. I went to the butcher and explained what size I wanted (about 8cm diameter) and he cut some for me, so the steaks worked out about £4.50 per person. Then the recipe had a shallot, mushroom and porcini mixture and puff pastry (it was Lorraine Pascale's recipe). Lots of recipes also include pâté, which sounds yum, but I thought I'd try the pâté free version this time.

Oh and Pram I have the ingredients in my cupboard for your fridge cake but haven't had time to make it! I am looking forward to it though! Is the recipe online? Then you could link to it or tell me what to google, save you tapping it out? Thank you!

ice I'm just in 2nd trim and fee
Lt so tired by Friday that it made me feel nauseous. Still having to get lots of sleep-ie early nights- to make it through working week!

only 9 am ice and your steak Wellington has got me slavering !

ds only just up and oh taking of him. He is in the dog house for coming in at 530 am despite promising otherwise. It being the4th sat in a row (and third earliest). He hires out equipment to bands and clubs as a side business but this becomes a valid excuse to stay out all night in his mind. It's going on the list for counsellor again this week

. I'm sorry if I'm sounding like a whinge, some of you like Lyra and saggy and the lady with the baby with her husbands condition are dealing with far huge issues and bec & pram you too have overcome a lot. Also jk 10 if u are the one with lots of kids I totes understand why you don't cook. I'd love to cook more but time and energy are not good atm, I'm sure I'll get my cooking mojo back soon .

cool don't worry about shouting at kids , we r all human and sometimes the lil buggers really test ur patience! The main thing is they r secure & loved.

jk10 grey etc never had such trouble at airports or post offices. You would think the info at the back of the passport would overcome such difficulties. Really time to move into the 21st century. Even although it is the 21st century I still feel embarrassed /weird for being unmarried but that's my inner catholic . Equally didn't stop me from christening child as catholic which I thought it would.

Today I will not cry!. I'm going to get on with my work presentation and prepare roast beef with all the trimmings. And Yorkshire pudds. Nom . What u all up to?

• the earliest time he's come home on a Saturday

ice those wellingtons sound delicious. We have roast pork today.

apprentice I'm sorry your oh is being inconsiderate. Like you said at least you can bring it up in counselling.

Ds has football in an hour, it's a long boring hour of watching. And my arm hurts, the injection site is red and hot. Dd is behaving like a wild animal, no change there.

mummy tbh I don't see this changing. Not for the first time am making contingency plans should I need to buy him out of the house and i have the means to do so.

Lyra can I ask ..and anyone else..what was it like to be a single parent?! Sorry if this is sounding drama queen like, it's not, but it's a bit miserable for a prego thread so I might go to relationships. I'll come back whenever I've stabilised

MummyPig24 that is so ridiculous of them. What would happen if you were travelling with your DS alone?

apprentice sorry, don't have that experience. Really hope it works out. Can't remember, is this your first? If so , might he change once baby arrives?

Hi all. Advice please. I am getting really upset that OH wont give up smoking. He never smokes in house or near it- only socially , prob once a week. BUT he has a condition which means he is putting his health at risk more than the average person by smoking. What I'm most upset about is his lack of any commitment to trying. He is reacting to me on this like a child who's Mum is telling him not to eat sweets. I've had countless conversations where I've explained how this upsets me but he thinks I'm being melodramatic I think. But to me it shows lack of commitment to baby and family. Honest opinions please- I'd really appreciate your views......( ps , used to smoke so understand how hard it is to give up. But I've stopped having my friday night glass of wine so feel he can show the same effort??)

Apprentice, don't you dare leave this thread. I'm not going to slag your DH off 'cos I don't know enough about him, but I do know you're not happy. Why not tell the counsellor (with DH present) that you considered leaving this week? See what DH says. Rolling in at 5.30am shows a lack of respect and it's just not on. Our counselling was four weeks ago and we're still awaiting our next appointment. The gambling has stopped, th'usband seems like a new man and I'm happy. The Oliver situation is something I need to deal with; th'usband & the boy are doing nothing wrong; it's me. Apprentice, I have a ludicrously easy life: I don't work; I sit on my arse all day; I cook beautiful teas from scratch because that's all I do; I have zero stress in my life. I know how stressful life can be when working, raising kids, maintaining healthy relationships; keeping house. This is why I opted out of a career when I came out of rehab and I salute those who juggle all that shit. It's hard and it feels lonely when you don't have a husband who's singing from the same hymn sheet. I hope you find the strength to get tough with him.

I am wondering whether counselling might be a good idea for us, as we are both quite reserved and neither of us good at talking about our feelings. I thought it might help us sort out our feelings about the baby, any concerns for the future etc, before it arrives. Also, it would be good to get advice on helping the child maintain a positive self-image, but not sure if this would be separate. Any thoughts?

If we wanted this, any suggestions for where to look? Ideally it would need to be weekends/evenings.

Wonder, that sounds tricky. I am also keen for my husband to have a healthier lifestyle but he also reacts very negatively/defensively. I don't have a solution I'm afraid, still working on mine!