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Original poster

March 2014 - Thread 4 - awaiting our dating scans

999 replies

MTBMummy · 13/08/2013 09:40

Stats thread here Here

OP posts:
x0gawjus0x · 18/08/2013 18:36

Pram i hope you get all the support you need from family and friends right now xx FlowersCake

NoMaybeAboutIt · 18/08/2013 18:54

Oh Pram lovely. I'm so sorry to hear that. I really am xxx

Thanks Cool I think it's normal, I mentioned it at my scan and they weren't worried. Will mention again to midwife this week, but I think it's just one of those things.

Don't be scared Gawj! My boss already knows. As do my parents Smile

MortifiedAdams · 18/08/2013 19:09

Thinking of you Pram

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 19:11

...okay, so I do want to talk about it. Or, rather, I need advice: what do I do as he continues to isolate himself in the spare room? Do I demand answers (I've already got all the evidence I need and as he said on the phone the other night: 'I've been rumbled')? Am I to live with this mute for weeks and weeks in separate wings of the house until I finally get offered somewhere to live? What is he doing in that room without a telly (he doesn't read)? I am fed-up of this. Surely i am not the one who should approach him for 'crisis talks'? How long can a man survive in one room without human contact? Should I just carry on as I am?

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 19:13

Oh Pram Flowers

I may be naive and all that but I hope we can be RL friends (well maybe not the whole thread, but some folks). I met someone on MN who I consider to be a true friend. Ok so we live in the same village but we still met on any anonymous forum and became proper friends.

You sound very strong, I'm sure you'll get through this.

In other news... No stabby fanjo for me, but I am def showing now. Was hoping not to tell colleagues for another month, don't think i will last.

MortifiedAdams · 18/08/2013 19:13

Could you ask him.to leave?

RaspberrysAndIcecream · 18/08/2013 19:14

mortified glad you're ok.

pram you sound like one very strong lady, I sincerely hope that you're ok. Flowers

Anyone else gone off food they usually love? I don't want to eat salad - at all. Usually eat a lot of it.

And when I'm feeling sick I eat pizza - no where the hell is the logic in that?!! Earlier there was no pizza in the house so I made myself cheese and tomato ketchup on toast. Was amazing!! Grin Blush Grin and I seem to eat all day.

SoSurprised · 18/08/2013 19:14

Thanks everyone, :D

x0gawjus0x I have been having pains across my stomach if I stretch or change position suddenly

lumpylumps welcome back, glad you enjoyed your holiday

Rockchick1984 I think I need to put a few post it notes around the house to remind myself as I keep forgetting

PramQueen1971 lots of hugs. Thinking of you

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 19:18

Pram x-post. If it were me, I'd have to talk to him.

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 19:27

Thanks, folks, and Mortified, I'm so pleased you are okay.

Ice, the situation is this: he knows he's been 'rumbled', he knows (from a lengthy letter I left on Thursday before fleeing to my mum's) that I think he is a 'selfish, cowardly, hard-faced, feeble cunt' and I do not see a future with him in it. I told him, in the letter, My intentions regarding applying for social housing near my mum's. Now, as far as he is concerned that is all there is to be said. He clearly doesn't want to be verbally thrashed by me any more and has absolutely nothing to say which could a) explain his behaviour b) excuse his vile deceit or b) make me feel better. This is why he is holed up in the farthest room in the house.

I can't honestly see that his mute isolation is anything other than sensible, given that I am capable of brutal violence and intellectual triumph in arguments (not necessarily in that order). Ugh. I'm beginning to miss the twat. Is there nothing on the fucking telly?

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 19:35

No, there is nothing on the telly. I've resorted to Celebrity Masterchef on iplayer.

If you're determined that you want out, all you can do now is get the best deal for yourself that you can, regarding money, possessions etc. You know how best to handle him. And avoiding stress for you and your baby is probably the best course of action, eh? As Mortified said, can you ask him to leave?

commsgirl · 18/08/2013 19:40

Pram I'd be asking him to leave not letting him hide in the spare room if I were you! In terms of talking vs not - it depends whether you feel like you're going to gain anything from it other than heartache/extra stress.

commsgirl · 18/08/2013 19:41

Oops - posted too soon! You sound like you've already worked out your next course of action so just try and stay as strong as you are being. We're all thinking of you Flowers

NoMaybeAboutIt · 18/08/2013 19:45

I think is have to talk to him Prammy. If I didn't, I'd always regret it. But that's a totally personal perspective. You have to do what you feel is right x

I'm now fixated on these funny sensations in my bikini line. I don't know why. My tummy has also really popped out today. I'm also constipated which I'm sure isn't helping. I'm cooking an amazing dinner, but I just know I won't be able to eat it!

Rockchick1984 · 18/08/2013 19:46

Pram is there anything he could say that would make it better? If not then he's probably doing the right thing staying well away for now! Are you ok financially, that is something you need to consider at the moment, speak to the job centre if necessary and see what help you can get (would be Jobseeker's Allowance at the moment I think until baby arrives). Hope you're ok Thanks

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 19:46

Thanks, lovelies. i think I will ask him to leave. It's rather like living with a cadaver in the bedroom. he will probably soon begin to have that whiff about him.

I am watching The Mill at 8pm followed by Dangerous Liaisons at 9 on ITV3.

Ice, we have no money (thanks to his deception) and no possessions. The cats are mine Smile

HotCrossPun · 18/08/2013 19:49

Pramala What a shit situation. If there is nothing he can say/do that will make things right then I think it's best if he stays out of the way.

A confrontation where you tell him exactly how much he has disappointed how and how much of a dick you think he is probably would make you feel better, but your body doesn't need that kind of stress right now.

I'd 2nd asking him to leave. There is nothing more uncomfortable than you both being in the same house when you aren't talking. Or could you go and stay with your mum for a few days?

We are all here for you lovey, virtual friends or not! Thanks

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 20:32

Thanks so much, Hottie. I have just approached him as he was putting some insipid TV dinner in the microwave. I asked him if he had any plans to leave and he said yes, next weekend. Does he know where he's going? No; he needs to find somewhere. I asked him why he has yet to show any real remorse and he hung his head and said 'there are no words for the shame I feel. I am so, so ashamed I can't begin to speak to you about it'. He never looked at me. As he was sloping off I said, 'but you felt no shame whatsoever when you were blowing hundreds of pounds a month at the bookies, did you?' Sad

My dad loaned us almost £6k for the IVF abroad and DH has only just begun to pay him back at £250 a month over approx. two years. I have just asked him if he intends to keep up the repayments and he said yes, but not this month as he will need to 'throw all my wages at getting a new place. I will pay your dad double next month when I get my bonus'. What a fucking mess. I hope my dad doesn't suffer financially through all this. I've told DH that if he lets my father down in this respect he will not be seeing this baby. I'm not joking, either.

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 20:34

If he's done what I have suspected for a little while (begins with g) I would find that incredibly hard and I don't think I could forgive it either. Trust is such an important thing. And he's risked/lost your security. So sorry, pram

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 20:39

Cross post again. So sorry. I hate gambling with a passion. Can't stand casinos (of which there are a lot in Birmingham and they seem a popular work night out option Hmm). Hope your dad comes out ok.

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 20:44

Oh, Ice, it's fucking devastating. I'm reeling from the pure deceit. How fucking dare he? I don't care that it's out in the open; I've nothing to be ashamed of. He has led me to believe that we are really skint all the time and so I really don't think it will be a financial disaster to live on my own. We've lived like paupers ever since we met and now I know why. He's also been receiving Working Tax Credits which he never told me about - £208 per month. I can only find bank statements going back to November (we have separate accounts) but he was getting the Credits then. My parents have treated him like a son and have supported us financially right through our relationship because they appreciate how hard he works and how 'poor' we are.

They are devastated that he could do this to me and our baby, our hard won darling baby. Fucker.

PramQueen1971 · 18/08/2013 20:46

It feels like he's been having an affair, because, in reality, he has. It's a fundamental and protracted betrayal.

commsgirl · 18/08/2013 20:53

Pram it's such a horrible situation to be in. You focus on giving all your love to that precious little baby you wanted so much.

IceNoSlice · 18/08/2013 20:53

That is so shit. You're absolutely right, it's a betrayal as clear as day.

Difficult to see positives. But I guess you have time to get sorted before the baby comes, and it might have been worse to find out with a newborn in your arms. And if your finances were more joint, he could have blown all your money too. Sorry if inappropriate but I have a natural tendency to hunt for silver linings.

Coolhand · 18/08/2013 20:54

Pram I'm glad you now know his intentions and that he will be away soon. I'm also glad you have such a good relationship with your parents as I think they will be a critical support in the months ahead.

However, it doesn't take away from the devastation you are feeling right now. It is just shit. Wish we could all be there for you in real life.