Graduated elderberries - 30+ and looking forward to DC1! (Thread 6)

[HazleNutt]

Oh, looks like I wrote the last post! So new thread here where we will see more berry babies and hopefully loads more graduates as well.

alex Im going to struggle to cope cash wise while on maternity, especially as me and my OH are used to having our own cash to spend, he is going to struggle to limit his spending I think. I should have a fair bit saved by the time I leave work though.....fingers crossed.

I was thinking I wish I'd saved more as was ttc for ages but then I thought actually I'm glad I went to the Maldives in Jan and stuff like that to make ttc -slightly more-- bearable! Am saving now so I can do nice mat leave stuff and not have to ask DH all the time. Plus there's obviously amazing stat mat pay to look forward to At the same time, I'm making sure we enjoy being a couple before baby comes along - just booked tickets for a comedy night as that's the sort of thing it won't be as easy to do for a while when the baby comes!

Alex don't forget you also get an amazing £20.30 child benefit to add to your mat pay!
I saved really hard during pregnancy to make sure I don't need to ask dh for money. I'm the higher earner and am used to doing what I want with my money! Plus I found out I will be eligible for a small bonus in November which will pretty much end up being like a normal salary to I'm pleased!
Yeah packing hospital bag is very scary indeed. I did bits of it but didn't have it fully packed until the last week. Don't follow my advice!
Lara's belly button is bleeding but seems drier than before and she's not bothered by it - but I am!

Ahh lol Im sure she'll be fine, maybe call the docs in the morn and just query it??

Janey yes indeed, I think I would go nuts if I was just stuck with daytime TV. Netflix is definitely £6 well spent from my wanky SMP. Is Dexter any good? I haven't seen it either and have been considering it.

Purple that sounds like she's at least making progress on the sleep front, FX she sticks to it or goes even longer. No wonder the first 12 weeks is often called the 4th trimester.

Alex I also don't like the idea of living off DH but I felt worse about it before finishing work and feel a bit more comfortable about things since actually having the baby. Having said that, I have actually been financially better off than normal since finishing work due to commission and bonuses paid in arrears so I might alter my stance once I am actually on wanky SMP and can't buy 3 pairs of shoes in one day.

Mother and Alex, I don't know how the other Mums are finding it, but I have generally been spending much less than normal since giving birth. Apart from online grocery shopping, a few baby bits and a couple of nights out I haven't really spent much until today's online shopping spree. Unless you count the new family car we have just ordered.

I agree with Mother, Lol maybe just a quick call in the morning to check it doesn't need sealing again to prevent infection?

And my DH earns too much for us to qualify for any child benefit so it's just wanky SMP for me.

Also Janey have you seen Wuaki? We haven't got it as it's not yet available on Smart TV's but it looks good.

Yes Alex I don't think you'll get child benefit, we don't. This is my last month of decent pay so am dreading the drop to SMP. Thankfully whilst on mat leave I've saved enough to pay half the mortgage and bills for the rest of the year. As cavort says you don't spend that much when you're tied to the sofa feeding on maternity leave. Having said that I've signed up for a load of baby classes this week.

Haven't seen that cavort. Will need to wait though if it's not on smart tv yet won't I?

Dexter is fab. I do find it a bit scary (I'm a complete wuss, I don't think anyone else would) but it's really enjoyable.

I'll have to look into this Netflix, we're spending over a £100 on sky/broadband/landline so trying to work out a better plan for us. We don't have a smart tv yet though, DH wants to get a new tv around xmas.

I'm glad I'll get paid up to xmas at least before it drops to minimum SMP. Still not sure the agency will retain my accounts while I'm off so I might not have work to go back to but really trying to just cross that bridge at the end of mat leave. At least I'll be too busy and tired with new baby exhaustion glow to worry about it, and can try and just enjoy mat leave!

you (that's you and DH/DP) have a baby. your family has 2 kinds of tasks, making money and taking care of the offspring. As you know, I'm the one going back to work and while DH can still do some work from home, it has not occurred to me that he should be saving right now and pay half the mortgage when he is at home taking care of the baby. It is not reasonable for you to struggle to do both tasks or feel like you're living off DH - unless he takes half of the maternity leave as well, that simply isn't true.

I know we're all used to be independent and paying our shares, but things have changed now and maybe it's time to take another look at the family obligations and how to share them?P

In other news, we will certainly face some parenting challenges that didn't exist or at least weren't as common when we ourselves were growing up. Internet for starters, but I just heard my niece complaining that she's fat and needs to diet. First, she's skinny as a rake, legs like sticks, actually underweight. Second, she's 8!! (my sister is slim and never diets, so she must get it from school). I had no idea how much I weighed when i was 8..

I do agree with you Hazle. But being nearly 9 years older than DP I earn quite a bit more than him. If I can't help out things will be tight for us. Financially it would make much more sense for me to go back to work and DP stay at home. I think he'd quite like that! However he'd have to give up his job and wouldn't get stat maternity pay etc. Plus there's no way I'm doing that!

So sad about your niece. I too wd have had no idea.

Not necessarily Janey, he could use additional paternity leave and take up to 26 weeks off work to look after the baby on the same rate of pay as SMP and you could go back to work. Assuming he's employed not self employed anyway.

...but you needn't tell him that if you want to stay at home

We only bought our house 2 years ago and have quite a big mortgage, my OHs wages will cover mortgage and bills but won't leave much for extras. I have been through our bills and changed our home and life insurance providers which saved us over £100 a month, I also need to move our gas which will save us more, I'm going to do that when I'm off though. I figure every little helps. I also have my bosses cash and carry account card so can shop a bit more cheaply their which again will help a bit, I figure I can buy meat in bulk and then split it for various meals.

I don't think I'll be spending much while on mat leave but not sure we can both get by on just my £135 a week although I may be wrong , so I thought I would save enough to top that up a little bit, it will only give us an extra £175 a month but might help.

My OH would love to be a stay at home dad, but he has no idea what that entails. He thinks he just gets to watch cartoons all day.

Ooh I got Vic drinking from NUK first choice. Fingers crossed this wasn't just an isolated incident but that he might actually accept it.

Yay! Go Victor! Now be a good boy for mum.

Thanks hazle I do like that way of thinking but the problem is that I think both myself and DH see mat leave as the easier of the two roles if we're really honest. I'm hoping this will change when it happens (although at the same time I'm hoping I will enjoy mat leave as much as some people seem to!) So that's what's making me feel this weird guilt about it all and I'm really trying to change the way I feel about it so I can relax about it and not feel guilt. Anyway good work victor on the milk front!

Janey I asked DH (my technical advisor as I am a techophobe most of the time ) and the Wuaki app is on our Smart TV already but it's a beta version and the interface isn't very good at the moment so it's probably worth waiting a bit, but I'm excited at the prospect of getting new releases streamed.

Alex we used to have a Virgin Media TV package but got rid of it when we got a Smart TV as it does all the features we used on Virgin (and loads more), and Freesat covers most of the channels we watch, and Netflix and the terrestrial catch up apps cover most of the on demand content. The only downside is when DH Skypes me on the TV while I am BFing without turning the camera off meaning his whole office have probably seen my boobs. Like everyone else these days, we went to Currys to decide which one we wanted and then bought it online £500 cheaper.

Nice one Victor, keep up the good work! I am that an 8 year old would want to diet or have any awareness of dieting, especially a thin one.

Elodie's jabs weren't too bad this morning - just a brief cry and then she was back to her usual hungry horace self. I went to the baby clinic afterwards to get her weighed and my scrawny little 20th centile 6lb8oz newborn is now a whopping 60th centile 11lb8oz bruiser. My boobs have fed her up by 5lbs in 8 weeks - no wonder I am knackered!

Oh and also I have a feeling things will change too much at my agency with my clients, and a couple in particular might not stay with the agency while I'm off for a year so I'm not sure if my job will be possible and that's adding to the weird feeling of guilt!

Sorry cross post, well done elodie on jabs and weight! I am massively pigging out suddenly too Will look into tv options, depends if I can convince DH to let sky sports go

Alex try not to measure it this way, does not matter which part is easier. Both need to be done and have to be shared between you and DH somehow. Technically yes I think in our case DH will get the nicer and easier part, but it simply makes more sense for the family to share the tasks this way, so as long as the mortgage is paid and baby is alive at the end of the day thanks to our respective efforts, it's all fair in my book.

Am at all the Netfix talk, we don't have it here and French TV is crap - most movies and series are dubbed and often there's no option to choose the original audio. Bastards. What's wrong with subtitles?

Good work Elodie! Vic has gone from 3400 to 5600 gr - so 5 lb here as well. And 10,5 cm - which actually takes him, if I'm reading the graph correctly, from 75th to 95th percentile. Should set up a basketball court in the garden I guess..

alex you're carrying his child, I don't think you need to feel guilty, I don't. I simply worry that we will cover the bills. My OH does have a share save coming out next year so that should help.

Wow, good work cavorts boobs!!!! Impressive weight gain.

I can't eat much lately, think bubs is taking up all the space. I eat a normal meal then feel so full I feel sick, need to remember every time to cut my portions.

I bought some unattractive button up nighties for hospital today. Why is it so hard to find nice button up shirts or nighties? I just thought sod it in the end and bought them, it's not like anyone will really care what I look like. Also I got some stretchy crop top type bras as I don't want to buy maternity ones then have my milk come in and find out they are too small. Am I being daft? Just don't want to waste my money. The crop tops should at least do for hospital surely. I'm freaking myself out I am far too organised!!! This is really unlike me.

Mother stretchy bras are a very good idea, you never know how much your boobs will grow. Or you can get one of the stretchy nursing bras, easier access. Not much support though so can be used as sleeping bra later.