December 2013 - part 3

[Holly1977]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1740732-December-2013-part-2

Starting yet another thread as us chatterboxes have filled up 2 already!

Jucy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Big hugs, wish there was something more I could say.

Frouby, if you're feeling crap just fuck the housework off, I do! It'll keep.

I'm scared and excited in equal measures about the scan on Friday. Looking forward to seeing bean and being able to get on with things. But obviously scared of getting bad news like Jucy... 2 days, 1 hour and 50 minutes to go!

My friend has offered to be a birthing partner too. I may well take her up on it, I suspect she'll be more help than OH. And as I'm planning on having a home water birth and OH has already invited his bloody mum (!) think it'll be good to have a friend there. I'm not private at all, have zero issues with people seeing me naked (as my neighbours will tell you) and she's seen me throw up enough times from our party days (though never shit myself to be fair) that I'm not too fussed about that.

Have just had a patient fall on me, my lower back and right hip is so painful I'm struggling to walk and no-one seems to give a shit. I told the doc when he asked me to help the patient stand that I couldn't take his weight if he fell, but had to do it anyway and of course his legs gave way. I'm so angry, my mobility has been great for a week or so now. Told the doc after hiding in the sluice for a cry, she just said 'well you didn't look like you were taking his weight, your colleague was taking it'. That was it, no are you alright, do you need anything, nothing.

Feather- That does not sound good at all! I think maybe you need to speak to Occ health as that does not sound fair. When I was pg I had pelvic pain and from about 25 weeks was on light duties. Hope you are ok and if you are still in pain - don't suffer - go home and rest.

I got the car fixed enough to get it home, only cost me about £150 and the mechanic was insanely good looking. Apparently the car has the wrong battery in it, which we replaced yesterday when it wouldn't start with the same size battery. That combined with water in the connections meant it wouldn't start, but it is an easy fix. Hope the ceiling is fixed by now Queen

Mildred Glad the scan went well

Feather I hope you talk to someone to do a proper risk assessment at work. So far I have been lucky, but the my head of department is my husband, and I've done more than the other pregnant women in our department, but still less work with chemicals and heavy lifting than I did in my last pregnancy. It really helps having someone very protective in charge (especially since he can see when I am struggling and knows it will make me completely useless at home if I overdo it at work)

kyz definitely better for them to get chicken pox while they are young when the vaccine isn't easily available. I caught chicken pox from my DS when I was 30. I think I had 6 weeks off work, and hub had to have time off to look after DS as I couldn't move. The doctor actually said to me "what are you doing getting chicken pox at your age? Don't you know old people can die from chicken pox!"

Nope, ceiling is in worse condition and because Foxtons has decided to not return any of my phone calls today; I'm still stuck here.

oh! I think Kate Middleton has gone into labour?

I lied. Dh just said it to see if I would take the bait and report. Grr.

Baby hasn't moved in a few days...I'm worried.

alyssa I'm so determined to stick to bf this time too- but in reality each time I seem to get worn down with the stress and the pain and give in . I'm actually more worried about bf than the birth!
nom I know the latch can be wrong if you get bleeding/cracked nipples but mw actually said my latch was good 2nd time round and it still happened. And after a few days of me thinking -I'm actually doing this right, it then started to happen again and got unbearably painful. I have flat nipples so I don't know if that has something to do with it (being unnaturally pulled out more than a nipple that's used to sitcking out!!) this time tho, I will try and try again. If I can get past the first few weeks I'm confident it can only get better right??

13loki that's a bit extreme from your doctor saying people can die from chicken pox! And you were only 30 when you got it- I think it's more dangerous for old people- esp if they get shingles. I got it when I was 28 weeks pregnant with DS1. Doc was intrigued and bought a student in to have a look but said it wasn't dangerous at that stage (only early and late pregnancy). Sounds like you had it bad- was unbearably itchy for me but other than that I was fine after a week. I don't know how I avoided it in childhood either! I'm still waiting for my 2 DC to get it, and in a way, would rather they got it before DC3 comes as I would worry if he/she was really small.

Feather how awful of the doc not to believe you and play down your pain/injury. Definitely sounds like you need to avoid certain parts of your job for your safety/health at the moment, till you've had the baby.

Queen hope you get some reassuring prods/kicks soon! I haven't felt anything since I sat on an incredibly hot train for an hour from London (after a whole day traipsing around in the hot sun) and now I'm a bit worried. I'm sure it's fine tho it did feel like a sauna and I was so hot. It was a lovely rare day out shopping and I got a dress from Monsoon to wear at a wedding so I'm chuffed (maxi dresses are great for bumps I've discovered as the waistband sits above it) and means I can wear it when not pregnant after too. AND it was in the sale the rest of the shopping was for the kids since I can't buy much for me at present with my huge belly! Was miffed to find out that GAP have also stopped selling maternity wear instore- the latest in a string of shops that have started selling online only. What is happening to Maternity wear? It has almost completely vanished from the highstreet making it even harder to find anything. I don't mind ordering online if I can order into a shop but hate paying an extra £4/£5 or so to get it posted out if I don't even know if it'll fit.

I've been given a mostly sit-down job today after being awake half the night worrying - when I asked yesterday if I could do this today I was told no and I'd already been allocated to the most physical, high impact area and it would be inconvenient for them to change it! Was on the verge of ringing in this morning but thought I'd at least try as I'm on leave after today, but the boss obviously had a change of heart and realised there was a good chance of me going sick.

Mum, I ruined my early weeks (after getting him home from NICU) with DS by becoming obsessed with bf, even though it was never going to work for a number of reasons. I'm not doing that to me and this baby this time, this is my last and I want to enjoy it. I'll try, and hopefully all will go smoothly, but the minute DH tells me I'm getting a bit weird with it I'm switching to ff. I really struggled to bond with DS, I can't get that time back.

Morning all

Feathers you need to put your foot down at work hun. They are not only putting you at risk but also other staff members and the patients. Ask for a new risk assessment if you havent already had one, record your concerns in writing and start muttering about you not wanting to get the company into trouble. That should change things for you a bit.

I really want to BF for at least 6 months this time. Only manged 2 months with DD as it was too much working almost full time and B/F or expressing. But I won't let it ruin those early months. I found it painful last time too until a fab old M/W came round at about 2 weeks and checked my latch. The other M/Ws had all said it was fine, she didn't think DD had enough nipple in her mouth, told me to squash it down first and then it hardly hurt at all!

Knackered this morning. Huge party and BBQ for DD. Spent all day running around after folk and up and down our garden steps. Feet and legs really ache, and my boobs are really sore again.

I havent felt much movement the last few days either Queen. I'm putting it down to being too busy and too hot to notice little flips and prods in this early stage. And when I think about it and sit and wait nothing happens predictably lol. And my placenta is at the front so presume baby has to get in a certain position to get my attention. We spend the first part waiting for movement and then the next part of being PG panicing cos we haven't felt anything for a few hours or days lol. Then the last part wishing baby would be still so we can sleep and stop pinging off our bladder/kidney/ribs lol.

Glad its a bit cooler today. Was far too hot yesterday!

agree with you both- not worth putting too much pressure on ourselves to BF (though easier said than done!) I know both of my DC's are so healthy (and in some cases have had less illness than other BF children) so its not the end of the world if it doesn't go right (tho it may feel like that at the time) I don't want to ruin the early weeks either but just WISH I could crack the technique- agree maybe my latch wasn't good (even though mw said it was) will keep bugging them this time to check. Found in hospital that the help was so poor. I had to keep asking over and over for someone to check the latch and they just didn't seem to care- so frustrating esp when I could see the window of opportunity with baby trying to do it. Also remember a week later calling in tears saying I didn't want to give up but needed help and they said someone could come over in around 6 hours -so I had to struggle through 2 more feeds with baby distressed before I got help. Anyway enough whinging about that sorry! just a very tough thing for me to deal with....

frouby you're so right about movement- lol! We always find something to worry about whether it's too little or too much kicking (I remember those kicks later on on the inside of my youknowwhat- bloody ow!

I really struggled with BF my dd so for my second - I asked a midwife to recommend a very good private lactation adviser- It was only around £60 and the 1-2-1 at home was so helpful and empowering - I managed to feed until DS was 2yrs 6 months. I found the NHS BF support groups/Midwives made me feels worse and were so focused on latch, positioning, pillows that I felt defeated before even beginning- BFeeding is hard both mum and baby have to learn and Babies can feed for very very long periods - my DS would feed constantly in the earlier days and I did feel like I was tied to a chair at times- I found most midwives don't always acknowledge the difficulties so you are left to feel as if you are doing it wrong .

It was the best money I spent and I only needed one session. I think if you can make it past the first 6 weeks its much easier to feed and continue- However if BF does not work out this time - (DC3- I am not going to push myself to the limit to try or get stressed)

All this talk of BF is making me a little worried now...
This is my first pregnancy and, at the moment, the plan is to try and BF for the first few months then switch to FF so that DP and I can share feeds.
I didn't realise it was so hard though! Am I being too optimistic? And is it really as tricky as it sounds?!

Positive story! I BFed DS for over 2 years, I think he's just self-weaned as he hasn't fed for a week. It was time consuming in the early days. Some days I did nothing but feed, but I mastered feeding in a sling so it wasn't that bad. If it hurt then I stopped and reattached. You need to be constantly vigilant with the latch as it can slip during a feed. GPs aren't to be relied on for BF advice, some MWs are good as are some HVs but it's luck of the draw. Start researching LLL groups, local BF peer supporters and local BFCs now. Try to go to a LLL meeting when you first go on ML if you can so it's not so scary when you need to venture out with a newborn. Plus you'll have met the leader and they're more likely to come out and help you. Have the numbers for the BF helplines on your phone so you can call them quickly.

Also a major cause of BF failing is women not feeding enough because HCPs and books say they should be feeding 3 hourly. In the early days that's a minimum, not a target. If it's 2 hourly that's what baby needs to establish supply. If it's a 3 hour feed in the evening so be it. Incidentally you should be offering both sides at each feed unless you have oversupply, and you'll know if you do.

Another thing to watch out for is people advising against nipple shields. If you need them, use them. I broke them put around day 3 and it was 2/3 feeds worth of relief that picked me up and helped me carry on. I wouldn't advocate them systematically but if you start getting a crack or sore nips and no-one can come until morning/6 hours time them protect your boobs but keep feeding. As long as you don't use them for more than 3 or 4 feeds you won't reduce your supply and your baby won't forget how to latch onto boob, especially if you have the butterfly shaped ones.

Night feeds are important. You should definitely be feeding between 1am and 3am for the first 6 weeks because that's when prolactin peaks.

I infinitely prefer to ease of BF to FFing. I've looked after FF babies as a nanny and maternity nanny and unless you're using expensive cartons if you can BF then persevere with that as a your main feeding method. I don't really understand the logic behind switching just as BF gets easy! You can continue to mix feed and give the occasional or more regular bottle of formula if you aren't around (night out, at work) but it's not an either/or choice. I EBFed DS and expressed when at work but realistically with 2 that's unlikely to work, even if I'm only going to need to leave 6 bottles a week, so if DC2 has formula one day a week then so be it. I'll just send cartons to nursery.

But as with most parts of parenting if it's making you miserable it's not right.

itsliz I found it hard the first time as I was being given support by Midwives and HV who had never Bf. They had been taught how to support women through training videos and dolls, and I had a HV who gave me very bad advice.

I really recommend LLL as I have found most leaders to be very experienced and able to adjust your latch to suit your babies mouth shape if you are having latch/pain issues- my Ds had a very short thick tongue and we were able to look at ways to help him feed- the first thing she did was made me get rid of the pillows and find a more relaxed way of feeding.

I think the thing isnot to wait until you are totally frazzled with BF to get help/Support, with DS I got someone in before I had issues as I wanted the confidence to feed whilst not feeling under pressure or having big problems- This helped as we looked at lots of things.

I loved BF DS mainly the ability to soothe him quickly and easily when he was hurt or not feeling well. He did feed a lot but as he got older the feeds could be as quick as 5 minutes and as long as 10, However I will have 3 under 5, so I probably will end up mix feeding in a similar way to Nom.

i second LLL lovely advice.

I really enjoyed expressing...nothing to do with the accidental orgasms, which was really disturbing

was supposed to do the strike through the last bit, but ohh well.

Orgasms? Buying a breast pump now

itsliz sorry if we're making you worry! Some mums have an easy time BF and baby and mum just get it from the start with very little/no pain so it really does depend!

~Sorry what is LLL? Is it la something Leche or something similar?
Also, Nom didn't know you should offer both sides at each feed- thought I was supposed to do one then the other next time (tho hard to remember which unelss one feels bigger/harder than the other! I found in the first week I'd empty one, then the other the next feed then baby wanted feeding again and I felt like I didn't have anything left and I panicked! I definitely need more support this time- talk about out of my comfort zone. I just never got the hang of it and got myself so anxious and worked up.

Nom- good tip about checking latch and reattaching during feed- I think I just did it once then was relieved and let baby get on with it -re-attaching was so painful (at least it was for me as it was the first week) so I dreaded it each time.

sorry about hijacking the thread onto BF! I will talk to my mw closer to the time about my anxieties and hopefully get more support this time. Also re-read my NCT breastfeeding for beginners book that a good friend bought off Amazon and posted to me when I was in the depths of dispair- bless her!

oh and I tried a nipple shield- anyone know which is best? I don't think the one I bought was very good, didn't seem to let the milk through and DC2 got frustrated.

Hi all, just to chip in on the breast feeding chat - DD would not latch AT ALL - it wasn't a case of trying to improve it or sticking with the pain, it didn't work even once. I was desperate until one midwife (6 days after she was born and I had been hand expressing and giving her formula as the only way of getting us discharged from hospital) suggested nipple shields, which worked instantly. I really second the advice of bearing them in mind if you need them. I had called on all the support I could, and no one had mentioned nipple shields to me. I definately wouldn't have been able to BF without them, and one day (admittedly, when she was almost 3 months) DD managed to latch without. I kept giving her the opportunity to try, just maybe 2 or 3 attempts but not stressing about it, then she finally got it.
I'm sure this is a very rare example, but thought I'd pass it on in case it proves useful to anyone else. I think the problem was my nipples were quite small, and DD had tongue tie, so worth bearing in kind if your nipples are on the small side!
I found the first few weeks/months really stressful but loved it in the end, it gets so much easier. Good luck everyone attempting it this time round, fingers crossed for us all!

Also to add - even if you are having problems at first and have to use formula, try to express so you keep your supply up. That way you give yourself a bit more time to get support and see if the problems can be resolved. HTH

Ah Feather- really sorry that happened to you . It's awful that you're made to feel like you're making a fuss- it should be automatic that people look out for you at this time. I guess the solution is that you have to be really firm about what you will and won't do- no one really has your interests at heart bar you sadly.

I'm waiting to see the obstetrician about changing my shifts. Not holding out much hope- so far I feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing.

There are times I flipin hate working for the NHS. As soon as you need something- all your superhuman efforts, sacrifices & extra unpaid hours are rapidly forgotten about.

Le Leche League!

But look, bf-ing isn't for everyone...and it's really not a big deal at the end of the day if it's not a feasible option and your lo. I had to stop at 6 months because DS has a host of allergies and can pretty much only eat like 11 things...I did pump and donate to my local hospital and gave it to my friends who asked.

The only reason I had soo much supply though was because I was getting quite used to my medela electric double swing pumping machine thing. It was pretty handy.