October 2013: Growing bumps and the second trrimester glowing begins!

[OrangeBlossom2]

Welcome to thread six of the October bus. how long will this one last us?!

Old thread here

Stats thread here

It's good to hear all this talk of maternity leave planning - my manager asked me today what I'm thinking at this stage. I work for a big organisation where as far as I know it's quite common to go off for a year and come back to a different role at the same grade. To be honest, that's what I'd like to do as I don't particularly love this role and have enjoyed others more in the past.
I'm also considering taking a career break and not going back until the baby is at school (or til I have another one to get mat leave for...) so I don't really want the guilt of them holding the post open for me in case I don't want it. I was surprised that he's keen to have me back in a year and get someone in to cover in the meantime - not sure how sure I need to be about plans how quickly!

Is anyone else making tricky decisions about this kin of stuff or do people know exactly what they want?

I run my own business so will be getting the minimal maternity pay available. I will take 2 months off completely but will then go back to working one day a week to start off (ridiculously, I will be better off financially this way), then I will add more days on as the months go by. I can work from home so I'm very fortunate to have this flexibility.

Luckily, my DH starts a long term, full time job in 2 weeks which has really taken the pressure off, a LOT!

My head suggested working as long as I possibly can up to the birth but midwife suggested 38 weeks. I didn't give an exact date yet.

I would like to take a career break too, although I am considering going back for a while to get maternity pay for a second baby before stopping working altogether for a while. If I do go back, ideally it would be part time.

Just got to work out of we can afford it!

I'm a teacher too, but at KS2-3.
Like OrangeBlossom (I think?) I've also been pretty much told that returning part time will not be possible, so we are totally unsure what we'll end up doing. After successive redundancies, DH started retraining as an electrician two years ago, so I'm the main earner in the household. We have to wait and see how his career goes in the next 6-12 months before we can say what I'll do.

Though, with our timings, whether leaving or going, I can always take advantage of the 13 weeks of return-to-work to keep SMP if leaving by coming back after May half term 2014, working ft for 6 weeks + summer holiday = 13 weeks full pay to September.

I understand how torn you feel Sephy. I am also thinking about not going back after this one. I work for a great company but, after over 6 years, really don't enjoy my job. It's a hard decision and I'm honestly losing sleep over it. Mainly because I have a very good job most people would kill for and a very good pay... so I feel terribly guilty. However, my work is making me really unhappy these days. So, for me, it would be a lifestyle choice. My job is very full on and I'm already finding it exhausting with one. It would be so much worse with two and, if I can, I don't want to be a stressed miserable mum and miss all the best moments. I feel guilty and torn as I've worked so hard and so many years to get to where I am now. But I'm simply beginning to realise that this is not really where I want to be... this is where I thought I SHOULD be. Very different... would love to retrain and do something totally different. Thanks for raising this topic. It's killing me!
And please don't assume that they are really eagerly waiting to have you back. Perhaps they are indeed which would be lovely. But bear in mind that, by law, they must keep your role open for you for 6 months. They can't fill it permanently. They can't even hint at anything other than keeping your role for you. After 6 months it changes - they can offer you another equivalent role. So don't worry too much about messing them around. Whatever you decide to do, they will survive. Especially big companies. You don't have to and shouldn't make this choice right now - this is why the law protects us in this respect.

In the NHS we get 8 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half pay plus smp, 13 weeks smp, and 21 additional unpaid weeks. I assume these are the national Agenda for Change conditions as I don't work for a foundation trust.

I'm hoping to add at least three weeks annual leave to the beginning and end. The problem is my income is essential for us and I don't know how we'll manage on smp. I'm going to be a bridesmaid at a wedding in Canada in June and would love to be on mat leave until then but we'll probably be completely broke by that time. The unknown factor is how much child care will cost, because if it costs too much it may work out just as well to stay on mat leave and collect SMP. I know we should be researching this now but we have a pretty full plate with other more urgent issues, like buying a house, which will hopefully help reduce monthly expenses.

It's common in my profession to come back to work part time. I'm still hoping to get a new post before I go do again, I want to see what will happen with that. PIL have offered to help with child care but there are logistical issues with that and it's another reason we don't have the whole back to work budget figured out.

Am I the only one that hasn't figured all this out yet? It's still early, right?

Cross-posted with a bunch of people! Looks like I'm not alone at bring unsure about things.

Sephy and Clephamamma I hope you work it out to get the tome you want with your dcs and also satisfying careers. I'm really afraid that I won't want to go back to work but financially it's not a choice for me.

14+1 now ladies and had my first day time nap in a week it was gooooood, feeling so emotional and stressed about money ATM :-( wit dh being off sick and his job being commission based we r gunna be so skint for the next few months. I'm not sure if I'm suffering with depression dh says he thinks I am but that i won't admit it but I've never experienced it before so not really sure how do I no if I am depressed or not? I'm panicking over the baby having to share a room with dd and that's it's selfish of me to make her share her space but we can't really afford to move ATM and dd being pushed out, dd is my absolute world and I'm panicking how am I gunna love this new baby the same? Do u no what I mean? It's been me dh an dd for so long now I'm worried what our new life will be like as a foursome. Also dd is testing me and dh big time with her behaviour (she's 2.5) so I assume its just her age. So sorry to waffle on just felt like I needed to off load and Dont wanna ramble onto dh I don't think he gets what I mean. Maybe it's just hormones?

With regards to mat leave it doesn't effect me as dh has fertility problems I chose not to return to work (I worked for NHS) incase dd was my only chance to see my Child grow up and te week before I got my BFP I actually applied for another NHS job l

Oooops posted too early. Xxxx

Luckily I didn't get the new job with the NHS or that would have been orquad lol

Glad the NHS can fit u in soon smitten although like someone else said Im sure Thursday seems forever away for u but hopefully it will give u the answers you need. Xxx

I definitely have a bump and I'm only 12+4- quite scared about getting big so quickly as it's only my first child! I wore my normal trousers to work today and regretted it. HT doesn't want parents at the school to know that I'm pregnant for another few weeks- I have no idea how that will happen. Had to grab my cardigan at home time in the bright sun in an attempt to disguise baby!

carliepow is right, most teachers are immune to slapped cheek. I went to my GP before TTC and asked for blood tests to check rubella, slapped cheek and chicken pox. They said they wouldn't usually do it pre-pregnancy but seeing as we are in a high risk job (surrounded by unhygienic little monsters!) they did it for me.

orangeblossom I too am struggling with the return to normality. Off to bed in a minute, I'm exhausted! x

It's so difficult to predict how you will feel ananikifo. With DS1 I had to go back after 7 months and cried for two weeks. I was so not ready and so emotional about it. At the same time, my friend who took a year off was going nuts after 9 months of being at home and couldn't wait to go back. Everyone is different.

Nataliend I think you are going through normal second pregnancy worries. Everything is more difficult the second time round. One of my friends was also paranoid she wouldn't love the second one as much as the first one - until the day the second one was born :-) I think nature sorts it out for us!

Thanks for the support claphammama and all - good reminder that I don't need to have all the answers yet! You're right about that ana. I feel so similar to you claphammama - Ive only been here 4 years but apart from that I'm pretty much in the same boat. The main difference is I know there are other jobs in my organisation I could probably do and would enjoy more so I think I'd like to use this as an opportunity to try one of them... Perhaps.
Also thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am to be able to consider being a SAHM for a while as I know there are lots of people who'd like to but don't have that option. I'm in such a "too many good options" problem and should be grateful!

natalie I guess a doctor is the best person to diagnose depression - or perhaps the midwife, particularly if you feel it might be related to the pregnancy. Maybe have a chat with her about how you're feeling soon? And I don't think sharing a room with a sibling makes you a selfish mummy - lots of kids love it and it teaches them good stuff about getting along with others etc. you're by no means the only one doing that so please don't feel bad about it.

Natalie...... My baby will have to share a bedroom too. I shared with my sister when I was growing up and I loved it. My sister used to tell me funny stories as we lay in bed trying to get to sleep. My sister and I are still really close even now (I'm 37 and she is 40)

Natalie, I shared with my older sister (3 years between us) till I was 8 and it was the best

As for work, i was full time before had DS, finished at 36 weeks, had 7 months off, but then only done 2 days a week since then. Would love to have 12 months off this time, but just don't think we'd be able to afford it (currently got DH looking at our finances so see if I can fiddle it!)

My bump outed me to my class' parents today. Had my coat off at home time as it was sunny, then stretched up. Quite a few parents raised eyebrows in surprise. Wasn't planning on telling them yet!

I thought I had quite good stomach muscles, but I started showing at about 11 weeks and now at 16 I'm having to organise clothes into obscene too tight and wearable. I'm 5'1 and haven't put on any weight! I used to drink a lot of beer and have stopped, so think my base weight is probably about 7st6 now.

Natalie i agree i would mention it to your GP. Thinking of you.

My head doesn't want me to tell anyone at school until 16 weeks but the rebel in me wants to start wearing really skin hugging clothes! I told the Teaching Assistant in the same year group as me today when she showed me her scan. I said I have one too! We are only a few days apart so can grow together.

Me and DH were both brought up by stay at home mums. Me a single mum on benefits for most of that time, him in much 'better' circumstances but we both really appreciate having had our mums around now and want the same for our children ideally. But even more important we need to be able to afford our house, food, clothes etc! We need to do some proper adding up nearer the time and consider costs of childcare. I like being a teacher but really there are only a few good moments each day, the rest is exhausting, frustrating sometimes upsetting hard work and I would be happy to give it up for a few years to spend with my own child(ren). I think... Of course I may go crazy being at home.

Shirehobbit my employment lawyer friend was outraged that I had been told now that I couldn't come back part time.

I have been self employed but not making money so I am stopping. My DH works and is a full time student. We are poor but for me time with d's and bump is worth the trade. I have always wanted to be a sahm and I am lucky to have a man that would look after me, not very modern but we are very happy

I suspect my employer will get around it by offering me "something", orangeblossom, but that it will be so done so it is unworkable - eg, maybe a 0.3 timetable, but over five days, or something similar, making childcare unaffordable, etc.

In an ideal world, we would like me to be a sahm too, but it may not be possible. We waited as long as we could, but the biological clock was beginning to not just tick, but scream with alarm bells

Natalie....I hear you hun!!! As suggested by others it is always better to see the gp or the mw regarding depression. But worries during the second pregnancy (when the older child is still quite young and a strong bond) is quite common. Like you I invested a lot on dd whom was 5 when ds came. I worried about sharing rooms, about money ( dh was unemployed), about having a place in my heart for a second dc....
I can tell you that everything sprted itself and dd and ds still have a strong bond ( he was quite upset when she left to live with fiancee in their own flat)....things change...but a child's capacity for loving a new sibling is a wondrous thing to see...
Xxx to all

NHS scan this afternoon. Nervous and excited even though I had a private one a couple of weeks ago where I saw there is definitely a baby in there. All the tests today. Hoping everything is ok then I think I will be able to relax a bit more. Dreamt of pulling handfuls of teeth out of my mouth last night. Ah my subconscious is so cliche!

Good luck today, orange blossom!

Good luck today, orangeblossom. I just sobbed through mine two weeks ago and forgot to ask the questions I had!