Graduated Elderberries (numero 3)

[BraveLilBear]

Welcome back oh graduated elderberries. Let us discuss the delights of being over-30 first-timers with google obsessions

cavort I've been trying to think of alternative jobs too in case I can't go back to the same job, I always end up with my head in the sand too! Why can't you go back to the same job, just out of interest?

And she is serious but in all honesty, her job isn't particularly demanding or senior, so I don't know why she's making a big thing out of hiding her pregnancy and how the baby needs to know it's not important and won't be the centre of her life etc!

Various reasons Alex. The official line will be that I can't be so far away from home with a baby in childcare. I work all over the North West and DH's new office (he previously worked from home) is an hour away, so if baby was to have an accident or fall ill I don't like the thought of neither of us being able to get there quickly. That does play a part, but the real reason is that there is lots of restructuring going on at my company and my role is likely to change from being one which I enjoy into one which I don't really want to do (nothing to do with pregnancy, my colleagues roles are also changing). I am very fortunate in that DH earns enough for me to give up work. I don't want to give up work, although I might look for something PT initially, but I at least want to do something I'm going to enjoy and give me a break from the baby talk. All of the SAHM's I know are unable to talk about anything other than their DC's and I am determined that is not going to happen to me!

Your colleague sounds like an idiot. Why is she even having a baby?

That's just the tip of the iceberg with her - honestly the amount of biting my tongue I have to do with her around, especially at the moment, I'm surprised I've got a tongue left!

I'm also fortunate in that DH earns a good salary so we could manage but I don't want him to feel the burden of providing for everyone as I can imagine that would be stressful so that's another reason I'd like to be in work after a year, at least part time. Of course that's only if the situation works out that I'm making a decent profit by going back/working. We'll see, one worry at a time I guess, I've still got my 12 wk scan to worry about next week eek!

If I can get another job at my current salary it will definitely be worth me working, and I really can't imagine me living off DH and not having any of my own money to piss away guilt-free on lovely bags and shoes. But I'll just see how I feel when I'm approaching the end of Mat leave. So many women have told me that having a baby completely alters your mindset and priorities. You never know, even your colleague might have a change of heart once baby arrives.

The colleague who is 2 weeks ahead of me came by, she's on sick leave. Poor thing has every possible pregnancy complication under the sun. And I'll shut up about my size now - she's not been allowed to do any exercise and combined with sitting at home on sick leave and massive water rentention, I'm really Kate Middleton in comparison.

Pregnancy can really be a very different experience for different women.

You're really Kate Middleton full stop Hazle!

But yes, it's truely awful for a lot of women and we should all count ourselves lucky with relatively minor gripes.

When my Sis was in hospital having nephew there was a woman on her ward who had gone into premature labour at 23 weeks and luckily doctors had managed to stop it, but she was on complete bed rest and had to stay in until the birth. I honestly could have cried for her.

As for going back, in my case I'm sure it will be quite horrible, leaving such a tiny baby. But it makes sense - DH could make the same salary, but he would have to work away from home at least during the week, most likely for longer periods. Whereas my office is 10 minutes from home, I could pop back 3 times per day if I want to.

Besides that, Switzerland is incredibly sexist and getting your foot back in, with a gap on your CV due to maternity leave, is very difficult. So considering all that, it just makes more sense.

Hazle I'm sure baby will be in good hands with your DH. It's not anywhere near as bad as putting a 3 month old baby into care with strangers. I understand some women have no choice but to do that but I think they would all agree it's not ideal until the baby is a bit older.

Total bed rest from 23 weeks cavort that poor woman! Hope her story ended well after going through that.

She must have been scared to get up and go to the loo

She was only 26 weeks when I spoke to her at the beginning of April so FX she is still there and baby has not been born yet. She was miserable but thought at least she's in the right place.

Both DP and I are self-employed so no maternity pay for us! I will get MA and hopefully be able to do a couple of paid 'keeping in touch' days a month once i am up to it to top up my income. Fortunately our mortgage is not huge and housing costs are quite small for London thanks to DP's parent's help. We are going to have to muddle along sharing childcare I think as neither of us wants to take a career break (both of us have careers which would wither up if we did) but both our jobs are flexible enough to allow us to work from home and at all hours as necessary to make things work. I am quite envious of people who know they will get a fixed period of maternity leave though.

All up for discussion in the frog household still. Unfortunately I earn more than DP so even tho I'm entitled to it I doubt I'll be taking 12m off. I get full pay for the first 16wks & 50% for the next 10wks then it's just SMP. I won't have a replacement as such as I work in a v large team so someone will pick up my clients then hopefully just hand them back again. I can probably also come back on a 4 day week if I want. With SS DPs parents picked up a lot of the childcare slack but I don't want that as I don't think they were a good influence & they are older now so wouldn't be able to cope with a toddler. It seems crazy but I'd rather pay someone so then at least they are more likely to do what you want without it becoming an issue.

Oh no! Just had my first irrational pg blub all cos DP ate my remaining Quorn chicken-style pieces I was going to take to work for lunch when he came back from pub & left a fridge full of actual meat stuff. He was not impressed to be woken up on his first day off in 10 days to be told this thru floods of tears! Still think it was unreasonable but the tears were a bit OTT!

Oh frog the hormones are crazy aren't they. I've cried at some ridiculous things over the past few months...

Work wise, I really hope to take the full year off. I earn double what my DP does before bonus (although, I think that partly comes of being 8 years older than him - he often points out that including bonus he earns more than I did at his age!) but thankfully I bought a flat when I was relatively young, and then traded up to a house, so the mortgage is small ish for London prices. As such we should just about be able to manage on his salary for a year. And if not, my parents have very kindly given us some cash towards the wedding (they did the same for my brother) so we could dip into that if need be. But then I think I will have to go back full time - my company will NEVER let people come back part time, so it would be full time or nothing I'd imagine, and un fortunately (?!) I earn enough to pay for childcare and make a decent contribution to the household finances.

Frog I have had MANY of those. Add in a stressful housemove and a leaky bathroom and there has been rather a lot to get upset about. Poor DP (mine).

This is a bit grim, but has anyone else had this version of MS where you do full-on violent wretching but never bring anything up?!? It's so strange, but I am counting my blessings that it comes on and passes quite quickly.

frog my OH got a hormonal lecture yesterday morning as I'd been awake since 5am bloody freezing. It was only when I got up at 7.15 he told me/i realised he'd got up in the night and opened all the windows wide as he was hot. Also meant everything was wet as it had rained. I did wonder why the rain sounded so loud

But when I got home last night he had walked the dog and cooked dinner, plus he had been to the shops and bought dishwasher tablets, stocked and turned on the dishwasher. Wonders will never cease, he is incredibly lazy so I was speachless! In a good way obviously. Maybe the rant did some good

quod I often retch when brushing my teeth at night, my OH is horrified at the sounds I make.....doh.

On another note, do the boobs ever get less sore? Mine are so sore and sensitive....not good for the love life as I can bear my OH to touch them

They do mother. Mine were AGONY for a while but it didn't last long and had def passed by 12 weeks. Unfortunately they had a growth spurt early doors, and didn't go back down in size when the pain passed...

Oh and NEITHER of my boobs are working still. Crappy boobs.

I may regret saying this later but can't wait for the boob growth to kick in as I am looking fwd to having a decent cleavage for the first time in my life without the help of a padded bra! DP is going to be v disappointed if I am in such pain that he can't go near them though - poor mother

Frog I hate to rain on your parade but at 33+1 I am still waiting for my boobs to grow! I too was eagerly awaiting the arrival of some impressive boobs but it just hasn't happened. The optimist in me would say they are a bit fuller than they were and my nipple keeps leaking so they are apparently working as they should, or at least one of them is but I haven't had to change bra size yet.

Yes it's like with everything else, they will only grow if you don't want them to. Luckily mine have stopped now, it was getting a bit ridiculous.

For me, it's yes to dry retching (watch out, it meant it nearly caught me by surprise when it wasn't, erm, dry), and yes to hormonal outbursts and tears. No to impressive boobs, they've barely grown and aren't very big anyway! Seems like I've got a bad deal with symptoms!

My boobs haven't really grown much either and since I've stopped poking them, they're not doing anything again (this seems like a good thing to my mind, I don't fancy random leakage)
Yes to crazy crying - it seems to come and go depending on when you have a surge of hormones, I've found I'm MUCH more rational now than I was in the early weeks so I think it's another thing that does go away eventually! Same with the sore boobs, they were absolute agony for a few weeks, made me yell when OH even gently hugged me but have never bothered me since.
You know what, new graduates, you've made me feel a lot better thanks, as much as my back and hips hurt now and I've got grotty heartburn, you've reminded me how much other stuff I've got through and made me feel grateful! I do think the early weeks are hard because you can't even tell people that you're feeling shitty so you have my sympathy.