Graduated Elderberries (numero 3)

[BraveLilBear]

Welcome back oh graduated elderberries. Let us discuss the delights of being over-30 first-timers with google obsessions

No even if it is gestational diabetes, it does not necessarly mean a cs. There's just a risk that the baby might grow too large for a normal delivery.

So I presume they'll monitor that with extra scans or something? Oh, fingers crossed that babynutt doesn't get too big. FWIW a colleague's DP was told when giving birth that she was struggling to push her out because she was quite small (6lbs) - the midwife said if she had been 9 or 10lbs it would have been much easier to push her out?! I guess something to do with gravity helping more?!

Thanks (I think!) janey! I've had something to eat now & it's eased off so maybe that is the answer. Just keep eating constantly .

I got bad headaches early on as well most days but the good news is they only lasted 6 weeks or so which in the grand scheme of things isn't too bad.

Boo to headaches. I think it can be one of those evil 'good' signs though - especially if you are/were prone to headaches at AF time.

I got the sickness rather than the headaches. Was pretty grim but I appreciated the sickness more than the nausea in a way... at least if you spew, you feel better for a little while at least. It ramped into full gear about 8 weeks, but was over the worst by 14 and only had the occasional flashback since. It does get better!

Oh no Hazle fingers crossed it isn't GD, although I'm sure you'll be able to control it easily. I don't really understand it though - it can't be just down to diet and too much sugar, surely there's a physiological change at the root? Saying you can avoid GD with 20 mins of walking a day is bonkers, and essentially 'blaming' all those people who get it for being lazy fatties who just eat cake?

Janey I've heard that, too, something about it fitting contours better and gravity taking effect... Think I'd still prefer a 6-7lber tho!

janey I think, if the doc believes there is a risk of diabetes, they should do some additional tests first. MedicinePlus says ?Pregnancy -- up to half of women will have glucose in their urine at some point during pregnancy. So apparently it's not necessarity serious, we'll see.

Hahahahaha someone at work just said to me 'I don't mean to be rude, but can I just ask, are you pregnant?' You would totally need to see how MASSIVE my bump is to know quite how funny this is. I am virtually a bump with arms and legs. I replied 'Nah, this is all kit kats' then laughed.

She said congratulations so I gather she knew I was joking

Fx Hazle.

Is anyone else being involved in sourcing their mat leave replacements at work? Our HR department are a bit ridiculous, so have had to advertise the job on my personal Facebook page (not as bonkers as it sounds, many of my local friends are in the industry but still very irritating) and I've had to chase them myself regarding advertising etc.

The director of the dept always said he wanted me to be on the panel for the interviews - I know the job better than anyone else, I have managerial ambitions (so the experience would be good) and I would much rather be involved than not IYSWIM.

Have just found out from my line manager that he has instead asked her and a same-level colleague in a different (part-time) role to be on the panel with him, instead.

Am absolutely seething. My line manager does not know how to do the job and the other colleague seems determined to elevate herself at all turns at the moment as it is.

My ego is not very happy, but I'm also worrying that they'll appoint someone who looks better than me and I'll end up spending mat leave fretting about whether or not I'll have a job to go back to. Am really really annoyed and a bit upset.

Tell me I'm being totally irrational...

Ah brave I feel your pain. It's so hard to think of someone else doing your job - you don't want them to be better in case you don't have a job to come back to! But in reality - you have to have a job to come back to. I would ask him why you're not going to be involved now though - seems crazy to not involve you, given you know what the job involves?

There has been no mention of my replacement since I told my boss I was pg at the start of Jan. Yesterday I popped in to tell my boss about the chat with the midwife last week (he boss was out and about all last week, told him about risk of pre-eclampsia, and that if BP goes any higher I'll be sent straight off to hospital etc) and said I was still planning to work until 7th June, but wanted to warn him I might disappear without any notice. I thought it was the decent thing to do. However, I've now been told to find a replacement, along with a colleague of mine (who is off this week). There isn't anyone internally who can do it (it's a pretty senior role, involving what is for our industry a pretty unusual skillset) and I haven't the faintest idea how we're going to find someone externally and get them recruited and trained up in four or five weeks. It's just not going to happen. Yet because it's only just been landed on me, I will somehow feel like I have failed if I don't manage to do it - even though, to be frank, they should have thought of this all sooner. Grrrrr.

brave we don't even have an HR person at my agency, yet alone department, so I am fully expecting to be involved. I don't think employers should expect anyone to be solely responsible though to the point where it's becoming a stress and on their head to find someone good. Anyway that's really frustrating for you - who knows better than you about how to do your job so not involving you doesn't make sense! Have they explained why they aren't involving you now? Oh and by the way, I was also thinking I want them to find someone good, but not soooo amazing they totally overshadow me, I guess it's normal to feel that way?!

There was supposed to be a replacement for me, as another colleague is also leaving, so the idea was to hire someone who could take over those duties and temporarily some of mine too, as luckily summers are more quiet here work-wise.

But then boss said that she needs more time to think about what qualifications she would need and how to re-organize the department, so there is nobody hired.

Instead I'm supposed to train my paralegal to replace me. This plan is..how shall I put it...slightly unrealistic. I'm now trying to give her clear instructions and necessary tools and templates so she could at least deal with the day-to-day regular cases and FAQs, but in all honestly, she will not be able to do that much. If she can't handle something or has questions, the idea is that she'll just ask the boss, but boss is first, already overloaded and second, she is very very paranoid and thinks she needs to check every little irrelevant issue. So if the paralegal just takes one simple question to her, the boss is guaranteed to come back with 100 irrelevant ones.

Realistically, I won't really have the option to forget about my Blackberry and laptop during the (ridiculously short) maternity leave.

Janey I think you have it worse than me! At least they have time on their side to get someone in and (presumably me) to train them up.

I'm just feeling a bit narked and like people are trying to undermine me. My mum says it's pregnancy hormones. I say it's not paranoia if they really are after me.

Oh, and by looks better I don't mean they're prettier. [explanatory fail emoticon]

brave just for a minute when I read your post, I did think you meant looks-wise/prettier and was a bit Made me laugh when I realised what you meant!

hazle that's really tough, I hope you aren't bothered too much on your mat leave How much do you get?

brave I would certainly ask why you are not included.

Alex, ridiculous 3,5 months here.

hazle that is beyond ridiculous. Every time you say it I feel incredibly lucky to have my 12 months off at totally shit money. An ex colleague just had a baby in New York, and saved all her annual leave and took it with her maternity leave to get as long off as was physically possible... She had ten weeks off. Ten weeks!!

Hazle that's ridiculous. On both fronts

We live in a man's world, that's for sure!

FX it's not GD Hazle. Like you say, I think it's very common.

To those of you with work replacement issues, just imagine how you'd feel if you were my friend. She works in Buying and they recruited cover for her 9 months Mat leave and she discovered the cover was (pro rata) on nearly double her salary!

Oh god Cavort that one hadn't even crossed my mind! Poor girl.

When I put my job on Facebook it had the salary band on it. Literally the first comment on it was 'is that all they pay you?'

It's funny how your mindset and expectations depend on the environment and what's considered normal.

As I've said, in Estonia the leave is 3 years. I know one woman who went back after a year, but that's considered really early. 2 years is more or less acceptable. Nobody would even consider going back after 3 effing months, out of the question. (however, most women return to work after 2-3 years and in most cases, full time).

But now that I've lived here for a few years and seen people returning after 3-6 months, this is starting to look fine and a year sounds really generous -OMG what would I even do with all this time off! OK, I still am not comfortable with putting a 3-month old into a nursery, luckily we don't have to that at least.

Why don't you have to do nursery hazle? I know what you mean about your mindset depending on your environment and what's normal. However there hasn't been a pregnancy at my agency for years and years and now there are two at once - the other girl is barely taking any time off and making a big thing about it, 6 weeks at most, so I'm hoping they don't think she's setting the bar for both of us!

Six weeks Alex! Why? Is she not entitled to proper mat leave or something?

Totally agree Hazle about perceptions. I'm trying not to compare to our parents' generation where many of them were able to simply give up work til we were at school, although I remember my mum had a PT work from home business when I was about 4-5 and sister was 2-3.

She also gave up work at 30 weeks (with me) because she was a nurse. The thing is, my dad earned enough to support them both, even though it wasn't a huge amount by average standards.

But cost of living etc now means that we need two full-time salaries to survive. It annoys me when people judge you based on their own circumstances... eg a colleague took just over a year, and came back part-time. She assumed I'd be taking the whole year. In reality, we've only just been able to make it possible to take as long as 8 months and that includes holiday tagged on.

I am grateful to be able to have that long though.

Alex my DH has his own company, works from home and we can manage without much of an income from his side for a while, so he will be a SAHD.

My dad was a SAHD when I was little hazle

I'm unsure what will happen for me, I'm a bit 'take it as it comes' about it all, as I don't know how it will pan out in terms of my job/child care costs etc, and also how I'll feel. I also don't know how the agency will be doing after a year and a half so it will also depend on their circumstances too. I'd like to go back, perhaps part time, but only if I can and it adds up. I'm strangely relaxed about it at the moment, we'll work out a way to manage. I'm thinking of taking 9 months to a year at least. What doesn't help is someone else in the office making a massive deal about how unimportant babies are and how she will be straight back to work after hers etc!

I have to admit I am looking forward to being a SAHM for a year but after that I think I will definitely need to get back to something which will challenge my brain (or what's left of it by then - probably just mush). I am reasonably sure I won't be going back to my current job so I have no idea what I will end up doing.

Alex is your colleague being realistic when she says she is only taking 6 weeks? She could still be recovering from a traumatic birth by then. Or can't she afford to take the drop from 90% salary down to shitty SMP so is painting herself to look like a dedicated professional when actually her real motive is financial pressure?