Sept 2013 - kicks, prods and finding out the sex...

[LexyMa]

here we all are... hoping for nice clear 20w. scans, not too much inadvertent weeing and getting that 'glow'...

I am cheese they're at the children's centre round the corner from my house so easy to get to. Bit more advice can't help as far as I'm concerned!

We did NCT last time and was glad we did as was excellent support network, especially as I don't have a lot of mummy friends locally.

I don't remember any weird exercises like role play, and I'd remember role play!

Don't think we're going to do NCT. We get a series of four NHS classes which we'll both go to and I'm going to pregnancy 'fitness' yoga and will go to 'birth preparation' yoga too closer to the time.
Hopefully I'll meet some other 1st time mothers there (and I have two friends pregnant due the month before me, one of whom lives VERY close by). I'm self employed and work from home so going back gradually from 3mo onwards and not facing a full year of mat leave.
DH and I don't really need any new 'couple' or 'family' friends, we're almost last of all our friends to have children.

In terms of actually learning stuff about the birth, to be honest I'm not that focussed on it. I figure it's just one day (or so) of my life however tough it is, whereas parenting is (hopefully) for the rest of our lives.

And I had same MW as last time who's great, but she's left me now to go elsewhere and I don't know who I'm getting next appointment.

Glad everything is ok giraffe

"Role playing exercises" that's enough to put me off right there, definitely no NCT funny business for me thanks! To be honest, role playing aside, it's not really either of our "thing", I have one or two mum friends locally and I'm happy to meet others through playgroups and things like that. We'll do the NHS classes that are offered though as I've heard they're quite useful for first timers.

Is anyone else feeling quite a bit of movement now? I'm 18wks and feeling flutters most days, especially after eating. Feels like I've got a little goldfish flopping about in there! can only feel it when sat down though, not standing.

I wish I had gone to NCT or similar type group before DD, mainly for the social aspect, as that is what I struggled with after DD was born. We were the first of all our friends and siblings to have children, which made understanding our circumstances for social events very very poor.

Badguider I agree with you about the labour, such a small but very important part of the whole journey, my philosophy was women give birth in fields in Africa with no pain relief. I will therefore go with what my body tells me to do. Plus a colleague said she had researched and gone to classes to know as much as possible about each stage of labour. She said she spent her whole labour worrying about when/if the next stage would start and didn't listen to what her body was telling her at the time. Everyone's labour stories vary and we'll all have a range of coping strategies, so it will remain to be something that is very much down to individual choice

Am in envy of all you who were able to bf. I managed just under three weeks with DD before HV said she needed to go on a bottle as she was still not back up to birth weight. My well endowed chest did not produce!! Gutted!!

Thanks purple

Ladies I've had a brain freeze - does anyone know if we are supposed to see MW at 20 weeks? I saw her at 16 and I have scan at 20, but I'm sure she said she wouldn't see me again till 24 weeks - not my first baby, does that sound right?

I'm not seeing mine till 28 weeks Creamtea!

Glad everything is ok giraffe, put your feet up and take it easy.

We're undecided about NCT too, our local one is 30 minutes away and can't help but think with a newborn it will be too much effort to be sociable. A good friend joined recently and she loved it as she has a new circle of friends having moved to a new area and didn't know anyone. Seems like an expensive way to make friends. There's no guarantee we'd even be on the same wave length and no one seems to mention the classes, does that mean there's little to gain. What do they teach you that books don't? Excuse my naivety! As first time parents we feel we should do everything we can but can't make up our minds on this one. We will be doing the 2 classes our midwife offers and also the physio dept at our local hospital do a preparation for birth class. Should we do more? Should I do more about meeting other mums? I hope to bump into people at baby groups etc.

Creamtea, I'm seeing my midwife again at 24 weeks. This is my first.

Glad all is ok giraffe, take it easy....

My next mw appt is 28 wks too, I remembered to ask for the matb1 at the 20 wk scan instead as work want to see it at HR mtg next week.

I did NCT with my first (mainly because no partners were allowed at our NHS one), def no role play milarky at mine, my DH would have run for the hills??!!! We made some great friends who we still see almost 6 years on.., and I found it v useful for arming me with info to challenge when required during labour, and early bf issues etc, a lot of which I used... But I know others have had less positive experiences...

Hmm, a bit about the classes, eh?
We did NCT last time and it was money well spent. The classes were very useful, especially so if you ended up having a c-section, our lady gave lots of info about that. The good thing is that the dads all get a chance to be around other dads going through the exact same stuff, and get to learn about a lot of aspects of labour (an especially how to be of most help and support) that they otherwise may not have the opportunity to learn about. There were no role play scenarios!! There were lots of cups of tea and biscuits.
You get a lot of time with NCT classes whereas my nhs classes were 2 evenings of 2 hours, where the community midwife just talked at us - I thought she had a lot of faith that our baby brains would take it all in within such a short space of time!
Yes, with NCT you do get the obligatory bf session, and they push it a bit, but at the end of the day at least you know you'll be fully informed, whatever decision you subsequently choose to make.
As for the people, yes, it's a bit of a lottery as to who you'll get and whether they'll actually be people you want to see again, but everyone I know who's done it (6 separate courses) has made great friends from their groups who aren't bonkers. Where I'm from (North Essex), there was a far greater chance of everyone at the free baby groups being strange than the people who were willing to part with almost £200!
But I'll grant you that it's a lot of money during an already costly time in our lives!
P.s - no, I don't work for NCT!!

I found that most of the content of the nct classes wasn't new as I'd read tonnes by then, but agree it gives you confidence to not just blindly follow what the medical professionals tell you if it's not what you want. However, the fact DH wasn't allowed to attend the (very basic anyway...) nhs BFing session and could the NCT one was fab. I remember the first few weeks completely forgetting all I'd learnt at the classes while DH positioned DD reciting 'tummy to mummy, nose to nipple' like a pro :)

SGJ and jenni, that's really helpful and positive. Thank you. Breast feeding is something I really want to give my best shot but know it can be difficult. Extra classes would be very beneficial especially as DH can attend and like you say, be of great help when home and trying to feed. Thank you!

Thank you for your helpful insights to nct classes. I've booked the nct and the local widwife run ones, then realised they are on the same weekend, and the month earlier ones, which I could have rearranged to be on, dh has to work so we can't do that. So now I have to choose ... Local midwife or nct. Both are within walking distance, so it is hard to choose.

I was leaning to the nct until I met a lady whose sister is a mw in Manchester who said nct women were totally unprepared for labour!? Eek

So im totally undecided. May chose nct on the basis that the bumps and baby group locally meets in the garden centre which is a favourite place of mine...

Glad all is ok giraffe

I'm confused, thought NCT just meant antenatal classes, what's the difference between the 3 free classes run in my local children's centre to NCT, is it more a group than series of classes?

Also got next midwife appointment at 28wks.

I've booked nct too. Had a bit of a wobble when I saw the price, but then I was discussing with a friend (who's just had her baby) and she was very positive- apparently her DH was actually quite disappointed when they finished as he enjoyed it so much. When I be-moaned the cost it turned out they'd paid £100 more than me due to the area, and she still thought it was good value for money....that's what finally swung it for me!

Well, that & the fact that when I went for my 12wk scan there was a lady in handcuffs in the waiting area & call me a snob if you like I didn't fancy the idea of NHS classes being open to all cross-sections of society!

I've also heard people who were slightly unprepared after doing nct and skipping nhs classes. Not for the birth as such, but for being ready to answer questions like do you want your baby to have vit k injection after birth, do you want a managed 3rd stage. All stuff you can cover off from straightforward research, but you need someone to tell you in advance that a decision will be required iyswim.

Maybe nct don't cover it because they assume their students will be doing both classes.

I didn't bother with nct with my first, although I know lots who have and found it useful. We could have found the money, just in the end couldn't justify the outlay which would go quite far towards e.g. a pram or something.

We did nhs classes x2 which I didn't learn anything new from to be honest as I had already been devouring preg literature like a nerd! But they were a useful overview for DH who is not one to read a book unless written by a stand up comic :)

Because of the entry fee there is a certain demographic at nct classes I suppose. Pluses and minuses to that I guess.

I've signed up to nct classes mainly as I am new to my area and although OH has lots of local friends, I don't really (other than wives and girlfriends of OH's friends). I also don't have any family locally either so I am hoping there are some like minded people at nct that I can make friends with.

My next midwife appointment is at 24 weeks - I have also been told that's when I'll need my anti D injection (having rhesus neg blood) then at 28 weeks is the next mw appointment and next round of bloods - it sounds like every area is different though.

I felt very prepared for labour from the nct class, and as though I could make informed choices. The NHS ones will totally depend in who's teaching them, I think.

Worth being aware that nct is very pro natural birth and breastfeeding although I did learn in detail about all the pain relief options.

I also did NCT and NHS for DS1. Definitely no weird role playing in my NCT, and was invaluable for me for meeting people in the area as we knew no one preg or with kids. They were very thorough with all the birth stuff including the kvit and 3rd stage options. DH found it very helpful as well.

At NHS one was also just talked at, and there was no socialising or cups of tea :)...And they made us watch a horrifying birth video that I fear I will have to sit through again, as I'm going to a specialist water birthing centre where I think they make you re-take the water birthing workshop before each birth...eek!

Don't fancy a water birthing workshop, wasn't required / suggested in this area!

I don't think watching a birth video is necessary for mums, we don't have to watch ;)

I didn't do NCT classes with my first as they were on two summer Saturdays and had to be booked months in advance, and I thought the chances of a wedding or something coming up seemed high. I went to an NCT postnatal coffee morning where I met all the people from the group I would have been in, and so made a good group of friends there. However we all lived in different bits of the area, and once we went back to work the group fizzled out. I made another group of friends through the baby group at my local children's centre and we all lived in the same few streets - and we are all still really good friends nearly three years on. So I wouldn't worry, you make friends somehow.

very true jenni, they should just make the dads watch it. I was traumatised afterwards! And my real waterbirth was lovely and much calmer, and I KNOW i didn't make as much noise as that woman in the video!