Graduated elderberries

[janey1234]

Hello all..,
Let's clog up a brand spanking new club over here

(By hello all, I guess I mean hello hazle. Hopefully the others will join us soon...)

Yeah my trousers have got some sort of elastic with holes in/button combo so you can adjust them which I thought was brilliant once someone showed me how it works cos I was moaning about my trousers being too loose felt like a right prat!
Bit of a personal question I suppose but if you don't mind, how does everyone organise their finances between them and their partner? We're not married so have always had separate finances even though we live together but with current change in circumstances considering chucking everything in one bank account but for some silly reason I feel a bit freaked out at the prospect even though I'm the one with a lower income out of the two of us. So what works for you, one big pot, separate, personal accounts with a joint one for some stuff like bills? I need to get my head around it all.

Is it wrong to really like the idea of adjustable trousers ?!

Re finances purple, we are in the same boat (us unmarried mothers, tut). We have separate accounts, but have a joint account for bills that we both pay into. I think it's the best of both worlds tbh.

I've been paying off quite a bit of personal debt which would be wrong for OH to take on, so it works well.

For other things, we generally go roughly halves on them, over time at least.

Purple, in our case everything is joint since we got married, one big pot. Even though I'm the higher earner, I don't have any problems with this arrangement, as DH is very responsible with money and not a spender, so this system works well for us.
Especially as he'll be the SAHD (hopefully can work a bit from home, but still) and it's much more convenient if he simply has access to all the money, as opposed to me transferring him pocket money when he's not earning.

I've been wondering about this too purple.
Currently I pay all the bills each month, but also keep the money from the lodger (who has been living with me for years, before DP moved in) which effectively pays all our bills. Each month DP sends me money, which equates to roughly what I pay on the mortgage, and we have been using that for holidays, long weekends away, and of late (as in the last two months - had hols to pay for before then!), saving it for baby stuff.

I've worked out that I can JUST about afford to pay all our bills and our mortgage with my maternity leave money and the cash I will have saved by the time I go on maternity leave. That is only just, and won't leave me any cash at all. But we're lucky as that means DP's wages can be for us to live on, so hopefully things won't be too tight. But I'm not sure how we do that: I really don't want to be asking him for pocket money each month (I'd feel like a scrounger somehow, even though I'll be earning less due to caring for our child, and even though I'd be paying the mortgage) but know that's just me being weird. I'm just so used to being financially independent it's going to be strange to ask for spending money...

Yes it's difficult isn't it when your financial circumstances are going to change so dramatically, currently I pay half the rent OH pays all the bills as he did before I moved in and because he earns more and we tend to roughly take turns buying food etc. I was the one worried about having to go asking him for money when I'm off work as I also was worried I'd feel guilty asking for what I needed. He's quite happy to chuck everything in one bank as we're a family and it's all 'our' money anyway but even though that's mostly for my benefit it had given me the heebie geebies (obviously sharing a bank is a bigger commitment than having a child together!) I just don't know what's best.

Part if the problem is I have a bad case of only child syndrome so what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine is ok but sharing doesn't come naturally to me!

I think I'm worried about losing my independence but OH is trying to make sure I have it by having access to whatever money I need. It's all very complicated.

janey I understand it can be weird to ask for a monthly allowance - maybe DP could take over some bills instead and you could keep some of your maternity pay as your own pocket money? Same thing really but might feel less odd.

I probaby wouldn't want all joint accounts if we weren't married. No, I don't mean it in a "oh marriage is so special" way, just that legally now all our money is joint anyway, no matter on which accounts we keep it, so it makes sense to keep things simple.

When DH moved in with me I already had a separate bills account, so I just changed this to a joint account which we both pay into to cover bills and food, leaving us with our own individual Current Accounts for disposable.

We didn't bother changing anything when we got married as this worked fine for us, but this was obviously based on us both working full time, and at the time we both had around about the same level of disposable left each month after outgoings.

Circumstances have changed since then in that DH's income is now around 4x mine but our financial arrangement has not changed (which I am quite happy with as I still have a very comfortable level of disposable each month, it's just that he now has tons more than me).

I think when baby arrives we're just going to see how it goes TBH. We've already agreed DH will take over the bills and food account so the SMP will be my disposable while i'm off work. We are also selling our beloved (but not very baby-friendly) Campervan, which should get us around 5-6k back after the finance is paid off which DH has said he wants me to have.

Like others have said, I am so used to being financially independent and this change of circumstances is probably going to be a bit of a shock and may well lead to us pooling both our disposables into a joint account at some point, but if I go back to work full-time I don't see that continuing with our current arrangement will be too much of a problem. It's not that I want to hide anything from DH - he is under no illusions about how much I spend on handbags and shoes , but I just like the idea of having/managing my own money which I have earned myself and hate the idea of having to ask DH for money, even though he is completely lovely, sees it as 'our' money rather then his, and would happily pool everything into a joint account.

Apologies that it's long, but you don't get the opportunity to talk finances that much so I am interested to know whether you think I am being stupid and should just get a joint account?

Maybe this is the real reason why you're supposed to get married before you have children!
I'm sort of glad I'm not the only one struggling with this. I think my problem is I'd like to keep my own account but effectively there would be bugger all in it as I've hardly got any money as it is and we're not sure if I'm going back to work straight away or not. It makes sense to pool resources but I'm worried I'd feel like I was spending 'his' money and so wouldn't buy anything for myself. It's not that he would stop me it's that I wouldn't feel like it was my money. I don't want to end up a drudge with a well cared for child but holes in their own shoes because I no longer spend anything on myself. Does that make any sense at all?

That's exactly my issue Purple, and getting married hasn't changed my mindset at all. I wonder what would happen at Christmas if I was a SAHM? I would be buying him a Christmas present with his own money! "Happy Christmas darling, here's a lovely new watch which you have bought yourself."

Oh gawd I hadn't even thought about that one, thanks, another thing to worry about!
In light of all this financial musing I've decided to take myself off for my annual haircut (long hair, it only needs cutting once a year) and treat myself and let the professionals deal with my grey bits as well while it's still my cash!
Got some musings on the different styles of maternity trousers too if anyone is interested? I've bought over bump, under bump and stretchy panel ones and I'm happy to review if anyone is still buying!

This money lark is so hard. Our situation is complicated because I earn a fair bit more than OH, so pay more into the joint account for mortgage and bills.

However, because I am clearing historic debt (my responsibility), I only have between £50-£60 a week to cover food, entertainment, clothes etc. He, on the other hand, has around £160-£200 a week 'spare', which gets frustrating as I still try and split things 50-50 (stubborn, eldest of three syndrome).

By June I'll be £250 a month better off, which may be enough to buy me an extra month or two of mat leave (eventually), but it will be tight. The hardest thing will be funding childcare on the other side - at around £650 a month.

Praying that OH (or I) gets a significant payrise soon!

In the meantime, I will be searching for some mat clothes soon, especially trousers - my work ones are getting tight and aren't extendable... I prefer hipsters (pearshape) so what do you recommend oh wise Purple? I'm at a H&M/Next/New Look level cash wise...

I would love to hear your reviews of maternity trousers Purple! I have bought everything under bump so far as bump is still barely there, but I wonder if over bump ones will be too baggy on the belly for now or is the over bump bit stretchy?

According to my pregnancy phone app, my baby can now hear my voice (and probably my digestive tract - lovely). Firstly, I just can't get my head around the concept of talking to my belly. I just tried to have a conversation in the car with baby about what we should have for lunch and it felt ridiculous, although I don't think she quite understood the concept of one kick for tuna sandwich, two kicks for pasta, etc.
I also think I may have to review my in-car singing volume as well. I always turn the music up really loud to drown out my bloody awful singing voice so I may have to start turning it down a bit!

Lol at the in-utero lunch consultancy Rache!

And don't worry bout the music... unless maybe it's scary death metal - or worse, One Direction

Brave I obviously don't know your full circumstances, but is your historic debt really your sole responsibility when you have taken the massive commitment of having a baby together? I am the same as you when it comes to money and stubbornly insist on paying half, but would your OH be against paying more into the joint account to at least bring your disposables to a similar level for the greater good of your joint circumstances?
When my DH made the transition from being employed to self-employed he didn't have any income for a while so I paid his child maintenance for a good few months. It wasn't ideal but it was for the best long-term and I knew he would do the same for me in heartbeat.

AND WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH ONE DIRECTION????
Only joking, I don't think my musical taste is all that bad, although I have been known to pop on to Absolute Radio 80's from time to time for a sneaky sing along

Ok so, IMHO under bump ones with the sort of 2-3 inch elastic waist bit are crap for me, loved them when I tried them on but the minute you have to bend down or sit the elastic folds itself in half, I've ended up having to fold front bit of elastic down and leave back up so got weird folds bits at the sides. Not great pretty annoying and I think they make your bump a weird shape and I think once you get bigger they will dig in.
Over bump with the massive stretchy t shirt bit that pulls up over tummy, bit weird to get used to having an elastic band around your ribs and a bit baggy at moment, they reckon you can wear them with bump bit inside but I don't see how if you're pear shaped, tried it this way and having elastic band constricting your hips not comfy at all, however, got a feeling that once you're massive these could end up being the best so I'm terms of long lasting wear, worth investing in (£19.99 from new look Bear).
Favourite at moment are work trousers, look like normal trousers but with small elastic panels in sides of waist and a button and elastic combo inside waist band that draws them in to the right size so they're not too baggy. These feel most like normal clothes to me and are comfy, seem to have a fair bit of growing room and sit under bump so don't dig in as no horrid tight elastic band. Worth investing in,£15.99 from new look, black bootcut, flattering on my pear shape and most importantly the trousers that feel and look like I'm still dressing like me if you see what I mean?
Obv only my opinion but hope it helps!

Oh and if you've got lots of pets don't buy black jeans, what was I thinking! They're covered in dog hairs!
Everything seems a bit big on my bum too, think despite the kit kats I've only really put on bump so everything seems slightly baggy on the arse but maybe that's growing room and I'm going to gain a big bum?

Ha Rache there's nowt wrong with 80s music! And 1D aren't that bad either. My OH though has a physcial allergy to pop and was distraught when his DS (10) said that 1D, JLS and The Wanted were his favourites. He won't even allow any 'pop' on the radio! Even Ed Sheeran! Lol.

Basically I spent a lot of time in previous jobs having to commute very long distances and pay double accommodation (ie in two cities at once) on frankly, low salaries for the industry, with the back-up (ie not) of my ex. It added up to lots of problems.

I've clawed back something like £4.5k in a year/18months through severe budgeting and paying off stuff but it is pretty exhausting. I think we'll need to look at it in more detail in the future, but essentially I am still earning £5k a year more than him.

The only time it really winds me up is when he drags me out shopping (he loves it) and I have to speed past any shops I'd even think of going into as I simply can't afford to buy new clothes - fashion, for example, is impossible as I could never keep up! I'm not complaining, I guess I see this as just punishment for making stupid mistakes in my past.

Thanks for the review purple think I may invest in some of those clever work trousers as mine have the least options for give. As for kit-kat bums... I took measurements of my body before getting pg but have been too scared to remeasure yet! I fear I may have a secret extra few inches of bum that I've ignored thus far!

I was just reading something which said "Your baby is 10 inches long," and I thought bloody hell, she was only 6 inches last week!! Turns out measurements after 20 weeks are crown to heel rather then crown to rump so bubs hasn't had a 4 inch growth spurt in a week. I have just looked at 10 inches on a ruler and then at my lack of bump and the only conclusion I can draw is that the baby is eating my internal organs to make room.

I totally agree re 80's music Brave and my Spotify playlists testify to this, but when I have it blasting in the car I am still too embarrassed not to turn it down when I stop at traffic lights.

Purple you should start a blog giving practical advice on maternity trousers.

Me again. I have too much time on my hands this afternoon and Dr Google is not my friend. I was a breech baby and I am dismayed to learn breech deliveries can be inherited. Something else to worry about then

Step away from google! Loads of stupid horrid stuff can be inherited but it can just as easily not be, no point sending yourself crazy over it.
Back from the hairdressers, thank gawd I don't have to go again for another year, shudder, I bleedin hate it. My day off work has disappeared and I don't seem to have achieved ANYTHING except slightly shorter hair, in a whole day!

Just found out DH was breech. I'm screwed. Do you think it's too early to book my ELCS?

Maybe just a LITTLE premature Rach!
My OH still isn't home from work yet, this is the man who is going to have time to convert our attic on his own, and he's busy all day tomorrow, and the dogs haven't been walked because I cant handle his stupid dog and my washing machine is fooked. Pfff where's a glass of wine when you need one?

Yeah Purple I should probably wait until it actually happens but it really would be just my luck!

It sounds like your OH had better get cracking on the loft. I have heard the pregnancy irritability/mood swings/general unexplained anger increases in the third trimester so all of our OH's had better watch out and get the DIY done before then.

I am relieved that the sickness seems to have finally passed but the downside is that I could really fancy a lovely Shiraz. Oh well, only 20 weeks to go

I just discovered that a colleague is also pregnant, so were chatting about it yesterday. She also has a French doc, and a normal pregnancy, but her doc has forbid everything - no sports, only walking. She was horrified when i said I still go running, lift weights and do Tae Bo. And no high heeled shoes - I don't even have anything else!
While my doc says that you're not sick, do whatever you want. I certainly prefer mine.

Had a long dream about being overdue and really annoyed when everybody around me was giving birth and I was still waddling around.