Graduated elderberries

[janey1234]

Hello all..,
Let's clog up a brand spanking new club over here

(By hello all, I guess I mean hello hazle. Hopefully the others will join us soon...)

Oh, and Hazle one of the problems in DH's previous relationship with DSD's Mum was that she was a 21 year old idiot who had got pregnant by accident after 2 months of casual dating insanely jealous that their daughter preferred DH over her, even though she was a SAHM and DH worked long hours. So it seems that the DC's preference towards either parent has nothing to do with the amount of time they spend with them. Quality not quantity.

DH is already (jokingly, of course) complaining that he spends the whole day with dogs (works from home), he walks the dogs, feeds the dogs, plays with the dogs - and they still like me better. In any case, I can't even imagine that this would be an issue in a normal relationship. Not a popularity contest.

Oooh hazle, that used to happen with our family dog. I was the oldest so I walked her, fed her, and I totally and utterly adored her and would fuss over her at every given opportunity. Yet her order of preference was clear: she liked my Dad best, then my Mum, then my brother, then me. Someone once told me that because dogs are pack animals they can see the pecking order around them and respect it. Clearly I had the least respect in the family!

But yes, it's not a popularity contest. I don't think I'd mind at all if DP was the fave (although let's see if I see the same with raging post-birth hormones!) as I think it works out OK in the end. I MIGHT have an issue if they liked loads of other folk more than me though, like our bloody dog

To me, I can't think why I wouldn't go - I know frighteningly little about the whole childbirth and-then-what-happens-after despite OBEM et al - for instance, I thought the 'third stage' of labour/childbirth was being stitched/cleaned up! I never knew there was an actual need to push out the placenta. Was totally shocked when my younger, also as yet childless sister told me this!

It's not OH's first either - he has a 10-yo DS - so that may explain his reluctance to go, but still, he doesn't understand that I want him to go to support me. I do trust him that he'll be great when it comes to it, but I'd prefer it if he heard the same info as I did as there'll have been an 11-year gap between births by the time Baby Bear makes an appearance!

Think I'm being unreasonable. Trying to be non-hormonal about it...

I've heard lots of stories from Mums about their OH feeling left out when new baby arrives as they are suddenly demoted to second favourite in the mother's eyes (or so they think).

But yes, I would imagine in a normal 'proper' relationship it is much less of an issue.

Interestingly, a Social Worker friend, who has a PhD in Child Psychology and works closely with problem families, told me once that the way a child's brain develops means that up to a certain age (3 or so) the child can only empathise with one parent/carer and this will manifest itself in that they will appear to behave better for/prefer one parent over the other, which is not actually the case but their little brain can only work this way until they get a bit older.

I have already resigned myself to being stuck with the tantrums while she behaves perfectly for DH

I don't get this NCT stuff, where I live antenatal classes are held at the Children's Centres and they are free. Is it different where you guys are or are these NCT ones supposedly 'better' and that's why they're stupidly expensive?
Not an issue for me as I doubt they even have them at the arse end of Devon anyway and as I said earlier, the only problem I have with our local free antenatal classes is that at one of the weeks I'm going to have to get out of the audience, turn round and be the professional talking to everyone which could be a wee bit embarrasing!
Think my OH would come with me if I wanted him to (or if I even decide to go), his son is 13 so it was quite a while ago for him and I think he would be supportive as he's been coming to the midwife appts with me since the first one made me cry!

p.s. Bear, have you tried crying? in that situation, my OH would definitely say something like 'oh god, you're going to cry AGAIN aren't you, fine, I'll come, just DON'T CRY'

Purple I get the free Sure Start classes from about 27/28 weeks I think which I will definitely go to as work are forced to give me paid time off to attend but I'm not sure whether, as you say, the NCT classes are seen as better because they're expensive. I don't know anybody who's bothered doing the NCT classes so it will be difficult to compare.

I think there are classes here in London, but my midwife told me in the 'nicest' possible way she could (and my DSIL was told the same) that basically people "like me" do NCT leaving space in the NHS classes for everyone else. In short (and I hate this, and am not justifying it) middle class people do NCT near me. That's not to say that I therefore don't want to do NHS classes, but she didn't give me any details on them, and to be frank, if the classes will fill up, and given I can easily afford the £300, I'd rather pay and let someone else have the place....

Janey that's absolutely outrageous! People "like you" also pay shit loads more tax than the dole dossers people on the NHS courses. You are essentially paying for their courses even though they don't want you to use it and want you to stump up an extra £300 for your own!
I understand services are stretched but wealth discrimination is not the answer.
I will be on my NHS course even if I have to sit in the corridor!
Luckily it doesn't seem to be like that here oop north and there seem to be fewer NCT classes and most people do the NHS ones irrespective of income, thank goodness!

bloody hell Janey! I think that's disgraceful!

Maybe that's why I haven't heard about them though, because I'm too skint to go, they probably don't want my sort at NCT

A massive coincidence but a letter has just dropped through my door telling me I have been automatically enrolled in 6 x 2 hour "Preparation for Birth and Beyond" sessions starting on 27th February.

Purple I haven't been told about them either. I only know about them through looking online.

Looks like you might be right about the baby boom:

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/01/29/kate-middleton-pregnant-duchess-cambridge-boom-sales-fertility-products_n_2572096.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Right. Just been to lovely lovely work GP.

About the blood - he said it could be worrying if I coughed and coughed and then there was blood, rather than me feeling/tasting it (nice) in the morning. He's confident I've been having nosebleeds in the night and it's ended up in my throat.

About my shoulder - he's referred me for private phsyio (and nearly made me cry trying to move my arm). Hoorah. So rang my private healthcare to authorise this, and was informed that I had to pay £100 excess as my company has changed our policy. Now the only reason I would use this policy is to minimise my time out of the office: if I go privately i can go to a physio literally next to my office in my lunch break. But part of me thinks why should I pay £100 for the benefit of my work? I'm already getting crappy maternity pay (vs other national newspapers) and they chose to put the excess in to save themselves money. So I rang my midwife who can refer me, and I can have appts from Monday onwards, at no cost. I'm inclined to do that. Yes, I will miss some time out of the office, but sod them - it's their fault for introducing the excess. They can't have the benefit of both convenient appointment times/locations AND me paying the excess. Or am I being ridiculously grumpy towards my employers?!

janey sounds totally reasonable to me, I'm sure we've all heard that we can't have it all - well, this applies to workplaces as well.

Yay passport has finally arrived, so can go pick it up on Monday.

Hoorah! When are you off hazle?
Am slightly overwhelmed with jealousy - I want a holiday!!

Next weekend, the 9th. Honestly can't wait, even if it is just a week.

Great news hazle - about the passport anyway! I am slightly seething about the HuffPost piece. As if we're all brainless individuals copying Kate Middleton.

Good about GP too Janey - so pleased someone's finally listening! And totally agree with course of action - I presented my boss with a long list of appointments yesterday and said I was sorry, but...

Work should definitely suck it up if they introduce stupid excesses like that.

Oh and as to the NCT debacle - how disgraceful! I agree that some people need NHS classes more, but not all middle class people can cough up £300 at the drop of a hat.

Sod your employers Janey and go down the free route first.
Tell them you can't afford the excess because you're spending the money on NCT classes instead
I had NHS physio after my broken foot and they were great.

I would love a lovely week in the sun

I work in a bank so my uniform is a suit. Today I caved in and ordered maternity wear. It looks vile. I will try to buy some fat trousers to wear in the meantime.
Having a most horrendous week and DH off skiing for a week tomorrow so will be alone and abandoned

I have some maternity work trousers from Gap, they don't look too horrible.

Ugh a baby boom because we're all 'keeping up with' the royals is nearly as gag worthy as the 50 shades of shit reason. If anyone suggests either to me as the reason I'm pregnant I'm so poking them in the eye with a sharp stick and telling them to shut up!

Lol you won't be alone and abandoned, you have us! I agree generally maternity wear isn't the nicest but the black work trousers I got from new look are remarkably ok for new look, they Look smart and the fabric is quite nice.

Lol my DH got back from a week's drinking snowboarding holiday last weekend so I feel your pain. It's not like we can't survive without them but it's such a bloody depressing time of year to spend a week on your own!

I got some maternity trousers from Next which have adjusters in the waist like children's clothes have so the waist of the trousers will grow with the bump.