March 2013 VII: Our little pumpkins are getting fatter

[Sheldonella]

Old thread here

Stats thread here

Evening All,

Thank you for all your good wishes! Really glad to hear your scan went well chef and that your mind has been put at ease shield.

Was hoping to do a nice long name-checky post but am exhausted after today's excitement and still feeling sick so going to head off to bed as we're off on a long road trip down south tomorrow. Night night!

Will catch up better later. Just ringing Mum because I'm not liking these BH, ever 4 min

Confuddled, hope all is ok, sounds unpleasant. Take care xx

Hope all ok confuddled.

confuddled hope everything is ok.

((hug)) confudled x

Confuddled hope you can get seen at hospital and get checked out or BH subside?thinking of you.

Ethel and Gummi did you manage to shake off those headaches? And poor Stealth with tiredness?not surprising with all you've on at the mo!

JoJo nursery progress sounds amazing! Loving the owl theme

Yippee Em, Shield and Chef for your great scans!

Yep, Zoey and Emus it's my 20-week scan tomorrow morning, yikes! Not too nervous or anything - just interested to see what's going on in there! Is the 20-week scan done on another machine? If not how on earth can they see everything properly and in the sort of detail you read about? All so grainy!

Emus laughing at having a good nipple-scratch at work

And Zoey really pleased your appts went well today, even if it did mean a lot of traipsing about!

Nice to see you Dame!

Jealous of your tumble Three!

Possom enjoy your painting day with the boy

Thanks for advice confuddled and pink over births ? I haven't had VBAC, but have (probably - we're waiting to find out definitively) surgery on my uterus and if this is the case then I definitely won't be allowed a vaginal delivery because of the 3% chance of uterus exploding (or something) with contractions during delivery which is, I'm told, a Very Big Deal. I think delivering two babies plus major repair-surgery, all at once. Possibly lose uterus? I admire the woman you know who popped hers out so beautifully, Pink! But, as you say, she'd been there done that before, hehe! I guess that confidence based on experience that it can and will be okay can take you a long way.

Oh me oh my what an unproductive day. Tried hard to do something useful with myself this afternoon but ended up in bed at 5pm till nearly 8pm when DH came home. Ate, watched Grand Designs, helped DH with job application and now bed. Had good chat with boss in which I admitted I was running low on energy and didn't think I could sensibly do the last of my five talks this month. A real shame, as it's a big high-profile conference but the topic is far outside of my comfort zone ? or even my knowledge! ? and I don't have the research resources at the moment even to begin putting something together. So we agreed I would pull out. He said being 20 weeks with twins was an excuse I should feel absolutely no compunction about using, though I'm uncomfortable about blaming things on the pregnancy. I still want to be considered to be a fully functioning professional, but it's undoubtable that pregnancy takes its toll on body and mind?

PS Lexi I have no doubt that you will rock the presentation tomorrow! Just remember to smile

Thinking of you Confud. Check in and hope pain stops soon.

Manda - well done you. Not easy to admit you can't function in same way. But better. Reality is you can't run at 200%, but it's temporary and you do have two small humans to incubate after all. Must be a weight off your mind.

The pirate stickers linked to are fab. But at £69 a wee bit pricey. Even if they are super reusable stickers. I'll just keep my eyes peeled for a nice mobile or two. No nursery decoration plans for me.

Congrats all on scan results. Hurrah!!!

Hope all sickness starts to dissipate and have lovely long nights sleeps.

Just got home. Baby is happy and everything is where it should be. They said they could keep me in for rest and drugs (pain only) but if I felt I could handle the pain I could go home. It's not about handling the pain to be honest, they're strong enough and regular enough that I don't know the difference, and once I go I'm quick, so I like to know where I stand. Mum's arranged for IL's to take the youngest again () and OH has accepted that he needs to sort out with work so he can do school runs. My dad is working from tomorrow until Sunday so hoping he can have at least the youngest two for half of next week and IL's have them the rest of the week. The eldest will happily entertain herself - she was just over 3yo when I had Swine Flu, OH was working away, don't know where my parents were but I was alone for the week. She looked after her and her sister and brought me regular "hot chocolate with amaretto" in an upturned mega bloc supporting my head so I could drink Wouldn't trust the youngest two like that!

confuddled I missed your post last night. I'm glad everything is looking ok and fingered crossed it stays that way. Thinking of you.

manda sounds like your afternoon of rest was well deserved. I know what you mean about not wanting to use the pg as an excuse but I think it is needed sometimes. I'm feeling a bit left out at work at the moment as I know everyone is trying to keep the pressure off me. I appreciate that but at the same time I don't want it to be happening.

sundae glad you found out the cause of the bleeding.

zoey glad your cervix is doing everything it should.

Congrats on the scans em and chef and yay for team pink and yellow.

Ugh, I went to bed a little upset last night. We ate with mil and we started talking about childcare. She basically said she disapproved of leaving a child in nursery for full days. She was a sahm and I don't think she understands about wanting to go back to work and that it is how it works if you do. I told her I don't need to be made to feel guilty about it but I was upset all night. I'm probably overreacting but this is a sensitive subject or me. She is usually lovely but can have some slightly old fashioned opinions on things. I was dreading the judgey going back to work comments :(

(((confuddled))) hope everything settles down.

Well done manda on the chat with your boss.

confuddled sorry to hear about your scare last night. Must be so worrying for you. Glad to hear you are out of hospital and that baby is happy though.

sheldonella urgh sounds like my mil! She tries not to show it but she has made it clear she doesn't approve of day nurseries. I feel very defensive about it because its not a choice you take lightly. However ds is absolutely thriving at his wonderful nursery and I think that shuts her up a bit! It's an opinion a lot of ladies of a certain generation have I'm afraid and I've had a few snidey comments from people we hardly know but as long as your child is happy then sod them I say!

Hope everyone has a good day today. Might not be able to post much as we are travelling for the next couple of days, however seeing all the in-laws, so if they drive me bonkers might post a lot!!

Confuddled I hope you are Ok this morning, so scary for you

Em & Cheff Fantastic scan news, lovely to hear

Hope everyone else is Ok. Place marking before there are too many posts to keep up!!! Off to do school run armed with more cakes for the nursery cake sale! Feels like my own bake off here at the moment

Confud - so pleased all is ok with baby. Now over to you to rest up and ensure same goes for you.

Shel - it's not something you need to feel guilty about. Everyone is different and stay at home is right for some and not for others. As noted, as long as your child is happy - and you are - that's what counts. You can be stay at home and miserable. It most def happens and it's not conducive to a happy child. So try not to feel upset. Just accept that on this her experience is different to yours but when she realises how happy her grand child is she'll realise her error.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Shel Do not feel bad about nursery my DS1 went to nursery full time and he loved it and it really brought him out of his shell and allowed him to socialise more. DH stays at home with our boys now and part of me wishes DS2 went to nursery a couple of days a week to teach him to play with others and share and learn social skills a bit more! At the end of the day you do what is right for you and your family and unfortunatly everyone has no right to on opinion as what works for some willl not work for others but thats just the way it is!

Confud Really pleased baby and you are fine and you hare home to rest, you cant beat your own bed fingers crossed baby was just marking its place and will go back to chilling now :)

Good luck on your scan Amanda and cant wait for pictures on facebook I am loving seeing your twins on scan pictures as its the first time I ever have thank godness never on mine, lol And well done on stepping down and admitting sometimes you cant do everything this is something in work life only I need to learn as I am still trying to do everything and in all honesty it is taking its toll on me more than I care to admit, driving to appointments yesterday I broke down in tears twice as being off work sort of stopped and relaxed and it hit me how blinking exhausted I really am.

Thanks everyone. Tramp you are right - staying home right for some and not others - I fully support both. I don't think it is right for me to stay at home as I need to have my career. Of course DD will always come first but my mum worked and we are very close so it didn't negatively impact on me. I want to continue with the career I have built and also make sure I have my own pension. zoey I want to use childcare for the reasons you have said too - so she can socialise with other children as my family are all so far away. And yes Em I feel sensitive in the same way as I have thought about it a lot and don't like to feel judged. Oh well, I will stop ranting now and think happy thoughts :)
Good luck with your scan today manda, another one here who is looking forward to more twin pics.

Of course my opinions may change after DD arrives but for now my inner feminist is winning :)

Hi everyone just back from midwife, took ages to find heartbeat so was a little worried but then the baby kicked the machine and midwife was able to home in on it, she didn't tell me a Bpm, but seen her tick the 120 - 160 box on computer, think that covers both sexes, no? I have a recording so who said something about trains /horses

Manda they do the 20 wk scan on a better machine but you prob know that now

Waves to everyone

Yay for heartbeat Gummi :)
I've just called my mw as I had a horrible dizzy spell at my desk this morning. It was like a head rush when you stand up too quickly and your vision clouds over but it happened while I was sitting and I felt light headed for ages after. Mw didn't really know what to say about it and said to put my feet up. Unfortunately I don't think I want to go home from work again so I'll just have to put up with it.

Confuddled glad you are home and resting.
manda thanks and thank-you to everyone (esp Tramp) for the tips and support. It all went well and I'm relieved - now for the actual work bit and the rebrief in three weeks' time!
shel my SIL (27, childless) told me she won't be going back to work until the child they don't have yet goes to school as as a teacher she doesn't think 'it's the right thing to do for the children' and she plans to 'get her intellectual stimulation through study' during her time as a SAHM :(. I was really upset but she is basing this on what her own mother did; I couldn't explain to her that if I took five years out of tech marketing, I'd never get back in. The guilt starts here!
manda I know what you mean re: worrying about being unprofessional but in my experience people are really supportive and understanding. I've had to admit defeat due to previous non-pg personal/surgery issues in jobs and reallocate work and have always found people see you as more professional for forseeing a problem and heading it off than for struggling on regardless and ultimately not producing the desired result! I think our jobs are very different but don't be too hard on yourself.

Lexi - so pleased it went ok. Bet you're feeling better now :)

I stand by what is right for one person is not right for another. I've also witnessed a lot of professional women decide to give up work when they have kids either because it's what their Mum did so must be right, or they're taking a "moral" (sigh) standing on the issue, or they're a bit fed up with work and don't k ow what to do so reckon being a Mum is wortha try. Some of them thrive. Just thrive. Channel energies into all sorts of stuff, not just kids and are like whole new wonderful people. And an awful lot don't. I've seen depression, I've seen scary levels of frustrated ambition channeled into the kids or hubby and I've seen out & out unhappiness. I've never understood how or why they don't go back to work or channel their energy into something else to give them the intellectual and social outlet that they obviously miss - and why their partners don't insist on it - but as an outsider it's very easy to see and think. Not the same when you're in the midst.

Anyway, short of above is - when someone decides to get on their high horse about being a SAHM or going back to work take it with a big pinch of salt. The voice in my head is the one that queationswhy they need to make such a big deal of it anyway and who they're really convincing..

Right must get back to work - Mumsnet is my break from PowerPoint moments today. Am halfway through pulling this damn thing together for tomorrow and praying I get it all done and proof read in time. Eeek! (It's a 74 slide presentation already. 2 hours of presenting fun tomorrow!)

Shield glad things looked good on scan, everyone keeps asking will we find out, but if LVH don't say then the decision is out of my hands. hopefully polyp will shear off during labour!

Sheld thats sounds abit strange do you get migraines, what about your blood pressure?

Told midwife about sinuses and migraines she just said paracetomol, grrr

I work from home so I don't have childcare issues and dh works such unpredictable hours that it was one of our reasons for me staying at home, but I think no matter what you do there is guilt/worry linked with both, it would just be better if parents or in-laws didn't add to that.
I have issues with my own child hood (my parents forgetting to pick me up from places or always being late) that I think was my main factor in giving up my career and becoming a SAHM, and people make me feel bad when they say I've wasted my education etc, it also grates me when people don't realise I now do alot of work for my dh and think I'm a SAHM who bakes good cakes

Lexi if she takes five years out of teaching, she'll find it incredibly difficult to get back in, too. Jobs are like gold dust, believe me! Anyway, before I had kids, I was determined I wasn't going to work until they were at school... then I had the boy and maternity leave drove me insane. I needed to get back to work! It's not for everyone, I know, but I couldn't not work - I worked hard to get where I am now and don't really want to give that up anyway. I have a happy medium of doing 3 days a week thankfully, but it's enough for me. DS went to a childminder rather than a nursery when he was teeny (he was 9 and a bit months when I went back to work - he still goes to CM, but also has nursery school 5 mornings a week) and he's an über-confident monkey who gets on well with his peers. I don't know if he'd have been like that if I'd stayed at home (impossible to say) but I like to think the experience of being with other kids and away from me has stopped him from being clingy/shy.

We've had a lovely morning - the painting was a massive success. The boy painted for about an hour (he's painted lots of, er, dinosaurs apparently - one for mummy, daddy, granny and grandad, lucky us) and I managed to contain the mess. Excellent. In the meantime, I've put the slow cooker on with a chicken stew for tonight and made myself a cup of tea which I'm currently enjoying while catching up here. :)

Has anyone read/heard of 'How not to f* them up' by Oliver James? I heard him on woman's hour while I was pg with dd and bought it because it deals with exactly the issues I was wrestling with at the time re going back to work and childcare. I don't know how into child psycology anyone is, but elements if this book really struck a chord with me. He basically talks about different types of women and of parenting, and suggests that unless you work out who you are before deciding on work/childcare etc, then its easy to make a bad decision that will affect the whole family. He gives examples of women who are really better suited to going out to work who stay at home through guilt and pressure and end up unhappy and not being the best parent they could be, and vice versa parents who WOH who would rather SAH. Also has a catagory for in betweens who struggle to get a good balance.
Makes some really interesting points also about the 'needs' of babies and toddlers compared to what people often think they are. Not saying I agree with all 100% but def made me think, and actually found it quite releasing. Probably lots about his stuff online.

I find hardest times for me in decision to go back are when I'm around some particular (by no means all) sahm friends at baby groups or playdates who treat me like an oddity for working 3 days and say unhelpful things like 'I don't know how you can' or 'I could never miss this time with ...' When I'm actually at work its fine, you get on with it, all mums (and dads) are in the same boat. It can be daunting though when everyone around you seems to be the same type with you the odd one out, so I'd just say have a balance around you but also stick tight to some like minded people, the moral support makes all the difference!