Due dec 2012 - the long slow bit

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

Hi thought if do this and try and link before we ran out!!!

Honey I feel your pain; I think mums don't always realise that it was quite a long time since they did this so things have changed a fair bit especially in terms of options available for the handling of labour.

Honey your DM sounds like mine. Just bizarre scrambly facts thrown at me with judgement stuck to them.

My Dm has been giving me LOADS of strange advice. This from a person who raised 6 children and has 10 GCs. It's incredible that she is telling me things that SHE didn't do. Like move the baby to the hallway as soon as possible (6 weeks!?!) so he won't hear me breathing?
I know she didn't do this as I was born in a tiny house and my DF has said I slept in their room for almost a year. Maybe I was a lot of trouble?

And don't get me startedon the weird birth stuff. She thinks getting in a tub of water (Like the nice jacuzzi they have at the LD ward) is bad for the baby as it will be too hot. When I pointed out the hospital most likely won't have it at 104 degrees F, she didn't seem to hear.

So you're not alone with the madness of moms!

Thanks for the link pidjin looks like i've got me some work to do .

honey i feel your pain, I now try to just smile through gritted teeth sweetly, nod and ignore.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello-stranger-on-the-street-could-you-please-tell-me-how-to-take-care-of-my-baby

This might make a few folk chuckle, and could equally be applied to interfering relatives...

Hehehe 'can they play with tigers?' Thanks Pid

My friend has given me a massive box of maternity pads/breast pads/lansinoh just need the pushchair and Moses basket mattress now!

My step mum is still trying to give me vintage clothes that belonged to my now 15 year old brother it's very kind of her but it'll just end up taking up space which I don't have!

My goodness Saphie, scary stuff hope you're ok?

Sorry to hear about nasty gtts.

honeymum sorry to hear about the conversation with your mum, she does sound a bit confused. Thing is, any one of us may end up with a cs and I must admit it was for some reason heart warming to see the OBEM midwife giving birth who ended up needing stronger pain relief (can't remember what). You've definitely made the right informed choice for you and you don't need to justify it. From what I can make out feeling like you own and are as much in control if your labour and birth experience as possible (obv sadly not always possible) helps the whole thing go much more smoothly plus how we feel afterwards.

My own mum went into labour a bit early with me and they wanted me out pdq for some reason so it was epidural and forceps - but it only worked on one side bless her so doesn't seem to have any thoughts on my labour other than it's in hospital and I 'make sure I wear slippers cos lowers risk of catching nasty bugs.' she also commented on the extra scan last week 'is that safe to have extra scans'..... argh! We did grow up with tonnes of animals, chickens and constantly falling off horses, being allowed to do target practice with my dad's air rifle (before there was an amnesty) playing at local farms and she questions my foot health??

Shes currently rewriting her diaries, got up to my birth last Xmas and eagerly showed it to me. I'm not even writing one diary let along redoing what I've already written ffs!

Friend dropped off brio bedside cot today! in exchange for cake.

Looove idea of tweed mai tei!

My Mum is quite different to yours Honey, she's always been very supportive of my choices. Except if she thinks I'm being completely unreasonable, in which case she'll tell me and has done in the past and is usually right I do suspect she thinks I'm mad for having had 2 babies without an epidural, which was her drug of choice for me and my brother. Do you think she was talking about an epidural headache?

It's my MIL who often comes out with slightly odd things. She's lovely and very supportive, but can come out with strange things sometimes. She still finds it shocking that I haven't given birth flat on my back with my feet on the midwives hips

I wish as women, we could be more respectful of each others choices, for me labour and delivery have been manageable, who am I to say that the woman next to me isn't really struggling? How would I know? It's not my labour. Surely the idea is a good outcome all round? A CS isn't my choice, but I'm not going to say that it isn't a valid choice for others.

Clarella My brother was born early with forceps and an epidural that only sort of worked too.

Saphie How scary, hope you are OK?

Pidj and well done on the job.

Thanks for the calming words everyone - i've calmed down a bit. I think she just doesn't understand but yet she hasn't bothered asking me about it either. Plus her confusion between CS/epidural just reinforces that she hasn't actually bothered to find out any info - she's ust working on the scenario she's built up in her head.

Saphie - so glad all is ok. Completely agree that naps are wonderful.

Honey - my mum is a nightmare. The most recent thing being that I've ruined her experience as a first time GP because I've got everything (mostly donated) and there's nothing left for her to buy. Apparently I wasn't enthusiastic enough about her knitting something. She originally talked about being at birth and then announce it would be too stressful to get here (she lives 120 miles away)
Her and my dad are coming this weekend and I'm dreading it!

To be fair I think she is having her change and also your children having children is hard because it's a huge part of them moving on and realisation that their child bearing years are over.

I am soo emotional. I feel totally needy and cry at literally everything. I'm missing XP and he's being so lovely and I keep wondering what if. When he's here all I want to do is curl up and tell him all my irrational fears and sob but I have resisted for fear of pushing him away. Although he's done lots of hand holding and hugs in difficult moments recently. Oh god I bloody miss him!!!
I wish baby was here for cuddles or him. Being alone when pregnant is rubbish!

I'm worried about the gap between vaccinations, I'm having both together tomorrow!

Thanks for the well wishes folks, still sore but much calmer!

Mums as a whole find it difficult not to reflect on their own birth experiences. It's such a huge thing for all of us, but incredibly frustrating when your own doesn't get it. Honey- your priority for a healthy mum and baby is the best one and I hope she can eventually support you.

Flumpy- cant imagine what you're going through, hope you're hanging in there.

S

We're just in from our first ante-natal class (NHS). Very reassuring, lots of "this could happen, you might choose that option, you'll be consulting if x needs doing" :)

I need to get a grip, in the last 2 days I have eaten 3 packets of jaffa cakes all to myself. I so promised myself that I would be good this time around.

Mmmm Jaffa cakes! I like them kept in the fridge

Went to NCT last night & it started at just gone 7 but didn't finish til nearly 10. Was abit as hadn't eaten!
All very useful & not too much of 'let's enjoy the birth experience!'

I'm feeling the annoyance with DMs but mine is with my DH, after the class last night.
He spent whole night pulling horrified faces when anything remotely bodily related came up (ok some of the pics were pretty graphic!) then when we left, all the way home didn't stop going on about how traumatic he had found it & how awful it was going to be for him.
Didn't occur to him that I might also have found some of the info abit scary/ daunting (like average length of active labour etc!) & could have done with some reassurance.

So irritating especially when he's a farmer and deals with it all the time with cattle & sheep. Apparently it's different with humans & because it's me just seems like attention seeking

I made decision for him not to be at birth. I'd rather just have midwives i dont know than someone spending whole time telling me how rubbish they feel & how hard they find it.
Probably I'll change my mind but just feel so sick of him & his inability to put himself in my shoes. Or even just knowing when to shut the f up.

Rant over. Gosh it's early for a rant, sorry!

Queen, you're under no obligation to have him there - dp and i have discussed similar stuff, because our only big arguments have come when I'm under pressure and he's worried about me (prime example being when i sliced half the top of my finger off, was sitting on the floor with hand in peas trying not to pass out, we argued because neither of us knew whether to call an ambulance/go to a+e/treat at home!) we're looking at strategies to keep him in control - massage, music, tens machine, drink offering are the ones we've got so far - but that's down to his attitude. Any hint of him sounding stroppy and he'll be out till i start crowning or I'll gaffa tape his mouth shut

It's because they're scared and can't control things. And because of how much they love us

Queen maybe have a chat with your DH and ask him if he realises how selfish he sounded last night. Give him a way out, by saying something like "I'm sure you didn't mean to, but our conversation last night about the birth was very focused on you and your feelings, and though its important you are honest with me, it came across as quite selfish. Please remember I'm worried about this too, and though you won't enjoy seeing me in pain, I also won't enjoy benign in pain..."

It is good that he's told you his fears about the birth. You don't want it all to come out on the day when you won't be able to handle it alongside the labour. Maybe remind him he doesn't have to see the 'business end' as things are happening, but what you'll need at the birth is a scale and supportive partner who can keep you calm. If he honestly doesn't think he can do that, then now is maybe a good time for you to start thinking about family, friends, or a doula who can be with you.

Morning everyone else :)

I also had my first nct class last night, though our teacher has a strict finish on time policy. There are also microwaves available to make yourself food before the start of class. I thought our teacher talked a bit much, and looked a bit new age. However, it was interesting enough session, mostly just a 'get to know each other' chat and a discussion about the things you do and don't want to cover in the remaining classes.

Everyone seems to be in NCT/antenatal mode! We had our second last night. My husband's stupid work really interfered (his boss kept sending texts and emails he had to respond to) so he was a bit distracted, but overall he did well I think! It was a good class which seemed really balanced - and no mention of homeopathy, hooray!

One thing we did last night which I really liked was that the birth partners (mostly men) and the mothers separated and made a list of 'what the birth partner should do during the birth', then we came together and compared. It did two things - made mums feel confident because the lists were largely the same, and also made the mums realise the expectations being placed on the birth partner. I thought it was really helpful. Then there was loads of detail about labour. sounds like fun

Off to pregnancy yoga tonight (no rest for the wicked!). Hopefully it's a good class and I can sign up for the rest of the 8-week course. I've tried a couple of classes but none have been quite right.

Re: our mothers and old-fashioned ideas - do any of the hospitals run 'grandparent groups'? When my sister had her first baby, my mother went to an info evening at her hospital and I went too as my dad couldn't make it. In it, the midwife was very upfront that a lot of the knowledge and best practice has changed since people gave birth in the 60s/70s/80s, and then proceeded to give an outline of it. It went along the lines of 'we don't do X anymore - don't tell your daughter/in law she should be doing it'. My mother found it very helpful and it sounds like some of your mums need it too!

Thank you everyone for really helpful advice. stacks I know you're right about calm rational conversation and will have that I think, just the way you suggested I'm just because my mother & sis are too far away to be there so I had wanted him to be there.
Plus I 'nursed' him through an operation last year which also had its gruesome bits & was patient & sympathetic (& hoping to get it back in spades!).
pidj glad it's not just us that have silly arguments at worst moments! Hope you found the end of your finger...

Those granny courses sound amazing! What an absolutely brilliant idea! I'm going to see if there's any at my hospital!

mama I'm off to pregnancy yoga tonight too! still swimming everyday also as am totally addicted to the weightlessness.

Going to get the pacapod mirano changing bag. It's an investment!!

... Should be a full stop after 'suggested'

Queen, I second what the others say. Remember there's nothing that says you have to have him there, some couples decide its better not to be and a dear friend (40+1 today!) has stipulated that if anything has to be done down there, DH is kept firmly near her head, she just feels its better that way. Probably the important thing is that you start discussing it openly and practically now, if it means starting discussions from a point where he's not there that's ok and letting it evolve from there - probably towards him slowly feeling more useful etc.

It could be that he's so used to seeing the whole delivery and management of farm animals as so much a part if his business, decisions and his involvement in deliveries are more automatic and taken from a managers pov (plus animal welfare etc) that it is actually more alien but also too close to home iykwim? He's also used to being in charge and in control but probably realised how he much he doesn't know about it all last night! Not making my self very clear and don't want to make excuses for him!

See how the next class goes, cos ours seemed to focus on how partners can support and be supportive and how that will help things, getting oxytocin going etc. DH seemed more confident about what his role might be. First session for us was graphic too! Maybe even contact the teacher quietly for advice if you feel you can talk to her?

I'm another doing lots of reading but not managing to post!

Queen last time, the only thing DH wanted in my birth plan was for him to be told when to leave the room so he didn't have to see the actual birth. In the end he was more traumatised by the whole thing than I was, but then he had to watch as they put a (reportedly huge) needle in my spine as I was prepared for surgery.

I think it can be a bit abstract for them and seeing the pictures probably made it seem very real. And if you were both hungry....!

Nothing wrong with planning for him not to be there, or maybe plan to play it by ear. Chances are he'll end up swept up by the emotion, but your midwife will soon throw him out if he's unhelpful.

My NCT class is in a church hall to one side of a church, which has another hall the other side. I think the highlight on Saturday was when an old man wandered in with a briefcase of stamps, saw a room full of women on birthing balls being masaged by their partners, muttered something about looking for the stamp convention and fled!

The course has been really good so far, really factual and presenting options rather than steering us down a particular route iyswim, and I wish I'd done them last time to be honest. And no issue going on my own.

I'm off to see the doctor later this morning as I think I'm getting SPD. I woke up on Sunday with really painful hips and lower back. It gradually got better and then yesterday was agony. Just in the one hip, but I could nearly put any weight on it and couldn't move it forwards as the leading step if that makes sense. I worked from home, so rested it well, and it feels better again today but not right and I can feel that I'm holding my hips at a bizarre angle to walk.

Finally had confirmation of when I finish work etc (they got very confused because I work full time hours condensed into a 4 day week) and 7 weeks today will be my first day off. If I had been able to walk I would have printed off October and November from my work outlook calendar to cross off the days!

When I was in labour I really didn't pay any attention to dp except when I wanted a drink or Vaseline put on my lips!

Morning all

Not caught up properly as am so tired today DD is going thru an early wake up phase (4am) for the last two mornings & im shattered. Poor DH is out working a very physical job & im floundering on the sofa while DD is playing. Where do they get all their energy?

Sorry for moan.

I had doc check yesterday, i had flu jab while there but am reserving judgement on the whopping cough jab until ive done more research. He also found a trace of protein in my wee so ive got to take another sample to be checked. Im refraining from scaring myself by googling but im hoping its just a low grade infection...

Hope everyone is well

Hope everyone is ok.

Sorry to hear of unsupportive mums and DP's.

I'm still a totally weepy hormonal mess!

Off for flu, whooping cough and b12 then I'm coming back to get into my pjs and go back to bed!!