graduates of the wine-and-shagging-after-mc thread come hither!

[wilderumpus]

Seeing as practically all of us have now got pg, here is a new home for all of us to come to carry on chatting after getting the BFP after our mcs. Today we are pregnant! :)

Hello ladies! Am still here, just. 32 weeks and getting very fed up. Not wanting to complain about it though as I know I should be counting my blessings. Also having frequent nightmares about the reality of having 4 sons to contend with. Screaming like wicked witch/fish wife at 3 children, dog and dh, and anyone who can't drive properly, and anyone else who may think about crossing me... how on earth will I manage with 4??

one (if you are lurking) I do so hope you are coping. I think about you a lot and admire your strength in dealing with a mmc again. Please let us know how you are when you have a moment?

wilde yay for recording things and having a dh who sounds as techie as mine! Although it was DS2 who wanted to buy one of those teddy bears on to which you can transfer the sound of you womb and then play it to the baby once born!

boo how are you doing? Plodding on?!

sheldon love that feeling. Beware the hormones that accompany it tho. Was in town having a mocha this morning after giving up on Christmas shopping and the baby obviously really liked it and was belting around my tummy like mad. Seriously exercising on the caffeine. A lady who was sitting near commented to her oh - 'gosh, that's an active little one over there, look'! Reduced me to tears. Whilst fumbling for tissue in my buried under the bump and flab jeans pocket, I managed to knock rest of my coffee over. Said lady then bought me another - how sweet, but that reduced me to tears again. Bloody hormones.

It struck me whilst thinking about thinking about Christmas iyswim that I will be 36 wks on Xmas day.

hello ice! so glad to hear from you, glad you ok and being shouty on a broomstick.

that woman in the coffee shop sounds lovely! she would have made me cry too! am sure you are not being as shouty as you feel but are doing just fine because at least you realise you might be a bit off. So many people live their whole lives not realising how awful they are, but you are a preggo lady who isn't having the easiest time and I am sure you are doing just fine :)

four sons! how fabulous :) You'll manage because you won't be 32 weeks pg and you seem eminently reasonable and thoughtful.

Is mad that I am about a month away now from finding out whether we are having a boy or girl. am sooooo excited. am really getting into being pg now as i feel LO every day now (teensiest little flutters) and am starting to wonder what they will look like. that makes me cry.

anyway, glad all is well

work is killing me atm. I work for ten mins and have to escape to this here internet for five just to give my brain a rest. I think it wants to start being preggo brain but I must resist! Must. Concentrate!

wild I am loving french fries too! I love salty stuff.. and crispy stuff... but not deep fried stuff... walkers french fries fit the bill! (just had 2 packs in a row, oops).
I wonder if your supervisor just doesn't know what to say about you being pg, so he's keeping shtum. I am the opposite to you re names - I have the boys names sorted (always have, though they have changed - I find boys names easy) and the girls are impossible! I really will be stuck this time if it's a girl. Too many names remind me of people I know, or are so popular there will be 8 in their class.

sheldon good idea to keep open mind about birth - there is no point getting set on something when your baby/ body might not agree! chances are you'll be fine though. That's great you have your name all sorted. Exciting! Have you told it to anyone or is it a surprise?

ice what a lovely woman in coffee shop! It's so heart warming when people are nice. I'll never forget a similar experience when DD was a month or two old and I breastfed in public for the first time - I was all over the place and this woman was so sympathetic, getting me tissues to mop up the spilt coffee and giving me a sympathetic/ supportive smile.
I am sure you'll be fine with 4 sons. The older ones will seem so much more grown up with a baby around, and the family will shift a bit. It will be great for the new baby having so many brothers to be entertained by! It is daunting, but then changing your family at all is daunting. But you will do it! I keep thinking 3 will be a handful, but my get out is to get some help - find a babysitter who can do an hour or so in the day the odd time, or possibly consider an aupair if things are really hard!

No news here - Dh has got some time off work (due to him doing so much overtime) which is great as I can get some jobs done and takes the pressure off me. We can also... go out a bit! Have planned some stuff. In fact we are also going away for the weekend - my mum is babysitting, how cool is that?! Laters! xx

You have all been very sweet. Of course I've been lurking. I don't want to bring anyone down, make anyone anxious. You don't have to count your blessings especially because of me. I've been well, excercising, dieting, not having much alcohol or coffee, etc., taking loads of "happy" and "women's health" sorts of vitamins.

Lovely reading all of your news. Boo 16 weeks and HB booked! Wild also 16 weeks with flutters and PhD prgoression of some degree(?), Sheldonella 25 weeks (where has the time gone?) not sleeping, poor you, and having selected a name - there must be an unveiling! And Ice 32 weeks (!) 4 boys! Your coffee shop story was very sweet. Anyone in flood waters?

As for me, I had an appt today for being given medication to make the mc happen but they said they had to do another scan to confirm it was ok to proceed. During the scan, while there was still no heart beat, they picked up on things they hadn't seen last week so they said we would have to wait another week and do a third scan before being able to progress. We said no, that we understand they have an ethical code they are working to but that we know our dates and we know this isn't a viable pregnancy and I'm willing to sign a form to take responsibility for the decision. They then called in a consultant who they said would scan me again today but in the end he looked over my notes said that the differences between the two scans were within the margin of error, that it clearly wasn't a viable pregnancy given my dates and that he was willing to end it. He then, and this made me cry (I've been very stoical!), took us on to his caseload, sat there with the nurse making sure I got an earlier slot than had previously existed - hence choosing tablets instead, said they will send the pregnancy matter off to test for abnormalities, test me over the next couple of months for the other known possible causes, will lead my care during my next pregnancy including weekly (!) scans and told me to take aspirin at the start of the next pregnancy. I was overwhelmed with the sudden help when I'd expected to come in get tablets and go home.

The "research" I've done into this level of care showed that testing this pregnancy for abnormalities and doing the blood tests for other possible causes are statistically unlikely to yeild any helpful results, but it might and it crosses off known causes and, most importantly, the research says that the frequent contact with a specialist pregnancy unit in itself leads to a good outcome. If I understand correctly it's the placebo effect of a sort, that being supported by experts means we can relax. While we haven't been especially tense I did relax immediately. I know my taxes are paying for this but it's also just amazing that all of this is on the NHS.

I'm well, I'm looking forward to finishing this and getting healthy for a coulple of months and getting on with the next pregnancy.

boo how lovely that you and DH can spend some time together. where are you going, may I ask?! No worries if you want to kep schtum :) Am so envious, DH and I haven't managed to go away together yet since DS was born but plan to in Jan to celebrate me getting shot of uni!

one yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay so lovely to see you :) :) Am glad you have lurked and please come back! wouldn't have any negative affect on us, but definitely a positive one. You are one of our gang! i missed you! Am delighted you were looked after so well and are going to be looked after in your next pregnancy. Am sorry they nearly tried to make you wait, they did that to me the buggers. I hope you are ok.

re: scans etc - a lady called 'pebspop' on the ttc-after-mc thread on the conception board had the regular scans too and was told by leslie (is it leslie?!) reagan that the scans and check-ups really help with pregnancy success. And she is over 20 weeks now, her longest ever pregnancy. Positive thinking really works! am so glad that there is a positive horizon and that you won't be left to the hardship and rollercoaster of ttc and then waiting...

PhD is coming along thanks; is all written but am now editing it so it is proper and, man, this stage is really tough. It will only be till xmas though, got to hold on and work all day and night (well not all night, am asleep by 9.30 and I must sleep! ) and get this begger done. ug.

I had medical management with my blighted ovum one; if you want hand holding or any info on what it may be like etc please ask won't you. FWIW it was really fine and I liked being in control of what was what rather than an op. be well chica x

So glad to hear from you one and so glad you are getting some extra care, you completely deserve to be looked after. Well done on the healthy living, after my MMC I did the complete opposite which I'm sure didn't help matters really. My doctor told me that having a mc wouldn't mean I would have another and neither would having 2 as she had been through 2 and still had 4 children. I hope the medical management works quickly for you, I didn't even need the second dose as it all happened so quickly. I agree with wilde you are one of our gang and would love you to keep in touch and more than happy to provide hand holding whenever you need it

ice good to see you! My aunt has 4 boys and they have always been very energetic and look after each other. Their house was always so much fun when I used to go there to play. What a lovely lady in the cafe too!

wilde I was like you with the French fries but with wotsits at first. I've calmed down about birth now - no previous experience, this is no 1 for me. This is why I'm a bit scared of home birth but I do like the thought of it.

boo I'm sworn to secrecy on the name for now but I will reveal it to you all when she arrives :) I hope you have a lovely weekend. Is it DDs you have? So excited about mine, everyone I know lately has had boys so I guess I'm balancing things out.

Still not sleeping as my hips feel like they want to escape from their sockets. I have my midwife appointment tomorrow so will cry on her shoulder over that. Right, fish and chips in the oven, let the crap telly watching commence!

one - hello! So lovely to hear from you and that you are as ok as you can be. Good luck with the pills - I seem to recall that wilde was comfortable with how they worked and she didn't have any side effects. And what a lovely lovely consultant! Do you have to be in hospital - seem to remember wilde was required to stay in? Yes, you are so right about the care placebo effect - there was something published in the papers only last week about it, and it was on the news too. Take a look at the thread wilde mentions; there are loads (literally) of ladies there who are walking proof of several mmc and then successful pregnancies. And they are brilliant at answering all sorts of questions, many of them quite detailed in the stats and science of it all. Will be thinking of you particularly over the next few days. Please stay.

sheldon - get yourself a maternity support belt; I've got the Thuasne Si belt from this company on the recommendation of my chiropractor. It really helps with SPD type pains, and you can just wear it at night to stabilise your hips. www.physio-med.com/Maternity-Supports/

Oooh names! Can't tell you what we've decided yet, but having taught at a boys' school it makes it really tricky deciding names as most of them already have a face, iyswim!

Right - gender predictions: salty = boys, cheesy/sweet = girls. Easy peasy!

Just quickly popping in before my friend arrives to say one great to hear from you. So glad you are being looked after, it does make such a difference. You deserve the care. It's great when you feel happy with the level of service from the NHS - it is after all what we are all paying for, like you say! I hope your consultant continues to be helpful and reassuring, I have heard good things from others who have had a similar level of care. Well done for eating well and having such a good attitude, it sounds like you are doing everything you can to pave the way for your body to cope with this, and get ready for next time.
Please do pop in whenever you like - it's great to hear how you are getting on, and to be honest in my mind MC is just the other side of the coin from being pg now - it's all part of life iykwim?

wild We are going to the kent coast (will be vague about specifics just in case!). Don't know it at all myself, so hoping it will be fun. It's our second time away without the girls - we did it once before for one night, but this is for 2 nights so it should be a really relaxing break!

sheldon yes 2 DDs and a step DD! It was a total surprise to me as I am from a family of boys (except me, obv). I expected to have a boy, so was almost disappointed (if that's the right word) when I first found out at 20 wk scan. Anyway, now I love it. I think whatever you have it's fab, and I don't believe you can generalise about gender particularly, but despite my initial thoughts, I loved having a girl as my first born!

Anyway, friend arrived and I didn't get to post this early, now I really better go to bed! Will be back tomoz, night all! x

sorry ice didn't refresh before posting out of date (in terms of hours) post.
Let's see if your gender predictions are correct! only a month or so to go....!

Was thinking sheldon about what I wrote about having a girl... I was anxious initially because I felt there would be emotional pressure on me. I am very close to my mum and have a really good relationship with her, and I think I thought if I have a girl - how will I match that?! But I don't know why I was worrying really - little ones just need you, and the emotional attachment/ link comes later. How I will cope with 2 teenage girls ganging up on me/ keeping secrets from me I'm not sure, but I guess that's to worry about later!

Also one hope I didn't sound flippant about MC - I think since my Dad died suddenly (coming up to 2 years ago) it has altered my perspective on life. I know the worst can happen now, and nothing can change that. I guess I was lucky to get to my mid 30's as a naive optimist!

It's blimmin freezing here today. Attempted to take advantage of DH being home and went to get some Xmas shopping, but it wasn't very successful - I feel exhausted now!

boo That is interesting because I have been feeling much the same. I was really expecting a boy as many of my family, friends and colleagues have them so it was a bit of a shock to be told girl. Silly really when it is 50/50 I worry about all the challenges I have faced and worry for her but I am very excited and melt every time I think about her. I have decided not to think about the teenage stage :)

Oh and ice thanks for the belt suggestion, I will look into that as the night pains are really starting to get to me.

Thanks again guys, and Boo I didn't think you were flippant at all. Although my last mc felt like the end of the world at the time and was a life changing event this has not compared, and there are worse things that can happen, and they haven't, so I'm ok. I'm 40 with an older OH and we are being looked after now. I'm really glad about that and in a very practical place about this.

And sorry I confused you all in my serious attempt at a short but fully detailed post (!) - I'm not taking the meds after all but am booked in for the op tomorrow. Although I'd prefer it to go a natural route I didnn't want to wait any further. That feels like taking control to me. Having said that I've started spotting and a bit of cramping so fx.

Sheldonella That sounds very painful. Is it SPD? A friend of mine had that and it sounded agonosing. I'll be curious to hear how that belt works for you.

When will you all reveal the names? At the birth? I can't believe we're only a couple of months-ish off the first birth of this thread! Ice have you said if you know if you're likely to be early or late?

I'll definitely have a look at that thread Wild thanks! I already feel hopeful, I literally felt myself relax in the consulting room. There were 6 of us in there at one point and 4 chairs and it was crowded with everyone making notes and telephone calls and I just felt looked after. And I know now that I can look forward to that when I pitch back up anxiously gripping a new stick!

hehe one, I look forward to that stick! good luck for the op

arf, I had a thing for sweet stuff with DS ice! sorry to be a pain I am expecting a girl because this pg has been SO different to DS but I also expected a girl with him so.... I seem to think all my babies are girls! would be delighted with a boy though, I do think I will be a mum to three boys really :) Having a girl might be a bit worrisome as I have a dreadful relationship with my mother! same feelings but different reasons boo! even tho my son is very gentle and calm etc I find him easier to parent because I have NO preconceptions about boy/mother relationships. Is all from scratch. But my daughter I would be very worried about repeating crappy controlling behaviours :(

arf names are strictly secret in this house till birth! is all a bit abstract atm anyway, certainly until the anomoly scan...

boo weekend away in kent sounds lovely, lovely!

Just had my 25 week appointment with midwife. My blood pressure is higher and there is protein in my wee :( I'm a bit worried now because my mum was induced early due to high blood pressure. Good news is the baby measured fine and heartbeat was fine too.

one Totally understand you not wanting to wait, I wouldn't either so glad you have got an op appointment. Will be thinking of you tomorrow Don't think I have SPD fortunately as midwife didn't think anything of my pain at all.

sheldon no best not think about teenage stage just yet! My DSD is 14 so I have seen a bit of that first hand and am not looking forward to it. I think I am going to be quite strict!
I think in practice, you build a relationship with your child slowly and gradually so there is plenty of time to get to the closeness you would like. And if you are sympathetic because you can relate to challenges etc, all the better. Like all these things - knowledge can be used to the good!
Sorry to hear about your painful hips - I've heard if you put a pillow between your legs it can help but no idea if thats true.
Glad you appt went well. Re blood pressure & protein - what does that mean and can you do anything?

one hope the op goes ok. I can understand you wanting it to be over - hope either way it's straightforward.

I don't subscribe to gender predictions really - but I certainly craved sweet last 2 times, and am craving savoury/ salty this time. But I do wonder if my DH is capable of producing boy sperm! 3 girls so far, it is starting to look less likely. He would love a boy, but I really don't mind - which is a good position to be in I guess though secretly think a boy would be a nice change . My priority is a healthy baby, please!

I'm not even thinking about girl's names atm, haven't a clue so may as well wait until we know and have to think about it.

boo - know what you mean about dh being capable of producing boy sperm - mine obviously can't make the girlie stuff!!

And my gender prediction has been disproved by myself twice already - I ate nothing but Kitkat chunkys with DS2, and Hobnobs with DS3. Might account for the 3 stone I gained each time...

sheldon they will want to repeat the wee sample again in a couple of days? Could be a UTI? Needn't be anything dastardly. Keep an eye out for swelling and headaches etc. And slow down a bit?! says she who is incapable of practising what she preaches

wilde you've really made me wonder if that's why I really love my boys and am scared of a daughter (not that its ever going to happen now...). I have had such a close relationship with my mum and was worried about how i'd replicate it if i ever did have a dd. Hmmm, interesting. Mind you, it's broken down a bit now, as she simply doesn't understand why I might want a large family, and thinks we'll keep on going until we get a dd.

one for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you, and keeping fingers tightly crossed for you rushing in with a stick as wilde said. That will be something to celebrate indeed at the beginning of a new year.

I got it a bit wrong - glucose in wee, not protein. Everyone here gets routine diabetes test so I will soon find out. It says trace in my notes so I hope it is ok.

sheldon hope the glucose issue calms down for you. will you have to drink that glucose drink etc or are they just keeping an eye on you now?

one thinking of you today.

ice Boo is the one with a nice relationship with her ma, mine is awful! She told me to get lost when me and Dh decided to have a private wedding with no guests over a year ago. She was miffed she wouldn't be the centre of attention on my special day (why we cancelled it, actually, I was only doing the day for her as am pretty shy and private and don't hold parties for myself!). silly woman. I would hate to treat any of my children like she did me but she seems to have it in for her daughters in particular. she is a misogynist!

It's finished, we did a grand finale bit in A&E but it in the end it finished without medication or surgery. And I feel I need to apologise for all my mean opinions about medical staff. This week I've only had patient warm and very helpful experiences. We got home yesterday early afternoon and have been eating comfort food and sleeping and wathing glorious crap tv. We're very relaxed. I've had a week off work already, I have next week off work as well. My work offfered for me to take a third week off in addition and I'm not sure whether to take it. I have three weeks off at Christmas so I would then only have one week back at work before that which, with what I do is actually a bit meaningless. We'll see, but either way all the time off I've already had and have coming up also helps with the general sense of ease!

OMG Scottish smiley's, wonderful (does anyone know why?)

[bsmile]

Sheldonella I don't which which would be 'better', sugar or protein in wee, I wish you didn't have either. I hope they've caught it early and that managing it will be ok. Do you have any updates? How are you feeling about it? Do you have the belt yet?

It will be fun watching the gender precitions play out. And it is interesting thinking about the parenting you've had and the parenting you do. I have very distant relationships with my parents. They love me but for different reasons they can't express it. I'm very demonstrative in relationships so I hope I would be able to be different from my parents. Wild that's an awful thing for a mother to say to her daughter, that kind of thing breaks my heart.

Hope Boo's enjoying some sunny weather!

(Waves a hello to *Ice as well)

Oh I'm glad it's all over one. Your experience sounds exactly like mine in March - ending in A&E. Take as much time as you need off, but I did that - went back after 2 weeks for 1 week then had holiday booked. How do you feel today? I think I felt very tired after it all but sort of relieved it was over. Look after yourself. No more news on glucose but I have some sort of routine diabetes test in 2 weeks anyway so I guess I will find out then. No belt yet but I've been experimenting with pillows and it seems to be a bit better.

wilde That is sad that your mum said that. It is amazing what weddings can do isn't it. Mine was originally going to be a tiny private one but ended up with more than we had intended because of family pressure. It was still fairly small and fortunately fun but I could never understand why we couldn't just be left to get on with organising it ourselves. Do you see your siblings? I'm sure you would be a great mum to a daughter all the same.

boo and ice hope you enjoying the chilly weekend!

I'm going out with DH today as it is my birthday soon and he wants to go shopping :) I think I'm going to have to stop for something salmony somewhere as I am really fancying it this week.

Hope you all have a nice relaxing weekend.

Oh yes, scottish smileys for St Andrews day [bsmile]

hey one. am glad it is over for you and you are relaxing. I reckon you should take that week off work, it won't harm will it and if it is ok... Just chill and regroup for a bit? It is personal though I know, some people like to work through sad/stressful times but for me that has never worked, just deferred it all! Also as sheldon said I was so knackered for weeks after too, maybe you'll need the time to get your energy back.

yeah one my mum has always been pretty controlling. Is nice to be away from her critical gaze to just be me... so maybe she did me a favour as I would never have walked away under my own steam but was getting more distressed with the way she treated me, particularly since becoming a mum myself. Was pretty stressful; no-one likes to think bad thoughts about their mum do they? I do get on with my sister as she knows my mum can be a twat, but is friends with us both! which makes it awkward for her, fielding qurstions about me and DS... (which makes me furious, why is my mum still interested in me and DS but won't talk to us?!) My brother is keeping his distance which makes me very sad.

am busy filling DS's head full of lies about the existence of father christmas atm :). I know intellectually this is wrong but oh lordy it is so fun! he is completely enthralled by it all! I am also going to read him stories about baby jesus. we are not religious but even so it is mad to ignore that whole part of the ceremony so by the end of it he will be most confused am sure. 'eck.

Hey Wild. I'm into my second week off. Although the mc only happened in literal form 5 days ago I had a week off prior to that as well. I'm feeling very rested but am thinking of taking the 3rd week. My OH had a christmas shopping trip yesterday with one of his friends so I tagged along. I didn't know the friend, he was very nice and chatty and everything but I was struggling not to have a panic attack - which is unfortunately where I go when I'm under the psychological weather and I was pretty tired after, and angry, which fetl a bit random so I kept it to myself!

It sounds like it was tough with your mum. I think you're right, no one likes to think bad thoughts about their parents but sometimes it's just the truth. It must be hard for your sister but sounds like she's managing a difficult situation well enough. I think that kind of family standoff, where your mother won't speak with you, is just awful, like ultimatums, they just aren't about attempts at good communication but, as you say, just attempts at control. What is she worried would happen if she wasn't trying to be in control?

Oh! I would love to fill a child's head with thoughts of father christmas, tooth faires, easter bunnies etc! They will wise up in time!!!

How's your editing going?

Yo one. do take that extra week. Having a mc is such a toll on your body, and obviously it is on your mind too. cosset yourself and if work are ok with it, why not? You won't regret it am sure. I hope you are ok, hving panic attacks is no fun. Do you have coping mechanisms? I had rescue remedy and breathing techniques to get me through mine after the mc. Does your OH know how you are doing, are you talking?

Arf yes my Ma is very controlling. I don't know what outcome she expected about the wedding, she basically said have the wedding she wants or she will never talk to me again. I think she wanted the big society wedding to show off to her friends rather than anything to do with me anyway. Which was depressing. If i tried to explain why we were having the private do instead she would just cut me off or put the phone down on me. So I never got to say my piece in the face of her enormous tantrum which made me so furious and powerless. Ah well, some people eh.

editing is going ok so far thanks! Is pretty quick work but, you know, you never know what is round the corner which makes me jumpy. Am quite excited truth be told, only 3 weeks left! woot!