November 2012 - but that's the month after next

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1556125-November-2012-the-ten-week-countdown

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

Having problems with DD1 at school. She is six, and there is a little boy in her class who was held back a year as he has behavioural issues, so he is 7. He has quite a bit of extra support in class, and is not allowed in the playground until the bell goes etc. They were in the same class last year, and we often bump into him and his mum on the school run. I get on well with his mum.

This lad has recently taken a shine to my girl, and has been forcing kisses on her, and hugging her extremely tightly, with them having to be ripped apart etc, and he just will not stop when she says 'no'. School were informed as soon as I noticed a problem in week two, and they had already picked up on it, and were putting processes in place to make sure they were kept apart, but still in same class. Since being kept apart, he has been quite nasty to her, and I have been updating school of incidents.

Today she was late out, and accompanied by two friends. She was crying. Apparently in class at 5 mins before end of session, he grabbed her, tried to kiss her, then when she resisted he pushed her into a display, and she has cuts, grazes and bruising on the back of her leg. Two teachers witnessed this . He had previously said to her, if she was in his gang he would not hurt her. A couple of weeks ago he told me he was going to kill her. today he came out before her, grinning and waving.

I called school as soon as I got home, and the Head assures me this will be dealt with in the morning. Apparently he had been very repentant, but clearly was not when he left school.

I am all for children with problems or difficulties to be included in mainstream school, but not if my child is at risk, which she clearly is. My step-niece was raped at school at the age of 7, and that is always in the back of my mind, but realise thankfully that is very rare.

Any thoughts on how I can address this? The school seem to be doing their best, but I wonder if I should be pushing for more. DH wants to strangle the little bastard understandably, but thankfully he is not a thug. If anything else happens, we would insist they are in separate classes, and no way would we allow our child, the victim, to be the one to be moved.

Thank you for listening. I am not brave enough to start a thread in parenting or special needs.

What support is in school? What does the senco think of it or the ta assigned to him?

I think you need to keep asking the school what is happening and what the plans are to safe guard your daughter and the rest of the class who are as entitled to mainstream education as this lad? I assume he has a statement and that provides him with additional support? Or is this not the case in Scottish education?

I think you need to do as your doing via the school rather than taking matters into your own hands, and also ensure your daughter keeps talking to you about what's happening.

Back from yoga :) I'll buy a hat just in case!!

Oh heck vq. The only experiences I've had of kids with additional needs like this is in a professional context. The school should have a policy folder with protocols for handling such situations. If the boy has as many problems as you say he should have an auxiliary with him at all times, particularly if he's violent.

I tutored ABA (applied behavioural analysis) with an autistic 8 year old over summer who had been permanently excluded from his mainstream primary school for a similar scenario.

Unfortunately school resources are so limited you may need to really argue your case that this boy needs to be kept away from your daughter before the situation can escalate. I'm sure they're on the case though. Have you spoken to the boy's mum? (you say you get on with her). Or your daughter about how he makes her feel and how to defend herself etc.?

Tricky situation all round. Hope it's resolved soon xxx

Also keep a diary or some written record of all incidents - dates, your daughter's accounts, how it was dealt with, etc. The school should be doing this as well but it might be helpful for you to have your own record as well.

titsand jaylee hope the BHs ease off. tits a call to the labour ward can't hurt?

detective I worked 24/7 shifts for 18 months and that was enough for me. I truly admire anyone who does it long term. It totally messes you up and hitting the wall at 4am was no fun at all.

I have just completed my last but one day at work - just Friday left now!

missmummy your nights sound a bit like mine - up for a wee at 1.30, 4.30 and 6 - I don't need to look at the clock any more, it's the same every night! Between that and DDs cold there's not much sleep happening at the moment.

Oh valium, I've just read your message and feel so sorry for your daughter, what a difficult situation to be in. I'm also shocked and sad to read about your step-niece, what a devastating thing to have happened.

I have no advice I'm afraid although from what you have written, you are doing all of the right things and it sounds like the school are taking the situation seriously.

I hope you get some good advice and that things are resolved soon. I don't blame you for not wanting to start a thread, Mumsnet, whilst usually good, can sometimes be a bit brutal!

Thank you x

As far as I know he has not been statemented and does not have someone allocated to him all the time. I know that his mum fought long and hard to get him into school, and I do not want to upset her, but this is my child, and I have to put her first obviously. School were understandably not able to give me any details about his particular needs and his care plan, but assured me that all staff are aware of the situation, and they are kept apart. Things seemed to be getting better until today. Apparently a similar thing happened with a little girl last year, and that was resolved successfully.

I do not feel I could talk to the mum unless she brought it up. He beats the crap out of her at home. He is very strong physically, and says some horrible things to her, she is often in tears at the gate. I have met his dad, and he seems a great guy, and more emotionally stable than his mum. I may ask for a meeting at the school with both sets of parents and the key staff involved.

She is not interested in Martial Arts training, but got her daddy in the goolies yesterday, so I could perhaps suggest that as an appropriate retaliation.

I have noticed an increase in her being violent towards her little sister, pushing and smacking her, and wonder if this is linked. I hate to think of her getting the wrong messages about her body at such a young age.

Thanks again lovely ladies. I feel a bit better chatting. I was worried I was over reacting and being hormonal. Her daddy is good to talk to but obviously with his little girl he is passionately protective. It is good to get others perspectives.

Off to bed as I am old!

Sweet dreams all, inbetween loo trips and Rennes x

Oh blimey VQ how awful for you and your daughter, and that's terrible about your poor step niece

Sounds like you're doing all the right things from what you've written, afraid I don't have any advice to give but hope the school deals with this swiftly and properly!

It does sound like this boy should have someone with him at all times if he is violent. Not nice for your DD or any of the children in the class by the sound of things

Wishing u and DD all the best xx

Hope the BHs have settled down now for those who were having them.

Sorry VQ I didn't refresh the page before posting. That sounds tough but it sounds like you are doing all the right things. missmummy's idea of keeping a diary is a good one too.

My hospital kept going on about making sure DD had a hat on. I could never understand why as it was so hot in there but they were quite insistent! As for scratch mitts, I found them a life saver too as DD was forever scratching herself. But I did prefer the baby grows that had them built in as they were forever dropping off otherwise.

valiumqueen so sorry to hear about the trouble your DD is going through at school. I have no advice but really hope it gets sorted.

That sounds awful vq your poor daughter, there's some great advice there, I know nothing, but I do have an almost 6 yr old girl and I know t would break my heart if she was being treated like that. I hope you can get this resolved ASAP.

VQ- I have no idea how to handle that. I just hope everything will work out.

Well today I have saved my friend a load of money on her brides dress. So I'm very impressed with my self today. [Grin] I'm annoyed with one of her bridesmaids (I'm the matron of honour) she texted the bride saying about not wanting to be a bridesmaid, cause she thinks she looks fat ect. Grrr...... I wish I could knock some sence into her.

On the poo front it's moving, but slowly. I've eaten blackberries, they usually get me moving. So here's hoping. I just feel like this HUGE bin. I eat and eat, but not a lot is coming out.

Exercise is getting difficult, I get breathless from walking up the stairs! I'd quite like this kid out now!

Evil

VQ I'm in the opposite position since it was my son getting into trouble at school age 5 for hugging and kissing the other children and the teachers (he has ADHD and Aspergers). If this boy is harassing your daughter then it is up to the school to protect her. In my son's case they made it a 'rule' that there was no hugging or kissing in school so that he knew it was unacceptable behaviour and this resolved the problem. It sounds like things have gone too far with your daughter and you need to speak to her teacher to make sure they are aware how upset she is and that she has been injured. If he is physically attacking her then they should be giving you a written report of her injuries. Depending on his behaviour issues (and of course his age) he may not understand what he is doing is wrong in which case it will be very difficult to get him to stop without having an adult intervene. If I were in your situation I would speak to the headteacher and say that you may need to temporarily keep your child off school as she is being bullied. Hopefully this would be sufficient empty thread to make them take the case more seriously. I hope you get a fast resolution either way, it's awful for your daughter to be worried about going to school at that age when it should still be fun for her.

*empty threat

VQ I have no useful advice other than to keep speaking to school and being insistent with the issue - but I just wanted to say it sounds awful for your daughter. I have been so lucky and never experienced any issues in school ever, and wouldn't know what to do if I did.

Hats - take one. Even though the wards are hot, some babies have difficulty in adapting to the temperature, and regulating their own. Your baby is much more likely to get too cold than too hot. If a baby gets cold, it can affect feeding. Babies who are cold will not be receptive to feeding, because their bodies are trying to stay warm, feeding becomes unimportant. For those wanting to breastfeed, this is especially essential to keep them warm, because its hard to get a cold baby to wake for a feed. With a bottle you can make them feed, but they have to work for a breast feed!

I don't routinely put a hat on a newborn unless its prem, or low birth weight. But I might advise a mum to put one on if the baby becomes cold, or is otherwise at risk of low temp (prolonged rupture of membranes, meconium stained liquor, gbs+ mum). After the first 24 hours most babies are regulating their own temp. :) So if I was going in, I'd be packing 2 hats, a few blankets of my own, 2 cardigans and at least 8 vests plus babygrows, because its amazing how many they grow through, and in the middle of the night, you don't want to have to wait for someone to bring them in! I'd pack for a 2 night stay. Just in case.

I will probably have a vest/babygrow/cardigan/hat on this baby when it is born, plus wrapped in a couple of blankets. But that is in my own home, and it probably won't be as warm as hospital!

I find the babies that tend to drop temps are the very mucousy ones that end up with 'wet necks' which sits on the babygrow/vest. A lot of people just leave them, but I'd always change, wet clothing will not keep them warm!

So, no, you don't need a hat for a full term healthy baby, but you don't know what might happen, so take one! The midwife can advise you at the time. I do get asked, and sometimes I say yes, sometimes no, it isn't needed! And yes, I'd use a hat/hood for the trip home, especially on a cooler day.

Oh, and a lot of the hats are too big, so take a small size as well as a bigger one

Wow, that became an essay

I should add that what I put above about hats/temp/feeding is only relevant in the first couple of days.

After that babies are more at risk of overheating.

VQ What an awful situation. Can only echo the practical suggestions about keeping a note of incidents and pushing the school for positive action. In my experience, their enthusiasm for solving such issues tends to be knocked off the boil if the parents do not keep the pressure on.

So, up at 5:30am because (TMI) my piles are reaching an epic size and were hurting so much that they both woke me up and then kept me awake :(

I think one of the babies must have shifted position at some point late afternoon (coincides with when I had a nap) because the piles feel like they've doubled in size, but I haven't had a bowel movement to exacerbate them. Guessing it's just pressure. It's making walking or sitting difficult. I'm 33+2 and I have to say REALLY counting the days now. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me, saying 'not long now' and the like. It's really difficult to explain how slow time moves when you are this size :(

catbag sympathies on the piles, with dd mine were awful, I think the hot climate made them worse, just walking was so painful! Awful things! I am extremely grateful that I dont have them this time (touch wood).

VQ bless your daughter, some people have already given brilliant advice so that is fab.

Fingers crossed for the strong BH's and that they will settle down etc.

DH is online now looking at baby car capsules.

Morning all. I am going to dive straight into VQ's problem. This is a difficult one but there are steps the school can take. If the boy is violent in the home as well as having had violen outbursts at school then the school need to put a risk management plan in place wih the support of the local authority. They should open an Integrated Support Plan with the guidance of the school educational psychologist who should e able to seek funding and/or family support work. I agree that he needs one to one management.

Obviously, as the 'other' parent it is very difficult for you to be reassured as to what is happening as the school cannot detail what is happening. You can, however, request a risk management plan for the safety of your daughter. Approach the school initially and ask that they consider this option. Make it clear that another incident will result in a request to move classes and a letter to the head of eduction. You are not working against the school by doing this - sometimes schools need parents to do this before authorities will listen.

I second MM with regard to keeping a diary. Work alongside the school and keep them 100% informed but ensure you get the same in return. You mention he is violent at home - is this common knowledge stuff? Have social work been informed? You could help all concerned by contacting them about all the issues - school based and home based. You can report anonymously if you wish.

Does any of that help? I have dealt with similar issues from a school side and know how frustrating and worrying it can be.

Urgh I feel rotten, bump hurts, chest hurts, legs hurt, head is pounding. I am NOT leaving this bed today. I need to stop overdoing it, even if it means the housework will slide.

tits any more bh so far? should you talk to a midwife? ((hugs))

passme that all sounds excellent advice. It's a wonderful pool of knowledge in this litt;e group of ours.

Hello everyone, not had time to catch up with posts, but wanted to let you know l had a little boy yesterday ~ at 33+2 weeks. He is 4 pounds 3 ozs and is in special care on a ventilator but hopefully will be fine in the end. Got to see him and stroke his little hand about an hour ago ~ he is like a little doll.

Basically my blood pressure got so unstable on Sunday evening they had to get me to labour ward for anti convulsion medication and to induce me. Tried for 12 hours then l had to have a c section cos it just wasn?t happening. So completely opposite to the sort of birth l wanted, but l don?t care at all now he?s here [

Only just caught up from yesterday but just wanted to give my support to VQ. You have had great support and advice from everyone here and can add nothing constructive but you are not overreacting and your DD has to be protected. I really hope that when you go in today they have a system in place that starts to put your mind at rest.

Stay in bed tits housework can wait. I should have told myself this when I decided to take our bedroom curtains down yesterday.

daisychain!!!!!!!! a baby boy! Congratulations!!!!