Due in October 2012 Part 6 - Third Trimester Trials and Tribulations

[YompingJo]

Shiny new thread!

Ready?
Steady?
Go!

I was supposed to spend the day resting but went out for toddler-football in the park and playing hide and seek in a museum and coffee and cake and walked halfway across the city to find out my car needs £500 to pass its MOT, wail. I was doing so well at saving recently... Apart from that news had a grand day! Resting is for losers.

Did perineal massage again, don't like it. I do it on the bed propped up with cushions. Boyfriend does not want to help, I think he sees it as mixing business and pleasure, hah!

smileyhappymummy I am also unsure if I'm having braxton hicks. Bump goes VERY tight sometimes, but for a fair amount of time, like 2-5 minutes? I thought they were supposed to be brief? Other times it's not the whole bump and I don't know if it's just baby shouldering me roughly. Hmm.
Getting your bloods checked seems very reasonable, as does having a chat with your consultant (is he the reassuring type?) Take care of yourslef, lady

Oh poor crazypaving. Toddlers are exhausting, and I've only dealt with them in limited time-frames... big hugs... take care.

Thanks for the link londonmrs... I'm all about maximising the positive stories, whilst acknowledging there are others and ensuring people who've had less positive experiences know it's not to do with anything they've done, just the luck of the draw. But in the run up to my own first birth, I'm keen to stay as relaxed and hopeful as I can. I met a girl last week who said she really enjoyed labour, found it triumphant and exciting - she said it very apologetically but I like hearing those stories. She also said she never found breastfeeding painful. She hadn't had a completely straightforward birth either - the labour bit went well, but she'd had to go to theatre afterwards. My sister in law also speaks very positively of labour - she went to 42 weeks both times and was induced twice and did both with just gas and air, she says they were quick and very intense but manageable - as does my mum, who says she just quietly got on with it while my dad slept (bastard!) and found it quite satisfying - she didn't need any pain relief she said it was ok without. It's difficult I think because it seems like you're being smug? or competitive? to say things went well, so people keep quiet and the horror stories predominate.

Thanks cherry chopsticks I am not a huge person, kinda short really, so it makes sense I wouldn't have a huge baby. I am being measured again tomorrow but not overly worried.

Whilst I really like yomping's changing bag, there's no problem with just putting a changing mat, a nappy bag and some wipes in a normal bag, is there? i hope not!

Oh and the market didn't have mussels so I ate razor clams for tea. I'm sure I am a very bad pregnant lady but they were yummy.

Hey cherry - sleep is much better at the moment. Got to the point where I had so many pillows underneath me i could have been levitating. Changed pillows for a single duvet folded over (into thirds) and although still not sleeping fantastically it is much better than before and DH been sleeping ok for the last 10 days or so.

I had a very disturbed night last night (part comfort, part worrying about work) and tossed and turned all night.

Hope to be more comfy tonight but have been suffering from very sore lower back and sciatica today (have had that on and off for years though, think just made worse by baby weight/position at present).

Had a weird moment Saturday. Must admit, being a bigger girl I have always had a fair bit of belly. Don't like the idea of "outy" belly buttons and if mine did it I would have to keep it covered for fear of making myself feel sick. Always thought being a bigger girl that it wouldn't be a problem as a lot of tummy to expand. Was getting a lot of kicks on Saturday when sitting out in the garden and thought I'd pull my top up to watch. I was distraught to find that there is a definite ring around my belly button when the inside is obviously outside. Nowhere near being an outy yet, but got to say I'm disappointed I've not got away with it being unaffected!

Little 'un is going mad tonight - which is kind of reassuring as he's been very quiet yesterday and today. Have been getting movement in my groin but not in my tummy as usual so presumed he's turned to face my spine and was kicking my back. Anyway, normal service has been resumed and currently.watching my tummy go bonkers . Kind of freaking myself out (but in a good way) as it's such a bizarre and lovely feeling and not something I could ever describe to someone. Wish I could have him in my arms and give him a big hug already!

Hope everyone is ok

32, 30+1, #1

squid don't forget outfit change too! DS used to wait until we were out and then fill the toes of his babygro with poo! He did it twice on a flight when he was 7 weeks old. That was fun...easyjet toilets are pretty cramped at the best of times, but the changing station was malfunctioning and kept trying to boing back up and squish him into the wall! Ahh, fun times...

(have calmed down a bit )

ahhhh Squid so innocent, that is just the start! I used to find myself carrying several set of clothes (sicky baby) bibs, bottles, powdered milk, dummies, calpol, teething gel, wet wipes, nappies, sudocream, muslin cloths. Then they start weaning, you can add bowls, spoons and jars too (although I will not be bothering with that crap this time). It amazes me how much crap they need!

I have a question about moving. Has anyone here rented before? I am worrying about getting the deposit back. What is the accepted level of clean when moving out of a rented house? Our Landlady is not of the same planet I'm sure! I have an anxiety disorder and something she said today set me off .

midget that's exactly how I feel. DS has been playing up something chronic this last week or so, and I've really been tearing my hair out. It wasn't until my parents said (and they were being helpful) "you do realise this is all because of the new baby/new house and starting school" that I realised. Of course I now feel even more guilty. I know deep down he will be fine, and probably wont even remember this time when hes older but that doesnt stop the sick feeling I get when I tell him off for something. Doesnt he have enough to cope with without me on his case?

smiley not much I can say really apart from I completely understand how you feel. As I've said before I am terrified about this elective section, even though I've done it all before, I cant shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong. I keep remembering the morning of my last one. I was the first one down. Had to walk down to the operating theatre, and climb on to the operating table. DH wasnt allowed in with me as they were putting me to sleep, and I just burst into tears at the door. They led me in, I got on the table, and they put my catheter in whist I was awake (ouch). The table with all the instruments they would use was next to my head (aarrrggghhh) and the staff had to tell me to calm my breathing down. They then passed the needle to put me to sleep across my line of vision and injected me with it. The last thing I thought was "this isnt going to work, I'm still awake." Of course, the next moment, I was coming around and they put a pic of my DS in my hand. I asked how he was and they said he was in the Special Care Baby Unit but was OK. I asked if daddy had seen him yet, and they had to rush off and get him because they had forgotten he was waiting! :(
I spent the rest of the day in a haze of morphine and pain, and finally got to see DS at 6pm that evening, about 8.5 hrs after he'd been born.
So not the ideal birth, but at least I kind of know what to expect this time. Still doesnt help though. I keep thinking "what if I say goodbye to DS that morning and never come home?" It sounds awful, I just can't help it. I just don't feel prepared for this AT ALL. I think it will help a bit when they give me a date so I can emotionally prepare. I'm physically prepared, we've got everything we need for baby, and I've been nesting like mad, got everything I need for the hospital bags (although they not packed yet), but I just don't feel ready emotionally for the section, stay in hospital, or even another baby!
I think its also because DS is starting school in a couple of weeks, our house is going to be ready in the next couple of months, and its DS 5th birthday just after the baby is due. I need a definitive date so I can prepare everything else.
I did have a dream the other night that I was at my next consultant appt (coincidentally, its tomorrow), and she handed me a sheet of paper which said "ELCS Booked 28th September". Well I will be 34 weeks on that date, which is when they delivered my son, so am wondering if its a premonition?! Will find out soon I guess (HOPEFULLY) Watch this space.
Anyway, sorry to be so down and morbid, I'm sure we will both be absolutely fine, just wanted to share my story. Hope everyone else is doing ok, nesting, moving and struggling on. Our babies will be here soon ladies, cant believe how fast this has gone!

30, 28+4 DC #2

Crazyp My toddler (2 next week was the same today - baby from h... ). He was just a series of joined up tantrums. MW said at 2yr check up you can't let toddler win these , but literally everything was a row today - porridge ended up on floor, screams to lift out of cot, screams to change nappy, dress and so on ALL DAY!! And then they smile up at you a minute later .
One of those days when I was glad to see DH home.

Squidkid I have 2 lovely unused changing bags - 1 came with my buggy system. As it was mostly black I thought I might actually use a prettier 1. Bought a cute flowery one from Boden - never used it. My handbags are big and there was enough room. Crazyp is right you need an emergency change of clothes with a new born - they are horizontle a lot, and the poo is runny. It travels up their back very easily. Have a spare vest and babygro at the bottom of your bag (I used one from my stock of the next size up if I was running low).

I got a text from my manager last week - had I applied for maternity leave? Actually no . This is my second time around . Anyway hope to get the forms in the post tomorrow. Idiot.

As for sex after giving birth - I also had an epiosotomy, but I don't think that was the main reason. Can't remember when we started but fatigue was the biggest contraceptive. 30 mins of sleep was MUCH more attractive - having said that I was never a 5 times a week girl.

I have now bought
Cheap/disposable knickers
Maternity pads
1 cheapo nightie.

I have to go through bags of baby clothes to sort out what is there - looking forward to that.

45yrs, EDD Oct 5th. DS2

Wantanorange would the acceptable level be what it was when you moved in - ask Citizen's advice, Small claims are used to dealing with this. I would take pics, before you move in and when you move out.
Twice in my life I've had landlords withhold deposits. I can't remember now if we got it back in the end but both were just being mean - we left as we found, but I did not pursue it in court. I would now - older and crankier wiser.
Take the pics, you don't have to get them developed.

I don't have pics of when we moved in. I was only 19 and clueless when we did. The letting agency we were with then were crap. The letting agency we are with now are very nice and much more proffesional. The new house is with them as well and they will come with us on the day we move in, take pictures with us and make a list of anything we want noted.

This house is not a good way. There are maintence issues that the landlady has refused to pay out for but honestly these issues are not down to us. We have done our best. Since we moved in I have painted every room except the hallway/stairs. I have cleared the mould. The oven was disgusting, and is now clean!

Basically we offered to meet halfway with the maintence but the Landlady said no so we decided to move. She now has to pay for the maintence anyway because the letting agency have insisted, so she's pissed off. She hasn't talked to us about the actual issue, instead she picks up on random things and makes me feel like I completely neglect the house. Today she was complaining that the outside of the house was dirty and slippery. It's outside and it's been raining for 2 weeks straight ffs! She has actually asked me go outside and clean it regularly! A driveway! Who the hell cleans their driveway everytime it rains?!

Wantanorange sounds like she's pulling a fast one & wants to keep as much deposit as possible cheeky bitch Please don't let her get you down

wantanorange I totally feel your pain! We have had 4 rental houses and got stung for something stupid every time. Landlords are so so stingy, they always find something! It almost makes you think, right well, I won't bother cleaning anything then!

I am in a mad rush and am on my phone, so will say more later but just wanted to give a massive hug to crazy and the others on here who are juggling toddlers and pregnancy. I just want to say a massive I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! It is so hard this time around. You are doing such a great job coping with everything you have on your plate right now. And I def agree with your job description. Every day I wish I could be injected with an extra shot of patience! I love my boy more than anything in the world, but sometimes it is just so hard keeping up with his demands when you are this knackered. I found myself still at Tesco last night at 6 singing away with him, trying to entertain him in the trolley whilst doing a monthly shop cos it had taken me all day to get us there! Just got to the checkout and breathed a sigh of relief when a little voice said 'Mummy I need a wee!'

Had a horrible night's sleep, awake every 20 minutes with hip/pelvic pain, feel rubbish, had a big fight with boyfriend, flat is a tip and I don't know where to start tidying it and probably won't even bother before september, so I am staying in bed and painting my toenails while I can still reach.

I feel horrible :( :( :( and I'm going away on my own tomorrow and feeling really panicky about it, someone tell me it will be fine (it's only 48 hours) and I'm not going to have my baby on a train all by myself.

Squid you'll be fine love! You're not going to suddenly go into labour without warning. Get lots of rest today, get some fresh air, have a nap and you'll feel better. Have you got a decent pillow to help with your hip pain?

Thanks londonmrs...

Yeah I have a good pillow. I'm absolutely fine in the day, it's weird. All night I lie there thinking I'm going to be unable to walk in the morning, but I don't get any pain walking around (and I know some of you are really struggling with this, so I HATE to complain!) I think I'm going to go to Primark and treat myself to a new pair of oversized snuggly pyjamas for post-birth snoozing... possibly two pairs as things are so offensively cheap there. That's just a 5 minute walk away.

I have a midwife appointment this afternoon too, that usually makes me feel better.

thanks

Hi all,
Just been looking at the Homebirth.org.uk website which is a wealth of information and reassurance, and found this bit about SPD - thought it might be reassuring to those of you suffering from this. Particularly jealous of the potential shorter second stage of labour!

Pelvic Girdle Pain (PGP)is a painful condition which can occur when the pelvic ligaments soften during pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones cause these ligaments to relax, which allows movement of the pelvic bones during birth. Some women's ligaments soften more than others, and a great degree of softening can cause instability of the pelvic joints, and particularly the pubic symphysis, which is a joint at the front of the pelvis. While it can make pregnancy painful, it may make the second stage of labour easier as the pelvic ligaments stretch easily to allow the baby's head to pass through. It does not necessarily make labour more painful, although it can do. It is often recommended that women with this condition avoid having an epidural, because if anaesthetised below the waist, they may open their legs too wide, which can make the condition worse. For more info, see discussions on SPD from the UK Midwifery Archives. I suffer from this condition myself and, while I curse it in pregnancy, I love the 2-5 minute second stages it gives me in labour!

There are also lots of birth stories from SPD sufferers on the site here - click on the SPD link in the list at the top.

Haven't got round to perineal massage yet, but yeah, feeling a bit about it. Plan to start at 34 weeks and not a minute before! Was initially thinking of handing responsibilities over to DH and using it as a warped sort of foreplay but having read up on it... not thinking of doing that anymore . I feel quite undignified and unsexy enough as it is most of the time, without having him do that to me...

Slept badly last night, feels like I woke up every time I turned over. Tried cushion under bump - not because bump itself is uncomfortable at night but because turning over is becoming a bit of a mission and elevating bump makes it less of an effort, and also because so many people have recommended supporting the bump at night. This is what happened:

Me: here you go, baby, I'm putting a cushion under the bump, that'll be nice for you!
Baby: WTF is this? Do you not realise I'm squashed enough as it is when you lie on your side? kick, punch, squirm, kick, kick I prefer it when you lie on your back and I'm going to kick and wriggle like mad until you do
Me: But I'm not meant to lie on my back, it isn't good for me (or you), and I find it a bit uncomfortable (it's odd how I wake up on my back every morning but we won't think about that right now). On my side - with a cushion - is much better, no?
Baby: Whatever, this is all about me, and I have little enough room as it is, and now this... unacceptable. Do you have any idea what it's like for me, in here? kick, punch, squirm, kick, kick
Me: sigh OK, fine, the cushion goes. Ungrateful baby.
Baby:

So yeah. That went well, not... Then DH started snoring and I tried to get him to roll over and he thought it was because I didn't have enough room, and he woke up in a bad mood having spent half the night clung to the furthest inch of the bed trying to give me more room whilst not falling out himself. And yesterday I overdid it at my gym class, in a vain attempt to reduce the tree-trunk-like appearance of my thighs, forgetting I had pilates later in the day, then pilates was really hard and today my back aches. And my thighs still resemble tree trunks, only one of them has a pulled muscle so lunges hurt like the devil and now I can't even do those so thighs will get even bigger and soon I won't be able to leave the house and they'll have to take the roof off and lift me out with a crane like that woman from What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

Today my view on pregnancy is that it is a big pile of bollocks. I want to throw my toys out of my pram (I actually have a pram now, and toys, wonder if it might help ) and then collapse in a little, pathetic heap in a corner, sobbing my eyes out. Boo to pregnancy.

Just a quick hello ladies - I have been reading you all though have not had a chance to reply properly. Sympathy to all those with house moves (grr) and much sympathy for those in pain or struggling to sleep. And as for those with toddlers too? Respect. I find my clients challenging enough.

NCT class last night - we learnt some massage techniques to help in early labour. If anyone's interested I can try to describe them. And we went through pros / cons of various pain relief. We tried out a tens machine and though I'm not convinced it'd help in labour, I'm going to get one (they're about £20 to buy) to help with my back pain in the meantime. Several people on my course have said it really works well for them. Seems worth a try.

TOMORROW is the big move to the new house. GULP. Fab to have a house (finally) and space for all our stuff and for the baby. and FAB to no longer have the flipping aeroplanes waking us up at 4.30am. and ACE to no longer have to hear neighbours having sex / having parties / etc. Will be sad to leave Clapham and all the bars and restaurants and my short commute and all that though. A real life change to move to a small village. Feel a bit scared. Also nervous that the removal company might not show up or something? Gulp. Anyway.

Right. back to work. Hugs to everyone who needs them and to everyone, just because biscuits are ace.

Yomping apart from the gym class...are you me??? Your night was exactly what my night was like!! If it isn't the heat, the husband or the painful hips, then it's the baby keeping me awake! Where's my ?

Just discovered there was another page of this thread that I hadn't read, during which lots of people are struggling with pregnancy whilst also struggling with toddlers and possible non-returning of deposits etc. Now feel like a self indulgent nobber! Sorry for whinging when I have pretty much nothing to whinge about. I still feel like pregnancy is bollocks today, though.

One more thing before I go and sulk somewhere else - Kyyria, on the subject of outy belly buttons, about which I share your horror, the homebirth site has some info about foetal positioning (bear with me, this is relevant), and it says that an outy belly button is an indicator that the baby is in a good position:

When the baby is anterior, the back feels hard and smooth and rounded on one side of your tummy, and you will normally feel kicks under your ribs. Your belly button (umbilicus) will normally poke out, and the area around it will feel firm. When the baby is posterior, your tummy may look flatter and feel more squashy, and you may feel arms and legs towards the front, and kicks on the front towards the middle of your tummy. The area around your belly button may dip in to a concave, saucer-like shape.

So it's not all bad.

And finally (promise), GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW LondonLivvy. Will you have to change your username if you are moving out of London?

Hmm surreylivvy doesn't alliterate quite as well though, does it?!

Today is a new day...just been on a lovely walk round our village with DS whilst he picked all the blackberries, popping them in his mouth (and wiping his hands on his t-shirt, agh), declaring "naice" each time. Don't know where he's got that from but he sounds like Ali G. When he sees a van he points and exclaims "wain!!". I get fits of giggles thinking of naice wain. Mmmm

And just potentially had some rather excellent news. Even though I'm on a fixed term contract in my current job, my length of service with the NHS means that I am eligible for full occupational maternity pay - 8 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half + statutory, then 13 weeks statutory Reeesult! No wonder the NHS has no effing money. But it's going to save our bacon. 2nd babies may be cheaper, but I've done a spreadsheet to cost it all up and it ain't exactly free. Party time chez crazypaving! (note to self and all: I earn bugger all, it is the NHS after all)

Yomping & squid I also slept appallingly last night. If it's not physical discomfort, the baby fighting the position you're in, the heat or the noise, it's the whirring mind. I'm tired too. Sympathy.

bella thank you for the hug, have one back!! My main consolation on my non-work days is that I can nap when DS does - speaking of which, I'm going to get my head down in a min.

lisbeth yesterday DS was pointing at the fruit bowl after supper saying "happol?" So I'd offer an apple and he'd throw himself on the floor wailing "noooooo!!! Pear!!" So I'd offer a pear...."noooooooo!!! Happol??" and repeat, ad infinitum. I finally gave up, put my hands on my head and exclaimed that I had no idea what he wanted. He thought this was hilarious and proceeded to fall about laughing. We compromised with some mango. But I swear all toddlers are bipolar.

wantanorange it sounds like your landlady is gearing up to be a prize twat over the deposit. Maybe try to get the agency on-side with lots of contact, describing the kind of thing that's happened? I don't know if that will help but it's got to be worth a try.

Jo that's an interesting bit about SPD and labour. I didn't get the benefits, dammit - pushed for over an hour - and had ongoing SPD after birth - worse in fact. I'm expecting to get this baby out with a gentle sneeze! Vair realistic But it's nice to know there can be upsides to SPD for some people.

Oh my god, fuck fuck fuck, I am mortified.
I?m a PA so I manage a someone?s diary in Microsoft Outlook. In my own Outlook calendar I put all my work stuff, but also personal appointments as well as reminders like when to pack my hospital bag or when I should buy certain things or start particular exercises.
I?m a list-maker! I write everything down with a due date! It?s how I work! Sometimes stuff has to go in both our diaries- I?m a very organised PA.
Except on my 35 week day I accidentally put it in my bosses diary instead! He just asked the entire open plan office very loudly why it said in his calendar to ?Start perineal massage? on the 21st September!
I may see the funny side at some point, but right now I wish I was dead.

Hope you dont mind me saying but i just laughed so loud reading your post, i just had a braxton hicks contraction.
So sorry for you but my god that is funny

I know... it would just be funnier if it had happened to someone else!!!

Oh no londonmrs!! OMG

Hope you manage to live it down!

ROFL, that is brilliant. I have had some clangers at work and it is always mortifying but you will see the funny side eventually.

Contacted my local hospital to ask for copies of their policies on labour, birth, induction and intervention. They have responded with instructions on how to request access to my health records. FFS. This is the third correspondance with them where they have got it wrong. Out of 3 correspondances. I'm meant to trust people who work at this place to help me in an emergency?

Oh no Londonmrs, but that's hilarious! Of all the things it could have been, like "order car seat" etc, it had to be "start perineal massage"!!

I am also sympathising with everyone with hip pain . I don't have it, but it sounds awful. And, after reading your info yomping, I'm now worrying that I'm going to have a long and painful second stage! Maybe I have no pain because nothing is softening or doing what it should.

Good luck with the move tomorrow londonlivvy, so excited for you! We moved back in April to quite a different place, and it's really improved our quality of life. A bit daunting at first, but soon got used to it. Hope it all goes well.

Wantan I've rented a fair bit, and I'm pretty sure they have to allow for general wear and tear depending on how long you've been there. And I think the upkeep of the actual building has to be the owner's responsibility (not based on any legal knowledge, I'm afraid). If she does retain an unfair amount, do fight her on it though, as in my experience lots of landlords try their luck, counting on tenants not wanting a battle, but soon back down when questioned. We've negotiated a few times.

Hats off to those of you with kids already, I don't know how I'd do this if I couldn't be totally selfish! Crazy, have you read the "Cutted-up-pear" thread on here? Was very funny, and sounds very similar to your situation today with your DS.

You'll be fine Squid! Lack of sleep makes everything look shitty and more difficult. Wish I had a magical sleep solution for you.

Right, off to make dinner for me. Must try and get an early night as I'm in the middle of Hell Week no.2 and am knackered already. On the plus side, the pushchair is being delivered this week, got the car seat the other day and have some kind of antenatal class on Saturday (asked DH what it covered and he said "washing the baby"). It's all go on the baby front!

Oh and 30 weeks today - feels like a bit of a milestone!