Due in October 2012 Part 6 - Third Trimester Trials and Tribulations

[YompingJo]

Shiny new thread!

Ready?
Steady?
Go!

Just joining thread, relative newbie to mumsnet; just finding my feet, due October 7th, been a rough ride so far, due to downs diagnosis and a digestive system issue that will need an op fairly soon agter birth. Very positive about the future though

ps. 2nd/3rd/etc-time mums, at what stage do you need to pack a hospital bag?

Ah holy moly - what a mixed up day.

A couple of pages back I mentioned to yomping that I'd just that morning written to a friend in Australia (home) who'd pulled back from me. Well, I know what's going on now - unbeknownst to me, she's been TTC for 18 months. The only result so far: one miscarriage... the week before DH and I announced.

Awful. But I'm so glad I mentioned something, albeit months too late - now I know what's going on, I know it's not 'me'.

And the poor woman even had to admit to feeling envy. Who does and who does not conceive easily is such an arbitrary thing, and envy has such a stigma on it, it just made me sadder for her. Poor her. There's bugger all I can do for her, though, I just wish I could help... But I can't. Fertility problems have so much powerlessness with them.

Today is the 7th anniversary of the day my sister, then 21, was hit by the car. It's not the day she died, that isn't for another three weeks. I think this is the least-bad anniversary I've had yet. Partly it's the passage of time, but partly, I think, there's something about bringing in new life that reconciles you to death.

I wish the me from this day last year/year before/year before/so on knew that eventually, this day would be a peaceful one.

Hi freshfruitsalad! welcome to the club, make yourself at home! (We do! )

Hi freshfruit! Welcome. We moan a lot on this thread, but we give eachother a lot of valuable support too.
Plankton how sad about your friend, it's so difficult as you want to be supportive. I have a similar situation- I mentioned a few weeks back that I have a really close friend who had been trying to conceive for months. She was told it would never happen due to severe endometriosis, and yet she still managed to be thrilled for me when I got pregnant on month number 1 of trying. A few weeks ago, she told me she was pregnant- I was so happy for her. A week later, she miscarried at 6 weeks. I haven't really heard from her since, other than that email to tell me it had happened. I'm sending her frequent messages of love and support without asking any questions, but otherwise I think I have to accept that although I want to be the friend that supports her, perhaps I am just not the person she wants around her right now, and I shouldn't take it personally- as long as she knows I'm here to talk as soon as she is ready, I think I just have to avoid rushing her. It's hard though as she is one of my closest friends, and my only friend who is at a similar 'thinking-about-having-babies-etc' stage in life.
Sorry to hear about your sister too, Plankton- what an awful and unfair thing to happen, and glad to hear you are managing to take a philosophical approach now.
Squid, I've read it's good to have bag packed by about 35 weeks, but I may get an 'essentials' bag together a little earlier than that.

God, I just read back my last message and I think I sounded like I was feeling sorry for myself because of my friend's situation! Terrible- didn't mean that at all, it's about her, not me. Gulp.

London, I think it would be natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself as well, in that situation. When we got pg and had to tell our friends who had been ttc for years, one of the things that made us sad was the fact that we couldn't share the highs and lows with them as it wouldn't be fair to them. When they said they had been having ivf and were 12 weeks pg, one of the emotions we definitely felt was relief at finally being able to share the journey with them, our best 'couple friends'. Obviously we felt lots of things for them, both when they couldn't get pg and when they said they finally were, but these was a definite element of some of our feelings being about us too. I think that's something that (as women) we're terrible at - thinking that when someone has a bad situation, we are not allowed to empathise in any way that sounds as if we might feel a bit sorry for ourselves too. We're all allowed to be sad about stuff - it makes the happy times happier! And it's never really simply all about one person.

Plankton, so sorry about your sister - it might help to find a quiet place and time and, in your head, go back and talk to the you from last year, the year before, etc, and tell her it will all be OK. That sort of visualisation can be a powerful thing, and very healing [I sound like a total hippy]. I did it with a memory of 10-year-old me, who has never understood why when she couldn't throw a frisbee properly, her DF shouted and screamed at her in the park rather than saying it didn't matter. This single incident is the root of a lot of my high expectations of myself and my need to be able to do everything perfectly, and I felt like it was driving me in bad ways, so I went back into the memory and looked after her, gave her a hug, was there for her when he laid into her. And it sounds crazy, but it made a difference, and now when I relive that memory, I am there too, as an adult - not intervening, but just quietly telling her she is going to be OK and that I love her and that she IS good enough, he just can't see it yet. Feel free to ignore but if might just be helpful

Also sorry about your friend - at least you know why now but yeah, it's bad when there's nothing you can do. She probably feels better just for telling you though. Could you send a card just to say you're glad you spoke and you're there for her if she wants you to be?

Lol, Yomping's advice for every situation: send a card .

Evening all,

Well this board moves so bloody fast and I am so bloody tired I am not sure if I can even begin to keep up but I will try:

Squid Bags packed - I didn't even think about it until the day the consultant said 'MidgetM we are inducing you tomorrow (36 +6). Then I was like , blimey best pack. Think just having an idea of what you are taking is a good start as it would be a rare first labour that your didn't have time to just chuck it all in a bag. However, as you can tell, I have a very lackadaisical attitude to these things. My friend has a very funny story of her huge hospital bag, never touched a thing in it but spent literally weeks sourcing everything. She actually ended up laughing hysterically about how pointless it was half way through her labour. The story always makes me smile when I think of her mid labour having a laughing fit. As long as you have pj's. pants, pads, ear plugs and some snacks everything else is pretty unimportant really.

Smorgs I also saw the piece in the Times yesterday about working into the 9th month. Made me feel a bit . I have a risk of IUGR anyway becasue of my history (a midwife asked me if I had smoked when I had just had DD - I was bloody furious), but I have no choice but to keep working as I am the breadwinner. Luckily I will have regular growth scans so I can revisit my decision if it seems to have an adverse effect on the baby. My body may very well give up by then anyway.

Planktonette sending you a , good to see you are in a better place, I know it is cheesy but time is a great healer and as crazy as these pregnancy hormones can be sometimes they can also help bring a real sense of peace.

Freshfruitsalad Welcome to our board - I like the sound of you already - you are very welcome to lurk or post - whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

Elpis You sound much like me with your birthing decisions. I had a pretty rough time of it with DD1 - sorry first timers please don't read on if it will freak you out - I know you don't like to hear about these things but to be honest I wish I was more prepared. It has rather made me dread it all, not the labour itself but the possible induction and hospital stay - which is almost certainly going to happen. I have been offered a CS if I want one. There is virtually zero chance of me going to term and into labour naturally at home, which is my Number 1 choice and if I can't do that then CS seemed a very attractive option. I swing from sod it - VB to sod it CS, on pretty much a daily basis. I want to avoid the long stay I had in hospital last time (2 weeks) at any cost. It very nearly stopped me breastfeeding and I was very lucky to have such support to get it established - I would not have wanted to miss that for the world. Such a tricky business - I never had any of this with my first, it is doing my head in! I am trying to not make any decisions until nearer the time.

Mickey Happy Birthday and what a huge bummer about the Olympics - had you got into the park believe me you would have been treated like royalty that doesn't help really does it. Hope you are enjoying keeping your eyes open for your party.

Yomping or You bloody hippy as I will now affectionately call you - glad you had a good time at the wedding. Doing things we dread often turns out so much better than expected. Well done for dancing. I find it hard to get my groove on with a bump. I am shit at spacial awareness at the best of time so I belly slap people far too often even when not dancing.

lisbethsopposite I am with you on the tone of things being different. I am still exercising no where near as much but still but muscle tone seems worse, more squidgy. Some days I am fine with this but some times it really gets me down. I was at your comment about DH leaving if you go back to work. My DH must be thinking that as I am a real cranky cow keeping up with my exhaustion and a really busy work schedule.

Bella I am also trying to spend as much time with DC1 as possible. Seems strange that 3 will soon become 4 and I am really enjoying our time together before things all change and before I am too fat and grumpy to play with her

Angelico how was the scan? I was adamant I would have one earlier on in the pregnancy. I think in a weird way I want reassuring that the baby is cute. DD is so gorgeous I find it hard to imagine I could be lucky enough to have 2 like that. mental I know. As I am so worried about surviving on mat pay though I have resisted the cost of one and persuaded myself that they may look a bit freaky anyway, so really interested if you enjoyed it. can you pretend you didn't so I don't get tempted to splash out? Most people seem to, just some of the pictures you see on line are a bit alien. Although I often think scans are a bit alien in old fashioned 2D. I have my 28 week scan on Thursday so at least I get another sneaky peep. I wore your swimming costume again today - so it really is getting a good run out. I would very much be Borat by now if I have kept my old one as my bump is massive.

I was supposed to be catching a spot of Olympics today but can't be arsed. Too tired after swimming with DD. Hope I can rustle up the energy for the rest of the events I have this week as mens gymnastics (I may with all those athletes in lycra) or I may just perv them and athletics lay in wait for me. The week after I have even more, I think I may have over estimated my energy levels - going to sell tickets for where I have 2 events in one day as not sure I can face the whole multi site, dragging self around business but still hoping to make the majority of them. Watched some diving with DD instead - she wants to take up synchronised diving now - which is pretty impressive for a 4 year old, prior to this the most ambition she has shown is being a 'horse feeder'. Not that there is anything wrong with being a horse feeder mind - just not sure it is a full time occupation.

I am currently plagued by nosebleeds, very frequent and last night it didn't stop for an hour and a half. Everything I read said go to A&E if they go on that long but that just seemed silly so I just sat up for hours holding my nose. End result is I am shattered today from lack of sleep and feeling a bit peaky. Wish they would stop - they are a nuisance. Right best go and be a decent mother rather than let Ben and Holly do the childminding for me.

Hi all, just back home and as ever the board has moved on a thousand messages! Thanks for good wishes about scan - being honest it was a bit disappointing simply because the bean was being an uncoperative monkey! :o Ended up grudgingly proud of her tenacity in lying awkwardly with the cord over her face in spite of me a) walking b) rocking backwards and forwards c) downing a can of Coke d) crawling on hands and knees. Ran out of ideas at this point Basically think you are better to go at 28 weeks or before because I am 30 weeks and baby is measuring a couple of weeks big, had head down in pelvis, nose close to placenta and cord across face (which gave her a delightfully 'bubbly' appearance). They said she was unlikely to do any somersaults at this stage. So honest verdict Beccus was - she was somewhere between human and alien :o Will try and upload some photos on MN profile.

Huffle so glad you are getting there - the stairs is a big thing! :o Still waiting for ours, plus tiling, woodwork, last of painting, bathroom stuff to go up and kitchen in - all hopefully happening in the next fortnight. You'll reach a certain point and it suddenly starts galloping towards a conclusion :o We got our scan in Belfast so if you want details PM me :)

WantanOrange sorry about your friend's DH :( Really don't know what to say to news like that, it's just so sad :(

Smorgs - gah, zuts alors!!! Is there anyone willing to defy the wrath of the council? Or are there any burly teenage guys living near you who might be bribed to move stuff for a few Euro?

Lisbeth like me you've been on the board for a while now and from reading your posts I think you have quite a direct style. I'm assuming that you were intending to be humourously blunt as opposed to nasty in your post. To answer your question, yes I am a nice person in RL :) The friend in question has been one of my best friends for 20 years and so after my vent she vented about her stuff, then we both sniggered and gossiped for another hour. Which was great because it perked me up. I'm shattered, the house stuff is like a full time job and the book isn't finished but needs edited and the next one mostly written pre-baby. Unfortunately the house stuff has eaten into editing time which would be fine with my usual demonic energy but the bean is currently sucking me dry You sound like you're feeling rough at the minute so sending some If it's any consolation think we're all having periods like that at the minute.

Bella that is so cute about the Buzz Lightyear stuff :) There is nothing cuter than a little boy sleeping holding favourite toy - 4 year old nephew is like that with 'Dog' his favourite. He is also awaiting birth of new brother (2 weeks!) and is getting really excited now it's so close - so hopefully your DS will get excited too! And thanks for your understanding :)

mickey that is a bugger about the ticket and the hobbling off into London :( I'm sure your friend felt awful and it was a genuine mistake but tbh in her shoes I would probably offer to refund the ticket price to you. Sending a serious bunch of for the SPD - it must be agony :(

Planktonette thank you for your kindness On the Quinny thing my SIL swears by hers with Maxicosi carseat for general zipping round - they are very light and easy to use apparently, great for busy streets and shopping centres (shopping is her sport :o) She recommended it to us but we are getting a freebie similar one, otherwise we would have gone for it.

Yomping so glad you went to the hoolie, soooooo glad you enjoyed it and it's lovely that your friend made you feel so special :) It's lovely when people actually make a point of saying, "You're great! You really helped me!" (It's making me think about who I need to say that to actually!)

Squid hurrah for good food, good wine and good waitresses who encourage you to drink vino :o Enjoy making your plans, you are well and truly ready for a break!

Elpis think I am still in total denial about the whole birth thing :) I'm having an ELCS too. Not sure what the reasons behind yours are (is it MS related?) but from what I've heard about CS would never see it as wimping out - short term gain of no labour but longer term pain of healing. In my case that's weighed against the MUCH longer term pain of bad tearing and potential consequences but that's due to medical history - so you need to look at your own circumstances and make the right decision for you :)

Freshfruit welcome :) You will find support here so come and jump in - not long to go now! :)

Planktonette sorry to hear about your friend - can understand about her pulling away a bit to get some head space but hopefully your friendship will survive it and come out the other side. One of my best friends is ttc, having treatment etc but she has been amazing. It felt weird at first talking about pregnancy stuff to her but she is genuinely interested - just as I am interested in the ups and downs of her treatment. If she's a good friend your friendship will thrive longer term - it might change a bit but maybe in a good, honest, intimate way. And sorry also to hear about your sister

London ditto the above really

Midget glad you are rocking the swimsuit :) And :o at 'horse feeder' as a job - wouldn't it be brilliant if we could make a career doing something so random and delightful?! :o On the nosebleeds prob worth ringing GP / out of hours doc if they don't go away in case you need iron or something :(

Wow, MEGA POST!!! Better go grab some toast and ready myself for another day in the renovation moshpit - tomorrow it's checking tilers & painters, meeting a letting agent, driving round the country picking lights - and happily meeting friend for lunch as an antidote to the house stuff!

Sleep tight ladies! x

Angelico sorry to hear you were disappointed with your scan! Sounds like you've got a little camera shy baby! Well, not long til you see her in real life anyway... I suppose those scans can always be a bit hit and miss.

Um... so... I think I might be getting slightly incontinent. I just did a big sneeze and a teeny bit of wee came out. Annoying because I do pelvic floor exercises RELIGIOUSLY every day, and did them with yoga long before getting preggers. Think baby might be sitting on my bladder. Anything I can do other than get some tena lady in?

London if you are there could you do an experimental click on my username to see if you can see a photo of the bean?

(and if it makes you feel any better that happened to me a few weeks ago when the bean kicked my full bladder - thoughtful eh? ) :o

Can't click your name- it doesn't show that tiny hand thing that says it links to anything!

Hi all joining thread again glad to see everyone survived the hot weather last week!

Thanks! Think I had forgotten to make profile public Luddite that I am

Have sneaked off away from what I should be doing. Trying to clutter clear which I hate - totally sentimental over cards etc, disorganised with paper, hoard everything. Any of you majorly organised types got any tips for getting rid of almost everything?!

Hi everyone and goodness you've been busy. Away two days and feel like I've missed half of sixth form. :-)

A good weekend and lovely to see one of my old uni friends. My goddaughter was charming on occasion and irritating on others... I have some patience to develop, clearly. also came home to a scene of kitchen massacre... The cat had killed and eaten a bird and left feathers, guts and blood everywhere. Shudder. DF is away this week so I had to deal with it. Horrid. Horrid. Horrid.

Health-wise I was a bit mixed. Have had diarhorrea all weekend. And had terrible congestion on fri night and felt like I couldn't breathe (possibly allergic reaction to swimming that day?). So not feeling as recuperated as would have hoped after a weekend away. Ah well. Considerably more restful than yours mickey though so shouldn't moan. Hope your SPD has subsided a bit now? Or does it not work out like that? squid is your mojo returning now? Hope so.

londonmrs sorry to say that I've had the same problem.

Sorry to those I've missed. I dd read on the train last night and love hearing you all. Must get off to work now.

37, 26+4,#1

Thanks for the messages about my friend. Squid you are right about it feeling 'wrong'. They are supposed to be at the begining, not the end. They only got married 2 years ago and have a 3 year old DS. I'm glad he got to do those things though.

I have midwife appointment today and think it's a new one. I know they are having a change around, just hoping she's as nice as my last midwife and as supportive about Home Births. Bit nervous because I know I'm having blood taken, which I loathe, but looking forward to hearing the heartbeat and finding out which way up she is. I'm 29 weeks now and have noticed she has been a lot more active this week and lot more forceful with her kicks. You can see it from across the room now!

London that happens to me all the time now! Bloody kids! I cannot sneeze in public and most definately cannot got on trampolines! I'm npt that good at pelvic floor exercises though. I have a pregnancy yoga DVD that includes them and the plan was to do it every day. I've done it twice .

Freshfruitsalad Hello!

Angelico I am married to one of you! It's infuriating as I am a total minimalist, I feel nothing sentimental for stuff whatsoever. DH keeps everything just incase and bit my head off the other day when I suggested we sort out our books (after the bookcase collapsed under the weight and we both have brand new Kindles).

Sorry. No energy to catch up properly. :-( But off today so hopefully catch myself on! V angry with DH this morn, not going to waste energy on divulging.

Angelico I too need clearing!!!! Keep walking round this house wondering how the heck I am going to pack all the crap and where to put in new house. Might just throw the whole bloody lot out! I def live on the hoarder side of fence but wish desperately to be a minimalist organised queen!!!

Im 21 today.... And i feel like an old woman!!!! Something tells me i will be changing my maternity leave date after all...... Have been thoroughly spoilt this morning, breakfast in bed and a beauitful necklace that has my birthstone surrounded by DPs birthstone.. bless.

will have a proper rea and catch up later, have a good day everyone!!!

Oh my god Mickey, you are going to provoke so much fury by saying you feel old at 21! But (through gritted teeth) HAPPY 21ST! Your fella sounds lovely!
*Angelico, I tend to be a hoarder (mainly because I'm a bit lazy rather than sentimental) but I periodically do a big clean out simply because our flat isn't big enough to accumulate too much. I tend to just be harsh- like if I haven't worn clothes in a year, they get binned or given to charity. My hubby tends to save weird bits of old equipment and batteries and cables that we'll never need, and he always takes some convincing that he probably isn't going to invent something with them.
Oh, and your 4D photo is cute! I usually find the 4D scan photos a bit scary and alien, but you can see your bubba's face really clearly! She looks really cute and sleepy.

Happy Birthday Mickey !!!!!!! 21.... Sweet lord.... Old? I will be 35 in a couple of weeks and with DC one on way , job stresses and House problems I feel at least 65! You are most certainly not old! Enjoy that you will be a young lovely lively mummy! Hope u continue to get spoiled all day, lovely fella indeed! Closest I could get to birthday anything!! X

Morning :) Trying to get psyched up here to shower, eat, get dressed and drive halfway across the country to look at lights. So instead I ended up here, supposedly printing out a google map of how to get to light shop... :o

Livvy sorry you felt rubbish during the great escape - and when you returned to dismembered bird :( On the goddaughter front I am assured by friends just as unmaternal as me that your own child will be PFB while other people's are a mere irritant

WantanOrange - good luck with new MW, hope she's lovely! Allow me to apologise on behalf of your DH - we can't help it, we're just wired that way And for some reasons books are especially hard to part with - was roundly mocked by DH and my dad yesterday when I emptied two 7 foot bookcases and managed to part with only 5 books Must get ruthless!

Huffle and London comforting to know I'm not the only hoarder! :) Huffle like you I aspire to be some queen of minimalism - but I'm not. I ordered that Fly Lady book on Amazon last night and another clutter clearing one as it's time to get tough Of course you can see how my typical MO works - "I shall buy a book about clutter clearing and then I shall clear all the things!" Except I read the book, feel better about having done something, have a nice cup of tea and add book to ridiculous bookcases bursting with books. Even I can figure out where I'm going wrong

London thanks about photo :) Have to be honest - that's the only one where she really does look totally cute - the rest are more distorted and kind of "she's half cute and half troll-like"

Mickey - Happy Birthday! :o Have some and a in the absence of cake - hope you have a lovely day! :)

Right, can procrastinate no more, toaster has popped - enjoy the sunshine all! x

Mickey Happy Birthday - are you the youngest mum on here? (From probably the oldest ). 21 is a big one, I remember mine. DP sounds great.

Squidkid I packed my bag after my waters broke with DS. It took a minute.
Tip - Primark/similar undies are cheaper than disposables, and they are handy for the first week.
Also dark trackie bottoms or PJs can help with your dignity.

I had the same midwife which was good and a student midwife who was very nice. Is anyone else rhesus negative? I've just had blood taken and Anti D. DS said I was not brave .

Happy birthday Mickey!

Squid I've had my bag packed for a few weeks now but then I'm nuerotic I like to be organised.

Happy Birthday Mickey, lol at you feeling old. If I had had a child at the age you are now, they would now be 16 . I feel a bit behind the times!

Angelico and other hoarders, I am a total minimalist - but it's not all it's cracked up to be - I beat myself up about not being sentimental about cards and stuff (I know, right, me, beating myself up about something - almost unbelievable ), and then days/weeks/months or even years after I have thrown something away I wish I hadn't. I tend to take the tack that if it hasn't been used or provided happiness for a year then it goes. If it is worth money then I sell it (if I can be bothered)( otherwise it gets offered on Freecycle, then taken to a charity shop or binned if no-one wants it. But I am a bit of a compulsive buyer at the same time so my place isn't as tidy and organised as you'd think. Current obsession = pregnancy and baby books. And the scan pic is cute - sometimes 3D or 4D scan pics can look a little freaky but yours looks sweet.

LondonMrs, your husband needs a Also, I'm with you on the incontinence - although with me it's not wee but an overabundance of discharge . Sometimes, a bit just comes out then I've got a soggy patch . It's not happening so much now I've broken up so it may have been stress related, but I resorted to very thin liners which at least meant that knickers stayed drier. Always Dailies are good - very thin, so not uncomfortable.

Midget, I'll take some of the Ben & Jerrys off your hands.

I'm off to Centre Parks this afternoon for a week - before you get too jealous, I'm having to be dragged there kicking and screaming. DH and I are going with his 2 smoking parents, smoking DS and DBIL who have 2 young children and are total pikeys who claim benefits, borrow money from parents to pay off loans and still go out and replace their existing blu-ray dvd player with a new, top of the range one on credit, FFS. DH's DB and DSIL are going, and they are nice (although she is one of the laziest people I think I've ever met and constantly tells her hubby to go and get things, sort the DCs out, etc, whilst sitting on the sofa and going on about how she can't work out why she can't lose weight ), and they have five kids between ages of 1 and 13. This is my school holiday, I don't want to be around other people's kids! (I hear you, Angelico and Livvy on other people's kids). I can't afford to book any activities, can't do the ones I'd want to do anyway (the exciting ones), don't want to be seen in a swimsuit at the moment (and don't want to be around manic children in a crowded swimming pool anyway as feel a bit vulnerable with bump and all), and don't want the mum to be massage which they wanted to book me in for - the thought of someone who isn't DH touching me, and the bump, at the moment is all wrong. Gah. I know, I know, I'm feeding the dark dog. It'll be restful, I'm sure, it's just that I could rest at home without the smell of smoke and the pikey relatives and all the kids!

So I'll be maintaining radio silence for a week [cue mass sigh of relief from everyone else on the board, at the news of a break from lengthy angsty posts from Yomping !] and will look forward to catching up with everyone's news at the weekend. Have a good week, all you lovely people.

Back to work tomorrow. Have got back to work interview along with workload assessment and h&s risk assessment.

Not been sleeping well. Trying to stay occupied with housework/cleaning etc to keep my mind off things for the day.

Hope everyone else is well

32, 27+1, #1