We will have a serene, pain free, uneventful pregnancy and birth and will BROOK NO ARGUMENT on that.

[scarletfingernail]

New thread.

oh- something went wrong with the bold in my last post...... ooops!

Thanks for the extra comments, and I'm glad your DD had a good night Dream!! Hopefully this signals the end of the crazy-sleep period!

Biscuits I'm still downstairs and will be for some time. I did crawl upstairs a couple of days ago to help decorate the nursery but even that one trip up there was enough to swiftly remind me of why I had to relocate downstairs!

I guess one thing I'm struggling with at the moment, and it's completely pointless for me to do so because there's nothing I can do to change it, but I just feel so resentful that as a profession as a whole doctors don't seem to take labour pain very seriously. I really feel it's hugely unfair that with all the medical advances out there, there's still this attitude that pain is just an expected part of childbirth and to a greater or lesser degree you just have to suck it up. This whole attitude strikes me as archaic! (Please note, I'm not talking about limiting choice - anyone who wants to give birth without medical intervention should be able to, I'm saying there should be more options/support for people who DON'T want to go through pain as a part of the process). If it was more of a priority I'm certain the medical profession could easily find (from the existing raft of pain-killing medicine) something which would be suitable to be taken during the early stages of labour to eliminate pain, and there should be more options available when you're in established labour (not just - well if the epidural doesn't work you can get plastered on mind-altering drugs like pethidine or you can suck it up). There is literally no way to achieve a pain-free birth and I think that's a travesty at this stage of human development! Moreover I don't think anyone is even trying to find a way to achieve pain-free birth. There's this whole "rite of passage" attitude to it, as if becoming a mother isn't a big deal unless you've gone through excruciating torment to get there! ARGH!!! I just feel so wound up about it! All this pain they make you go through! If one more person tells me my body is "designed" to give birth I'm going to smack them! We've created life-saving surgeries and amazing drugs to give people with difficult conditions the best possible quality of life, but for no apparent reason this is the one area where we're supposed to just rely solely on the natural process!?!

Sorry for the rant, I think I'm going through a grief process with the whole vb thing Yesterday was fear. Today is anger. Tomorrow, who knows?

Wow, sorry, I really didn't set out to write such a long or negative post. I was actually thinking happy thoughts from all your lovely posts beforehand, and suddenly I got all stressed again. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to drag the tone down - all your stories are so uplifting.

I am angry, but unless I want to retrain as a doctor there's nothing I can do about it so I have to find a way to accept the current situation as it is, and work within it find the least-painful outcome. Mostly I'm just terrified because so far I would consider myself lucky, I've never been in the kind of pain that labour causes. It's causing me to freakout a little, I can't imagine anything worse than what I'm going through right now! However I'll get over it, and just suck it up the way all women are supposed too. Sigh.

Biscuits, so lovely your DH comes to all your appointments! DH works too much to have that option sadly, but I think he really enjoyed coming today and getting to hear the heartbeat :) All went well at the appointment, measuring

I'll try the ankle rotations - thanks for the suggestion. Mine's caused in the same way - pointing toes while stretching I think. I normally catch myself doing it and can correct it, but the bout I gave myself on Wednesday I woke up with, and still hasn't gone away .

Dream, will try the stretches too, though no luck with them so far! scarlet, sadly I'm on a banana a day as it is (only because I'm not a huge fruit fan, but like bananas!), and it hasn't helped :( I will definitely keep it up though, just in case it is helping and it would get worse without them!

Scream, I can understand your anger - and it must be even worse because of the SPD pain. The worry about that with regard to labour and birth is probably making you so much more anxious and worried than you would be anyway. I take it your independent midwife will be with you for the birth? Have you vented all this out to her? If so, can't she be your advocate in hospital and fight your corner if the pain's getting too much etc? I've heard that's one of the advantages of having an independent midwife... I suppose the labour team will be thinking that their priority is to get the baby out via whatever means possible (i.e. instruments, if you have an epi and if need be) - and may need more of a push to realise how problematic your SPD really is?

Purple, I hope you're feeling better... let us know if you went to see anyone in the end.

hawthers, brooking no argument for you.

Thanks for everyone's lovely stories too :) I'm lucky that I'm not worrying about the birth (yet... I'm sure in 10 weeks time I'll feel differently), but all those lovely little things are giving me even more to look forward to :)

Too, your words were particularly beautiful, and made me cry too.

Just been out for a lovely lunch with DH - wish I had the opportunity to work from home more often! - and off to view a house in a few minutes. I should probably get a bit more work done though... hmm...

Oooh house hunting - how exciting musical. Do I remember right that you're in rented at the moment? Are you hoping to get somewhere before the birth?

Scream I can totally understand how anxious you must be about the birth. And the fact that you are in so much pain must be a constant reminder - so no doubt you spend an awful lot of time mulling it over. And I think you're probably on to something that you are going through a grief like process re the vb. I know I am quite scared of it but you have so many competing things, with the sciatica and SPD that all go in opposite directions for the birth iyswim. You know, the thing that helps one problem, might hinder another aspect. Of course you know all this I think!

But I don't think it's unreasonable at all that you're having a tough time getting your head round it all.

The good news as I see it is that you have your lovely mw who is 100% on your team. And you know that you can trust her to balance the needs of your baby and your needs re the pain relief. Plus she's seen you before labour so she genuinely knows how much pain your SPD is causing so she really does have all the facts. And she'll be there all the time for you, not potentially dealing with several labouring women. I really think the mw is the best thing you could have done.

And as musical says you can talk this all out with her beforehand when you're not in the middle of labour so you all know what the plan is.

Have you spoken to your mw since the appt to sort of 'debrief' it all?

Can I just say something slightly mushy off topic too? I am pretty nervous about the birth and getting to grips with a baby again, but I have to say I find it less daunting knowing that I have you lovely ladies here and that we can sort of go through it together. Sorry if that sounds odd / freaky / cyber-stalker-ish .......

Argh phone keeps eating post. For the third time...

Ds2 not gaining enough weight. He gained 250g over 5 days and then only 20g over 10 days. Am ebf which I never managed to do with ds1 but its clearly not working. Mw already talking about topping up with formula which I find totally depressing and I'm getting so wound up about it all. I feel so upset that I'm be worrying about ds2's weight again particularly due to ds1's severe iugr. Just totally in despair

Oh Hawthers you poor thing .

Would it perhaps be worth talking to the NCT bf line, or La Leche League, or even an independent lactation consultant to see if there is anything else they can suggest? They might have more suggestions to make sure you've tried everything for ebf, whereas maybe the community MWs are more hooked on looking at their growth charts and perhaps not factoring in your desire to continue to ebf?

For what it's worth though, two of my friends who had babies last summer were in a similar position (ie ebf but not 'enough' weight gain). One was actually hospitalised eventually. But both of them eventually went to mixed feeding and have found it to really take the pressure off. They were both very worried about not wanting to give up the exclusive bit of the bf, but once they'd got used to it both have said how they are pleased they switched to mixed feeding, and both are still bf now and topping up. And both babies must be approaching 7/8 mths? Both are on solids now for sure.

Try not to beat yourself up if you do need to top up (easier said than done - I recall having a total melt down when a HV suggested I top up DS). But if you can continue bf you might find if you did have to top up for. While that you could then go back to ebf? I don't really know if that works but maybe?

I know it is such an emotive and emotional topic though, and makes your hormones all of a flutter so I can understand how it seems so hard at the moment.

Sending some lovely hugs and G&B dark chocolate (for milk supply ) your way xxx

Thanks biscuits I can tell anyone rose all this but can't be rational myself.

I just feel such a failure. Which I do know is stupid.

Private lactatiin adv coming tom am.

Trying to keep my chin up

Well I can tell you you're not a failure Hawthers! For sure! You're doing an awesome job and I'm in awe of the way you're coping with everything.

Hope the lactation person comes up with some good suggestions tomorrow. You see the fact that you've already arranged all that just shows that you've got it all in hand and you're doing all the right things.

You'll get to the best answer in the end and when you get there you'll know you've been thorough and therefore it is the best answer (whatever that might be).

Just one more night and then your lactation person will be with you - keep plugging away my dear - we can get through this! We're brookers don't you know xx

too your words about your DD were really lovely and so very heartfelt

hawthers you poor thing. Is there a bf clinic/ cafe near you? Could they help? Or an nct bf counsellor or LLL counsellor as biscuits suggested? Have you posted on the breast and bottle boards on here? I appreciate you may not have very much time to do these things though!

scream I'm so sorry you feel so anxious about the whole thing but definitely your independant mw sounds brilliant in this respect. What does she suggest (in her experience) would be the best birthing options for you?

Just back from Ikea, had my meatball and gravy fix and bought this fabric in grey to make a ring sling. And ds actually requested to go and spend an hour in the creche/ play area bit so I got wander around for an hour on my own after we'd had lunch! now we're chilling in front of the tv for a bit.

x-posted with hawthers and biscuits!

Hi, I am still ill but haven't had any 'emissions' so haven't made any calls. I had Diarolyte for breakfast as I was so dehydrated from yesterday! Hopefully I am on the mend, it is the weekend so Dh will look after me. Means a lot that you have asked about me :)

Scream with drugs and labour it is all about striking a balance, most of the drugs have an effect on the baby and most pain relief full stop has side effects like hallucinations.etc I have had a hypnotherapy CD come in the post today and will probably get a TENS to help, but really it is such a short time in your life and for me I was almost in a different plane of existence where I would look at the clock and it would have been an hour, so it didn't feel like a really long time?

I can't think of a way to describe my love for DD but they are of your flesh and the thought of them not being here can take your breath away! And a little thing can bring tears to your eyes as they are so beautiful to you and all they do. And so funny!

Hawthers Farley has put one weight though! Not lost and not static! That is really great and shows it is definitely working! Now breast milk is higher in calories than formula so try and offer him more boob, and if you want to top up expressed milk would be preferable.
I could offer more advice but it isn't really appropriate online so please find some local BF support, most HVs and GPs know hardly anything in terms of bf and a peer supporter will have had more training! Here is a link to find local support
I am quite mad on your behalf, them putting pressure on you like that, so unfair, you are doing a great job. :)

Biscuits I was looking at some babies and I said I was quite nervous of going back to the tiny baby/non verbal stage and both mums 3rd and 4th timers said they had felt the same but it absolutely fine.

I can't remember what else I was going to say, so I will finish!

Biscuits, we are indeed house hunting! It's all made more complicated by my complex income (musicians are never simple ), but if we want to be able to get a mortgage we need to do so before maternity pay starts appearing on my payslips, so by mid April. If we can find somewhere in the next couple of months we'll go for it, and if not we'll stay renting for the foreseeable future.

Didn't think the house we went to look round today would be suitable for us, but actually it's very interesting (or would be with some amendments!). Definitely needs further thought..

Hawthers, you are definitely not a failure. I second Biscuit's thoughts - you've organised to see a lactation person, so you're doing all you can to help DS2.

We're all brooking for you - hope tonight is easier, and that the lactation specialist is helpful and lovely tomorrow.

Ninja, oooh lovely material! Are ring slings relatively easy to make then? Sounds tempting..

musical I have found a couple fo very good (and pretty simple) online tutorials so am going to give it a whirl. Will be ordering some rings later on tonight!

hawthers, my dd was EBF and has never had formula. She had reflux too, and dropped more than 2 centiles in the red book. Hv stressy about it but the bf supporter I saw said EBF babies don't gain weight 'steadily' like ff babies and don't worry. A different hv when i was v worried about it said just don't get her weighed- if she's content after a feed, wet nappies, dirty nappies etc then she's fine. So it depends on your ds2 but it may be a storm in a teacup? Dd was born 50th centile, went down to 17th ish and eventually back up to 50th but there was never a problem, she was growing fine, but as an EBF baby in growth spurts and slower periods. That may be no use, but you're seeing the right person tomorrow anyway. I hope she's helpful. This too shall pass and mixed feeding is no disaster!!

No time for more, dd tea calls, back later I hope

Glad you're on the mend purple, well, fingers crossed you are.

purple, glad you're better-ish - hope you continue to improve my dear.

Ninja that material looks gorgeous. Jealous of your clever-ness for making things

Now, I appreciate it's just a story but te nurse in fireman Sam gas just been called out because somebody or others baby had wind. What a waste of NHS resources . I wonder if I could ring the emergency doctor when we have a windy baby........

I have eaten far too much pasta. In fact I think I have actually eaten pasta most nights this week. I need to find a substitute.

Nowt wrong with that ninja - I think I might have had pasta every night too, including today! Sometimes I have it for lunch too

Sorry to make ppl cry . I made myself cry too when I read it back a couple of hours later. Everyone has said such lovely things about their children, it's so sweet!

Hawthers, Brooking here for you. Glad the lactation consultant is coming out to you tomorrow. I'm sure she'll be able to help. Purple's advice seems great too, hope you can take some comfort from it. You can do this!

Ninja, I had pasta last night and McDonald's today. Am I worst?

Pfft. Spoke too soon! I think I will stick to toast for a bit longer! I will ring and cancel my MW appointment tomorrow and I will probably speak to them about this, how long is too long to be ill? I have managed two slices of bread today, that has stayed down and I kept some cake down yesterday (weird!) and a slice of toast at about midnight. My fluids are much better today though.

Oh Purple

Glad you're keeping fluids down a bit though xx

Poor Purple. I'm not sure how long is too long, but they might want to keep an eye on you in case you got a bit dehydrated.

I meant to confess that I went a bit mad today and bought two Hot Milk nursing bras with matching pants and a pair of maternity Spanx. This cost £125! If I ladder the tights on the first wear I will be seriously cross. I now own a grand total of 4 nursing bras. Will this be enough? When my milk came in last time I had one nursing bra and a sports bra which still fit and I had to wash them practically every day because I soaked them regularly.