DECEMBER 2011 the final countdown (in honour of OI)

[kri5ty]

Sorry for the new thread and crap name but i needed to start one oi how are you doing good luck xxx

I have fallen off the face of MN for a week or so and have loadsss to catch up on! I have been busy doing coursework and seriously nesting!!

PGP is awful, to the point of making me cry, finally got a pyshio app, but not for another 2 weeks :( doesnt seem much point. OH continues not to even attempt a massage if i ask and rolls his eyes.

Been having really bad shooting pains that take my breath away, but seems as though baby is head down (and very low) im guessing its a nerve he is on.

Very strange and TMI... but earlier (when i went to the toilet) i could feel what felt like the head bulging on the outside, through my lady garden lol... freaked me out!!

Good luck oi !! Fingers crossed

tye glad you took the sick advice!!

Ditto kate re hormones - I cried lots to The Choir last night.
And just got in from a mini shopping trip, struggling with bags, and had a bit of a feel sorry for myself cry. Pathetic. Shall find something on the TV to watch and put my swollen feet up for the afternoon. Ridiculous!

ladies how do you know if your stomach muscles have split? Just wondering in case it is something else to look out for.

Im getting a bit worried about the whole BF thing, i think if it doesnt take and i have to stay in hospital until i does i'll just give up to get home and i dont want to. Will speak to the MW on tuesday for my 36wk appointment as also worried they still havent grown in the slightest and they werent big to begin with have it in my head they are too small to BF anyway. God the things you start worrying about!!

So...told my parents this morning on a Skype conference call about the home birth. As soon as I said the word "home..." mother shouted "NO!! NO NO NO!!!" and then hung up on me

I continued talking to my dad, who was also very concerned, asked questions for about half an hour and I think I talked him round to at least considering what I had to say. We got my mother back on the line and she gave me the full monty:

• you are unforgivably irresponsible
• go round the back of your grandmother's house - all those little gravestones are babies who were born at home
• infant mortality worldwide is going down not because of more home births but because of more hospital births
• the midwives have an agenda and they are using you as a pawn
• we will pay for a private hospital in London (90 min drive with traffic)
• this isn't your decision, it affects us all
• how could you possibly be far away from a neonatal unit, what if the baby dies, it will be your fault and a lifetime of regret

She is now asking which hospital in London is best (we would be a good hour's drive from any hospital in London) and refusing to come out on Friday when the midwife is coming to the flat with all the home birth stuff. I thought that would be a perfect opportunity for her to ask all the questions she might have and put her mind at rest. She is refusing. (Also refused to meet me for lunch )

Ugh ugh ugh. Total disaster!!!

just bought the final things for the hosp bag so will get that packed tonight.

also just got told off by DH as had my phone off and away from work for a longer lunch due to shopping and he couldn't get hold of me. he was worried that i'd fallen over or something - bless.

i'm all over that over emotional thing - will literally cry at anything which makes trying to remain professional at work a little tricky...

figgy there is no such thing as 'too small to breast feed'. The size difference between breasts is not due to differing amounts of alveoli (milk making tissue) but to different amounts of fatty tissue. You can discharge yourself if feeding is the only reason they are keeping you in, providing you know where to get support if you do run into problems you may be better off and more relaxed with feeding at home.

oh tyel what a nightmare. is there any chance she will calm down enough between now and friday to come and talk to mw?

at the end of the day it is your decision and if you don't want to have your baby in hospital then you shouldn't be pressurised into doing that by anyone (obv provided not a risky birth which clearly the MW doesn't think it is).

good luck and hope your DM manages to see things from your point of view

Oh NO tyel how distressing :( how very unfortunate that she is so unwilling to listen to you.

I hope you can have the strength to stick to your plan and do what YOU want to do, it's your baby and your life.

Thanks hawthers. I'm going to respond as civilly and fully as I can to all her questions and bite my tongue at the insults till Friday - if she doesn't show up for the MW visit to the flat on Friday then I will know she is really not interested in my point of view.

It's going to be hard though. She just sent me a text saying I was pigheaded, arrogant and showed a serious lack of maternal judgement

It's such a massive shame, at this time when I would most like her support, even if she doesn't agree with me or understand - and of course poor old DH is left picking up the pieces here and trying to make sure I'm not too stressed.

I cried when the birthdays came on cbeebies today, no idea why hormones must be off the chart. DS and I are having a quiet day at home to let me recover from this nasty cold, throat kills but hard trying not to talk too much with a 2yo ramblng on all day and wanting sensible replies.

Tyel - I wonder if parents sometimes forget we're not still kids, hope she'll come round in time but she needs to respect your decision.

Figgy - although I had problems bfing which led to me stopping at 2 months, I had no problems in hospital or the very early days. Echo what other people say too, no one can force you to stay in hospital if you are happy to leave.

Tyel, what a shame for you: it's a pity your mother can't respect your ability to make a decision. If she were being rational then pointing out that today they only let low risk mums labour at home, any hint of trouble and they will transfer you... Unfortunately I suspect she may have what we in the biz call a "fixed health belief", ie rationality/logical argument will be ignored.
(It's a bit like someone who's totally convinced that antibiotics cure colds, so with every cold they want antibiotics.)

Remember we're all on here for virtual support xxx

sotired and figgy: i've always been told it takes a
Week for milk to properly "come in" and a full 4-6 weeks for BFing to settle: what really counts in the early days is having the support and advice to get a good "latch" (which in hospital midwives can be very illprepared to teach, sorry to any MWd out there as some are fab!)

Argh just spilt massage oil on my maternity jeans!

tyel "this isn't your decision". Just remember that you're a responsible grown woman who has clearly looked at both sides and decided on what you think is best for you and your baby. Obviously it would be better to have her onside but it's nothing to do with her and if she can't accept it it's her problem not yours. Don't feel pressured to justify your choices, we have enough to worry about as it is.

I've just packed a small hospital bag to keep in the car with my maternity notes containing just the bare essentials. That way if we're out anywhere we just have to worry about getting DS to my mum and not coming home for the bag. I've packed a thin dressing gown to labour in, massage oil, a pair of pyjamas, pants, warm socks and a couple of maternity pads for afterwards. For baby there's a blanket, a bodysuit, sleepsuit, hat and a couple of nappies.

Can anyone remind me is it 34 or 36 weeks we should start perennial massage?

Tyel am sorry it didn't go as you hoped. Hope she calms down once she has had time to digest the information first. Her own anxieties might mean it just isn't possible to have a logical conversation about this anyway. From what you said about her previously, you and her might differ on the style of parenting you will have anyway so this might just be the time that shifts the dynamics of your relationship permanently.

tyel as wigwam says it sounds like she thinks you are still a child. poor you. i'm sure she has very valid reasons for her comments (well to her anyway) but she has to be reminded that you are a grown adult, you are not doing this to be irresponsible and actually you feel that this is the best option for you and your baby. stand firm and be strong. but i do really feel for you that she can't be a little more understanding and supportive when you need her to be. bottom line is that she will get over it (when its all gone swimmingly) however if she pressurises you into doing something you don't want to do you are unlikely to forgive her? is that right? maybe that is something she should pop in her pipe and smoke?

I just sent her the link to www.homebirth.org.uk/ with all the research and the "what if..." section - she will no doubt dismiss it as propaganda though. Thanks for all the support and encouragement. I just want to shout - if you don't trust me to make a decision on this, why would you ever entrust a newborn to my care???

aethel yes I think she does have a fixed health belief - mainly due to generalising from the particular (ie. you/your brother/all my friends' babies would have died if they weren't in the hospital, so therefore you must be in the hospital). She also seems to think that there is a natural birth conspiracy going on - a war between obstetricians (good) and midwives/doulas/lentil weavers (evil) - and that women like me are mere pawns.

I started massage at 34 weeks but haven't been consistent until the last few days (since 36 weeks). I was told that even if you don't start till later on, it's consistency rather than length of time you've been doing it iyswim. So better to do it every day for 2 weeks beforehand than 6 weeks sporadically.

darcies you should go home and rest! Sounds similar to how ive been feeling. When was your dd born? Have you had steroids this time?

tyel sorry it didnt go so well. At least your dad was prepared to listen. Really hope she comes on friday so mw can give some reassurance to you both.

figgy i am a 34A and in my first pregnancy my boobs didnt get any bigger at all until my milk came in. I had so much milk the nurses in scbu called me buttercup! Strangely, this time my boobs have gone up 2 cup sizes during pregnancy.

And to all of you for your support. It is really appreciated and nice to know I'm not alone (and not irresponsible and not a horrible mother).

tyel cross posted earlier. I'm so sorry it went so badly, I hope she does calm down enough to do some reading. If she doesn't though, it might be better to get it done before you have a born to look after rather than having a big fall out when you're covering from birth and caring for the baby. I hope it isn't making you feel wobbly, I know I tend to wobble all over the place in that kind of situation!

Thanks mrsbuggy. I am just going to leave her to it - she's now in the phase of sending me things like this www.bbc.co.uk/news/10465473 which I have already read and weighed up against all the benefits of a home birth. I may have to teach her about confirmation bias as I'm sure she will believe everything bad she reads about death rates from home births, and dismiss all the evidence in favour of a home birth.

All of you armchair psychologists are absolutely right - this is the (hopefully final) battle we need to fight where I am detaching myself and becoming an adult and mother making my own decisions for my child. I'm sure it's about power and control - just so frustrating that we seem to have these arguments over and over but this really is the ultimate - it's not like I'm being a bridezilla and saying it's all about me ffs, this really is all about making the right decision for me and my child. And you're all right that it's better to get it over with now and show her where the boundaries are, than when I'm tired and emotional. Even DH said that earlier - better to lay down the ground rules now and make it clear to her that we will be making the final decisions, than a week post-birth.

It would just be sods law now that I go way overdue and have to be induced...

Tyel sorry your mums response wasn't more supportive. Let's hope your da can talk her round. Reiterating what others have said, it's your decision do not be pushed into something you do not want to do. I'm sure your mum will get over it eventually!

I've got small boobs too so worry about supply as I want to EBF.

Mmmm DD we born at 39weeks but don't remember her head engaging this early! Steroids? Not been given any, however, not been to the hospital only see my GP. He did say if pressure the same or worse then need to go to hospital.

darcies it's odd how everyone gives such different advice. I've mentioned before how I've also been feeling intense pressure. Last week my GP wasn't at all concerned about mine and said he sees no reason why I shouldn't go to full-term (when BP and wee were fine though). MW had previously expressed that it could mean she'll be early.

Anyone worrying about small boobs, apparently the size of your boobs has absolutely nothing to do with supply of milk so do not worry!!!

Tyel hope your mum comes round a bit or at least sees that this is your decision, not hers!

Seven it is odd about conflicting advice. I think because of my back and hips he's extra cautious.

Sorry your mother is freaking out, Tyelperion. I get the impression that childbirth really is much more medicalised in the US, so it definitely sounds like her background talking! By the way, when did you last live in the US? Do you know yourself why you don't think the same way?

She needs to understand that midwife-led births and even homebirths aren't the hippy/not-for-people-like-us phenomenon they seem to be in the States. Is she afraid that you are rejecting "medicine" in a Sarah Palin-like celebration of ignorance?

Failing that, could your father hint to her that her attitude could make you more "stubborn" and determined to be right? In other words, she is the one with no maternal instinct (for you) and the irresponsible one.

Your thoughts and research, which have led you to this decision, are open-minded in a way hers have not been. I'm sure that if you needed to go in for an EMCS, you would, and the fact that she doesn't seem to believe this provides quite a contrast!

sevensevenseven, it was about 6 weeks before EDD for the pereneal massage. I've been doing mine intermittently, but have got to find a better position, as the shower step isn't high enough, and the larger bathroom (for putting my leg up on the loo) is too cold after my scalding showers!

darcies didnt mean to scare you about steroids! When you said dd was early i was thinking something like a 28 weeker not a 39 weeker!

Hello all... hope you are all well... today has been a great day in comparison to all the shitty difficult nights I have had. Thought I'd list out my highs...

-Had my 34 week appointment yesterday and the baby is facing down,
-my bump is measuring exactly 34",
-blood pressure is good,

• my mid wife reckons I seem very healthy and she thinks I will be a good candidate for the birth centre
• had the parent information session and the midwife was lovely - and gave us all the info we could ever need and really inspired confidence!

-They do have mobile/walking epidurals - so if things get out of control one can always get one of those!

Lows

• I am still having ridiculous rib and mid back pain! When will the baby DROP!!!