I'm replying without reading all posts here, I acknowledge, so I will go back and read more after, but I just wanted to say in response to Mama, I really really didnt mean it as an attack at all - I thought I had made clear that I was talking about the phrase, not the intention with which it had been used on this forum - I certainly havent had the impression anyone has used it out of arrogance or foolishness or anything like that, its been used several times, and aways in a way which seems completely in tune with the fact that peole are talking to other mother's who are well intentioned, child focused, caring people who want to do teir best. The comments I made were much more to do with language than intent! And I guess, as you say, i come accross people for whom the two do go togehter horribly - when they say "its MY child, I know whats best" they really do mean to imply a sense of ownership which is placing that child in a very bad situation. (I dont, by the way, work for Social Services). I really thought I had managed to clarify that that was not what I thought was going on here! I really DO believe in following our intuition, in being open to but not cowed by advice, in basing our parenting on love and compassion and in tryong to hold that for each other in all that we do - even those people who do get it terribly wrong (NOT, let me clarify, anyone on here!) always have a back story which makes sense, even if it doesnt justify. I also think it might be important here to say that I am a subscriber to the notion of moral relativism. i dont have a black and white view of what is wrong and what is right, i do feel these are things which are temporally and culturally defined, and as such, no one can ever say what is the "right" or "wrong" way to raise a child, but I do think that as a society, we, in this era, have a notion of what is good enough and what isnt, and while stuff thats on the line is hard to call, thank god there are people there to intercede with stuff that most of us agree far oversteps the line. Those things of course, are NOT choosing not to breastfeed or having an elective caesarean. To be honest, I'm not even certain those things are a small nip of whisky in the milk - I wouldnt do it, but generations have and may have had well rested, calm babies because of it for all I know! I know I was teethed on whisky and I dont even drink as an adult!
Anyway, this is all justification. Really, I just wanted to offer a frank apology and say I am really sorry i caused you to feel attacked. Please dont leave us because of it.