Nov 2011 - almost time to push!

[TerrysNo2]

Last thread was full so thought I would just start this one off - hope you don't mind as I know I've not been a regular but god forbid you guys having nowhere to chat ;)

Right, caz what's happening, I am stalking you all over the shop and need more news :)

Gosh I agree maybe today the world is out of kilter? Not a great day for a lot of us i suspect.
LK sorry to hear about the uti's, can't imagine how bad you must be feeling constantly putting up with that! Just happy birthday for your lo tomorrow! Also can't imagine how scary your phobia must be, certainly I think it must be utterly debilitating.
Tjuice there's nothing wrong with being scared of giving birth! Tis a scary process! Good that you are talking to people about it for sure.
Hope I haven't missed anyone, sorry if I have!
Wonder how pam's growth scan went?
Ive been fed and watered, OH is all sorted for tomorrow (fingers crossed). Dead uncomfortable, had some odd pains.... Typical after saying I wasn't even getting BH's!

just I'm also scared of giving birth, I've almost being denying that it's going to happen... But as I'm scared I'm not even really sure what I'm scared of if that makes sense?

Been having the worst ever back spasms tonight :-( they hurt so much and my bump has gone rock hard kinda hoping this doesn't mean anything, but also kinda hoping it does haha

Honestly, me too on the giving birth front - I didnt much like it last time, and frankly, the reason I did it drug free is cause the drugs make people sick. But so does labour generally, and surgical procedures like c sections. Thus there is the fear of the, you know, pain, passing a baby etc, but more than that, the fear of being sick. Ridiculous.

I think for those worried about labour, the best thing to do is to think of things that would relax you during in, such as listening to music, having a bath etc.

voodoo fx for your dh today hon.

Me three, cry everytime I think about how much this baby coming out is going to hurt, but on the other hand rationally I know that it's the only way to have the baby on the outside and that worrying about the pain is going to make me tense up and then it'll hurt even more! Am trying more and more to ignore the actual birth and focus on life afterwards, to the extent that I have been shopping for an outfit for baby's first xmas, I don't know if it's a girl or boy but if it's a girl this is the most adorable outfit to wear girls dress, even took DH into Boots to show him last weekend, love it!!!

Oh lk that sounds absolutely crap. UTIs are horrid. How are you getting on? I hope you're feeling better.

Tjuice your soup sounds delicious. I'm in bed but so tempted to get up and make soup now. Could you just pop some in the post to me?

Just, H & T phobias aren't logical but they are real. There is nothing worse than revealing a phobia to someone and having them mock it or tell you how to get over it. I had a terrible fear of injections and having blood taken.

When I worked for the NHS many years ago (non-clinical role) I couldn't face having the flu jab. It honestly made me want to cry or be sick whenever I thought about it. A colleague said to me one day "I wonder how many patient deaths you're responsible for this year". I was devastated. I never had patient contact or flu. I had Hypnotherapy the next year and did have the jab but it was fear free but I went.

I found out I was pregnant with DD1 and again had the terror because I knew I'd have to give blood etc. I had to lie down on the bed for all needles - still do.

I suppose having so many (i had ops after DD1 was born too) has helped me to stop being so afraid but it's still there. People usually laugh and tell me I'm being stupid, it doesn't hurt. It's not the fear of the pain, it's the thought of the needle in my vein (sorry if that makes anyone else feel sick).

I think fear of birth is completely normal. Especially if you haven't done it before. Why wouldn't you fear it? We see it on tv and women are screaming, our friends tell horror stories.

I had DD2 on Saturday and used no drugs, had a 1st degree tear which the MW offered to put one stitch in for cosmetic reasons (Lol - like I'm going to be lying awake worrying about what my fanjo looks like!). The main reason I said no is because I couldn't bear the thought of an injection or the needle going through to stitch it. It scared me more than birth. Phobias are strange that way.

Anyway, that incredibly verbose post is just to say I understand.

I had a huge fear of birth with DD1 but not really with DD2. I think the difference was partly down to having heard so many positive birth stories IRL lately and not watching OBEM USA

xx

Yes, fear definitely makes it more painful. With DD1 I dreaded the next contraction ad found the pain so hard to manage.

With DD2 I felt like my contractions never got close together so was wishing the next one to come so that I could meet the baby.

I know everyone says "take it one contraction at a time and see each one as being in step closer to meeting your baby".

I didn't consciously try to do that but I suppose that's how it went. Plus the contraction was only really painful at it's peak so the start and end were manageable. I thought I'd just see how I coped with each one rather than worry about the next one.

Plus you have options, you can have drugs, gas and air, diamorphine/pethidine, epidural.

Movement and breathing help, having a hot shower in early labour was brilliant for me.

You can plan techniques to use, this might help you feel more calm and look forward to your birth.

Right ladies, I am feeling this build up of tension and anxiety. My bossy boots are coming out.....

I do hope anyone feeling scared and panicky has an understanding hug in real life - I will always offer a slightly less effective internet one. But here's the rub...

You are all amazing, what we are about to go through is a miracle and we are designed by the greatest power of all evolution and nature to do this. We just need to relax and remove tension. We are all different shapes and sizes but we are all walking (well in my case slightly waddling) miracles of design.

I'm going to be controversial now, I'm really going to miss being pregnant. I'm relishing being of work so I can spend more focused time in the day (when I'm awake) with my bump. I love his wriggles, his kicks, his funny little hand movements where I imagine he is playing poker. The birth will happen - no getting around that but then the real blessing I'll be cuddling my son.

PMA ladies, PMA. We will get to cuddle this wee wriggling mite. Yeh yeh there is a bit in the middle, if the bit in the middle is really scary then do what I do, resort to denial. Denial is a lovely place, very calm.

Stace thanks for sharing that pearl of wisdom - I found it really useful. You are so right - could I cope this minute if it all kicked off? Though it did panic His Nibs hee hee :)

Hope today brings peace and calm. Fat chance but I hope it does... Remember your PMA and keep that image in your mind - cuddly baby.

Reading back, I'm not convinced I don't sound like dismissive biatch! Not my intention. Phobias are really HORRIBLE and I really don't dismiss how they make you feel. I think I just meant distraction with positive images may help, just a tiny bit.

Kelly as always you are more eloquent!

36+3 weeks today - well engaged and average growth at last scan yesterday - head growth was less but they said that was due to being engaged.

Totally agree with PamSco here - all apart from the missing being pregnant bit!! I had a horrid day yesterday like most of you - bad back, aches, to top it all I have developed very painful PILES aaaaaargh! Horrid, so I was feeling totally miserable and well ready for this pregnancy lark to be over.

The very thing that makes birth hard is fear, I honestly believe it. It is totally overwhelming and not like anything else you have experienced but if you believe in the capability of your bodies to do it you will be fine. You are all strong women, we have fantastic medical care in this country, just don't panic - go with it, breathe, allow your bodies to get on with the natural function they were designed to do.

Don't worry about it - it will happen, it will only be one day, it will be over and you will have your amazing little baby in your arms and you will instantly forget all about the pain and just be totally in love.

It is so worth it.

Have a great day everyone xxx

Pam I just read your post and thought "ah, yes, what Pam said"

I need to learn to say things in a couple of sentences instead of 100 paragraphs!

Loved your post Pam, think it's beautiful actually and you really calmed me down with wise words about DD2 position, mild labour freak out etc. I've been very grateful each time

And yy busyboys another lovely post!

I have a theory based on nothing other than my own half-baked ideas

I think you're supposed to get annoyed by being pregnant in the end to prepare you for birth/make you welcome it.

What was going on yesterday? Hope everybody is going to have a better day today.

For me, it was the sense of unknown. I didn't know how painful birth was going to be, how I would cope. I decided the best action was to not have one and keep an open mind, ie not to get hung up on a natural birth. My birth plan was a couple of lines.

This time I know what to expect (kind of, unless this baby is not back to back!) and I much preferred not knowing!

Had presentation scan and baby is head down on left. So all good there, also 4/5 engaged. I knew this as my waddle is more pronounced. Had scan on maternity ward so saw lots of new babies leaving hospital. So cute and dinky. Don't remember DD being that small, but then she was nearly 9lbs and looked like a 1 month old . Also major flashbacks as that was the ward I was on for 4 nights after DD birth. Made it more real.

moosey are you giving birth there this time?

Fab news about the presentation scan! DD1 was b2b and DD2 was head down, on left (but not quite OA). 2nd birth was so different, sensations were different, length of labour. Hard to know how much is babies position and how much is second time mum. I guess every birth is different

Its great that we are sounding a bit more positive on here! it's really supportive.
And I agree with a lot of this kind of thinking but here's the rub :)

Fear (especially of the unknown) is a natural thing that relaxation and focus can definitely help with, but a phobia is a different and irrational beast. Which is why I admire just for being so open. I try avoid these conversations about birth phobia or tokophobia because it's not something I can rationalise and being a pretty scientific and rational person, I find it awkward. Also I don't want to seem ungrateful for the advice and sympathy offered.

But for me the only thing that is keeping me calm is having all my birth options open right now including an elective c/s. Controversial maybe, to those who are against them, but that's the situation.

In other matters, I feel a bit guilty right now because I just put my dad off from visiting me before the birth. He wants to come and help out with dd but although his intentions are great, he doesnt really do that much and when anyone visits, I want to make food and show them around, make sure they have a good time etc, even if I try to be relaxed about it. He seems a little hurt but as my dh says, this time before birth is really precious and you never get it back. The whole family are coming out again in late November anyway. With my last birth, my FiL was visiting from the states and I went into labour a month early on a bus tour with him! And I really just wanted to crawl under a bush and give birth on my own, like an animal.

Today, I am seeing my midwife, dyeing some blankets and preparing for two days of doing up dd's bedroom with the help of my mad Norwegian interior designer friend. She is getting an elevated double bed, with a canopy and storage boxes and a hidey-hole underneath, painted bookshelves, wall stickers, new carpet and the works. And it won't be princessy!

Morning everyone!I agree we sound much more supportive and together today!

Good news that the babies seem to be behaving themselves thus far today.

I dont think it is even unreasonable or unusual to be scared of giving birth... I have done it twice before, once with forceps and as much as I know you forget it when you have your lovely baby, it is STILL scary! Fear isnt rational, so it stands that phobia's aren't either.

Anyways PMA today is that I know have less than 8 full working days left at work, OH was dropped successfully off near his new job and I have completed an annoying task already at work this morning.

I am starting to look forward to my time off. I will be 38+3 so probably won't want to do too much but relaxation sounds great!

kelly yes, I'm opting for the mlu again. Last time I had to be moved as contractions died off when in pool at 7cms. Had to put me on drip to start off contractions. First room was so lovely with en suite, then moved to dungeon and lots of monitoring leads but by that point I didn't care, as long as baby was delivered.

tj sorry, didn't mean to ignore your phobia. I'm impressed that you are going through with birth again. Re elcs, I would have one too if in your shoes, nothing wrong with them.

just I know your little madam is breech. I found this thread on helpful tips for after cs. Looked it up in case baby was breech yesterday.

Morning all, I'm feeling much better today and hope everyone else who had a rubbish day has turned a corner too, there must have been some strange planetary alignment!

On the phone so just a quick post but am desperate for news from Folic! also I haven't joined the Facebook group but don't want to miss out on birth stories so can I join? Who do I need to pm?

I was supposed to have a visit from the MW today to drop my homebirth pack off and she didn't show up and turns out she's on holiday! She had passed me on to one of her colleagues but gave them my old address and didn't tell them she had arranged to see me at 10am. I've had to go into the office so will now miss the appt and won't see a MW again until 1 November, I'm starting to feel a bit nervous about the hb team...

Blimey Tjuice that's quite a task list!

On the subject of ELCS - imvho fear of birth - especially for women who've had previous birth trauma - is as valid reason as any to have an ELCS. Who says mental health is less important than physical health.

Plus I think women should have autonomy over their bodies. So the only reason I can think I would disagree with a woman having a CS is one where she was being forced to against her will. Probably equally controversial.

Today I shall be mostly lying around (bath/bed/sofa), feeding DD and waiting for the in laws.

So this morning, we told our parents that we are being induced on Monday, my mother in law is in tears she is so excited apparently, oh god, I sound like a bitch but I could do with calm people relaxed people around, going to hide away from her in the next week or even longer if I can get away with it. DH is an only child so this is the first grandchild, my folks already have two granddaughters, so they are much more relaxed about it, my dad just compares this birth to his cows ha ha!!

Oh mash that's rubbish! Crap admin doesn't = crap birth support though so don't worry!

PM CEP with your FB name/email address and she'll add you

Thanks Kelly that is true I suppose!

TwoJack Quick - lock the doors and turn the lights off! Just pretend you're not home ;)

Yesterday was a bit miserable - had another false start around 2 am, so tired now, but trying to rest and store up my energy for tomorrow - it's hopefully the big day (or the start of a few big days...)!

It's so cold now - I was shivering in bed last night! Time for central heating, methinks.

And keep the PMA coming, Pam et al - I'm scared senseless at the thought of a watermelon coming through my foufou right now, I can't get past the point of thinking something horrible will happen, and I can't imagine having Sprout here with us :(
I don't think it will be real until I hold her and can kiss her little fuzzball head :)

Haha! Twojacks

How exciting that you have a date!

I know what you mean about calm people. My mum was actually only holiday when I was in labour, her plane landed just in time for the text message from me announcing DD2s arrival.

When she visited the next day she said "I wish I'd been here for you". I told her I hadn't wanted anyone else, even DH had only materialised for the 2nd stage and that was perfect for me.

She replied "no, you might not have needed me but I needed you".

Oh right, cos in the throws of bearing down I also have to be reassuring my mother that I'm fine.

She has serious NPD traits issues.

So no, not selfish. If you can't be selfish in pregnancy and labour then when can you?

twojacks yay for date, and definately lock the doors, this is yours and dh's time, you need to be as calm as you can be without excited relatives popping in to check. Make sure they know you'll call asap afterwards but until then to leave you alone.

kelly ofcourse didn't you know, mothers are there right above dh's for needing to be in the room for the birth. from the sound of it i'm glad for your sake, she was on the plane at the time.