TTC 6 mths+ GRADS THREAD

[Biscuitsandtea]

Afternoon.

I thought I'd start a Grads thread for those of us previously on the TTC 6 mths+ thread. I've been lurking on the ttc thread recently to see how everyone is getting on (having only very recently qualified to move off it!) and a few people were saying what a nice idea it would be if there was a grads thread so we don't lose each other.

Anyway, would be lovely to hear from other lovely ladies that were on that thread - or even if you were never on the ttc thread but had a sticky time of it getting your bfp then come and settle down with a decaf cuppa for a chat.

I don't have much time to post but... Wrt being a mum I read somewhere recently (a book, I can't remember the title)... "good enough mum" is what you should aim at. Perfect mum doesn't exist and aiming at it is a waste of time and emotionally draining. As a perfectionist this is something I have had to work on But every time I get stressed I stop and take stock. And have "good enough" going round my head. I also read on mn ages ago, "everyone fed, no-one dead" and I quite liked that one. It made me . Yes, being a mum is hard but it's all about self management I find :)

You'll all be amazing mums. The thought is much more daunting. When you are in the thick of it, life happens! It's foolish for me to say "don't worry" but take it from a stressy worrier who has a PFB 6 mo that it's ok and most of the time quite fun actually :)

Xxxx

princess that's really wise advice and I'll try to remember that. It's also reassuring to hear that you are enjoying it. I am a natural worrier and I think I'm just daunted by the responsibility and the irrevocableness of it all. Which is odd when I wanted this so badly, like all of us, for so long! I am also just worried that I will be a stressy mother and will stress out my child by projecting my own fears and worries onto it. I think I need to start meditating again.

sar I had a peek on FB and she is just absolutely beautiful. Just gorgeous. I hope you have lots of time to just gaze at her and admire this little precious person that you carried for so long. I do think 10 plussers have particularly beautiful babies!

buzz I am glad I am not the only one feeling apprehensive. It is scary! But we will manage it, and I am sure there is a lot of joy to come that at the moment we can't fully get our heads around as our babies haven't arrived yet, so we don't 'know' them properly. Maybe you can take mini bee back home for a visit next year? The beach does sound nice at this time of year, my in laws are in Florida right now and I am super jealous as it's cold and grey here!

Critter and buzz - you will both be great mums! I think Princess' advice is v wise as usual. I guess people are looking for advice when airing their woes on threads and don't write about the joy and rewards of motherhood. It is bloody hard, but one look at my beautiful baby's little face and I know it's all worthwhile and I have the energy to get up again and do yet another nappy change! I literally can't put into words how I feel about DD and get all teary thinking about it stupid hormones It's been lovely seeing DH so loved up with her too. I've never seen him take a single photo, until ginster arrived in the delivery suite and now he won't stop!

Princess belated happy birthday!

Luffs and happy almost 2014 to everyone. Looking forward to more 10+ babies arriving and more grads coming over here. 2013 has been an amazing year in the Gin household

gin and princess thanks for the advice but I am quite a realistic, secure down to earth person, I know there is no such thing as perfect parenting, I have never been under any illusion that it would be easy. I just get fed up hearing people constantly talk about the crap side of parenting not the joys of it. Although I can understand it can all get too much at times surely the good times must outweigh the bad and be what you want to talk about as well.

critter I agree with I will be a stressy mother and will stress out my child by projecting my own fears and worries onto it I think that happens alot and its what I want to avoid.
If we didn't move back home then we would wait until minibee was older before taking her so she could actually enjoy and remember the trip, although a trip home would be lovely just to catch up with people, I don't think Kayla would be happy with us being away
Will it be both your parents coming back at the end of the month, what did your sister decide to do in the end??

Well Barry has made dinner, and I need to put my jimjams on before all the fire works start

Hopefully more 10 plusers will be joining this thread next year, roll on 2014 :)

Happy new year all! quickie from me as we're off to the inlaws soon...

Just wanted to say Buzzy that while there are things in life I do stress about (e.g. the inlaws) I have loved being a mum since the moment I saw my little grey boy (DS1) hoisted in the air (even through the druggy haze). I was the least maternal person I knew (hated holding babies, even when I was 8.5 months pregnant - was way too scared of them) but the hormonal journey of motherhood has worked wonders for me and I've loved it all.

Just wanted to say that to counteract all the stuff folk have been whining about - maybe it's just the fact that I had to face a childless future, but I genuinely feel blessed every day (regardless of tantrumming 4 year old and a 7 month old who woke every 40 minutes last night - he's tired today, bless :-)

I'm lucky in that I've never suffered from depression or moodswings and so have maybe 'ridden' the motherhood train easier than others have, but everything your children does amazes you (even if its wiping snotters on the wall beside their bed - I mean, it amazes me in a gross way, but amazement nonetheless :-D

In the weeks before DS1 was born I was very fearful of it all (only natural to be apprehensive about a life changing event you can't possible be prepared for) but it all came good in the end - and here's hoping it all works out as well for all those 'with bump' just now :-)

I browse and sometimes post on other parenting threads but I do find the amount of whininess offputting, and while I know children can be challenging, I think a lot of people have totally unrealistic expectations of how they expect 3 year olds to behave!

Okay, the annual visit from hell looms -I must go - catch you all later.

eleth I really appreciate your post. It's only in the past week or so that I have started feeling anxious - I guess because the birth is around the corner and I am just scared of being a mother, despite how badly I wanted this. I know rationally I can do it, and that I desperately want to be a mum, but like you I'm not huge on other people's children (apart from a few who I really love) and I don't know anything about this little person who's going to radically change my life.

gin it warmed my cockles to read your post about little ginster. It is also a relief to hear that the feeling of love makes the sleepless nights and tough birth worth it. I'm so happy for you, you had such a rough time getting here.

buzzy that sounds like a sensible plan regarding the trip home. It is a long way to go! How are you feeling? D-Day is nearly here! My sister is planning to come out for a few days when the baby arrives, and then come back in March for a week or so.

All well here. I have 12 more days in the office and am trying to finish everything up before the baby arrives... we've packed the hospital bag and set up a moses basket in our bedroom so I'm feeling like we're in reasonable shape logistics-wise. Just need to sort out the car seat (I washed all the soft bits from it over the weekend as they were a bit stinky from the previous occupants) and order a few more bits and pieces!

critter only 12 days left (11 now?) that's fantastic! I bet you can't wait until your mattie leave starts?

Re-feeling anxious - I think the only thing that really helped calm me was Mr E - he's one of those people who are 'good with kids' (not a description that could ever have been applied to me - I was always standoffish and nervous around little people) and I knew he'd be a great dad, so when I was expressing my doubts (with a couple of weeks to go) worryign about what kind of parent I'd be, and what if I didn't bond with the baby or couldn't handle it - he reassured me that it'd be fine, and said if it wasn't he'd be there and he'd do it all until I was ready for it - and he meant it, and it was really what my (irrational) self needed to hear and it made me relax a bit more (well, about the parenting bit, never really managed to relax about the giving birth bit ;-)

gin I'm with critter and love hearing about little ginster and all the love she's brought into the world with her - you sound completely besotted :-)

My visit to he inlaws was 100 times better than I thought id' be and I'm going to make myself remember how good it was so I can stop myself getting all worked up about it next year - it's been at the back of my mind all holidays and while I am glad it's over, it's nowhere near as bad as my mad mind made out - need to give myself a few reality slaps!

Can't wait to see other 10 plussers join this thread - here's hoping there is a baby bonanza in 2014!

critter so 10 days to go, I admire that you are still working, I know mat leave isn't great there

ele glad the inlaws weren't too bad

I am waiting for Tuesday to find out what is happening birth wise, I have a friend coming over with some of her baby stuff for me :) I spent yesterday with my NCT group, I always feel good when I have seen them, got lots of baby snuggles too, I'm now feeling really excited that we'll have a baby by the end of the month hopefully sooner

Buzz - can't believe you will have a baby this month. What joy! I hope you have a good discussion tomorrow about the birth. Is a c section the most likely option? Whatever happens being informed will be great and you can get become giddy as the day draws close.

Critter - instincts undoubtedly kick in once the baby arrives. I was not a knowledgeable baby person despite the yearning for one. And I did hardly any reading in pregnancy about babies. But I deeply believe in instinct and mothers intuition. You will be a fabulous mother and your baby is lucky to have you as a mum, your caring nature shines through in all your posts.

gin -gmy birth buddy. Glad to hear things are going welland you are all loved up. How is the feeding going and do you have any type of routine yet?

like gin, I feel deep soppy adoration for my baby when I see her little face. Even in the peak of knackerdness and soreness I have to fight the urge to wake her from sleeping in the basket for my own good as I just want to hold her all the time.

Things are going well here, bf is still fine although babysar is a hungry baby and I can become slightly engorged. I am tired but happy with it. My second degree tear and stitches can be very sore and I find I still rely heavily on paracetamol. A bath with lavender and tee tree oil also helps. The stream of visitors can be hard work, I don't know why people dont just wait a couple of weeks. But we are doing ok.

ele I am so glad that the visit with your in-laws went better than you expected, what a relief. I definitely sometimes get myself into a stage about my ILs when actually I know they mean well and are really good people... after all, they brought up MrC who is wonderful. I think it's just always bound to be a complex relationship.

buzz my nearly due-date buddy, you sound cheerful, which is great! I hope you're feeling ok. The end (or should that be the beginning) is in sight! Good luck for tomorrow, I really hope you get some good news about your birth plan and can have the birth you want.

sar thank you for your reassurance, you're always so kind. I'm sorry you're feeling exhausted and the engorgement and sore stitches do not sound fun at all. I hope some of these visitors are bringing you food and making you cups of tea and that you're not having to wait on people as well! I love the name you chose, absolutely beautiful.

All is good here, still at work and I think I'll work right up to the due date, but maybe ask if I can work some days at home. I do an office job so I don't have to be on my feet all day, and I'm guessing the 20 minute walk to the bus stop is probably doing me good. But it is very cold here and I'm feeling a little tired, mainly due to hormones waking me in the night - and keen to wrap up all my projects before the baby arrives!

It was my baby 'sprinkle' on Saturday night which was actually lovely - it was co-ed and there was booze, so not like a normal US baby shower - and my FIL had made the baby a little rocking cot out of wood which was incredibly kind of him. They also organised to get my family to record nice messages for me from the UK so I felt like they were there in spirit. I felt so lucky to be bringing this child into so much love. It was also really nice to have MrC with me, as usually showers are just for women. And I think the blokes had a nice time... it was more of a party than a typical shower.

critter I hope you are ok with the weather over there, look after yourself, do your IL's live in the same place as you?? Your sprinkle sounded lovely, a friend of mine had a co ed one as well :)
I have to say I do feel very positive right now, helps to know that something will happen in the next 20 days also had a bit of break from the interweb which helped.
How lovely of your FIL to make that, although hopefully it will be practical :)

sar happy that you are in your beautiful baby bubble with mini sar, last time I saw the consultant it just said placenta was low and he said most likely a c section, I had a scan 3 weeks ago which actually measured where it was so that might make a difference to their decision, they might scan me again, I'll see what they say, I'm not going to risk the baby, placenta hemorrhaging, emergency c section for a vaginal birth, I'm not that fussed how she gets here :)

buz hope all goes well with the appointment today! How exciting that you might be finding out when exactly you get to meet your baby :) are you still at St Heliers? When I was discharged, I was discharged to their midwives, even though St Georges where I had ginster is slightly closer. Anyway they were all very nice and lovely apart from one bitch one

critter not long for you now either! Can't believe you are still working - there was no way I could have worked the last month - but I totally understand that you want to maximize your time with mini C. Your baby shower sounds lovely and I approve of it being co-ed. It's mostly the sexist nature of them that bug me, like the baby is nothing to do with the dad. . Yours sounds v thoughtful and fun too. Do you have any inkling as to mini C's gender?!

ele hurrah for surviving the out laws! Next Xmas is going to be a political nightmare for us, as all sides are gonna want a bit of the ginster. Will have to be carefully negotiated spend it with my mum

sar so pleased all is going well. I ended up banning visitors after a stream of them in the first week. Everyone was v understanding. We just needed some time to get sorted/ live in our pjs. My stiches actually stopped hurting pretty quickly - after about 10 days, and I could then do more and pick up the ginster! Do keep up with the druks though and take it easy if you have a particularly sore day. Mini Sar looks adorable from the pics on t'other place.

All is ok here. Mr gin has gone back to work, which he was v sad about. I do feel for him that he now only sees ginster for a few hours and she tends to be attached to the boob then. Oh well they can have plenty of father/daughter time at the weekend! My mum has come to stay, which is a huge help and our house now looks shiny and clean.

The BFing seems to be going a bit better. My boobs are certainly dripping lots! We also have hired a hospital grade pump that arrives today, so fingers crossed I'll be able to express properly- I struggle with the hand pump. Ginster had lost some weight again at the last weigh in, although she was still over birth weight, so I'm anxiously awaiting tomorrow's weigh in and putting her to the boob at every opportunity - mr G keeps accusing me of being a feeder! art I'll PM you when I have a mo, as I 'd be interested to hear your experiences.

Hello all!

buzz exciting times! Hope the appointment goes well :) Not long to go now.

critter wow at the working! Don't forget to get some rest though! I loved the sound of your sprinkle. Not long for you either. Hope you're feeling ok.

gin I hope that all is well at the weigh-in. I've had some friends who went through the same thing and it will work out ok. if it's any consolation mini princess fed all.the.time. for quite some time. And I'm talking every half an hour through the day when she wasn't sleeping, on and off in the evening pretty constantly until about 11/12 and then she'd feed every 2 - 3 hours through the night. I just well, slobbed and watched a lot of tv on the iPad and films on Netflix and read. I also ate loads of chocolates, cake and biscuits and tried to get out for a short walk or just sit in the garden (not so easy in weird stormy weather!) I kinda miss those early days

Sar the engorgement is not nice. I've had it one very, very badly when my whole boob was solid like a rock - I fed baby and expressed so much milk as soon as we got home - it literally felt like my boob was on fire! It was a day off though and she hadn't had anything from that side for a good 12 hours (poss more). Whoops! I had it mildly most mornings in the early days. It gets better as your supply sorts itself out - I think it stopped at about 3 months for me - but it gradually gets better and better not 3 months of mega spraying boobs!. I've had some very embarrassing leaks, surprisingly most recently over Xmas when feeding and solids, visiting and travelling has mixed up our usual routine. Thinking spray through dress! Have you thought about washable pads? I wish I'd have got them instead of disposable ones. Well done on the visits. I think if there's a next time we'll be stricter. I'm still getting visits now at not great times but saying no makes me feel mucho guilty.

Ele well done on the in law visit. Especially when you have tricky ones to deal with. Ours has all been fine but I still find mr p's parents irritating. I just think they are very different in their approach and I find it hard to interpret what they actually mean. Like last night, they turned up to visit at 5.30 (half an hour late) - the worst possible time anyway - and left at 6.50 and had to be pushed out of the door as I was serving up dinner, dealing with a grumpy baby and mr p was running around looking for a tool they lent us ages ago. We're really trying to be more routined in the evening and it's really been paying dividends for the whole family in terms of sleep, free time and eating well. Last night was a total cock up because of their visit. And they came on the auspices of "helping" by taking away our Xmas tree, which it turns out they really, really wanted for their garden path. We were like, don't worry we can get rid of it, there's a recycling point up the road and they were "oh no, no, we'd like to help you, we're coming over". Why can't they just ask us and then arrange a better time! It's a mild irritant though in the grand scheme and just thank god we don't live near the grandparents!!! Ah, rant over!

Teu I hope you're doing ok and have had a lovely trip and enjoyed your family.

Mellow hope that things continue to improve with baby M.

Lemons did I see that you've had your 20 week scan? I think your baby must be due near mini princesses birthday. How are you feeling in the 2nd trimester?

We'll can't believe I've only got 5 weeks of paid maternity leave left. I'm not sure work ahem, Dad has sussed it out yet. I need to have "the chat" with him. I'm actually quite excited as it really does feel like a new chapter coming up.

Loves and hugs to ladies, bumps and babies xxx

Hey Ladies they want to do another scan, which is what I thought they would say, pity it wasn't booked earlier, as the sonographer now has to find a spot for me by next Tuesday.

So if things happen between now and next Tuesday, its an EMCS
If the scan shows that her head is below the placenta and it is still 2cms away from my cervix things will be left as they are and she will be evicted by the 27th (induced)
If her head is not below the placenta then its a c section, from next Wednesday onwards depending on when they have a slot

so no hot curry and nipple tweaking in the Buzzy household :)

think I might bring forward my osteo and hair appointments :)

Wow buzz that's exciting, she will be here so soon! Wheee! So they couldn't see in the scan today where her head was in relation to the placenta? Or they need to do a second scan because it will be closer to your due date? Either way it sounds like you'll be having mini bee before I evict mini critter! You are so calm about it all, I am mega impressed. I got my hair done on Saturday and feel much better for it.

princess your ILs do sound tricky - it's hard when people aren't direct about what they want! And eek at only 5 more weeks paid mat leave...It's good that your boss is your dad though as I am sure he will understand that you want what's best for you and your little girl. Good tip on the reusable breast pads - I'll have to look into those. I cannot imagine anything coming out of my boobs, still, despite being 38 weeks tomorrow, but hopefully they'll spring into action after the birth!

gin brilliant news that breast feeding is getting better. I'm so pleased! And how lovely that MrG is getting so much joy out of the ginster. I am really hoping MrC will be the same. I feel in such a strange limbo at the moment. I still think it's going to be a girl because of the 20 week scan pic of its legs and bum where I couldn't see any testicles, but random strangers have told me the shape of my bump looks more like there's a boy in there. MrC thinks boy. We will see… we've had so many girls on this thread, I can't imagine having a little chap.

Did any of you do the raspberry leaf tea thing? I have been taking evening primrose oil on the advice of my midwives but they also said I should be drinking raspberry leaf tea...

critter they didn't scan me today, it was bloody busy, yes I have raspberry leaf tea but keep forgetting to drink it well the decision is sort of out of my hands so just have to go with it, I have to say that I'm starting to enjoy being pregnant obviously a bit late

Ah I see! Of course, makes sense they'd have to book the scan separately from the original appointment. That's awesome that you're enjoying it! Make sure you take some pictures of your beautiful bump now in case the little lady arrives early… do you and Barry have a name sorted?

I am huge, I cannot believe I'm only having one as I look like it should be a litter, yes we have a name and a backup what about you

We're still deciding… MrC turned out to have strong views on names, which I wasn't prepared for! My mum is very keen for it to have a 'family' name but it probably won't, at least not as a first name, as MrC wasn't wild on many of our 'family' names (at least the ones on my side) and there are various cultural differences what with him being a Yank. We have narrowed it down though our boy's names are not very exciting! Has mini bee 'dropped' yet? People have been telling me that my bump has changed shape in the past week, and the baby does suddenly feel very low...

critter I am lucky in that I don't have to worry about my side of the family regarding names as it would be hellish, I know my mum would create a fuss. Barrys dad asked me what my parents names were the other week, but I think that is because in Cyprus the first boy is named after the paternal grandfather, Barrys dads first name is pretty much the same as his last, think John Johnson it can be hard to please both sides so best to start a fresh with a name you like

Barry also has a crap memory so can't remember if he liked a name or not, he asked me about her middle name the other day, this is after him saying ages ago if we could use his mums name for a middle name, then last week he asked if I had thought of one so I asked on MN and got some good suggestions but I think we shall just use his mums name as it does have some meaning

Minibee was 3/5th engaged so has dropped, last week I could really feel her head in my pelvis, not so much this week though but there has been a bit of a bump change

Hi. I am quietly joining the grads thread. It seems there is lots of reading for me to catch up on in here.

Buzzy - The progress sounds really good.

Critter - Mr.grouch also has very strong opinions on the name. We ended up only agreeing on one! Yay to cultural and language differences. We had to come up with names that were spelled and sounded the same in two languages.

Gin - I am so happy that the breastfeeding seems to be getting better.

Sar - Congratulations on miniSar. I'm glad everything seems to be going well on your end.

Here is a little about myself for those who don't know me from the TTC10 months +++ threads: I am now 28 and DH is now 34. We ttc for a year after a m/c, underwent fertility testing, were both diagnosed with being subfertile and I got pregnant the month I had an HSG. A bit about me unrelated to ttc: I like to garden, bake, do gentle yoga and love science.

My due date was Jan 1st 2014 and I somehow never clued into there being a grads thread until critter kindly sent me the link.

Yay Sweet! Welcome aboard!! Not long til your little one arrives. Any minute! Good luck :)

Critter and Buzzy one of the few things that we've managed to agree on completely was names. I feel very lucky as I had very strong feelings about what I liked and what I didn't!! The name boards on mn make for very good reading though

buzzy so glad you're enjoying pregnancy now (albeit the tale end) means that when the rose tinted specs come on in the future you'll have some nice 'remember when I was pregnant' memories :-)

It's all getting so close for you, critter and the newly graduated sweetgrouch - so exciting :-)

Names are tough, luckily we both agreed on the name I liked the most (as we couldn't agree on any other names at all, and had no agreement whatsoever on girls names, another reason we were secretly wishing for a boy....) I do feel though that it's only once you meet your baby and test out the name for real that you can be sure it's the right one (e.g. do they look like a.....)

critter loved your retelling of your baby sprinkle - sounded lovely, and I think a co-ed approach to these things is much nicer (after all, Mr C did have some part in it all...) I remember attending a co-ed hen do for an old workmate a while back which was also great fun - I'm all for co-mingling the sexes :-D

sweetgrouch so nice to have another graduate on board (and one past her due date too - you must be on 'labour alert' right now!) and nice to have an introduction too :-) Hopefully won't be long before another baby announcement :-)

Hamish has been going through some very poor sleeping recently - I'm just willing it to pass soon (Had 2 nights where he woke every 40 mins for a feed until 2am, and then every 90 mins after that - he obviously needs the extra calories but my, it does wear you out (he slept longer between feeds when he was a newborn!). Last night he was waking every 2 hours, so I feel that is progress :-D

Hope the New Year is treating everyone well, I've still not taken my xmas tree down (sad I know, I've even got the lights on) I will take it down soon, honest (and yes, it is a plastic job, so it's not a rotting piece of wood right now :-D

Yay sweet! Better late than never and it sounds like you're joining us just in time to welcome your little fellow. Snowy birthdays ahoy! How are you feeling? You must be really, really ready to meet him. I already feel massive at 38 weeks and am liberally oiling myself to stave off the bastard stretch marks that are threatening to pop up (just a couple of small ones so far, but I reckon there may be more en route).

eleth sorry about the broken sleep - that sounds rough. I haven't taken my Christmas tree down yet either… it's dropping needles and I just need to man up and pack away the decorations. It was last weekend's job. Oops.

princess the name you chose is absolutely gorgeous. I have been scanning the baby names boards like a fiend for three years.

buzz you're getting so close now! Can't wait to see a picture of the little lady. Using barry's mum's name as a middle name would be a lovely thing to do. I bet she'd be absolutely thrilled. I definitely feel the baby's head very very low… like it's squished against my pubic bone. No idea how engaged it is though.

Eleth - Thanks for the welcome. The broken sleep sounds really rough. Hopefully it won't last too long and Hamish will get through his growth spurt quickly.

Critter - I am just past 41 weeks now and feel overcooked. Luckily I have not had any stretch marks that I can see. The baby has been turned since 28-29 weeks and engaged since 32 but has had no interest in being born.

Buzz - I can imagine Barry's mum will be thrilled to have you use her name as a middle name. Most of the nice old family names from my and my husbands side have been used by others. The only ones remaining are ghastly and I would never ever suggest using them.

Princess - I agree the name boards are fun to read. I have to say that I am lucky that MrGrouch and I finally found a name we both really liked.