January 2012 - Thread 3

[ParsleyLion1]

And we're back......

Oh poor fish, I have really suffered anxiety over other things so can only imagine how it is. Constant worries as I have had to pay for expensive uniform and school shoes for 4 kids. I know I could have gone to a discount place but can't get there as petrol cost to much and can't face 4 kids that far on my own. I am facing my own battles just for simple pain relief for a home birth. I really can't face having no gas and air at home. Not sure what I can do. Really don't do well with hospitals not birth related but to do with an association with visiting sick family members. I am going to talk to my gp and see what they will allow me to have at home. I am sure that once your little one is here you will be fine. I don't know if they do it in your area but round here if you have a baby and a toddler the local college place childcare students for work experience with mothers. I did that twice and it really helped just having another pair of hands so I could clean up make meals have help to go to things. Please ask for help if it is available from families, mine aren't great but will do stuff ie load of washing. If you are specific about things I know people will help. I will defiantly have to ask for help as I know those first few weeks will be hard especially when dh has gone back to work.

fish anxiety is such a hideous thing. I hate the fact that your mind insists on creating the anxiety no matter how much you try to be logical and rationalise over the top of it. I'd suggest trying to get the control back and insisting on the ELCS as ghost suggested, which might help it dissipate.

Oeisha when I had recurring thrush for a while, it turned out OH was reinfecting me. Once we used the cream on him it went away - if you haven't tried that already of course..

fish my best friend had a horrendous VB, which I won't go into here, but she asked for a ELCS for her second, was refused it as apparently the consultant knew best, so she asked for a referral to another consultant who immediately agreed based on her previous experience. It's definitely worth pushing, and maybe asking for a different consultant if they're being difficult. If you can get your psychiatric nurse to back you up, that should surely help. These things can be turned round - remember that.

nanny - poor you. I hope your gp can help. Can you hire g&a from somewhere?? you seem to be able to hire pretty much everything else! I'm just wondering if helium would have the same effect?!! Great suggestion about the childcare students. I struggle with one at the moment, so you really are amazing coping with 4 - take every little help you can, I say.

oeisha - another heartfelt poor you. I'm feeling the need to rip off my jeans and air the poor girl just in sympathy!

Oh Fish how awful for you! I agree that you should really push to get an ELCS, hopefully that's something that your psychiatric nurse could help you with? For most people (me included) it's a fear that you can get through with good research (can really recommend Ina May Gaskin!) and a possitive outlook, but your's sounds so much more intense than that and I really don't think you should be pushed into doing anything you're not comfortable with. Your body, your choice! I hope you have lots of support around you.
Also, don't feel bad about posting about it here, you're allowed to talk about your worries and I'm sure everyone here is happy to help

fish - you can definitely get hypno CDs - they'd be bound to help with the anxiety to some degree. Might be worth seeing if you can just find a standard hypnotherapist and asking for one session just to deal with some of the more outstanding fears from last time and ask them for a recording that's tailored to you. It should work out a bit cheaper than a whole hypnobirthing course and you'll have more chance of finding one near you.

And don;t feel pressured to do things the way any medical professional suggests. When it comes right down to it, it's your body, your birth, your mental health: YOUR decision. Tell them what you want to do and stick to it - they can only offer advice in this case. try and think of it positively - you thought you would have to have a C section, but now you get a choice! You get to choose - that's a pOsitive thing

And Good luck.

Today I had lunch with one of the mums from my bumps and babies group - first time we had spent time alone and it went really well. - I've been so lonely and now I think I have a friend :-) She suggested doing it again and we're going to introduce our husbands at some point - am so hopeful after 8 months alone.

fish you poor thing, it's awful how one appointment can start making you feel like you're back at square one all those years ago. The act is though if it affects you this much just thinking about it, you can definitely insist on having a ELCS and you're psych nurse should be able to support this choice when she's seen you. If it's not for you then only you know that, so you just have to be adamant that you just cannot cope with a vbac. And if that means getting a second opinion then go to your GP and ask for another referral. For you and your dc's sake you need to be in the best possible mental state, it's hard enough dealing with a newborn and the emotional swings in the postpartum stage without adding to it all.

nanny your GP really should be able to help you with pain relief. I can't believe last time the MW weren't more helpful with just getting G&A from your local hospital. And you're right, get help from anyone who is willing to help, we are not superhuman, so do ask.

oeisha everyone's given great advise above. I second the treating partner with cream as that's often overlooked by GP's. And sugar does encourage thrush unfortunately. Good luck.

2nd day of not vomiting for me! And even managing to eat small amounts! Rest makes a huge difference, my parents are being fab looking after me and DD. But now getting worried about how I'll cope next week back in London. Fingers crossed the vomiting stays away.

Nanny great idea about the college students, I've just been on the phone to my local college and signed up!

Fish, vent away here, but like makescakes said having options is a good thing, but dont be bullied into making decisions you aren't happy with. A list of all the reasons you need a cs is a good idea, it may be hard to initially sit and 'relive' the expiearienxe but once you have a list you can just read from it, keep a clear head and be able to listen to the hcp rather than panicing and reliving the expiearience in the dr office and trying to temember it all whilst panicing you'll forget something.

yes both students were really good. I qualified as an NNEB and was happy to help them to learn. I really liked the help as I think I had a terms help 3 days a week with a couple of weeks were they were there all the time. Their tutors came out to see them do certain things like nappy changing ect. Won't have a toddler at home this time otherwise would have applied. I can't remember if they do the city and guilds or betec now.

My mil had offered to have the kids Tuesday which will be good as we will have our scan that day. I am definately finding it tiring with all the kids at home, not that I would want them any where else.

Fish - I agree with the others and I remember listening to midwives at my hospital discussing a woman who was absolutely insisting that she was having a ELCS so they 'gave in' and booked her. I would have thought your pysch nurse could help too, if only a letter supporting your position that you can take with you to the next appointment? My sis is a CBT therapist and I wonder if that is something that you could explore with your GP? Btw my GP offered to get me a cesar booked if I wanted as I started snivelling when I discussed my first birth experience when she removed my coil. You're not alone feeling like this - big hugs. On a brighter note I reckon we'll be in a stronger position to request what we want to happen and question stuff this time.
Oeisha - you might have to try the sugar bootcamp approach if you're already doing the other tricks! I couldn't shake it a couple of weeks ago and felt so much better after 2 sugar free days. I only managed to cut refined sugar (dried apricots, crackers and cheese got me through) but that did it.
Have spent so long catching up here that dd has had an extra 10 minutes of Tinypop (I'm mourning the passing of Cbeebies - thanks nursery pals) so I'd better go and mop her up for bed.

Thank you all for being so kind. It's good to have options I know, and I also know rationally that a succesful vbac would be healthier BUT I am so scared. I am not exactly enamoured of the idea of a cesar either, but theres just too many variables with vbac, and i'm not exactly, young and slim and fit. I have back issues and weight issues.

The consultant has said they would only let me labour for 12 hours and if there was no progress then they would aim to send me for a c straight away. However-there are no guarantees of that on the day are there? Wards are busy places anything could happen.

It just seems liked bollox to me, he had no idea of my mental health history at all.

fish (((hugs))) Haven't really got any more advice than the others have given. Feel free to rant on here whenever...I do!

Thank you for all the advice guys. Doing most of it already. Been symptom-free today. IT seems unlikely that DH is repeatedly infecting me, unless he took my advice literally the other day and "...climb on if you want to, just don't wake me up"... Haven't done the deed for about errr, emm, errr...a LOOOONNNGG time. So it's not likely to be that...though I may 'treat' in anyway. So, hopefully I'll be ok... Though if I start getting itchy again I'll consider the sugar thing (assuming I can keep stuff down).

Just had a quick scan over he last few pages.
Fish I totally agree with all the advice the other lovely ladies have gave you. I hope you start to feel better soon x

Oiesha Poor you! I really do hope that things down under start to calm for you. Its only going to get harder to get down there as your bump grows.

Nanny Thats great that your local college sends out students for work experience to mothers. My college was dead against letting us do it. In fairness we were on a pretty tight schedule with nursery placements and course work.

I got such a fright last night when I caught my reflection in a window. There is no doubt about it - I am most definately pregnant!! My lovely mum came over to watch dd so we could eventually get to the cinema to see Harry Potter. The sweetheart that she is gutted my bombsite of kitchen. Thinking about getting her over more often

Hope everyone else is feeling good and pregnant x

Got my 20-week scan tomorrow. Can anyone tell me what will happen?

I know they will check for any abnormalities.

1. Will I have a scan and be sent on my way?
2. Will I have the scan and then speak to someone about it?
3. My MW said they will arrange my anti-D injection. Will they speak to me about it?

At my 12-week scan I was scanned and weight checked. I sat for 15 minutes whilst she wrote the report and then sent to reception to make my 20-week appointment. They didn't send my MW the report which made her cross so I've got to ask for that when I go!

Totally confused and nervous (no movement for two days - which i know is normal but still it makes me worry.).

mum2be how exciting! My 20 week scan is next week so be sure to report back, won't you? Am sure all will be well and how lovely to be able to see the little one again.

(I'm hoping my little bean looks a little less like skeletor this time )

Hey all. Feeling glum today. Seen a house I really want and had a strict look at our finances and basically we're f*cked. I can;t see how we'll ever get a mortgage on anything more than a 1 bed flat. It's making me want to cry. I feel like we've both worked so hard and got nothing to show for it and I'm wishing that we could have just waited a bit longer before we tried for this baby so that I could have earnt some more money and I feel so awful for thinking that and everything just feels a bit too much for me today and I needed to vent.

makescakes I really feel for you, were wondering how were going to manage to keep our dream house which we moved into last year. Things are looking so tight. It all seems so unjust doesn't it? We all work hard, we all feel were not asking for much but if your in the middle income bracket youre fucked either way. Not enough money to move and not enough money to stay. :(

Totally. That's it exactly - too much money to get any help, benefits or tax credits, but so not enough to live easily, especially not in a wealthy area like this. We had to move here from the Midlands for DH to get a job, but housing is easily twice the price and I just feel like we're being screwed so hard. Whereabouts are you fish?

Makes cakes, we were feeling like that too, but decided to take on a 'project' and make it into our dream home. we found a house that we can live in while we work on it and was a steal for the area! all was going really well but this pregnancy has put us back about a year! Still will be worth it when we finish. Not ev3ryones cup of tea, but have you thought about it?

that is our problem too makes cakes, dh earns too much to get help but only just! we cant afford for me to work outside the home so i have to be a sahm or i do alittle bit of self employed work but once this new baby comes along i wont have a hope in hell of being able to do anything!

sorry to hear you're having a bad day, cakes, and it does sound like things are really tough at the moment. Housing is very expensive here too - we live in pretty much the cheapest housing in the town but we bought in June 2007, just before the crash, so we'd be lucky if we could sell for the same value. The house is ok but has almost no garden (for running around in, and I like gardening too). We're lucky that we can stay here though. If we moved back to Yorks where we're both from we could have a beautiful home and garden, but sadly there'd be no work for either of us.

addicted DH would love to build his own house or renovate/extend another property. Sadly we can't even begin to compete with developers around here. I've even seen three bedroom houses going for above £600,000 in town (I should clarify that our house cost nothing like that!) - just a crazy situation. Aside from the fact that it screws us over with our current house, I hope house prices don't go back to rising as fast as before. In our area the average houses price is considerably more than ten times my salary. Totally obscene.

addicted - what ghost said. She's in the same area as me and all the good 'projects' get taken before they go on the public market.
Even a slightly shabby 2 or 3 bed house costs 200k or more, DH has only had a regular decent salary for a year and I've had long periods of ill health and now I'm self employed, p/t and pregnant.

Even the rents round here are £800 a month plus for a 1 or 2 bed flat and they probably wouldn;t let us have the cats so we're stuck here with a fairly reasonable rent, but not much room and a scary bitch of a neighbour who gets very nasty when she thinks we're making too much noise, so she'll just lurve the baby.

It makes me feel physically sick to think of another run-in with her, especially post-natally with a tiny baby to protect. I just want to move.

Shit. These down moods are as bad as PMT.

slightly shabby 2 or 3 bed house

edited to add - if my last post sounded patronising at all then really sorry, not what I intended, just trying (in my ham-fisted way) to give you a gentle reminder that all will be well. didn't mean to turn it into that sketch where we start comparing our childhoods "dahn t'mine when I wer a lass"...

were in a lovely little village just outside of worcester. We get nough in benefits but despite the fcat that DH is on a average/comfortable wage it's barely enough to get by. Somehow we have to find fuel and food for £60 pw :(

When we did the maths to move into this house we could afford it and then the economy went whoops, I got pregnant and lost my job. Life doesn't look quite so sweet now.

But I will sell the clothes off my back before I give up on this house.

DH seems to be in the frickin dreamland where he's saying oh well you'll just have to go back to work full time once the baby is old enough and i'm like yeah and what about being a MUM and childcare fees which will effectively cancel out my wages. oh and finding said job in the first place. Get real.

No, it didn't sound patronising.

I'm just panicking because my parents seemed to struggle so hard to hang onto what they had and that's way back when house prices bore some kind of relation to incomes. We'd be lucky to be granted a mortgage for £130k, tbh and that won't buy us anythign we could actually live in with a baby and two cats. We're looking at having to give the boys to my mum, which breaks my heart because when I'm ill or lonely they're such a comfort. Today is just a really bad day and I feel so out of control. I can't be like this when DH comes home. bad enough the onus of primary breadwinner is on him without me making him feel like it's not enough.