Jue in June - But we're already well on our way!

[NurseSunshine]

Yet another thread! Going to need to start moving to post natal soon... Eeep!

Tricky one Bprincess - it can be extra difficult when your DP goes back to work so I'd be tempted to ask your sister to help out then. I would have loved someone to come and move in for a week in the early days, but then I do get on with my sisters and know they would have been a fab help. Not sure how I'd feel if I didn't get on with them.
Not sure about your mum - sounds like she might cause more work for you - can you ask your sister her opinion on this one? She might have a better idea.
If you do get your mum over, make sure she is a pratical help to you as you don't want to have to treat her like a guest - you will have enough on your plate without that nonsense.

Sending get well vibes to petitech
It's hard working out the diff between real and not-real contractions, but I feel the real ones stop me in my tracks and I have to lean against something and breathe through them.
I'd say since last night I've had a handful of 'real' ones and about a million pretend ones. Only when they are all real ones and are coming all the time and are excruciating will I know that I'm actually in labour.
Wish it would blinking happen soon though as I'm getting so irritated with the nonsensical uterine 'grumbling' of cramping and not-real contractions

Sorry BPrincess x posts. I'd agree with Sasa, when your DP goes back to work you might find it more helpful to have your sister around then as if you had DP, DSis and DM all at once and then no-one when they all went home/back to work you might feel a little alone/overwhelmed. With your mum, make sure she knows that you cannot look after her, she will need to pitch in and help or leave off coming for a while.

Hope you feel better soon Petitech

I also have a family dilema going on. My dad has flown over from Argentina to come and see the LO when she is born. He is currently staying in Ireland with my brother and plans to come over to England on the 4th, stay with some friends in a town close by and then come over to Sheffield on the 6th/7th for the EDD. Obviously I'm not expecting baby to come on time but obviously want my Dad to see her before he goes back to Argentina on the 15th.

My mum lives 15 mins away from me and her and my dad DO NOT get on. She will not come and see me and the baby when my Dad is around. How do I explain to my Dad that he doesn't need to come to the hospital to see me (seeing as he wouldn't be any use anyways and if anyone i'd want my mum to come up) and that he can come to the house if he is still around when the baby comes without offending him? I've already annoyed him by saying that he can't stay with us - seeing as my DP's sister has only just moved out, my DP is still recovering from his kidney removal and we are not capable of putting anyone up at the time being!

BPrincess I agree with the others, there's no point having a multitude of helpers for the first few weeks and then nothing. Make the most of having DP for those 3 weeks, then when he goes back your mum could come for a bit, and then after her your sister (or vice versa - perhaps your sister first, if she'd be more useful).

And crazy I think honesty may be the best policy. Your dad will be aware of the potential difficulties if he and your mum are in the same room. Say that you're going to play it by ear, obviously a lot depends on when the baby turns up, and you can't influence that. So once you know, then you'll be able to best judge when each GP should come and visit, to make the most of him being in the UK but also allowing her to be involved. And always remember, when dealing with warring parents, it is not your fault they don't get on. If parents can't keep things amicable when they split for the sake of their children, then they cannot expect their children to pander to them in future years! They have to work around you right now.

Right am slowly coming out my stupidity pregnancy induced strop, but still feel highly peeved at myself. I've tried to explain to DH why it's annoying me so much (apart from the hormonal rage thing), but not sure he gets it. Basically I need everything to be ready for the baby and the last thing left is really the moses basket. It's taken so long for him to get to a point where he can be interested in financial matters, agree to a decision and not completely freak out about it, that now we can make that comittment I've f*cked up and so we still can't do it. And if this baby comes early, we're a bit screwed!

Sorry for blurting all this out at you guys (like therapy almost). At least by seeing everyone elses troubles I can put my own woes into perspective and remove my head from my own arse!

BPrincess and crazy, your family visitation situations sound difficult. It in a way makes me glad our house is just to small to accommodate guests . I always feel at the end of the day you have to feel comfortable in your own home (esp when you have a baby to get used to!) and as long as you approach the subject tactfully with the involved parties, you can't be expected to do more than that.

Sorry not sure if that is helpful or not, I don't feel very eloquent these days.

Lisa answered far better than me.

Yep those of you who have family dilemmas - this is the one time you have GOT to put you, your new baby and your DP first. Family visit IMO can wait until your DPs have gone back to work, if they don't live locally to you.
And don't invite people who will make extra work for you for the first few weeks!!

Sasa - sorry to scare you. Most babies and kids will get Cpox and bee poorly but okay, it is only rarely fatal and tends to be more in children that have other health issues such as CF/CP etc. But some children can be quite poorly with it and I don't understand why we don't routinely vaccinate against it.

petitech hope you feel better soon x

My own take on family 'help' is more than a bit jaded as I have noticed over the years that people seem v keen to help with a new baby but I never seem to have so many volunteers when I am ill or under a lot of stress/ heavy workload. V strange

Then again that might just be my lot I know some people are blessed with a hands on & helpful family. I find the same with volunteers for birth partners; loads of em! But not one person has offered to mind the other DSs for us?

For me a good rule of thumb is to consider how helpful/ keen a person has been at times of illness or stress previously. And if they have never wanted to come to your aid before don't feel any obligation to accept their 'help' now. I learned soon enough that having 1 relative in the house opens the floodgates for more & if you have always had to make cups of tea & tidy up after family visitors they aren't going to miraculously change because you have given birth. Chances are that their idea of helping will be holding the baby while you do laundry etc not vice versa! And maybe then only when the baby isn't crying.

Sorry if that sounds really negative, I know some rellies are great but my own experiences have led me to approach all offers with caution

sasa are you doing much to encourage the contractions or just letting nature take it's own time? Everything starts cramping when I do the up & down stairs thing but TBH I've been up since 5:30 & am too tired now to push it. Everythings gone quiet since I sat down but it feells like head is engaged for now as the pressure on my fanjo is really bad esp when I stand & I can't stop weeing.

No word from mosp yet hope all is good!

Don't be sorry Kara - glad I know now tbh

I've just taken 3 raspberry leaf tabs instead of 2 - v naughty

Hope the card makes an appearance confessions I always lose important stuff & have been having minor meltdowns over all sorts recently. Not being ready for baby just isn't comprehended by those who've never been pg so this is probably the best place for us all to rant.

Where is MOSP
If she has gone into labour I will be mad with

Sorry to disappoint. All quiet here (if you can block out the noise of Snortpigs playing train sets). Ooh, 3 RLT capsules - rock n roll sasa ! I've been cautioned against taking them and my mw has threatened to unbook me if I use clary sage. There's a leaflet on the notice board instructing DH on precipitous (fast) labour. Once I'm in established labour I expect to be holding Snortpig4 within the hour. On phone. Will try and comment on post natal visitors later.

Sorry to hear about all those with family dilemmas, hope you manage to get things sorted.

I keep having sharp stabbing pains almost as if someone is poking a knitting needle up into my uterus, does anyone know what the pains are? Don't remember feeling them with my other 2.

Hi all - congratulations Stargirl!

Bprincess I agree that your Mum and sister should come to visit after your DP has gone back to work - I think that even with the best will in the world to help you out, any houseguests are more work than help in those early dsays, unless you have a very good, close relationship with them and they are willing to completely fit in around the needs of the three of you (you, DP and baby).

My DP's parents don't speak, DP's Mum wouldn't even come to DS's naming ceremony because FIL was going to be there, but we found the post-baby visits pretty easy to arrange. Without wanting to sound harsh, it's their problem if they don't get on rather than your problem, so just be upfront and tell your Dad that he can't come over tomorrow between 10-1 for example, as your Mum will be visiting then, and vice versa.

What a horrible day today! We are having a DVD day with ds as it has not stopped tipping it down, going a bit stir crazy! Jamie's Italian was good last night; we had cured meats and cheese and olives to start, then DP had lobster ravioli and I had fish stew! Yum Yum! I have got a leg of lamb roasting away at the moment in the oven, and have been treating this weekend as a bit of a last supper just in case I go for my presentation scan tomorrow and they won't let me out! This may be my last day at home until I come back with my baby in mid-June ladies !

I am also panicking in case I can't get wi-fi in there - how will I cope?

My MW said that Clary Sage probably speeded up my labour... she used it herself!!!

PS To all of you with misbehaving cervixes, wombs and fanjos, sending you "labour-or-bust" vibes!

Thanks for the advice everyone - very gratefully received. I failed to mention that my sister only really has a small 'window' for coming over, and that would coincide with DP's paternity leave. I'm kind of reluctant to say no to her, but perhaps that would be best, though she has just contacted me with possible visit of 10-17 June... I could always use ma as a back-up plan if all else fails (and give her the strictest of instructions about how to make tea/clear up after herself/empty dishwasher/do a load of washing etc)

Millie I'm sure I recognise your symptoms. Perhaps hand on a nerve or something like that?

Mother I'm scared for you! 1hr and that's that?! Good luck!!! But I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine.

Sasa, now you just calm down. two leads to three and before you know it you'll be in the gutter with all the other raspberry leaf junkies out there...

Thorny I can't stop weeing either, but no cramping here really.

Crazy totally sympathise - estranged parents are the worst. I could never get married for that very reason. Couldn't even have them in the same building! Luckily pa lives overseas and is in his own little world. He may pop over for a day or two at some point, but never hangs around.

DP has been spending a lot of time talking to my undercarriage, telling her indoors all the good reasons she has for making her exit soon: nice weather, lovely ma and pa, pretty garden to sunbathe in, booby milk, lovely new cot and moses, a huge cupboard full of beautiful dresses/sleepsuits... not working yet though!

lol BPrincess

Arrrggghhh I am soooooo fed up

Bprincess could your sister stay anywhere else nearby?

Could your DP split your paternity week, or has he already booked it now? What I mean is have one week when baby comes, and then take another week off after your sister goes home again?

BTW it has just occurred to me that horrendous heartburn has eased off completely over the last couple of days - I haven't needed to touch my new Gaviscon!!

All this chat about visitors has got me thinking... I get annoyed with visitors who over stay their welcome more than 30 mins at the best of times never mind when sleep deprived and greedy for time with my new family. I think my ideal would be a couple of days in mum-dad-baby isolation then a steady stream of guests, ie. NOT all at once and hopefully not those I have to cater to! If there is any time to put your foot down and put your family before guests now is it!

On another note - my hands and feet have BALLOONED I have had to abandon wedding ring and buy emergency Birkenstocks from TKMAX - oh dear.

sasamaxx I would advise some deep breathing but I would want to punch the person who said that to me! Remember it will all be over soon and with a baby in your arms you will forget all the stress. In the mean time, shout at the person nearest to vent anger and eat chocolate

Kara sounds like baby's on the way...

I just had another text of a friend who if I recall correctly went past due date with her DS asking me "any sign?". This is the 2nd day in a row she has sent one of these & the only sign I want to show people who keep asking that right now is the V sign it seems to be people who should know better who keep asking too.

Actually feel like crying as if I don't have baby before thurs I will get sweep off MW & my childcare arrangements for this wk end are sparse. No shortage of volunteer birth partners if DP cant get back though

DP & I are hardly speaking anyway at the moment after exchanging words over an ongoing disagreement about one of our rental houses. I wish I could just cheer up & try & make the atmosphere better at home but am not sure where to start. I suppose at least I get all the pillows to myself while he decides to sleep on the sofa

Rant over, sorry if that's made for grim reading ladies but I feel better for getting it off my chest! Hope everyones bank hol is going well, sorry for no namechecking I am on my phone at the park with the kids.

Congrats to stargirl well done!!

We need more baby news!!

My birth story is below for those interested. Really sorry its incredibly long! (but then labour was 16 hours!).

Couldn't sleep from 1am due to period type pains, but as I'd been having them for weeks I didn't pay much attention. By 8am I realised they were getting stronger and more regular and were not going away. Sent DD off to MIL and had a LONG bath lying on my front (propped up on my elbows). Contractions were about 7/8 mins apart so started hippy-like breathing/ swaying in the water! (felt very earth mother).

When they were 5 mins apart and quite painful (but manageable) I decided to ring the labour ward and go to hospital. As soon as I got out of the bath things sped up and suddenly I was having strong contractions every 2 mins and shitting myself worrying that I would not make it to the hospital. For some bizarre reason though I decided to have lunch , I must have sub-consciously known that I was in for a long one!.

Started on the TENS machine which really helped. Not sure whether it helped the pain but it definately focused me, I was clinging on to the boost button for the whole drive to hospital (through school traffic).

Arrived at hospital at 3pm and was examined and 3cm dilated. Due to SPD, I was examined stood up and leaning over the bed (started on the gas & air at this point!).

Went to the birthing pool which was LOVELY. Felt so nice to be in water, floating around in between contractions, listening to music, all very serene and calm. Unfortunately by 7pm my pelvic pain was so severe (combined with the contractions) meant that I had to get out of the water. If I propped myself over the edge of the pool my pelvis was out of the water and I couldn't support my legs.

As soon as I got out of the water the pain really intensified and so I asked for an epidural (6cm at this point I think). I felt like my pelvis was going to crack. Before the birth I could hardly walk for 10 minutes, and I had been on my feet for about 8 of the 11 hours of labour by then. Really disappointing but was definately the right thing to do.

Epidural was more painful and took much longer than I expected. I don't think I realised what a major procedure it was. The first attempt failed (went into a blood vessel ) but the second attempt worked and the pain relief was fab. It was a bit surreal to be in labour and not feel a thing!.

Unfortunately after about half an hour my blood pressure crashed and I felt really sick and unwell. I then started feeling severe pelvic pain and some contaction pain in my right side (left side still completely numb). They turned off the epidural but once my BP stabilised they increased the dose.

Half an hour later the same happened on my left hand side. They had to give me anti-sickness medication at this point, and increased the dose again.

By this time (10.30pm) they found that the baby's head was ready for me to push (I was so numb by this point I didn't know). Again due to SPD I could only lie on my side to push and couldn't open my legs (had to be held slightly apart), which combined with the lack of sensation to push made it really difficult (bit like pushing uphill!).

By 11.30pm I was absolutely exhausted and getting nowhere, despite pushing so hard I threw up everywhere!. Registrar arrived (who had helped me with my birth plan) and we talked through the options. Forceps/ ventouse carried a risk (small) to permanent damage to my pelvis. C-section was dangerous as baby's head was so low. Registrar suggested that if could be sat up on my back with bent knees (big NO for SPD) that it would be painful but he thought baby would be out in the next 2 contractions with no permanent damage to my pelvis.

Clearly the best option, and he was right as baby arrived 2 contractions later. The feeling of pride/ happiness/ love..... was just amazing. Last time DD1 was taken to special care and I was left in shock. This time I got to hold my baby and breastfeed/ skin to skin straight away. It was just magical. Had 2nd degree tear which needed to be stitched, and registrar suggested I kept feeding/ cuddling baby while they did it - best distraction ever (though couldn't feel any pain anyway due to massive epidural!). They let DH stay for 4 hours on our own with DD2, for lots of cuddles and rest.

The care I had throughout was fantastic. I was always given a choice and was never made to feel like I was over-reacting (like I did with DD1). The same midwife and trainee were with me for most of the birth until the delivery (when registrar and senior midwife arrived). They never left me for a minute. They took my SPD very seriously and always talked through any potential risks and gave me a lot of confidence. They all read my birth plan and stuck to it wherever they could. I had very little monitoring (until the epidural) and very few internals (only 2 in 16 hours).

DD1's birth was fast (3 hours) and brutal. No build up, no warning, no pain relief, no support. Obviously completely unexpected as 5 weeks early and it was boxing day (I thought I was being kept in overnight for routine monitoring). Was left alone in agony and terrified when I was told I had ages to go (I didn't). They didn't believe that things were going fast, they put me positions that were excrutiating (flat on back despite severe back problem). Worst of all, DD1 was taken to special care straight after birth.

PHEW THAT WAS A HUGE POST. Well done if you got to the end!. All in all it was a tough labour and a bit scary at times but it shows that good care makes all the difference. We are all smitten. Oh and we have a name - Eleanor Edith (Ellie for short).