Twins Club

[Amberc]

Here's the new thread!

Holidays my DP can be a bit of a pain, and I genuinely thought I would get no help at all. He is the type to make himself a coffee and not offer to make one for anyone else but he's really surprised me and actually been amazing. He was really stressed to in the run up to the birth, but relaxed immensly once they were here as he fell in love I hope your DH pulls his finger out once they get here!

My health visitor mentioned homestart to me, as they will send someone to help you a couple of times a week if you need it. Definitely worth looking at, you could also call your local college that run an NNEB course (2 year nursery nurse/nannying course) as they will often help out for free as part of their course.

Swazzee My girls were having formula top ups in hospital, they would literally do 2 sucks on the breast then fall asleep, so we'd wake them up and give them a bottle, because they were prem they didn't have much of a sucking reflex so we would squeeze the bottles to pour milk down their little necks!, Once my milk came in I was giving them expressed 40ml then got up to 60ml, since we gor home from hospital their sucking reflex has much improved and now I'm not giving them any formula so it's hard to know how much they actually drink. They are putting on weight though and I try to express 80ml each for the 11pm feed DP does. Worth giving La leche a call for some advice or looking at the kellymom website.

Sorry for everyone feeling rubbish, I have no advice because I hated being pregnant, I felt ill and exhausted the whole time and puked until the very end however it was definitely worth it because my girls are amazing just try to rest, go to the doctors and ask for help/get signed off if you need to, book yourselves in for a massage and treat yourself well, you deserve it!

I'll add the first 18 weeks were the worst for me after that I didn't feel quite so nauseous, I just was sick (without feeling sick) because of terrible acid reflux!

Holidays - I want you to give me your address so I can go and shove my size 7s up your OH's arse! What a fuckwit! I am so angry as that's the bloody last thing you need to hear when you are pregnant. He may well be more help when they are born as he will just have to as you won't be able to do it all yourself. I remember my OH getting stressed out thinking about how little time he would have to himself when we discovered we were having twins and he still does sometimes but he has never said he'll be no help to me at all. I think I would have gone for him. LAvitta has given some good advice. Homestart is 2 hours a couple of times a week - you should speak to them now to get them ready for when you give birth and my BF counsellor also suggested a local college where they are doing childcare courses as they will come to you one day p/w for free to help out as part of their course. Then you'll get cheapo babysitting too. I feel ever so sorry for you and imagine that even though you come over in your post as 'resigned' you must be very upset and frightened.

For the exhausted ones, I felt like tha too and now at 32 weeks I feel the bloody same! I have even got some of my sickness back which is hell. Hey ho. 5 more weeks. I try to look at it as a very small period in my life compared to when the children are born (and then you have all the new woes!!!)

Amber I have birth at 34 weeks, make.sure you are ready as it might be sooner than you think x

I hope not - I want my insurance company birth at the portland!!

holidays
I don't know you very well, so feel free to ignore me, but speaking as someone who has a 10 year old (not as hard as a 5 year old) and a DP who works away 5 days of the week, I can't tell you how hard it is. My house is constantly a mess, I'm absolutely knackered and if you have high standards you are just going to be heaping pressure on yourself. Also, DP and myself where very close before i had the babies, we hardly argued and got on well..........We have done nothing but argue and are not getting on well at all. In fact i told him to f*'@k off twice last night and added 'quite literally, cos you are no use to me'. We've been together 8 years and i never thought he would be like this, ie, no help. Slightly in his defence, he is at the house every weekend, trying to get it finished so we can move in. But he managed to finish early on sat to go out with his mates around town till 4am. That went down well. Told him i feel like leaving him, cos then he would want to see babies and i would then get a break. We are always having the argument about who is more tired. I want him to have the babies when he gets home from work and he wants some space cos he's just home from work. I'm just hoping that when we get in our house, it will change.
My point being that you don't sound close and the babies aren't even here, so you may end up being worse. (On the other hand he may surprise you.) If i was you, i would ask him how he expects you to cope without his help when most people need help with one baby. I'd be tempted to tell him, if he isn't going to help then what is the point of him being there cos he wll just be more washing up, washing, drying and ironing and you can do with out it. (Can you tell this is how i'm feeling!)

Thanks for all your advice, he told me this morning that he's never been hands on, it's how he is and nothing will change that but he IS there for me despite what I think.

I think you're right in the sense that he'll help out more when they arrive.
He's not good under pressure and I know he definetly feels under pressure now, with the pregnancy, work and other troubles (like money).
I hope things do get better for you sassy, my advice is to try grit your teeth through this rough patch and I hope it clears for you and you and your hubby manage to rekindle your feelings.
I have some things to sort out with my one but I think I'm doing it all the wrong way, as I said, he's useless under pressure so maybe there's another approach I can take to help him see things my way.
Until then I intend not to overdo it and relax when I need to. :)

sassy - that's so going to be me and my OH when the babies are born. He always gets grumpy when DS is playing up and we always end up shouting. We hardly ever rowed when we were child free...

Holidays - I still want to kick him

Do you know I get so upset hearing other peoples relationship problems... having a baby or two, and being together in general should be the happiest days of your life! I'm not saying my husband is perfect by any means (he commutes to London and is out of the house for up to 12-13hrs a day so couldn't possibly expect him to be too hands on when the babies arrive) but it's all about give and take and a bit of understanding isn't it?! I recently learnt that my brother and his wife are divorcing (never saw it coming) and to be honest when you look more into the details of the split, it would appear that my brother couldn't win.... she'd either want him doing jobs on the house or doing stuff with the kids. When he was doing one, she'd complain that the other wasn't getting done! Totally unreasonable and like my hubby he too commutes and does long hours in London. My point is, is that you have to figure out whether it's just sheer laziness and disinterest (is that a word?!) on his point or that he's too tired from either work or making a home for his family. Noone could argue being a stay at home mum isn't hard work or challenging but if you understand each others roles and accept them, then you can work through it. All this coming from a new to be mother (so what do I know) but I'd like to think I have some worldly wisdom about me at my age! Hope you guys manage to sort your problems out and enjoy being a family together.

Tabby well said. I guess it's easy and familiar in a forum of women to do a bit of moaning about men and "how useless they are" - imagine if there was an equivalent for men where they slagged off their wives, it just wouldn't be allowed. There are different ways of pulling on the rope of making a happy family, and it's important to give credit for things men do that we couldn't/wouldn't plus the burden of being the provider during maternity leave/in general.

Friends of ours went through 5 years of her being a SAHM and whenever we saw them she was berating her husband for being lucky to go off to work while she had a day at home with the children. She was very strongly of the view that he was living it up every day and she was the one doing the 'real work'. Bear in mind he was commuting, doing 12 hour days, in a high pressure environment, I can't imagine how he stood coming home to a wife slagging off his contribution! Then she resumed work and you have never seen anyone so career-minded...I think she would punch anyone who said her job was the easy option then. It always struck me that she wasn't giving credit for what he did, however difficult her day-to-day existence felt. They're splitting up now, as it happens...

Hey all...im still having issues with my cs scar over 2 weeks on and on antibiotics as its slightly infected and not healing very well...anyone else had this problem? midwife took a swab of it today and sent it to the labs...

cerubina - if I thought my hubby was on a an internet forum slating me I'd be devastated! The fact is, is that we just have different roles and bring different qualities to the marriage. Having children will undoubtedly (?) bring a burden on our relationship but at the end of the day, it was a joint decision, and children need two parents to help bring them up (my opinion sorry). I can't for one moment imagine my husband not helping out.

Had a rotten day Sunday and again today (felt nauseous, faint, lethargic and very heavy limbed) and had a few tears. My hubby said rest and take it easy. When I said the house will go to pot, he said he'd help out and not to worry about it. That's the kind of reassurance you wanna hear. I mean, twins are quite demanding to carry and take a lot more of a toll on your body. I really feel for any woman who is in a relationship where their other half isn't as supportive as they'd like. Hopefully they'll step up to the plate once the babies are here!

jenzapoos - hope your scar begins to improve soon. I must admit, that would be one thing that would make me change my mind of having an elective section (if I had the choice!)

Youre quite right about the different roles each brings to the home and I wouldnt complain or be upset if my OH did do something but he doesnt-he sits and tinkers on his pc at any free time and admits it too. His excuse? It distracts him from his problems.
Id rather he do something constructive like paint our flat or spend time with his daughter or tidy a mess. Any of these would have me happy.
When I asked him if he was going to support me all he had to say was yes but he didnt so how can he not expect me to go off on one? Nevermind the fact im 5 1/2 months pregnant with twins!

Anyway its all calm again here. I do hope those of you who are going through a tough time with your OHs manage to work it out and make up.

Well tabbycat76 and cerubina I suppose that's me and holidays told then!!!

Nevermind holidays if you feel like having a moan about your situation, you can come over to my sept birth thread, where everyone will listen and be supportive.
I think if i want to moan about my DP, i'm entitled. I'm pretty sure my DP slates me in every day life to his friends when i bug him and i'm not devastated. I would think it's pretty normal to let off some stream, and I tell him i've moaned about him on here.
Also i'm afraid that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture it's that bad, so having 2 babies isn't always the happiest days of your life. (I'd hate for anyone to get post natal depression on here.) But you haven't had yours yet, so you wouldn't know. I wouldn't call it wisdom, more like naivety. if it was wisdom, you would recognise that not every one is has lucky as you and you wouldn't be as smug.

sassy I'm sorry if you have taken what I was saying as smug?? I was trying to encourage holidays to take some control and draw a line as far as her OH is concerned. Over the last few weeks her posts have made it very clear she gets no help from him (look at the one 10 mins before yours!) and it frustrates me to know there's a man out there expecting his house to be spotless but not doing anything to help. If he won't help out now then in my view she needs to practice self-preservation and decide what she can and will do, and what she'll turn a blind eye to (in terms of housework standards). She needs to look after herself and the twins, and her other child - he is bottom of the pecking order.

holidays sorry to talk about you as if you're not here, I hope you didn't take my comments as smug either but an attempt to give a "wood for the trees" view of what you might try, from someone who's not involved but is hearing a strong message from you that you are confused and worried about how much you can do.

No worries ladies, its common practice for words to get misread on threads.

Goodness I just had the urge to belly flop onto my bed-glad I realised its not possible before I tried it! :o
I tell you these twins love playing kick about with my bladder!
How is everyone else finding there pregnancy?

Hi ladies, sorry to hear lots of you are struggling with your OHs. Being pregnant just puts such a strain on even the strongest of relationships but you have to be VERY selfish and look after number one (and your two and three!). You ladies sit on your nests and do nothing especially now you/we are all getting on. I am amazed at how tough I am finding it with my huge bump at 24 weeks....I was still commuting at 37 weeks with DD1.

Parenting is a job for BOTH parents, our OHs might go to work all day, but we spend all day looking after Little ones and that is hardcore full time.......at least they get to pee in peace, have a hot coffee, make that phone call and have a quick look on the net for something!

I had a trip to hosp on friday night (hence why I haven't posted for a few days) as I had chest pain and breathlessness. They kept me in for a while as they were concerned about clots but it was due to muscle strain of my chest wall (Prob from lifting the kids etc at work) I am on wind down now, have cancelled 2 of my kids with immediate effect. 3 weeks left of work. I am now packing my hospital bag (I know they suggest 28 weeks) as I had nothing but notes and a phone with half battery on friday.........have all the bits for the babes but will sort that out over xmas holls. Amberc I hope you bag is pack hun!

Are you all snowed in? Cerub did you get much? It's not stopped all day here.

Hey magic glad your back!
I used to get breathlessness when I was about 11 weeks or before but nothing painful.
I seem to be doing well I think as I can still do day to day without much difficulty. Although yesterday I felt a little lightheaded after walking to DD1s school to pick her up. I think I need a portable chair :o

Welcome back Magic and sorry you had a spell in hospital. Hope all is sorted out now. It does sound like a good idea to wind down the workload and get ready for whenever it may all happen - I'm sure I will leave it all too late and there'll be a mad scramble at some point!

We've had a bit of snow here, in some places it hasn't settled at all and in others it looks about 7-10cm deep. My husband had a hell of a time getting home last night as all the trains seemed to pack up, and he needed to get two buses plus do a 2 mile walk to get back. So glad I wasn't out in it (selfishly). I'm probably OK to return to work now but am going to work from home to avoid the chaos and ease back in gently. That starts tomorrow.

With my time off, I have been thinking that although my natural (hyper cautious) instinct is to put off big purchases like cars and buggies and furniture, this is all better done before the end of the year when the VAT rate goes up, so perhaps a bit of shopping is in order.

I had been assuming that our front door was wide enough to take a side by side buggy, but actually measured it yesterday and there is a mere 60cm of width. That's really narrow isn't it - no chance there's a side by side out there that'll go through it. The annoying thing is that we've just had our house done up, including fitting a new front door, and we could have had a much wider space as there's a side panel next to the door that we could have made part of the opening! But at the time we had no idea there were twins coming.

Anyway so now we have to decide whether to go with the preferred side by side option, in which case we'll always have to get them in and out of it when we're outdoors, or go with a tandem. I can well imagine that trying to get two sleepy/screaming/wriggling babies in and out of a buggy is so much easier to do inside the house than outside it (especially if the weather is bad). But then tandems just don't appear as good for them or for us to lug around. Dilemma! Any views on this welcome!

I've also been watching various baby programmes on Discovery Home & Health. Has anyone else seen these? There are a few American programmes and the impression they give is that (a) birth there is really medicalised - they go for a CS at the drop of a hat, and give fertility treatment when people have been trying for 6 months quite routinely, and (b) American women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat ice cream and Krispy Kremes like they're going out of style! ( jjkm I don't count you among these, I'm sure you are far healthier! Hope your babes are doing well still).

I'm 19 weeks today - probably at least halfway through and in that sense it seems to have flown! Hope everyone else is well and managing to avoid the ice and snow.

I'm going to go for a tandem, but I wont know what one until I go to all the shops.

I've been treading so carefully over the ice and snow, paranoid I'll slip and fall. Dangerous in our condition so be careful out there ladies!

Think I'm going for a tandem. I like the city select jogger and have heard good things from friends

I've been told you have to try them out in the shop before you buy because apparently looking at something online/catalogue just isnt the same as seeing how it functions in front of you so I guess I'll be off to Mothercare and the likes where they have some prams out on 'display'....
First hurdle is catching OH and dragging him with me :o

Dress it up as a 'technology' purchase holidays - men find it a lot easier to get excited about hardware than babygros and breast pads I reckon (which is probably as it should be!) I definitely won't be buying a buggy until I've seen it in the flesh and measured every square inch of it to be sure it'll fit.

Ok s'pose id better get the tape measure out too then!
I cant wait to do the shopping to be honest, its the 'now where will it go' that im worried about! :o