December 2010: no, it's not an autumn pumpkin up my jumper ...

[Miffster]

...and we're gliding towards the third trimester, draped in suitably flowing attire.

Just got back from the drs and I have anti-biotics to take, if I get worse then I have to go back. She's thinks it could be phneumonia. No wonder I feel so rough.

japhrimel hope the test results come back as you want tomorrow and that you can finally get some relief from the itching.

notso Not huge babies before, dd was 5lb 14 and a half at 36 weeks, ds1 was 7lb 12 and a half at 38 weeks and ds2 was 8lb 2 at 39 weeks.

maxpower glad the bedroom painting is going well!

FF hope you're feeling better now. Scan sounds lovely :)

DF that's not good, can't have made you feel good at all :(

Cheryl I've done more than my fair share of moaning on here so you don't worry about that. Sorry to hear things aren't good for you.

Pjen combination of the being ill and asthma apparently. Your midwife sounds horrible, I wouldn't want someone like that anywhere near me!

crazy hope you feel better soon, must be something going round as so many are ill here too.

Boys are playing with Lego (DP being the biggest child of them all and complaining the most when the best bits are taken )

Thanks ladies.

PJen - ooh what a horrible cow, maybe she should go and be a mw in Africa then she could see how fantastic it is for them without pain relief etc [sarcastic emoticon] or perhaps get a job as far away from people as possible. Good on you though for putting her in her place. The chest infection is just from the end of the flu, unfortunately a bad combination when you have asthma.

C&G, I had pneumonia when ds1 was a baby, so you certainly have my sympathies. Let DH look after you and take it as easy as you can.

It seems most of us on here are suffering with flu or cold of some sort, the gp did say to me that it's pretty rough atm.

As for my feelings of crapness, I just feel like I can't provide for the children. I can't set them the example I'd like to. All because of the choices that I have made 5,10,15 years ago. I know that all those choices were the right ones at the time, or certainly some (the huge ones) didn't feel right, but there was really no other choice. We both had to sell our houses when we split with our exes and both find renting really frustrating and can't see a way out of the hole we are in. I've done the best I can for the boys under the circumstances I've been/am in (I can write that down and know it's the truth, but I can't tell myself that and belive it (does that make sense?)), but feel that if I'd stood up for myself years back I'd have been able to give them (and myself) more than I have been able to, and ever will be able to. If I was to explain it all really deeply we'd be here a long long time(!), but it would seem like all my concerns are monetary. And while, yes, on the surface it does seem that way it runs a whole lot deeper than that.

maxpower I wish I could give up ironing, I've tried and have cut down through skillful folding but can't quite give it up.
Good luck with the bum wiggling!

MrsSL Hope you are back in your rightful place as domestic goddess soon. I have been training DH to cook a roast dinner just incase I can't manage it on Christmas day.

Franken Glad you enjoyed the scan, I am looking forward to having a growth scan but also nervous about what it may reveal. You have my sympathies re snoring, although it appears I am just as bad,poor DD had to come into our room and wake me up as I was humming loudly the other night

PJen That M/W sounds like a prime twunt, I would def ask for a new one.

Crazykat I am also becoming a control freak, I am either berating DH for not helping me or bollocking him for not doing things proplerly. I am also becoming freakishly tidy which is most unlike me.

C&G Poor you, hope the antibiotics work.
I had a big jump from DD 7lb1oz to DS 9lb5.5oz, goodness knows what this one will be.

Cheryl Sorry you are feeling down and regretting things. I know how it feels to wonder what if. Have you thought about councelling to help you work through things?

I have realised a girl who bullied me in school is a m/w where I am going to give birth, her DH has just started working for my DH. I do not want her anywhere near me or my baby, can I actually request that she isn't my midwife if it comes down to it?

thanks notso ! You can definitely request that she not care for you and as healthcare has to be delivered on a consent basis, they have to respect your wishes.

miffster sorry you are still suffering. I knwo what you mean about spending all the money though. I am doing a bit better as long as I am really careful not to overdo it.

cheryl sorry you're feeling down, feel free to come on and moan any time though.

C&G hope the antibiotics work and you start to feel much better soon.

PJen your midwife sounds completely out of order. I would consider requesting you switch to someone else. I don't think you actually have to have a reason. Maybe you could contact the PALS service at your hospital for some advice?

notso you absolutely do not have to have anyone like that in your labour. Again, no need to explain why, just say you are not comfortable and request someone else- or brief your DH to speak up for you if it is her. When DD was born there was someone I knew on the maternity ward who I didn't want anywhere near us. It was actually not and issue, I never saw her once, but was fully prepared to request someone else if needs be. With this one, if I end up delivering in hospital I have a friend who is a midwife there who I would LOVE to be on duty, but doubt it will happen.

crazykat hope you get your rest and feel better soon.

Sorry for anyone else I've missed and especially big hugs to everyone with coughs, colds, SPD and other aches and pains.

Baby is still transverse here andmy bump is a bit odd looking - very square. My belly button is sticking out so much I've developed an interesting stretchmark pattern all around it. Nice!

Iv got a square bump too lottalove still got an inny though :-)

Sorry your feeling down cheryl , Im sure your boys will grow up knowing how much you love and care for them and knowing you did everything you could to give them an amazing life

PJen your mw sounds horrific! Tell her to bugger off to africa then!

Does anyone know anything about aneamia (spell?) my mw said my iron level is 10 despite me taking iron tablets daily, and that if it drops to below 9.2 I would have to see a consultant and possibly get a tranfusion, how would this affect the baby?

well we are all definitely having a rough few days - my sympathies with all of you . I came back from work early and came to bed only got up to go to dinner and am now back in bed! About to get hot water bottle and hot milk! Bump has been very quiet today still moving around but not as busy as normal - have almost felt like I am in early labour at times today so trying to rest. Have to go to Plymouth tomorrow for a formal function - really don't want to go but as I have had to organise it I have to be there! One bonus there will be over 100 Doctors there so I should be ok!!!
Aaah bump now awake!

cheryl you will go round and round and hate yourself more and more if you keep dwelling on the past. For every bad decision you must have made many more good decisions in order to be where you are today, and have to have been a strong and brave person. So however crap it is, you can deal with it.

• Whenever I have been feeling down on myself as a mother (and nearly everyone does sometimes) I know I need to get out the house for a bit, walk, shop, see a friend, have an indulgent lunch or a haircut. Then I have perspective to deal with the here and now. I am sure you meet all your kids needs and more- which is different to what they want . If you can't get out do you have a special memory you can hold onto to remind you the special things don't cost money? eg when my DS1 was little and I was feeling low he came and gave me a hug and said "mummy I think you need a makeover" and got a towel and my makeup and made me look like a clown. Or my other son picking up manky old leaves and giving them to me as presents "cos they are beautiful, like mummy". They really don't care what your house or you look like, whether you work or not or if you shout at them sometimes.( Until they are teens then you are always wrong ;))

Sorry if I am out of line there but can't have a mum-to-be feeling so low. Feel free to vent on here any time, but if it is ongoing please get some RL help too.

ff good advice there ! Well I'm awake at stupid o' clock again! Bump is doing a tango in my belly so i' m going to try and read for a while!

lauren unless you have another condition which makes a low iron level dangerous I don't think anyone would give you a transfusion at 9.2, that's just ludicrous. Mine is 9.2, or was a few weeks ago and it probably lower now. It went down to 8 when I was in labour with ds2 and noone mentioned anything about transfusions! I've never heard of that happening until it's around 5 tbh. I haven't had to see a consultant either, just told to take iron/natural supplements etc.

Cheryl you are doing what's best for your children, being there and giving them stability is doing that for them. You can't change the past so try not to dwell on that (I know it's hard!) just work towards creating the best future that you can for you and your family (hugs)

notso do you think/are you worried that baby will be even bigger this time? I'm worried that mine will be especially as it's likely that I have GD, being tested next week but not looking forward to finding out tbh as then I'll just have to be refusing lots of extra medical things during labour. Agree that you can request she not be near you during labour and also that she plays no part in your care.

MrsS hope you feel better today, take it easy and drink lots of water, you don't want to be going in labour yet! Do get checked out though if you're worried about that though.

Morning, I'm feeling crappy still today, been coughing so much so I've been using my inhaler a fair bit. Taken anti-biotics but still not really feeling up to eating. So tired still, hate feeling like this. Dishwasher flooded this morning too so going to have to call someone out to have a look at it, doubt that will be until next week now though.

Hope everyone feels better soon! So many people with coughs / colds etc. Take good care C&G, Mrssnaplegs, Miffster and anyone else feeling rough.... Hopefully everyone will be fighting fit in another week. All this is making me think I may go for the flu jab after all - I wasn't going to be hearing you all suffering makes me dread getting any kind of flu nearer the due date.

Cheryl - Sounds like you're having a rough time of it - others have given great advise, and I'd agree that if you can, try your best to look forward and not back. I've made some dodgy decisions in the past but I think that your past and the decisions you make shapes who you are and you're obviously a nice, lovely person and a great mum. . Hope you feel brighter very soon.

Laure - Thats so bizarre - a transfusion for 9.2? I lost 5 pints of blood during a haemorrage after having DS2 and even then they only gave me a transfusion when my level fell below 5. Is there an underlying reason why they may be concerned about your iron levels?

laurenamium know how you feel as I have been leaking for the last 4wks. So much so that I have to wear incontinence pads as otherwise can't leave the bathroom never mind the house . Can't move at times without leaking but not convienced it all urine - think watery discharge also (TMI) as don't leak when sneeze or cough. Did get checked out at antenatal appointment for leaking amniotic fluid but no tear seen.

Sorry everyone feeling unwell/down. Hope you all be better soon.

P.S. Maybe it's already been discussed but has any tried Hypnobirthing? Am half way through the book and wondering if anyone has any experience of it. Really don't want to have any medical intervention this time, including pethidine, as it had a bad effect on both myself and DS - both spaced out for about 3 days afterwards. Also hated being confined to bed by midwives during labour which didn't help as DS got stuck and needed a Vac-ex and then given injection to speed up afterbirth without being asked (can't remember what it's called).

Morning, just had a phone call to go for growth scan at 12:00, I'm excited to see the baby again.
C&G I am not worried about having a big baby but would like to be prepared this time.
Nobody mentioned last time that there was a chance DS was going to be big until I was trying to push him out and they were offering episotomy and talking about forceps etc, none of which I needed thankfully. Also would like to prepare my self for the comments that big babies seem to get- not all of which are particularly nice.

Thanks all for the advice on refusing bully midwife, I keep thinking the ward will be packed and she'll be the only one available, I'd rather deliver by myself than be in the same room as her.

Also thinking about having the flu jab, had suspected swine flu last year and it was awful.

Hope everyone is feeling a bit better today, sending you all virtual honey and lemon and tissues

ah thanks c&g and chooster :-) i thought it was odd too! I've been anaemic since i was 13 and the tablets dont work but thats the only reason I could have thought, probably just me and the midwife getting our wires crossed :-)

Hello girls,
Sorry to be a drag but I am :( as I called hospital to switch MWs and they told me that I have no choice as I don't live close enough to the hospital...When I joined this hospital I lived close to it and then moved further west and kept the hospital as I felt worried to change it then and the hospital said I could stay with them. But now it seems they are treating me differently as I would if I lived closer....I have no choice on my MW as I won't have my "own" MW they said. Anyone could carry my birth I am told. Whoever is around at that time will be my MW. So they told me for this very reason they don't change the MW I see now because it is likely that she won't take care of me anyway at the time of labour! But who will? I would prefer to know my MW and have/build a trust before giving birth... no? not happy :(

I am thinking about switching to Queen Charlotte now (if they accept me) as it is closer to where I live now. Anyone knows this hospital?

REally hope that those of you with cold and chest infections get better soon and that the rest of us keep ourselves away from viruses till this pregnancy is over. You have enough to deal with being heavy and lack of sleep and a cold/flu really adds a lot to the load. Lauren ask your healthcare provider on why they think you need a transfusion. It is not fun but not that bad if you medically need it and better than passing out due to lack of blood...
Thank you to frankenfanny for sharing your lovely memorries and making me smile. I wish my life had a fast forward button I could push and be in mid december, safe and sound home holding my baby in hand and all worries of giving birth and things going wrong behind me...

Laure - - hopefully you'll get a clear answer on it soon... It just seems so strange to even bring up the possibility of a transfusion at this stage, it would be interesting to hear what they say at your next appt... Either way hope you are feeling OK in yourself and not too lethargic.

PJEN - did the hospital you are currently with originally say you'd have a consistent midwife through antenatal and birth? I think smoe areas seem to offer something like that but I'd never even heard of this being a possibility and this is DC3! Each time in my antenatal care I see any one of 4 or so midwives and they will defaintely not be there at my birth as they are community midwives as opposed to hospital midwives. So basically I get whoever is on shift at the time - and then depending on the length of the labour you'll get a couple of shift rotations anyway. However, my antenatal midwives should be the same ones I see post-natal. All my experiences have generally been good in labour though and I dont think its made any difference to me that I've not met them before. As long as you are up to speed with your specific preferences for the labour then you should be just fine .

notso the comments about bigger babies don't sound very nice :( How did the scan go?

Pjen that is rubbish, you don't have to see anyone you don't have to and that includes the midwife now, you can absolutely refuse to see her. I would be complaining at this point too. I wouldn't expect to have the midwife you usually see to be the one there when you give birth though. I had never met the midwives at my births before the day and rarely see the same one for appointments either.

I've been thinking about a homebirth lately, is anyone elese going for one? I'd quite like a waterbirth but I labour quite quickly and don't want to have to be rushing into hospital either too early or too late.

My blood tests came back okay again, though I couldn't get the actual levels over the phone from the GP surgery. My GP is away for 2 1/2 weeks meaning I couldn't even book in with him for my standard 31 week apt so I called my MW and booked in with her instead. She suggested calling the hospital Day Assessment Unit and they were helpful - actually checked my BA level results for one and said I need to get rechecked every 7-10 days, but that it could just be hormone induced itching not affecting the liver.

So I'm no further forwards, but feel a bit better that I'm being looked after properly. I think I'm going to ask my MW if I can see her for my remaining standard appointments. I just don't feel my GP or even other GPs at the surgery are up to doing my antenatal care, especially after the hassle over getting the right blood tests done!

Off to Boots tonight to try and find some Eucerin Itch Relieving spray and calamine lotion - I'm desperate for some relief from this!

PJen - you should be able to change MWs for your antenatal care, but it isn't normal to necessarily get that MW for birth. In most areas it's a case of whoever is on duty - they're not going to call a MW in on her holiday or day off for example.

C&G - we were planning a home water birth, but that may be changed now. If my blood tests go positive, it'll definitely be out as I'll be booked in for induction at 37 weeks. Even if they don't go positive, we may reconsider because I feel that if there is even a risk I might have OC then I don't fit the low-risk, no complications category.

laurenamium - hope you get it sorted why they think a transfusion is neccessary.

notso - you can let the Supervisor of Midwifery that you don't want that MW involved in your care before you give birth.

Hello ladies, have been stalking you all for a while, comparing notes on how other pregnant ladies of the same gestation are managing! Hope it's ok that I contribute at this late stage.

Laurenamium - your midwife was quite right, if you have iron deficiency anaemia which can be determined by your MCV and Hb and it doesn't respond to oral iron preparations (ferrous sulpahte/ ferrous fumerate with additional folic acid and Vit c to aid absorption) then the next line of treatment is intravenous iron transfusions. I can understand that you would have thought it would be a blood transfusion, but iron transfusions are quite commonly given during the antenatal period for those who do not respond to oral preparations. The rationale being that to boost your Hb before labour with mean you are less likely to suffer the effects of anaemia post delivery and reduces the risk of PPH. Depending on your Hb they might offer weekly or even thrice weekly transfusions - but don't worry it's on an outpatient basis! Look up Venofer, one of the most common preparations.

Anyway a big wave to all and can I join your gang!?!

Hi all, I'm online people carrier hunting. We bought a car seat for ds1 that fits fine between 2 normal booster seats, but that, plus booster seat & baby seat just doesn't work. ds1 would stand no chance in a side impact and probably actually both boys as the seat belt clips are so close together they'd probably be crushed and fail in any kind of crash. On top of that the baby seat would only be able to go behind me in the passenger seat as it won't fit behind the drivers seat with either of us driving and won't fit behind passenger seat with dp there, and seatbelt barely fits round it. What's a Mondeo if it's not a family car? Grrr. So now just need to find a dealer to give us a reliable full size people carrier in exchange for a 9yr old mondeo.

PJen, cpmplain, complain, complain! They cannot refuse you. Do you not see a community mw? As others have said you will get whoever is on duty at the time you are in labour, which tbh I've never found a problem.

C&G, I'm (fngers crossed) having a home birth. I wish I'd had one with ds2. I'm like you, very quick, I labour quicker than the time it takes to fill a pool, so I'm not even considering a water birth. I was talking to a mum at school last week and she loved her HB.

Japh, glad you've got better care sorted out, hopefully being looked after by a mw will mean that you will get the tests etc that you need.

Again, thanks everyone for your virtual shoulders to cry on and ears to bend. FF, you're spot on, and your stories were lovely, made me think of the 1st time ds1 toild me he loved me. I was huddled in a corner of the kitchen crying (don't know why) and he came up to me and said 'I love you mum' which just made me burst into even more tears! He spoke very little so was even more special. I then went to work a few hours later, still a bit snuffly, one of the girls (also a mum) asked me what was wrong, cue a waterfall of tears, snot everywhere and me blubbering that ds1 had told me he loved me. She luaghed and gave me a hug, while all the others there (all childless, living at home) looked at me like I was a loon!

Anyway, best get on with more people carrier hunting before dinner. I'm down to one tonight as ds1 is staying at his friends house, so no arguments!

Hi malteser welcome along

japh that's not good, was hoping you'd be able to get some relief from the blood tests, and it doesn't even mean you don't have it either does it? I hope the cream helps.

malteser low iron doesn't increase your risk of pph, in fact, some studies and midwives believe that because your iron is low your body knows and actually loses less blood. Obviously if you do bleed a lot then low iron would make that a little more risky but it's nothing to be overly concerned about. They tried to bully me into having a cannula put into my hand for no other reason than my iron count was low. They told me I could die during labour if I didn't have it in luckily I'm not easily bullied and told them I wasn't having it, end of that. Welcome btw :)

cheryl my last labour was just over an hour so I'm not sure about the filling of a birthing pool either but in an ideal world! I'm just really worried about the traffic around Christmas time and ending up giving birth in the car or the hospital corridor, especially as they're renovating the maternity hospital and you have to go in through a different exit which is further away!

Hi finally back from 12:00 scan!
Baby is looking like a proper baby, very chubby cheeks and head is down which I am surprised at, the little 'head' I have been patting is actually a bum!
Only on 93rd centile so not massive but I am carrying a lot of fluid so was admitted onto ward while they found someone to discuss things with me.
Had TORCH test to rule out infections being the cause of extra fluid.
Went on the monitor for an hour, and they were a little concerned as I had 15 strong braxton hicks contractions while I was on it, so have been advised to take it easy this weekend.
Having glucose tolerance test next week, then seeing consultant again week after.

C&G I would go for homebirth especially if you have quick labours, but bear in mind the traffic thing works both ways, midwives getting to you at home as well as you getting to hospital.

japh hope you get some respite from the itching with those creams. Thanks for the tip about midwife.

malteser welcome and congratulations.

Cheryl Good luck with car hunting, DD was most unimpressed when we informed her she was going to have to be relegated to the middle when the baby comes. Thankfully she no longer needs a booster especially when she's in the middle.