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Should I be annoyed? Brother's not directly told me his wife is pregnant

13 replies

purplemuch · 22/08/2015 14:19

Hi, this is my first post so I hope I've done it right. I've been TTC for 5 months, and I know this isn't very long, but it just feels like everyone else is getting pregnant right now.
So, this morning, I've found out that my sister in law is pregnant. I found out because they have posted a picture of an announcement on fb. I wasn't tagged in the post or anything, and I only found the post as my mother had shared it.
I'm hurt and very much upset that my brother hasn't taken the time to let me know personally that they are expecting. And I'm now not sure how to proceed, saying congrats on fb to my brother feels a bit disingenuous, but then again that's how he has chosen to announce it.
So, I'm just wondered, am I right to be annoyed about the way they've gone about it, or am I being over sensitive about it because it's not me that gets to be pregnant? Thanks.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 22/08/2015 14:22

I think you're being over sensitive but that's understandable.

Rockinghorse123 · 22/08/2015 14:28

I don't think you're being oversensitive. I have no idea why people choose to tell immediate family such important news over Facebook. I would be upset too Flowers

BeautifulBatman · 22/08/2015 15:13

I'd be upset regardless of my ttc status. Are in close to your brother?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 22/08/2015 15:16

It would annoy me too ... facebook seems to avoid peoples responsibility to be sociable!

purplemuch · 22/08/2015 15:29

We aren't "close" as such. But I was talking to him 3 days ago and he didn't mention anything. I got a phone call back when he found out his wife was pregnant with his first child. Honestly, I'd have accepted any form of direct contact, txt, email, even just being tagged in the fb post. But to have none of these, as well as the comments on the post indicating that many people were already aware, kind of cuts deep.

OP posts:
sleepy11 · 28/08/2015 15:47

Would annoy me - my brother and sil were v similar about their last one, didn't update us on scans or anything! His logic was "we didn't ask" Confused Er, we didn't know when they were??

Anyway, it ended up with me berating him for being so bloody weird and was a big row. I would definitely mention that you felt hurt but sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and accept that some people are just odd!!

queenofthishouse · 28/08/2015 15:54

Who posted it him or her?

They might have just forgot.

I'd send a breezy message saying ' hey numb nuts thanks for telling the world before me! ;-) congratulations and I can't wait to meet my nephew!! Xx '

You've only been trying a very very short time. Pregnancy is not exclusive to you first. This really isn't worth the upset or fall out over. Some people don't want a big fanfare of ringing everybody.

Be happy for them

goldiesoxx · 26/09/2015 11:52

Do they know that you are ttc? I've been ttc for 4+ years and in that time every single one of my close friends has had babies/is now pregnant. It's tough for me but it's also tough for them to celebrate around me as they know my situation. Perhaps they were worried about telling you and upsetting you? Sometimes people offend and upset you despite their good intentions. I do understand why you feel the way you do though, I'd be very upset if either of my brothers did that.

goldiesoxx · 26/09/2015 11:52

Also, good luck with your ttc journey X

DelphiStar · 30/10/2015 16:18

Facebook makes announcement so easy and impersonal. I think it is fair enough for you to have expected him to tell you personally.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 16/11/2015 08:57

Facebook is how me, my husband and his dad found out my SIL was pregnant. And that's she'd had the baby, now I come to think about it. I was annoyed but my husband wasn't-his sister and her DH are obsessed with Facebook and there isn't one event they don't splash all over it. His dad still gets upset when he thinks about it though. I'm sorry you found out this way-people forget sometimes that FB is a website-it's not the same as socialising in person and I don't believe it replaces real contact.

CharminglyGawky · 14/12/2015 19:59

We found out about BIL's latest child after she was born... And yes DH had spoken to him a few times in the months running up to her birth and asked him how things were, he clearly didn't think to mention there was a baby on the way!

It makes no sense to me how close family doesn't tell each other this sort of thing so I would be upset as well, but I'd just move on from it, there is no point in kicking up a fuss now no matter how unreasonable your brother has been!

PaperGarden · 22/12/2015 15:02

I have to admit I'd be annoyed. I think different people just perceive facebook and it's importance differently. When I had my first we went round meeting up with people to tell them even the friends we don't see very often we met up with. My mum rang all the extended family with the news and THEN we posted on facebook for everyone else to see, and we were about 5 months by then. On the other hand, I've seen people post pictures of positive tests two minutes after they've done them and their parents replying shocked! I would never dream of that but some people's worlds work that way now.

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