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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

just wanted to talk!!!

84 replies

mumtosomeone · 10/08/2005 07:27

Sorry you guys are getting this...you dont have to read on!!!! I had a scan yesterday and found I am no longer pregnant! I was only 7 weeks but i am so upset. I didnt expect to feel like this! Dh is trying to be supportive and I understand he has lost a baby too! I am still bleeding and it is getting heavier. Each time I go to the loo I am saying goodbye again to my poor little baby! I want toscream at him!! I am up now with the little ones whilst he snores in bed!! I want to thump him and scream and shout!!! Am I being awful! We told no one i was pregnant so no one knows I have lost it!(told ds(14) and DD(12)) Dh keeps asking if I am ok! I want to shout of course Iam not ok you stupid man!!! But instead i smile and say yes! When I cry he say 'oh whats the matter?' I want to say are you fing stupid or what!!!
I love this man so much but right now he is driving me mad!! i think he is mean and selfish and unsupportive,but I know he is doing his best!!
Sorry I will shut up now!

OP posts:
baggybear · 11/08/2005 01:27

cadmum, are you still there?

baggybear · 11/08/2005 01:41

sorry i missed you, cadmum. perhaps we could catch up tomorrow (or later today, should i say). Thank you for your post on march thread. If you speak to M2S1 tell her that i'm sorry to hear about her loss and if it helps i'm here and understand what she is going through.

hope to speak to you very soon xxx

Cadmum · 11/08/2005 01:43

I am here again but I really hope that you have headed off to bed with your son.

I feel so sad for you. would love to talk to you.

Cadmum · 11/08/2005 01:49

I am stepping away from the computer to read stories to DS2. I am hoping that you are settled in bed with your son and that sleep has taken you off to a sweeter place. I will be looking for you later in the event that you cannot sleep.

baggybear · 11/08/2005 09:34

Still looking for M2S1!! Anyone know where she is??

I did get a bit of sleep in the end, but not til about 3.30am. It was the worst night of my life. I felt so lonely. I'm used to DH working nights, but til now i had a littl eperson to chat to til i drifted off. I know baby was only a bean but i've done the same with all my babies - talked to them from word "go".

Cadmum - it would be great to stay in touch with you. How are you doing?

baggybear · 11/08/2005 09:36

Oh, cadmum, i've just read the march thread back a little bit (couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday) and i've just seen your wonderful news. You must be so happy. I'm really happy for you. I wish you so much luck and love {{{hugs}}} xxxxxx

Nemo1977 · 11/08/2005 09:42

hello
only just seen this and wanted to send you hugs. I kept my first 2 mcs quite from people around until I had my ds then it all came pouring out. I also had a missed mc in dec which was horrendous as everyone knew I was pg[supposed to have been 15 wks but baby died btw9-10} In a way it was hard people knowing but then it was also a necessity as i had to have d+c so was really distressed by it....I know you feel your hubby doesnt understand but i think even thought blokes have lost hte baby to they tend not to feel as much of a failure or connection about it...probably doesnt make sense..but if you want to talk i am around.

baggybear · 11/08/2005 09:49

thanks nemo. I think i will be aroung for a while on this thread. Day time isn't too bad as i'm busy. But nuight times are horrible coz DH is a night worker and i'm so lonely at night right now. Think MN is going to have to get me through some long nights.

coppertop · 11/08/2005 10:53

Baggybear I couldn't get on the March thread but wanted to say how truly sorry I am.

How are you, MtS?

baggybear · 11/08/2005 16:48

Cadmum - did you see my post for you on other MC thread? I am really pleased for you, you know. xxxx

baggybear · 11/08/2005 19:38

Mumtosomeone!! I'm really worried about you. Hoping you have been reading here and will, when you feel like it, post so we can chat. Thinking of you {{{{{hugs}}}}} Hope to speak to you soon xxxxxx

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 12/08/2005 09:48

baggy, just tried to cat you but cant!
I havent beenon for a bit cos I have been keeping busy. Its our holiday week and I have still been going out! Wed was the worst day for me I think.
feel stupid crying all the time and it wasnt really a baby was it!
My ds(10) was away when i found out so I explained why mummy was a grump and he cried.
Will I ever feel normal again!
I feel I have lost so much. We werent sure whether to have anothe or not but it happenend, now i feel I have lost my last chance!

OP posts:
Original poster
mumtosomeone · 12/08/2005 10:01

Baggy can you cat me?

OP posts:
Diddle · 12/08/2005 10:38

mumtosomeone - It will get easier, which i know is easy for me to say now, but i felt like you do, and it was horrible, thought i'd never be back to normal again. give it time.
Don't feel bad about crying, you need to let all your emotions out, if you bottle them up it won't get any easier.
I hope you're looking after yourself, and taking it easy.
((((((((big hugs to you)))))))))

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 12/08/2005 10:45

thanks diddle!
Its good to let my feelings out on here as I have told no one!
Here I can say exactly what I think as no one really knows me!

OP posts:
munz · 12/08/2005 10:47

m2s - u have nothing to feel silly about, of course it was a baby, and it was v real. if you need to cry you cry honney, If u need to shout then u shout and scream, the way you are feeling is perfectly natural and understandable.

you will feel normal again, but it will take time - and I know that's of no comfort to you right, but things will get easier, jsut take things one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be.

be good to yourself honney. ((((hugs)))) and try to get some rest.

and as for DH's well, mine was hte same, I just think they either don't understand or it's their way of coping with things as i'm sure he feels he has to be strong for you but inside he will be breaking in two as well. have a chat to him when you feel a bit stronger. (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) my heart really does go out to you and baggybear.

munz · 12/08/2005 10:48

and diddles right - I bottled the first m/c emotions up and ran away, the second m/c was worse I felt as I was also dealin with the grief from the first one. you jsut take care of yourself hon.

thoughts are with u and ur family.

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 12/08/2005 10:51

We have had a chat! I seem to text him, its easier!! Then I can get it all out!! But we have talked and i told him I am angry..but not really with him. I cant help how i feel! He is always tired anyway and it seems hard for him to think i cant get on as I always do. I am usually very strong and i dont think he can cope with the fact he needs to be!
He has cried. He says what he thinks i want to hear which isnt always what I need to hear!! He agrees with me..when i said it was my last chance..he said 'I know' instead of dont be daft we can try again. I said i dont want to be pregnant again because i cant go through this again and he agreed to that too!! I dont know what i want him to say and I dont know what I expect him to do! poor man he cant do anything right!!!

OP posts:
Diddle · 12/08/2005 12:27

men have no idea what the right thing to say is, they do say what they think you want to hear, or just agree with you, but maybe inside he is thinking as you are, that there is still hope and that although this has happened to you, it doesn't mean it will happen again.
I'm very pleased you have talked and started to understand what one another are going through, this is a tough time for you both and you need to be working as a team, and supporting each other. I hope you're getting closer to doing that

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 13/08/2005 07:46

Done lots more talking and I think we are ok now!
Decided to tell parents as we thought they would be hurt if they found out somehow later plus they can see we are down. Told my mum yesterday and telling his today! Dreading it!!Said to my mum going to tell you something then please dont talk about it..cant say that to his!! She did ask if i was ok and stuff! Thought things had settled down too ,but got up this morning got a dull ache and lost quite a bit more including clots (tmi?) is this normal?

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 13/08/2005 07:56

hi mts - yes losing clots is normal. like a really heavy period. I am glad you're doing OK, have been thinking about you a lot. I am glad you decided to tell people too - on most occasions I have told those closest to me so that I don't have the extra strain of dealing with any comments they might make inadvertently. (stupid and thoughtless comments they make anyway, they're another matter ). You need to be a bit kind to yourself and give yourself a fighting chance.
keep smiling and hope you're doing something nice today.
HCxx

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 13/08/2005 08:00

was just worried as I thought I had lost the baby on Wed. lost a big clot and bled heavily!(sorry about this) bled Thursday but slowing and slowed yesterday thought it was almost over. Now it is back to Wednesday strength if not more so! Started bleeding last Friday so didnt know how long this will go on!

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 13/08/2005 08:06

sorry,might go on for a while. Losing the lining and all that. Have you been offered a d&c?

Original poster
mumtosomeone · 13/08/2005 08:21

no. told to go home take painkillers!!!
Should be ok in a week!!! If bleeding got heavy go back!

OP posts:
Diddle · 13/08/2005 18:26

sounds very normal. I bled for 2 weeks after both of mine, stopped completely at one point and then started again really heavy. Be prepared whereever you go, might not be gone when you think. Glad you told your family, don't think i could keep that from my mom. At some point talking about it might help you rather than upset you.

xxx

thinking of you