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Original poster

Do you know what, I am so angry and hurt, I cant deal with it

100 replies

TrinityRhino · 30/09/2009 00:54

it feels like I cant breath
it so fucking wrong
more wrong than anything

why

what the fuck did I do

and I cant make it better ever
ever

OP posts:
WouldntTouchThemWithYours · 02/10/2009 01:23

Just wondering how you're doing Trinity?

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 02/10/2009 03:17

I'm doing shit
fucking my kids up proper

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 02/10/2009 03:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlsyearapart · 02/10/2009 03:58

just saying hi trinity as i'm up and saw this thread,

just being there for your kids means you are not doing shit.

you're doing the best you can with the awful hand life has dealt you.

thumbwitch · 02/10/2009 04:24

oh Trinity - so for you.
I know you are having lots of help but have you spoken to anyone, like Cruse, about this? They deal with people in your situation all the time. Even the Samaritans might be able to help if you just want someone to rage to.
No one can ease the pain of what you are going through, but they can help you learn to deal with it better - I'm sure your DC won't be fucked up by what you're going through specifically but they might need to talk to someone themselves, especially if talking to/with you about your DH is too painful.

I expect you have already been told all this before but just in case...

I can't begin to imagine what life must be like for you at the moment but I hope the angry phase starts to lift soon, and if it doesn't then you definitely need to talk to someone about things.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 02/10/2009 04:34

I'm so sorry for you Trinity.

Your family has been pulled apart in the most dreadful cicumstances but please don't think you are doing anything but the best you can for your children.

You and your children will get through this together somehow.

Whatever I say sounds complete crap because I've not been in your situation but I hope knowing people do care helps in some small way.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 02/10/2009 04:44

Thinking of you and your family

Restrainedrabbit · 02/10/2009 04:58

I was widowed 9 years ago now, it probably doesn't help but your feelings are so normal. The need to know why, for explanations is suffocating at this stage as is the need to lean on the one person you can't.

Keep talking, there are lots of people who do understand and want to help. Remember the five minute rule.

A very un-MN hug to you sweetheart.

differentWitch · 02/10/2009 06:34

Trinity- I assure you that you aren't ruining your kids forever.

I was about the age of your eldest girl when my father died. In completelty different circumstances, but he still died. I saw my mother angry and depressed and feeling guilty that she'd had to tell us Dad had passed away and it took a long time for the hurt to go away. Do you know what- I wasn't permanently scarred by seeing my mum upset- I learned at that time that my mother had feelings, that she had loved my Dad and that she was as angry as I was that Dad had been taken from us. What helped was just having a hug, even when neither of us really wanted it and just wanted to shut everyone out.

It's normal to feel so angry and upset, especially as he's been gone less than 6 weeks. It was not your fault- everyone blames themselves, but it was not your fault.

Sorry to post and run, but I am in work for a 7 start. Hope today improves for you. x

differentWitch · 02/10/2009 06:36

sorry, misquoted there. you are not "fucking my kids up proper"

Restrainedrabbit · 02/10/2009 09:18

I'm sure this has been said a thousand times before but i can't recommend WAY enough, they will provide excellent support for you and your kids if needed.

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 02/10/2009 09:24

Trinity, please please don't take this the wrong way but I am glad to see you posting about feeling angry. It is all part of the process of getting your head around the most awful thing that can happen to you.

You are not messing up your children's lifes. You are doing your best in a difficult time and you need to focus on that.

CAT me if you want my number for texting when you need to talk. You know I understand about depression even if I can't understand about your most awful loss.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 02/10/2009 09:31

Trinity - couldn't see this and not post. You're in my thoughts. X

morningpaper · 02/10/2009 09:34

and me Trinity

It is utterly shit

Toady · 02/10/2009 09:46

Life is so fucking shit sometimes.

I am so sorry

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2009 09:50

trinity - have emailed.

differentWitch · 02/10/2009 16:44

Trinity, how ar ethings this evening- have been thinking about you all day.x

Julezboo · 02/10/2009 16:54

Thinking of you xx

Lulumama · 02/10/2009 16:58

trin, it's not fair, it;s ont right and it's ok to feel angry

all i know for sure is, you are not fukcing up your kids

take all the support you can and don't ever apologise for needing to offload

Restrainedrabbit · 02/10/2009 21:26

Trinity, how are you today? Anything we can do?

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 02/10/2009 23:13

dunno how I'm doing

social worker has finally got in touch and coming on tuesday

I have to, just have to stop shouting at my babies

tonight I dodn't shout at them at bedtime..
but they did end up still fucking awake at 10pm and they have ended up in my bed with dora on as their dads telly which they had in their room went bang yesterday

they also bothe had a bottle of milk and a chocolate biscuit in bed

I mean how much more fucking crazy can it get

but at least I didn't shout at them

they cant go to sleep feeling like mummy doesn't love them anymore

OP posts:
comewhinewithme · 02/10/2009 23:17

Trinity (((((((hugs)))))))) .

Meglet · 02/10/2009 23:30

Trinity, please don't be harsh to yourself. You are a mummy who obviously loves her babies very much. So utterly sorry for what you are all going through .

differentWitch · 02/10/2009 23:32

Trinity, have a hug.((hug))

petetong · 02/10/2009 23:37

Trinity in the big scheme of things does it really matter if they go to bed with a bottle and chocolate biscuit. Give yourself a break my dear and let things slide for a while. You are not going to lose control of your dcs because you are cutting them a bit of slack for the time being. Be kind to yourself and your dcs.