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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My Baby Girl died

97 replies

verunka · 21/06/2009 21:28

It is 8 days since our angel left us. She has died one week after birth, cause was a brain damage, caused by cut on air supply at some point of pregnancy.. doctors dont know..

I'm beeing strong. I'm feeling empty and kind of death. I can't find things to do. My husband has to go back to work and I dont know what to do with myself. It is so hard to see all the pregnant woman and all the babies and mums...

I wanna get pregnant straight away
I am so scared of getting pregnant
I am scared of pain which ripped my heart appart

Is there anyone who felt the same?

thank you

Verunka

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 22/06/2009 09:14

oh verunka I am sooo sorry. My little boy was stillborn 5 year ago and I remember that empty feeling all too well

YOu will never really get over this but with time you will learn to live with it

Please take time to grieve. You will find the waves of grief will come and go for a long long time.

have you had the funeral yet.. or do you still have that to cope with??

I am on the bereaved mummies thread too if you want to pop over.. if not we can chat on here

treedelivery · 22/06/2009 10:06

How are you today Verunka? Thinking of you and yours. x

ilovemydogandmrobama · 22/06/2009 10:11

Am so sorry. No experience of this, but would it help to talk to the midwife about the pregnancy and how it could have happened, or is it too soon?

Are you still seeing the midwife?

Original poster
verunka · 22/06/2009 10:20

To everyone.....

Thank You All for giving me your support, even though the tears are running down my face while reading this I feel supported and blessed with so many of You thinking of my little angel.

My sweetest girls name is Angelina. The name came to my husband in a dream at a time, when we were sure that we are having a boy.. after our first scan, and finding out that it will be a girl.. we were sure that she has chosen her name..

and then all the staff happend.

My sister spoke with her 'white witch'. She has seen Angie as an angel, who has come as a gift for us. She has given me a gift of beeing a mum, gift of the most amazing pregnancy and a lovely birth... experience which some women never get to experience. She has given us time to feel her body, to smell her and smell her again... then she needed to go back to heaven cause she wasnt ment to be here.. she was to good for this world.

Our angel Angelina ..

Thank You All again for lovely messages, it means a lot to me.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 22/06/2009 10:30

a perfect name for your perfect girl.
peace and love.

treedelivery · 22/06/2009 11:00

Angelina. Was she born on Saturday the 13th of June then?

Sweet dreams baby Angelina.

princessmel · 22/06/2009 11:04

Very sorry for your loss

sarah293 · 22/06/2009 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hereidrawtheline · 22/06/2009 11:19

I think Angelina is a beautiful name.

OrmIrian · 22/06/2009 11:20

Oh

So sorry verunka.

LouMacca · 22/06/2009 11:34

So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. RIP little angel Angelina x

ilovesprouts · 22/06/2009 16:22

so sorry for your loss, sleep tight angel x

ilovesprouts · 22/06/2009 16:22

so sorry for your loss, sleep tight angel x

bubblagirl · 22/06/2009 16:31

i just wanted to say you may have only had your daughter for short amount of time but her memory will stay forever what your feeling is normal give your self time to adjust

maybe you could do something get a star with her name for eg she will always be with you

give yourself and body time before you start again

big hugs to you and your dp xx

Stayingsunnygirl · 22/06/2009 16:34

Verunka, my heart goes out to you at this painful time. I hope that there are people around you to hold you and let you do or say whatever you need to.

I will light a candle tonight, and say a prayer for your gorgeous little girl and for you too.

chegirl · 22/06/2009 19:33

Hello Verunka,

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I would love to hear more about your little girl if you would like to tell us.

I lost a daughter too. She was a big girl so I was lucky to have 14 years with her. I got pregnant a year after she died and it WAS hard but worth it. I think it would be harder for mums who lost a young baby though. So many difficult triggers. .

Losing my DD has made me want to have loads and loads of babies. Not really practical I know.

Please come and join us on the thread already mentioned. You will be looked after there.

shabster · 22/06/2009 23:21

Have been thinking about you and your precious DD all day....xxx

shabster · 23/06/2009 06:58

Good morning girls xx

shabster · 23/06/2009 06:59

Just wondering how things are with you my love. xx

treedelivery · 23/06/2009 15:34

Hello Verunka.

How is today?

Many thoughts.

pamelat · 23/06/2009 17:05

I'm so sorry

My friend lost her baby at a similar age. She was not my friend at the time and I obviously have no understanding what she or you are going through.

My friend was pregnant again within 2 months and is very happy. Infact she is pregnant again (for a 3rd time). Her DD is 18 months and she is having another girl.

She always talks about her first baby, her little boy.

I really feel for you.

Original poster
verunka · 23/06/2009 21:39

Hello,

another day past..

thanks God for the sun. I'm a sunny person and sun is helping me a lot. Have been today in a park, just staying in the sun and crying..

The funeral is on friday, early in the morning, so tomorrow I will be choosing what to wear.. like if it would matter..

Actually, when I was getting dresses today, I had this feeling, that it would be right and proper to wear black. But I dont want to. It makes me more depressed than I allready am. I choose one black item and the rest is in colour. Is that wrong? It might be.. All the older generations probably wouldn't agree with me. They kept black for months and months.

There are so many things on my mind.. We would like to go home to see our families, but we can't as our documents are stuck at home office with some crazy apllications for residence, which are so unimportant at this moment, but we are not even able to contact them, as all of the phone lines just dont let us to speak with a real person.. machine doesn't understand... and we got given notice from our landlord and there is no power to look for something new....

I do read books now.. some lovely books about good people. These make me feel nice.. no glitter, no sparkle, no new handbags and fancy restaurant... just simple life and power of good word and positive attitude.

I have never been writting staff about myself online and when I posted my first message in here, it was so hard, so hard to write even a single word and then press enter. But it is giving me so much. And it is getting so much easier to type down staff which I dont really feel like saying.

Thank You All again.

Verunka

OP posts:
treedelivery · 23/06/2009 21:45

Oh Verunka.

You have many cards stacked against you. I have met many families trying to deal with the home office and it is a frustrating thing to do.

I can understand why you would wish to wear colour to Angelina's funeral. Babies and childen love sunshine and colour and laughter and to wear that might be respectful to her.

I am glad the sun shone on you today and that you have been letting the pain out.

Have you thought about joining the thread where all the mum's have lost a child?

cocolepew · 23/06/2009 21:47

Deepest sympathy.

shabster · 23/06/2009 22:33

Verunka I didnt wear black to my childrens funerals - I dont think anybody did. You wear what you feel right in.

You sound like you are having a very hard time with everything. Both myself and my husband lost our jobs a few weeks after our son, Matthew, was killed. We eventually had our house re-possessed because we couldn't pay the mortgage. The whole world seemed to be against us and it was like swimming in treacle.

Have you got family around or good friends? We couldnt have managed without our family and the most amazing friends.

Take care sweetheart - I will be lighting a candle in honour of your precious little girl on Friday. Whereabouts do you live? We are in Lancashire. xx

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