My Eptopic nightmare

[golds]

Quick run through what happened.

I was approx 6 weeks PG when 2 weeks ago I had a slight bleed, worrying about it I went along to my local A&E, they said it was probably a threatened M/C and book me in for a scan on the Mon morning, when I went for the scan, no baby was to be seen. That day I had my bloods taken, then again on the Wednesday and again on the Friday, my HCG levels where doubling nicely and the nurse said, that I was OK and probably just got my dates wrong. To be on the safe side she book me in for another scan last Friday.

On Friday morning I woke to severe stomach and back pain, running the loo etc etc (you get the picture) I though I'd got bad wind !, so I ignored this and went along to my scan as normal at 2pm. The sonorgrapher (Sp?) realised something was up and I was escorted to the Gynae Ward. The doctor came and examined me and said he was pretty sure I had a eptopic PG and a space had been booked in theatre that evening. Things then got worse and I started developing a pain in my right shoulder (classic syptoms apparently) and started to pass out, surgery was brought forward and I was rushed in at 4pm.

My eptopic had ruptured and I had lost 1ltr of blood, they took away the PG and all of my left side. I still have my right ovaries and tube.

I am not coping at all well at the moment, I have gone through the process of being thankfull that I am alive as it would appear that it happended so quickly that if I'd have been at home I wouldn't have made it. To coping with the loss of my baby.

I came out of hospital on Monday, but was back in yesterday as I kept feeling faint, my blood count is rising again, so thats a postive.

How do I cope with this, other people who go through the same surgery as me have a baby to show for it, I have nothing.

Oh thanks for asking, nearly came on here yesterday, but was having rotten time of it and didn't want to sound too miserable, thankfully feeling a bit better today,so sounding alot more positive.

Tuesday I went back to see the nurse and she was happy with my wound and said she didn't want to see me again until Friday, I was happy with that, she told me to phone back for my swab results later that day, I did and they came back with infection detected, but they are not giving me any antibiotics as it seems to be healing nicely.

Ive started taking and fetching kids from school, which has been a challenge, but very hard work, I seem to be walking funny, compensating for my stomach which in turn is give me leg and back ache, I feel like a old woman. I am very proud of my achievment as last Thursday I couldn't even go outside without shaking. Yesterday I was really down and just kept crying but for no particular reason.

Everybody has been so lovely to me that makes me feel like crying too, I'm just so frustrated as my mind wants to do something but my body can't, Ive just been looking at the crumbs on the carpet thinking I CAN'T EVEN HOOVER !!!!

My mum and dad are coming to collect me soon and take me into town to buy some new trainers, I even need help to tie to laces.

DH is taking kids away this weekend to visit his family, as I think they deserve a bit of fun, I am going to stay with my mum and dad as I hate being alone in the house, can't even drive and get out but a least I will have some company.

I understand that I can't push myself and I actually don't want to, but it would be nice to feel a bit normal again, the nurse told me off the other day for getting frustrated with myself, my stomach is 3 times the size it was and before long I will probably get people asking me if I am PG (I look 7months).

I am a very impatient person (in case you haven't guessed) and keep thinking about 'what next?' I have got to wait till June for my outpatients appt to ask questions about whether I can conceive again, what caused it etc etc, maybe I have always had a damaged left side and was lucky enougth to have DD and DS from my right side, so many questions its really starting to bugg me.

Thank you so much for your support, I will keep popping back to let you know how I'm doing, I really appreciate all your kind words.

Its bound to be frustrating at the best of times,and although everyone says time is a great healer it takes many many months to relise that yourself..
Your tears will be there flowing freely because of your hormones and from fear and the unknown,once you have been opened up,you are never the same again,so dont worry on looking 7 months pregnant as a lot of it is just air from when they opened you up,is it painful to pass wind?

The next month will be the toughest for you yet,as you say you have questions that maybe you will never know the answer to,just remember that everything happens for a reason,and you are alive to tell the tale....I hope this makes sense to you at some point xxxTake care hun xxx

you ok hun xx

Thanks ebbie, I'm OK, went to see Nurse and Doc on Friday as my blood levels are still low, but hopefully the iron tablets will sort that out soon, back on Monday and hopefully I may be able to take the dressing off.

I have been to my mums all weekend as dh has taken the kids away, I'm very relaxed at the moment and have enjoyed having things done for me. I'm still pretty much the same emotionally and cried a little to the Doctor on Friday, he was lovely and I thought at one point he was going to cry too.

I found it a little hard on Friday cause when I went to meet dd & ds from school there was a mum that I know with her newborn there, she didn't see me, I stood in a different place so I didn't have to comment, also dd came running out and told me her teacher was expecting, not that I'm not happy for them, I am, but it made me upset.

Also my sister is very 'off' with me at the moment, keeps saying things like 'when I had my c-section I coped with it much better' feel like screaming well you didn't have half your bits ripped out did you !!!! she also keep saying 'Oh well now that your not having another you can go back to college in September, have you enrolled yet ??? I mean give me a break.

Apart from my heartless sister making comments, I think I am slowly on the mend, looking back I can see a improvement in myself. Thanks for taking the time to check on me, its really thoughtful of you, you sound such a caring person take care

feeling crap today, made a fool out of myself in the playground (I hope not many people noticed) when I got all upset. Went to see nurse today, she was pleased with scar but wants to keep an eye on my emotional state, feeling very negative today, she says its OK to have self-pittying days but tomorrow she wants to see me more positive. I'm finding it really difficult at the moment to be positive, but I know I have too as I don't want this to eat me up.

Oh hun,I dont want to feel sorry for you{as that isnt going to get you any where]but i really feel for you at the moment....
Maybe your sister is just trying to help take things of your mind,not the best way i know but some people dont know how to help you feel better..
Have you thought about counciling?It might help,or you can always just talk on mn,its better than having it all bottleded up....
I know things do happen for a reason,and soon you will be clearer of why hurtful things happen,but i promise you it wasnt just to break your heart xxx

Well done for doing the shool run,it must be differcult and tiring,but your doing a good job xx
Eb

hey hun,how are you getting on now?

Yes,how are you Golds.I often think about you & wonder how you are doing.

I hope2006 is a better year for you & your family.