How long does this last?

[KayHarker]

I'm functioning very badly today, anniversary of my mum's death. It's 9 years this year, and I'm wondering it if ever gets better? It always drags up all the other painful stuff about our relationship and my relationship with my father, and I'm good for nothing today.

Will I be doing this in five years time or, as I suspect, is that impossible to say?

I had similar (and still do a bit) experience. I was like you are, an emotional wreck every anniversary, especially the death day. There are obviously some issues in your subconscious that need addressing, or there were with me and I didn't realise. However just one session of counselling helped me enormously and started me off on the necessary route of dealing with those issues by myself. Although I couldn't and can't change them, I have now learned to accept them and put them behind me so that I can move on.

In a way it is good that you can do this after "only" 9 years - it took me 27 years before I did anything about it. However even now after 30 years I still get emotional on the anniversary of both my parents' deaths.

I had to pay for the session of counselling myself so it was just as well that I only needed one. However I had good support from my DH and friends - none from blood family strangely enough. I hope you have got lots of people around you can talk to and rely on for support. Ask around for a good counsellor-recommendation is the best way of finding one, although the information you share is always confidential.

Take care and look after yourself {hug}