My close friends / next door neigbours child has died suddenly, I am in total shock

[mumofdjandbabies]

of cot death.
aged 2.
we are all gutted. and totally shocked.
I want to be the best support I can to her and the family.
Our families are the same age and now her little one is gone.
please advise me.
I never slept a wink, I am so shocked and upset.
I dont know what I will say to her.
Do I send flowers or is that twee etc.
I texted and she texted back.
Long term how I act I do not know as I am so pained for them.
I feel numb I cant imagine how they feel.
we live in a small town.
The whole town is in shock.
They are very much loved as a local family.
sorry havering am in total shock.

that is truly dreadful. I'm so sorry for you all

I am so sorry for your friend. That's just unthinkable.

As for what you can do, just offering to be there if she needs you and maybe taking them some meals round or something would be of practical help. Does she have other kids?

What awful news. You have my deepest sympathy.
Just make sure they know you are there for them- texting is a good start. You could take some flowers around for her - it'll help her feel that someone cares.

I'm not really sure how you can help. I wouldn't send flowers, she will probably be overwhelmed with them. I think at times like this practical help can be good like a casserole or something, she probably can't even begin to think about cooking etc. I know that there will be lots and lots of people who can help though. I'm so sorry to hear this terrible news

Help you I mean (sorry just realised that sounded like help her)

thanks all
it seems like a bad dream.
she has a 4 year old also a lovely wee chap who adored his cheeky wee chimp adorable brother.
partly in shock as I didnt realise toddlers could pass away from cot death which this was.

That is horrendous.

my heart is physically sore and my eyes keep leaking my own kids are looking at me like mum whats wrong as I dont know what to tell them, they are all friends you see.
My 5 year old will def need to be told but I dont know what to say as he is very sensitive and will be very upset.

I cant explain it I just feel so gutted for them and frozen, he was so healthy not a sicky child a wee energetic bundle of complete fun. and gorgeous to boot.

aw thanks Ill remember that honey, so sorry about your sister.

Oh dear, how terribly sad for them.

oh I didnt know there was a cot death helpline maybe Ill give them the number.
Ill maybe cook them a meal thats good to know about the flowers.

Oh God - how sad.

If you are a hugger and you know she is then just hug her and let her cry.

Practical help such as food, shopping etc. Asking if she would like you to take the older child for a while to let her get on with sorting stuff out or if she just wants to cry and doesn't want to upset the other child too much.

As time goes on she will still need help with days she doesn't want to do anything or see anyone but needs shopping etc. Be prepared to listen.

Cot death of a 2 year old is not uncommon unfortunately.

good advice Ill try to absorb all the advice here.
really, not that uncommon? I had never heard of it so old

That's good advice about offering to look after their other child. It might give them time to let it all out without their elder child seeing, IYKWIM.
Definately let her know you are there - people are right when they say that others ignore you because they don't know what to say or do. That happened when my sister died a few years ago, and being lonely and in grief is not nice.
I'm not sure how you tell your children, but I'm sure someone will offer advice on that.

My two year old daughter died like this.

If you or your friend wish to contact me, please do so on gggglimpopo at hotmail dot com

Buda - it is uncommon - 5 per million infant deaths is the incidence rate for sudc (sudden unexplained death in childhood) as opposed to sids - which is babies under a year old where the rate is 1/2000 deaths.

There is an international organisation for sudc and would be able to discuss this with you if you like.

here is their website

I am so very sorry. There are no words.

thanks x aw thank you that is so very kind of you. I may just take you up on that. I am so very sorry to hear of your daughter.
I guess I just want to take their pain away, bring him back for them as theyre a top family and now I know their pain wont ever go away. Thats the bit I am struggling with most. That their lives wont ever be the same again.

My sympathies for you and your friend.

I agree with the other posters, be there for her and offer practical help.

Thinking of you all.

My daughter died 18 months ago.

Mumsnet - talking to strangers and not having to face real life and people - was a godsend.

Please do contact me if I can be of any help at all; if your friend wants someone to talk to I will be there on the end of the phone whenever she wants. If she wants to ring me, or wants me to ring her I will do so.

I wrote an article for the Independent about Maude. I will send it to you if it will help you to understand how it felt for me afterwards; although we are all different in how we react to tragedy, if it helps in anyway, I will send it.

mumofdj- my friend's son's best friend died when they were both 4. She told Edward that her friend had gone to heaven and wouldn't be coming back, and thereafter just answered his questions as and when they cropped up. I think with little children that's the best policy.

I am so sorry about your sons best friend too how devastating.
thank you both very much.
yes please to the article I would love to read that.

He climbed over the fence around a swimming pool and drowned, so it was utterly shocking and unexpected. Long time ago now- Edward is now 15, and is very well adjusted.

i don't have cat.

Ifyou contact me on gggglimpopo at hotmail dot com I will send the article.