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Bereavement

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Original poster

My Mum has died, just sixteen days after I lost my Dad.

209 replies

LilRedWG · 23/02/2009 01:30

Following on from this thread: My lovely Mum passed away this evening, she had suffered so long and hard with her health and just didn't want to keep going after Dad died.

We withdrew all treatment and she died peacefully, with four of her six children with her in hospital.

I've not cried yet, despite being with her and having to telephone my sister (who lives in the US) and tell my DH.

Thank you all for your support over the past weeks. x

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 08/03/2009 18:47

Funeral is tomorrow and I real don't think I'm going to hold it together. I cried at Dad's but coped, but this time I don't know how I'll manage it.

My siblings all seem to be doing better than me and when Mum actually died I was the strong one, but I'm falling apart now. I just want to run away from everyone and everything. I've only started crying since we got back from CP and now I can't stop.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 09:47

am thinking about you and your family today Red. Nobody would think any less of you for crying or not coping at the moment. As you've said you've been the strong one up until now and you've no reserve left. Please stop trying to manage for the sake of everyone else and let yourself grieve for your mum and your Dad

time to remember you're their daughter too and you're allowed to feel this sorrow and sadness

I hope today brings you some comfort in some small way

{{hugs}}

rubyslippers · 09/03/2009 09:57

i wish you strength to get through today and say your goodbyes

you have had such a rough time of it

i hope you have plenty of RL support - thinking of you

x

MamaG · 09/03/2009 10:00

Thinking of you today LilRed, what a horrible thing for you to go through.

xxxxxx

loopylou6 · 09/03/2009 10:02

so sorry for you, i hope you find the strength you need to get through this tragic awful time.

herbietea · 09/03/2009 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 09/03/2009 10:16

I am thinking of you and your family today.

There really is no reson to "hold it all togther". Let it all out. Nobody will think any less of you at all. It is a natural thing to be doing.

God bless.

muffle · 09/03/2009 10:18

Thinking of you today lilred. However you feel at the funeral, however you react, whether you hold it together or not, it doesn't matter, it's fine and you don't have to behave a certain way, just get through it however you can. I hope it will give you some sense of peace and comfort too.

wilbur · 09/03/2009 10:20

Thinking of you and your family today, lilred, I hope the service is comforting. Take care.

TotalChaos · 09/03/2009 10:20

thinking of you today. don't feel bad about crying or not "coping" - you're going through one of life's worst experiences, losing parents - however you feel, whether it's throwing yourself into activity for distraction or shutting yourself away - is right for you.

MmeLindt · 09/03/2009 13:30

Thinking of you and your family today, LilRed.

NancysGarden · 09/03/2009 15:55

Dear LilRed

I am thinking of you today darling, I won't try to imagine how awful you feel.

You are very strong to have got this far and crying and "feeling" does not equate with weakness. My goodness you would be in denial if you didn't react this way.

I just wish you strength and you are in my thoughts. Let's hold virtual hands and let me give you a un-mumsnet hug.

Love Nancy xx

DutchOma · 09/03/2009 15:59

Thinking of you today.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 09/03/2009 17:27

Thank you all so much. The service was lovely and before the service I found myself comforting my sisters but during the service I had a cry and afterwards, when we were looking at the flowers I had a really good sob. It started on my brother and then basically carried on to whoever was brave enough to come near me.

I was okay by the wake and when we got home I stripped off my dress and make-up and put jeans and a jumper on and we walked down to pick DD up from nursery. The staff there were lovely and DD is in such a happy mood it's hard to be glum around her.

I am feeling wobbly but a little better now.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers and support.
x

OP posts:
wilbur · 09/03/2009 18:04

I'm glad the service went well and good on you for having a big weep - much better than keeping it in when it wants to come out. Hope you have a restful evening and a decent night's sleep tonight. Take care.

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 20:05

I don't know what more to say Red, you've been in my thoughts all day and I hoped and prayed that the sun was shining where you were too, I know its not much but it made all the difference in the world for me

x

Kbear · 09/03/2009 21:19

Thinking of you today.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 09/03/2009 22:21

Thanks all.

Dizzy - there is no more to say, but thank you so much for all your lovely messages.

Onwards now I guess. DH is home tomorrow and then back to work on Wednesday.

OP posts:
QOD · 09/03/2009 22:22

so sorry

NancysGarden · 10/03/2009 19:57

Just to wish you luck for tomorrow LilRed. Had my first day back yesterday, was hard but one step at a time. Will be thinking of you xx

dizzydixies · 11/03/2009 16:10

how did you get on at work? hope you didn't try to do too much

Original poster
LilRedWG · 11/03/2009 18:21

It hasn't been as bad as I thought. I purposely kept busy (having to fork out £200 on fixing my car helped take my mind off things ) and DD seemed to know that she needed to be an angel and she has been all day.

I know that I will have bad days too, but today has proved that I will have okay days.

One thing that helps is that I have booked a caravan in Devon for DD and I for a few nights next week. I need to get away from home for a little bit, there are too many photos, too many thoughts of, "I'd normally be heading out to the hospital now" and it's just all too much at the moment. DH is a star and is quite happy for us to have a girly holiday.

The sea has always been my solace and we will spend lots of time in wellies on the beach. My Dad loved the sea too, so I'll feel close to him there , but I have purposely chosen somewhere that I never went with my parents so that there are no memories to contend with.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 11/03/2009 18:21

Nancy - how was work today?

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 11/03/2009 18:25

thats a great idea LilRed I don't know how you're doing it, I didn't have to go and deal with people at work as mum passed when I was already on matty leave

caravan sounds like a great idea and am sure DD will be just the tonic you need

NancysGarden · 11/03/2009 19:19

That trip of yours sounds like a wonderful idea: my fb pic is DD and me in wellies at the beach in Cornwall!

Work is a bit of a drag at the moment but I am trying to put on a smile in the hope that might coax a real one somewhere...

Glad your day went ok