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Bereavement

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Original poster

My Mum has died, just sixteen days after I lost my Dad.

209 replies

LilRedWG · 23/02/2009 01:30

Following on from this thread: My lovely Mum passed away this evening, she had suffered so long and hard with her health and just didn't want to keep going after Dad died.

We withdrew all treatment and she died peacefully, with four of her six children with her in hospital.

I've not cried yet, despite being with her and having to telephone my sister (who lives in the US) and tell my DH.

Thank you all for your support over the past weeks. x

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 24/02/2009 20:40

oh Red, I can only say that DD3 arriving 2 days after mum passing was one of the best things that can happen to me, it has made it all so much easier and I hope that the arrival of dnephew will do the same

much love x

stealthsquiggle · 24/02/2009 21:38

You're a great aunt - under other circumstances I might have to tease you about that.

I hope the arrival of LO will help you all to focus on making your Mum's funeral a celebration of her life and her legacy, red dress and all.

As always, anything I can do - just yell.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 25/02/2009 10:22

Thanks SS (this little one is actually my third GN/N - I'm the youngest of six).

DH has gone to work today, dropping DD at his sister's for the day. I plan to sleep and watch crap on tv. My eyesight has gone really funny this morning and I am struggling to read.

OP posts:
SixSpot · 25/02/2009 10:27

I am so so sorry for your loss. That is a horrendous double blow.

wilbur · 25/02/2009 10:30

I am so very sorry for your loss, lilred - what an awful thing, a terrible shock even though you knew it was coming. Take care of yourself. x

charleymouse · 25/02/2009 15:40

Lilred so sorry for your loss

Pawslikepaddington · 25/02/2009 22:48

Oh lilred, I am so sorry.

mulranno · 26/02/2009 13:52

LilRedWG..........so so shocked....just cant imagine the pain. I had a break last week and although didnt want to go...it was a bit of a distraction but also space to think and talk about what you have been thru. Just try and get some fresh air and walks at Centrparks. Have no expectations of yourself at this time.....this is devastating. I am thinking about you...lots of love

Original poster
LilRedWG · 26/02/2009 14:45

Feel a bit better today. DD and I are chilling, although she is very clingy and tearful. I think next week will do her the power of good.

Thank you all once again. x

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/02/2009 19:10

a sure that DD is picking up on all the grief and is just trying to make you feel better. Glad you're feeling a bit better, don't be trying to do too much too soon

be kind to yourself, I've been thinking about you lots
x

Original poster
LilRedWG · 26/02/2009 21:20

Thanks Dizzy.

DD broke my heart earlier. She is only 2.9 but I decided to have a chat with her after she hit me, said she wasn't my friend and refused to apologise for hitting.

Conversation went as follows:

Me: Are you angry with Mummy?
DD: No.
Me: Are you upset with me?
DD: (sobs) Yes.
Me: Is it because I haven't been here much or seen you lots?
DD: (sobs) Yes.
Me: I know. I've missed you too, but I had to look after Grandad and Granny, so couldn't be here much. BUT, I'm here today and I'll be here tomorrow before and after nursery, then I'll be here all weekend and we're going on holiday next week. Won't that be nice?
DD: Yes.
Me: Are we friends now?
DD: Yes. Sorry. (cue kisses and hugs and tears all round).

She is such a star and teaches me more everyday. I am so honoured to have her as a daughter.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/02/2009 21:28

oh Red, the wee soul. am sure she won't think anything more about it. Don't be too hard on yourself, you were where you needed/HAD to be and now you can spend that time with her again. She'll just be unsure with everything thats been going on and this is the only way she knows how to express her confusion.

you've done a fantastic job as a daughter looking after your mum and dad through all this and you're doing just as good as job as a mum, don't worry about it too much, just enjoy her now

dearprudence · 26/02/2009 21:53

Your daughter sounds gorgeous!

Original poster
LilRedWG · 27/02/2009 09:03

She is my strength at reason for being.

OP posts:
corblimeymadam · 27/02/2009 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
LilRedWG · 28/02/2009 12:30

I am holding her as tight as she'll allow, but right now she wants Daddy. They've just gone off for their pre-holiday haircuts.

OP posts:
melissa75 · 05/03/2009 09:58

I am so sorry to hear about this, what a horrible time for you. I think it is so hard, because a part of us know that they are out of the pain they may have been suffering due to various illnesses, yet that thought does not make it easier for those left behind.
You're in my thoughts and prayers

dizzydixies · 06/03/2009 18:26

Red I haven't been on much recently, PIL over and was mum & dads anny and Dad's 70th to cope with but I have been thinking about you

hope you're doing ok
x

Original poster
LilRedWG · 06/03/2009 18:49

I'm back. CP was okay. DD had a fab time and I got to unwind a little, although if I'm honest I found it hard having the ILs there - it kind of kept reminding me. That sounds awful, especially as they are fab and very supportive, but DH said it is normal to feel like that.

Mum's funeral is Monday and I have to write cards for flowers tomorrow and I'll probably go to the funeral home to see my Mum tomorrow too, so all in all I wish I was still hiding in the forest.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 06/03/2009 20:06

yes but I'm sure it played on your mind while you were there. Am glad DD enjoyed it. It is entirely normal to feel like that I promise. I had my PIL over this weekend and was weeping because MIL came to watch DD1 dancing and I was upset that mum will never see it - it doesn't mean you wish ill of them at all.

have been thinking about you a lot, I just don't know how to help or even make it better for a wee while

Original poster
LilRedWG · 06/03/2009 22:03

Thank you Dizzy. I am sorry that you were sad, but guess that we always will be a little. Take care of yourself. x

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 07/03/2009 12:08

Went to see Mum and wish I hadn't. Lost the plot a little. Luckily my sister and brother had turned up at the same time and looked after me. My gut told me not to go but I felt that I should as I'd been to see dad and it had helped.

Am having awful dreams.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 07/03/2009 12:32

oh Red am so sorry, please understand that you're allowed to grieve and you don't have to be the strong one 100% of the time

I too went to see mum and it didn't look anything like her at all. The image still haunts me but only if I let it - please don't let your mother's illness ruin what memories you DO have of her. She sounded like such a lovely lady.

if you hadn't gone having been to see your dad you may have always wondered if you'd done the right thing.

try to get some rest today, hopefully tomorrow will bring you some comfort in the same way your dad's funeral did

Original poster
LilRedWG · 07/03/2009 15:08

x

OP posts:
Shitemum · 07/03/2009 15:14

So sorry