*URGENT How do we explain that I am going to die.*

[NIght]

I have a brain tumour and have recently been told I have months and not years to live. My main concern is now for my family. I have a 3 1/2 year old beautiful boy. Can anyone please help with advise for my husband and I. What on earth do we do to make this easier on a little boy? Also I am trying to write a letter to my husband, but finding it difficult to find the words. Can anyone suggest any reading material or farewell peoms?

You have my thoughts and prayers. There's nothing left for me to suggest. I think that a memory box is a wonderful idea. I think you could put "future" letters in it. You know the type of thing you might want to say to him when he gets his first girlfriend, or falls out with his best friend etc.

I admire you for your strength. I'm sorry for what is happening to you and your family.

just sending you my love and thoughts at this difficult time xx

Everyone has already made some lovely suggestions, just wanted to say how brave and strong I think you are. Sending best wishes to you and your family.

Nothing useful to add to these wonderful ideas but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you in your awful situation, Night.

night, my heart goes out to you and your family.

My mother was told she had brain tumour in early november, five years ago, and was told she would be lucky to make christmas. She defied predictions, had a good christmas with us and died very peacefully the following February. She had written diaries for a lot of her life, so did not add to them. She did not write any goodbye letters (her tumour affected her vocabulary first) but I knew how much she loved us all. My oldest son has very strong memories of her, both factual stuff and her personality. He was five years when she died.

For me, I think one of the best things from those months after the diagnosis was her abilty to keep on smiling. It must have been so difficult for her, but she managed to find moments to look happy when she saw us, and it was such a comfort then and now. I can remember her face, being ill, yet smiling and looking us straight in the eye - so can my son.

I think you have some wonderful suggestions here about writing and filming, and can't add anything to them. You will be in my thoughts.

Night, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes at this thread. I don't have any suggestions - everyone else has made so beautiful ones - but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about this dreadful situation for you all. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Night I lost my mother when I was 2. this thread was where some of us in similar situations discussed what we felt - it might give you some ideas on how to help your dh mitigate the effect this is going to have on your ds.
I think the most important thing is to still be in his future. Write/video everything you can think of in the next few months. And don't just make it all deep and meaningful stuff - I want to know what my Mums favourite ice cream flavour was, what music she liked, what her favourite book was....Could you keep a diary? That would give him a really good flavour of the sort of person you really were.

I think the next few years aren't actually going to be that awful for him - small children are so adaptable. It's as he gets older and starts to have questions that he will really feel the loss. That sounds a bit harsh, but 25 years later I can't remember anything about my mother dying, or about my stepmother arriving on the scene when I was 4.

Before I had my children I would have thought your focus being on your son at this time was amazing. Now I just know that it's just how it is , but it doesn't make you any less amazing. I'm not sure how much you know about Mumsnet, but it is a wonderful place, and I hope you can find support here .

I am so sorry to hear your news night; I can't imagine...

Lots of pictures of you all together, videos, little notes...anything to help with his memories.

Im so sorry for your news also.I lost my best friend in nov last year and had to explain to my son of 5 and listen to my friends children of 4 and 8 .Mainly the younger ones were curious and matter of fact and i anwered all their questions , no matter how odd , as best i could.We talk of my friend all the time and talk to her too.My son says she is all around us watching us grow.I just took my cue from them and still do.
I send you my warmest thoughts and best wishes x

I think that when a parent dies, you lose a little of your identity. Maybe what will help him is a book that your son can eventually read, telling him all the things you love about him, love to do with him. Tell him your aspirations for him, tell him how you feel about his dad and how you struggled over how to make this easier for him.

Tell him about the things you're good at, what you're not so good at, about your personality traits - good and bad. Tell him about any birth marks, moles etc. that he might inherit from you. I imagine these are things which may help him identify himself with you later in his life.

I always thought I lost my mum early (at 19) but I have no experience of what you might be going through. Even at 19, I used to imagine her as an angel who was always looking out for me.

My heart goes out to you.

Oh Night, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I can't think of anything to say that others haven't already said much better.

Your post sounds so brave. I'm probably wrong, but I'm sure it would be OK to cry in front of your little boy, even if only once. I know there is a lot for him to take in, but one thing is that you will both cry because you are going to miss each other.

My mum died when I was 19 and one thing we don't have is any tapes of her speaking. I am sure that you have that now, but I would check that as well as the goodbye stuff, you have some nice informal stuff with you just playing with your son - not something that you always think to video (or even tape - voices only)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry, Night. I don't really have anything useful to add but wanted to say I'm thinking of you. There have already been some lovely suggestions. I like the idea of a video he can watch and a memory box with as much information about yourself, and your love for him as possible. I'm sure in time it will be a comfort being able to 'know' you through the things you left for him.

Best wishes to all of you. xxx

Night - I think everyone else has more or less expressed the feelings I feel, when I read your post - I am so, so sorry for you and your family. There is a charity called Winstons Wish - who solely deal with counselling bereaved children - they also do pre-counselling in cases like yours. I have heard that they are very successful in helping children come to terms with the loss or news of a terminal illness of a parent. They have different methods depending on the age of the child. Hope this helps - just search on Winstons Wish {sad}

How to contact Winston's Wish
General Enquiries +44 (0) 1242 515157
Help Line 0845 20 30 40 5
Fax +44 (0) 1242 546187
Email [email protected]
Postal address

Winston's Wish
Clara Burgess Centre
Bayshill Road
CHELTENHAM
GL50 3AW

They will also provide counselling and support to your husband - but agree that the McMillan nurses would also be a good idea to contact

NIght I am very sorry to hear your news and wish to add my expressions of sympathy to you and your family. There have been many good suggestions which I am sure you will be able to follow through on.

You are very brave and positive and I hope that if that ever happened to me I would have the same courage you are displaying.

Take care.

Night
I'm so very sorry to hear your news. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
xxxx

NIght - I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Your love for your little boy will live in his little heart and see him through.

MN is a wonderful place, as people have said. And, you know, you can bring your husband here, at any time.

There has been a Mumsnetter recently who is bringing his children up following the end of his wife's life. Perhaps he will be along to talk with you - though I think he is busy focussing on some practicalities.

Night - I am so very sorry you and your family have to go through this. I can't add much to what has been said - all the ideas about memory boxes, photos, videos and cards are lovely. I wanted to say your thread has touched me deeply today and I wish you and your family strength and many happy times together in the coming months. xx

NIght don't know what to say but not only for your little boy spend every cherished moment with the ones you love and make the very most of what time you have so that when the enevitable does happen at least you will be happy in the knowledge that you enjoyed yourself too! Easy for me to say........ but if you can try and fulfill a dream and have it encapsulated in video and photos. Thoughts, prayers, hugs are with you and your family.

Night, I'm so very sorry to hear this.
As others have said, Macmillan nurses can help you all prepare for your death - and maybe there is also a local hospice on whose resources and expertise you can rely. I do hope so.
I have no idea how long you have been living with cancer and whether this is a diagnosis that has come as a total shock, or whether you have been receiving treatment for some time. I'm therefore hesitantly suggesting Before I Say Goodbye, by Ruth Picardie, who lost her battle with breast cancer when her twins were very young - you may or may not have read it. She voices a lot of the thoughts that I would expect to be working through if facing a terminal diagnosis.
I can also recommend Michael Rosen's Sad Book - we had to help our 3 year old son through the loss of his unborn brother and I wish this book had been published then. It is deeply touching and gives the reader "permission" to be sad...but also keep living. Ds likes it and we have talked about it a lot (he knows my dh lost his dad when he was just six).
Thinking of you all and hoping that you are getting plentiful support for YOU in the midst of all your loving concern for your family.

Night, I am so very sorry. One of my friends lost his mother when he was very little. When he got engaged, he gave his fiancee his mother's ring. I know that meant the world to him.
I hope you find the strength you need for the months ahead.
Bless you.

has anyone heard how NIght is? Has she been back online?

was wondering exactly the same.