Am in bits at hearing how DH is having to do all the palliative care for MIL who has terminal cancer...he's really going through it :-(

[PussinJimmyWhoooos]

As some of you know by now, my MIL is in the M.East with terminal liver cancer that has spread to pancreas and bile duct

Mum called DH on my behalf tonight (I'm deaf) to get a proper update as texting just doesn't get info over and OMG... The hopsitals over there will not take patients if they know they are dying (no hospices) and so all the pain managment is being done at home

MIL has an infection and DH is having to administer IV antibiotics himself via canula and says he has to go very slow as it burns apparently and can take 20 mins each time for it all to go in...she is diabetic and her glucose is very high and she started to convulse this am (due to infection or diabetes - they are not sure) while DH was taking her temperature and he had to fight to get it out before she cracked it and the mercury came out.....he managed it and she brightened up later..

He is in bits....my mum sobbed after putting the phone down at what they are going through and my heart is aching as no palliative care when you are dealing with grief must be so awful... She isn't getting any quality of life now and I find myself thinking its better for her if its sooner rather than later as what DH described is awful....wish could send a Mac nurse over there to take care of it all.....am in a right state!

Herbie - how is your nan?

MIL is holding on....looks like DH will have to say goodbye to her at the weekend knowing that it really is goodbye...I really feel for him....

Herbie - I do sympathise. I've been jumping every time I've got text from DH but so far, MIL is holding on..I think it will be a few weeks yet as she is still eating, up and about, athough very tired and sleeping a lot but isn't on the morphine or in a comatose state yet...DH will be leaving her this weekend and its going to be so hard for him knowing that its probably the last time he will ever see her.....

I really hope your Nan doesn't suffer for too much longer and has a peaceful end. Cancer is so cruel isn't it as it takes them so slowly and the relatives have to suffer while watching it...awful

Sending you all my love and hugs and possibly Tena Lady for anymore nearly wetting yourself phone calls! Get doing the pelvic floor exercises! lol

XXXXXX

Oh Herbie...I'm so so sorry to hear this....please feel free to CAT me if you want to chat offline, I'm really happy to try to support you any way I can.

Keep talking, keep remembering her and at least now she isn't in any pain which is a good thing...am sending lots of love and hugs from the Choo household

Be strong

XXXXX

Herbie - I am so sorry

Puss I have been thiking of you

Boys - aww bless you. DH is actually in the air now on his way home...am chewing my nails as hate him flying, very happy he is coming home but at the same time very sad as he's had to say goodbye to his mum not knowing whether he will see her again.

I've told him that when his visa thing gets renewed in Jan, we will have family holiday over there and that will give MIL and him something positive to focus on. I very much doubt she will still be here in Jan but am trying to keep DH's spirits up. Her liver function test results last Sun showed a rise and the infection is still there, albeit lessened somewhat due to the high grade antibiotics.

I personally think that she has had a lot of fight in her as she tries not to show DH any pain - like all mums do for our kids really, and I think now he has gone, it will be the beginning of the end....I mean its been 5 weeks since a 1 or 2 month diagnosis this Sun so she's done well to get this far and is still eating, although greatly reduced and walking around etc....

I'm very nervous as to how DH will be though...hope I can support him in the right way....

[squeeze]

Herbie - so sorry to hear all this. Of course you will be feeling numb...its normal...how was your mum when she did manage to talk to you?

He arrived safe - thank god! On a more positive note, he asked me when I was ovulating again....I said why, do you want to miss it and he said no I want to catch it! I said you seem more enthusiastic than before and he said being away has made him realise how important we are to him....

Herbie - that's so hard on your mum....the same thing happened to my cousins with their dad - they were told to go home and get some rest and within an hour of being home, the call came to say he had gone....its physically impossible to be there 24/7 though....but doesn't make it any less hard for your mum...bless her

Keep talking and I'll keep checking in on this thread - we'll get you through it