Am in bits at hearing how DH is having to do all the palliative care for MIL who has terminal cancer...he's really going through it :-(

[PussinJimmyWhoooos]

As some of you know by now, my MIL is in the M.East with terminal liver cancer that has spread to pancreas and bile duct

Mum called DH on my behalf tonight (I'm deaf) to get a proper update as texting just doesn't get info over and OMG... The hopsitals over there will not take patients if they know they are dying (no hospices) and so all the pain managment is being done at home

MIL has an infection and DH is having to administer IV antibiotics himself via canula and says he has to go very slow as it burns apparently and can take 20 mins each time for it all to go in...she is diabetic and her glucose is very high and she started to convulse this am (due to infection or diabetes - they are not sure) while DH was taking her temperature and he had to fight to get it out before she cracked it and the mercury came out.....he managed it and she brightened up later..

He is in bits....my mum sobbed after putting the phone down at what they are going through and my heart is aching as no palliative care when you are dealing with grief must be so awful... She isn't getting any quality of life now and I find myself thinking its better for her if its sooner rather than later as what DH described is awful....wish could send a Mac nurse over there to take care of it all.....am in a right state!

Whoops, I'm Threadworm btw.

I have those Tiffin square thingies...but stupidly looked at the cal content and then changed my mind! lol

They are running more tests tomorrow to find out why she has high temps/convulsions...if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Its very very puzzling

Herbie - hope your nan had a good day today. Thinking of you xxx

correction- adenocarcinoma...

I don't think it's awful at all to wish the end comes sooner, Puss. A terminal illness is so difficult for all concerned and when you know death is inevitable there can be a real sense of 'get it over with'.

I'm a nurse but not an oncology nurse so my knowledge is sketchy, but I'm guessing that the cancer in her liver is probably affecting her ability to deal with infection and so her unstable temperature may be due to that. Also she has poor diabetic control. The liver generates heat as well, so if it's not normal that may affect body temperature.

I hope she has a comfortable night and your DH gets some sleep.

Aww thanks Sidge. He just text me actually. He did her glucose and it was high so he's given her some more insulin. They are running tests tomorrow to try and find out more about the convulsions etc. I don't see the point tbh but I guess its more for the peace of mind that you know you have done everything beforehand.....

Its taking its toll though....its better that it ends sooner rather than later - she has no quality of life, bless her.

Does she know yet puss?

WMMC - no. I told him to tell her but they decided that on some level she knows and best not to...madness but...who am I to interfere..am though as I thought if you were religious, like we all are, you wouldn't deny what is happening to you as its God's will...but that I guess is a whole other topic and far too mind bending for this time of night....why am I still up btw??!! Am mad...

I told DH test for Uric acid levels...then she said why...my response..er...I don't know (I should fgs as have a BSc!!!), a mnetter said to do it! lol

he said why rather (see I do need to go to bed!)

I don't understand why they are treating her infection and testing bloods and stuff if the end is quite imminent?

Palliative care is usually about comfort and dignity, ie providing fluids and pain relief. I am surprised they are carrying out active treatment such as antibiotics.

I guess other countries do things differently.

Sleep well

I had no idea she wasn't in hospital, I was assuming she had an oncologist caring for her. It can be indicative of major cell death and since she hasn't had chemo that would show that things were getting much worse because her liver had gone.

Go to bed, I'm going to be having sent you a confusing FB message which I will explain some other time and you shouldn't worry about because I'm referring to me, not you, IYSWIM!

Sorry just reread that and it sounds very rude, I was just thinking out loud and didn't mean any offence Puss

Sidge - no offence taken - I'm thinking the same myself but I guess they are just trying everything they can...I mean they had to give antibiotics to stop the temp from the infection I guess so that's more about making her comfortable but I'm just as confused as to why they are doing more bloods etc. I personally don't think they have really accepted it...cancer is sooooo taboo over there, so much so that they haven't told her or the rest of the family what she has! I know...I bet you are at the pc screen!

WMMC - I got your point

Sending you some chocolate.

The waiting is grim, no?

Boys - lol at your nickname btw. Yes, waiting is very grim....although it must be x10 worse for them. I just want him home and normality back...I miss him so much its a phyiscal ache but what he needs to do comes first right now...DS and I will just wait for him until he comes back. Am nervous about that though too....not sure what to expect...although I think he will be very pleased to see us and that will cheer him up a lot

physical...

(duh!)

Awww

how are things this morning?
is your Mil still able to eat and drink?
thinking of you all

OJ - thank you for asking. She did not have a good night. She woke at 5am complaining tha her whole body was hurting (is this normal?) and for the first time she said she had enough. She now has bad shoulder pain which as I understand it is deferred pain - probably her liver has given up. They are doing more tests - not sure why at this stage but perhaps they feel they need to do everything possible.

She may surprise us all and perk up - this keeps happening, she will have horrible moments (convulsions etc) and then perk up all of a sudden. In her mind though, I think she is ready to go iyswim. BIL and SIL are preparing everything as they bury the same day in the Muslim faith so.....

Its a waiting game and my heart is in my mouth every time my phone lights up.....

Think she's unlikely to do any sudden recoveries now

If she's acknowledging she's ready to go, it's probably time.

They ran some more tests - liver function and glucose all normal - totally puzzling.

They think the infection has moved somewhere else and they are waiting for the culture results. I told DH last week to culture asap so they could treat the infection with the most specific antibiotics but....she keeps getting a temperature and is very very tired. The referred pain in the shoulder is indicative the liver has grown imo....

Its very very puzzling. Not sure they would treat with antibiotics if in hospice here but over there its all so different and imho it seems more like fire fighting than anything else and its just prolonging her agony...

That is an interesting point re the hospice - When my dad was dying, i had specifically said NO treatment. He had lung cancer but had suffered from alzheimers for two years and had zero quality of life. There was a leaflet that i read that explained that in the hospice they will not give any treatment to prolong life but would of course treat to stop pain and discomfort. I guess the question would be in the case of an infection is, would giving antibiotics alleviate suffering, which i guess they would - of course, it could make her weaker in the long run. That would be a complex decision i guess.

Sending you my best wishes for strength and peace xxx

I have to say, i can totally relate to you wanting things "over". When my Dad was ill, even before the caner, whenever my phone rang i would secretly pray that it would be someone telling me he had had a heart attack and died. He was a stubborn Sod though. We were told to get there as quick as we could by the hospice, someone came to fetch me as i don't drive. We called a preist (he was catholic) did the last rites, and waited, and waited, and waited. He was effectively unconcious, had that awful death rattle, but the stubborn goat hung on for FIVE days. His sister had gone on holiday, they were very close, she told him he better bloody not go while she was away - I literally had to phone the airport when her plane landed to tell her to come straight to the hospice. He died two hours after she got there. Sorry, a bit of a hijack but i just wanted to relate my feelings of relief that he wasn't suffering anymore. We live in a cruel world

puss don't know if you are to it or if you are working tomorrow but have a look here