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Original poster

heartbroken

100 replies

DecafArabica · 15/02/2005 20:27

Have just found out I have had a missed m/c whilst in hospital as an in-patient for an asthma attack. Drs have reassured me that the asthma/steroid drugs probably had nothing to do with it, that 1 in whatever pregnancies end in m/c anyway, and at my age there is a much higher m/c risk...
But I just can't get the image out of my mind, of that baby-shaped shadow on the scanner, lying so still. And now I have to walk around with a poor little dead baby inside me until Thursday when I have my operation. I don't think I can bear it. Please, someone tell me how you got through this. I can't stop crying and I want to be strong for DS who's been disrupted enough by me being taken to hospital with the asthma.

OP posts:
zubb · 16/02/2005 10:37

So so sorry decafArabica

Twiglett · 16/02/2005 10:53

of course you are Arabica .. its always 'if I'd only done this or that' but as long as you have the strength to realise that there is nothing you could have done to avert this .. NOTHING AT ALL

In the meantime I wish you strength and the ability to grieve for your sad sad loss

Chandra · 16/02/2005 10:57

I'm so sorry to hear that Decaf,lots of hugs.

Just wanted to mention that even though at this time you need to get anwers, don't be hard on yourself. Looking at your last post I wanted to tell you that babies are first priority for your body, if there was a breathing problem you can rest assured that your baby was getting all the oxigen needed and that you were consuming the rest. Please don't beat yourself about what could have been different if you have done something different. It's not your fault honey. {{{{{{virtual hugs}}}}}

amynnixmum · 16/02/2005 11:01

{{{{hugs}}}}

Bella23 · 16/02/2005 11:03

Decaf - so very sad to hear your news. This happened to me 6 weeks ago. I can honestly say that the first 2 weeks were very weepy and your homones are all over the place. I took great comfort from people on here going through the same as me.
I would advice that you be really kind to yourself over the next coupls of weeks and I promise that after that it will gradually get easier as time goes on.
Big Hugs to you at this awful time

lisalisa · 16/02/2005 11:11

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 16/02/2005 11:16

Oh arabica so sorry you poor love. If it is any help I was on steroids (prednisolone) throughout my pregnancy, they don't cross the placenta so I'm sure they are not to blame. Plus I was taking salbutomal.

Hope you can put this all behind you soon xx

MrsWednesday · 16/02/2005 11:17

Big hugs from me too Decaf.

There is no point blaming yourself, your asthma or your age for this, it is unfortunately just one of those horrible, random things. It happens to many more women than you might realise at first. I had a missed m/c at 13 weeks last year, and although the memories of that day haven't gone away, they have faded, and I'm doing my best to not dwell on them.

I'm so sorry you have go through this. Take time out from everything (as much as is possible with your DS), and give yourself time and space to recover. Hope Thursday passes as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

Kayleigh · 16/02/2005 11:18

Arabica. what can I say . I am so so sorry for you and your lovely dh. I had a complete miscarriage, the same as marthamoo, at 12 weeks in my first pregnancy so can understand some of what you are feeling. That scan must have been so hard for you sweetheart. The next few weeks and months will be hard for you. Stay strong and most importantly take good care of yourself.

Am sending you a hug. {X}

Christie · 16/02/2005 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merlin · 16/02/2005 11:53

So sorry to hear your very sad news. I had a m/c last year at 12 weeks so have some idea of what you're feeling. I know it's a cliche but it will get easier - we decided to try again and am due in April at the ripe old age of 42 so please don't give up if it's what you really want. Lots of love and hugs.

Aero · 16/02/2005 12:10

So sorry to hear this . And for you too Bonkerz {{{{{{{{o}}}}}}}s

Lonelymum · 16/02/2005 12:10

Nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I wanted to send you huge

MINNIE1 · 16/02/2005 12:22

DecafArabica,
((((hugs to you)))))
Thinking of you today, I am so sorry to hear you mc, its hard and you have so many question to ask and your heart broken. All i can say is it get easier but you never forget. Were all here for you, i found it easier talking about it on MN then in RL as people here understand and know the pain of a mc.
Min

Original poster
DecafArabica · 16/02/2005 12:50

thank you all so so much for your lovely thoughts, it's really helping me stay in the moment and grieve which I know is what I need to do, however horrible it seems right now.
LisaLisa, I will be in the Homerton tomorrow. I can't imagine how anyone recovers from one m/c let alone more. You are so brave to have carried on trying to have a family.

OP posts:
Nikkichik · 16/02/2005 12:57

Decaf, so sorry to hear your sad news. Don't really know what to say to make it better but do have some idea of how you are feeling( I just had a very early m/c). Big hugs to you and yours.

Hausfrau · 16/02/2005 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippy539 · 16/02/2005 13:33

I am so, so sorry. What awful news.

MancMum · 16/02/2005 13:44

I too am so sorry to read this especially after I followed your earlier thread...

I had a m/c when I was 12 weeks pregnant with twins - I lost one after a series of huge bleeds and I still remember the scan where I saw both my babies 1 kicking and 1 so still... I was devestated and could not face going for any more scans for ages as I did not want to see my lost child who looked so perfect... however, I had to have a series of them due to ongoing issues and god it hurt to see my darling baby lying there slowly shrinking whilst my beautiful DD grew so big... however the worst time was when I went for a scan and he was no longer there... that hurt and I felt the loss the most then... to me it was better to see him than not at alll... guess what I am trying to say in hamfisted way, is that in time you will feel differently about the scan once it is no longer raw, you will use the images to help you grieve.... hope you get a lot of support and love from your DH and Ds -- loads of hugs to you

WideWebWitch · 16/02/2005 13:46

Oh I'm sorry.

lisalisa · 16/02/2005 14:01

Message withdrawn

george32 · 16/02/2005 19:06

Decaf, I'm so sorry to hear your news.
My 1st pg ended in a missed m/c just over 2 wks ago. I know the dreadful feeling that comes with the scan. To have your happiness shattered by an image on screen made the bottom fall out of my world for a while.
I promise it does get better, especially once you have been through the op, and help & support from these threads is just unbelievable.
I hope everything goes OK for you tomorrow.
xxx

lunavix · 16/02/2005 19:08

So sorry hun xxx

bundle · 16/02/2005 19:13

decaf, will be thinking about you tomorrow, you know everyone is here for you, x

fisil · 16/02/2005 19:15

So sorry DecafArabica.

I too had no idea anything was wrong when my missed mc was diagnosed. I went along for a scan at 7 weeks thinking it was completely routine - I even went on my own. I had to wait 2 weeks for the operation, and those 2 weeks were just the worst of my life. The year anniversary of that is just coming up now, and I don't know how I'll cope. I don't think I will, TBH. I'm pg and signed off work because, as you said, I don't know how anyone can recover from a mc. I know that it probably isn't what you wanted to hear, that I am still suffering now a year later, but I have found it comforting to be able to come on here time and time again to offload and find other people who understand how I can still feel like this and don't think that I should be over it by now!