heartbroken

[DecafArabica]

Have just found out I have had a missed m/c whilst in hospital as an in-patient for an asthma attack. Drs have reassured me that the asthma/steroid drugs probably had nothing to do with it, that 1 in whatever pregnancies end in m/c anyway, and at my age there is a much higher m/c risk...
But I just can't get the image out of my mind, of that baby-shaped shadow on the scanner, lying so still. And now I have to walk around with a poor little dead baby inside me until Thursday when I have my operation. I don't think I can bear it. Please, someone tell me how you got through this. I can't stop crying and I want to be strong for DS who's been disrupted enough by me being taken to hospital with the asthma.

[DecafArabica]

I'm feeling really wobbly and weepy again now, DH has taken DS out so that I can rest. I want to go out, but as I am still recovering from the asthma I have to avoid being out in the cold. I don't feel like ringing any of my RL friends up either. I suppose this is what it's going to be likeOK one moment, in bits the next. Have got stomach upset too, which isn't pleasant. Have seen on here that it's quite normal after ERPC as uterus shrinking. So even that is making me cry, because I don't WANT my uterus to shrinkit's supposed to have a baby in it.

[Twiga]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}, been thinking of you, lol x

[eemie]

Decaf, sorry, I typed a reply to you this morning but got distracted before I hit 'post'. Been thinking of you all day. I would say, cry when you need to and don't feel bad about it. One of the worst things about MC is feeling you have to be strong for dh, other child, rest of family.

I remember the horror of the scan so well, that tiny still figure, but now I look back on it fondly because it was the only time I saw my first baby. Afterwards, when I felt better, I could hold the image in my mind and say hello and goodbye.

Be kind to yourself, let yourself be sad, take care.

[marthamoo]

It takes time. I remember after my miscarriage being in Monsoon and bursting into tears because the girl on the till was pregnant and talking about names for the baby. I just had to walk out and go home. Be kind to yourself and don't expect "feeling better" to be an upward curve - it's more like a roller coaster of ups and downs. You and your dh will get through this together with lots of hugs and TLC.

[LGJ]

Oh Decaf cry honey cry, I am sitting here crying for you and me if I am entirely honest.

Don't bottle it up, cry if you feel you need to.

[MancMum]

Decaf, give youself time... your are grieving and it will take time before it stops hurting as much as it does now... I still think daily of my lost child and it was 18 months ago he went... I no longer cry but there is a tiny whole in my heart that only he will fill..

[DecafArabica]

It's so good to be able to come on here and say exactly what I feel and not have to pretend that everything is OK.
Amidst all the tears, I had a largely positive hour in the afternoon when DH drove me to Marks & Spencer and told me to come back in an hour with some new clothes for both of us (paid for of course--that sounds like he was sending me out shoplifting!) Anyway shallow as it may sound, choosing T-shirts and trousers really did take my mind off my misery for a short period. Until I zipped up a pair of 12s and felt so sad as I know they would not have fitted me even last week. Just 3 months ago I remember posting with delight on one of the slimmers' threads that I was back in a 12 for the first time since DS, and now it makes me want to cry. Again.

[DecafArabica]

Christie, thanks for your post & I think it's wonderful that the spiritualist was able to help your friend.
At the moment, I can't think of the baby as an entity separate from myself--my feelings are more like a part of ME has been taken away with the baby, if that makes sense? So I don't really feel that there is any entity separate from me to be watching over me or to be staying with me. That might change with time. Perhaps it's because I haven't grown up with any spiritual beliefs...

[mummyhill]

Hi decaf

So sorry to hear your news it is one of the worst experiences i know of. My thoughts are with you.

[lisalisa]

Message withdrawn

[unicorn]

only just caught up with this..
I am so sorry arabica, please take care.

{{{hugs}}}

[aloha]

Oh Arabica, I am SO sorry. How awful that your lovely and much wanted baby has died. I truly do not know what to say, except that I am really sorry, and to send you my love and best wishes.

[moondog]

Arabica...you poor love. I have followed your threads quietly and rejoiced at the news of your pregnancy. What dreadfully sad news this is now. I am so sorry.

[DecafArabica]

Thanks to everyone who has replied. It has been the worst week of my life, feels more like a year has passed. I do feel a lot better today--I think because my asthma is so much more under control, and I therefore had the energy to take DS to the park and chase snowflakes. But I also found a self-help book about miscarriage and took comfort from it.

I'm still not really sure if I want to 'move on' from here; it feels like a betrayal of the baby I've lost to even contemplate trying for another pregnancy. I need to do some more griveing and a lot of thinking. It's wonderful to read on here about women who've gone one to have successful pregnancies post-miscarriage. I'm just wondering how many people find the experience so devastating they decide not to put themselves through the potential heartache of another lost pregnancy?

[bundle]

decaf, a friend of mine had multiple miscarriages (variety of reasons) and decided for physical/emotional reasons to not put herself through it all again (she's about your age) and i think felt relief that she could move on from it all. but do give yourself time, xxxx

[DecafArabica]

Yes, thanks for your kind words, I think a part of me feels it's about time I shrugged off all this moping about and weeping and got back to the business of making babies. I mean, where does that come from? I think it's because the only women I know who've miscarried in RL, have had that attitude. But it's much too early for me to know what's right for me.

[DecafArabica]

Yes, thanks for your kind words, I think a part of me feels it's about time I shrugged off all this moping about and weeping and got back to the business of making babies. I mean, where does that come from? I think it's because the only women I know who've miscarried in RL, have had that attitude. But it's much too early for me to know what's right for me.

[DecafArabica]

woops!

[DecafArabica]

Milward, thank you for recommending Christine Moulder's book which is really helping me grieve.

[bundle]

do give yourself a bit of a break, decaf, there's no deadline to get back to feeling "ok" or even a bit better. i'm just over the park from you (N4) so it would be lovely to see you there soon, i'm at home with dd2 on mondays/fridays..how about a full-strength arabica, when you're up to it? xx

[DecafArabica]

Busy on Monday but next Friday (not 2 days' time, the one after) I will be available for Americanos (strong & long)!

[bundle]

that would be lovely, i'm busy too this fri (interviewing at dd2's nursery) but let's talk about next week, no pressure, see how youfeel, x

[DecafArabica]

okey dokey!

[thinker]

I found comfort in thinking that mine died very peacefully, nice and warm in my tummy with no trauma. I previosly had a baby born at 21 weeks who lived for a short time and had to go through the trauma of the birth and then die. I then had a mc similar to yours and thought at least it wasnt traumatic for the baby and they were all snug. Hope this helps xx