Boss and bereavement

[CareBearClaire]

What would you all think of this.

My mum died last week and two days later on the Sunday my boss turned up at my door in the morning to see me, without asking or letting me know she was coming. Just appeared at the door with her partner. My boss is also an old friend - not really close).

Would you be happy with this?

I think it's fine. I assume she was just dropping off flowers/ a sympathy card and paying her respects?

Well - why?
To hand you a bunch of flowers and say I'm so sorry to hear your news I wanted to give you these, and then to politely leave?
To walk into your house and say, I'm going to clean your kitchen?
To hand you some work to do at home?
Other reasons?

Very sorry to hear about your loss. 💐

Someone popped round to give condolences or ask when you are back at work?

When I’d been recently bereaved I wouldn’t have appreciated this. A phone call or a message, fine. Turning up unannounced on a recently bereaved person who you are not particularly close to, inappropriate and given her position, unprofessional

And my sympathies for your loss

No I wouldn't be ok with that.
The normal thing to do would have been to send a card or flowers. Turning up on anyone's doorstep 48 hours after their mum's death is not ok, let alone an employee.
I lost my mum this year and I was an absolute wreck at that point, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to see my boss.
Sorry for your loss OP.

Sorry for your loss

I think it depends on the reason? Dropping off a card or just checking in as an old friend is fine if you have that sort of relationship. Bit odd to turn up if she's not been to your house before though.

To give you a sympathy card - obviously fine
To ask you when you would be back at work or 100 other things about things you would have been doing if you'd been at work because she and others didn't know how to do them - absolutely not and I'd expect the company to take disciplinary action against her possibly resulting in her loosing her job.

Depends what they wanted a card, flowers, a cooked meal and telling you to take as much time as you need. Or did she come to give you work while you're off and told you she expects you back at your desk 8am Monday morning

Thanks all, that’s helpful.

She came and brought a small gift. But she is very performative normally, I know it was so she could tell everyone she’d seen me. It was lucky I was even washed and dressed, I wouldn’t normally have been at that time in a Sunday but I’d had to get up for something else. I would never turn up at someone’s door unannounced never mind in this situation so it’s upset me. I would have been mortified if they’d turned up and I was in pyjamas and with hair all over the place. I felt it was very intrusive.

I would have felt the same way. I don’t like anyone popping in unannounced.

However, I really think your boss was trying to do a kind thing. They were mistaken but tell yourself their motive was good.

I am sorry for your loss.

I think the fact it's Sunday morning makes the situation a lot worse IMO even on the best Sunday I'll be in my scruffs having a slow breckfast or doing sods and ends.
Mid week at mid day I would feel differently but I wouldn't be inviting in.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum a year almost ago and it's the worse thing.

Very thoughtless and intrusive, a text message to ask if its ok to pop by costs nothing. Sorry for your loss x

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It wouldn't bother me because I'm happy for people to come over unannounced, and it was kind of her to be thinking of you.

However, it's also perfectly ok to not like unexpected visitors.

I think she was trying to be nice, people can’t win these days - do nothing you are heartless, send a text and that’s not enough, turn up it’s intrusive. Timing might not be the best but bought definitely counts and perhaps she sees you more of a friend than in reverse

Maybe 48hrs is a bit soon but I think popping in to drop off flowers or a card is totally fine. In these circumstances nobody is expecting to be invited in or given hospitality.

This! Plus you don’t actually have to open the door if you don’t want to.

sorry for your loss Op.

I think this is normal behaviour post bereavement. I’d show up (have done) with flowers and a card. When my dad died, many people called round that first week. Some we wouldn’t have expected to, and it was nice. It’s pretty standard to take flowers to a bereaved friend in my circles anyway.