Widowed at 40

[MrsRkid]

On Friday 9th October my amazing husband suffered a heart attacked and died on our bedroom floor 💔
He was a major gym / weightlifter and earlier in the week he’d pulled his back and chest - he put his discomfort down to over doing it with the weights.

I lifted my 18st husband off our bed placed, him on our floor and rang an ambulance then started CPR … I broke all of my husbands ribs, he started vomiting whilst I gave him mouth to mouth I couldn’t do it anymore. I used the windowsill for support and used my body weight pushing up and down with my feet on his chest in desperation!

When the ambulance arrived I sat downstairs with our 14yr old daughter cuddled up listen to the machines thumbing & beeping to then to told that he’d gone!!

I watched the whites of his eyes turn black and the colour drain from him … I’m absolutely devastated!! It’s our 16th Wedding Anniversary on the 23rd October and I’m broken. The trauma that we all experienced that night has shattered us all and I will never get over watching the love of my life go through such a horrendous end.

baby I love you xx happy 16th wedding anniversary 💔😢

I’m sorry. There are no words to comfort you at this moment. You’re in shock and will be for some time.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.
I was widowed young with very young children. I joined a group called WAY Widowed and Young.

They have meet ups all across the UK and an active Facebook community. I was able to get a lot of support and advise from this group over the years.

There is also a widows payment for 18 months that you can receive. You need to apply for it asap or you won't get the full payment.

Big hugs xx

I am so very sorry for your loss.
There are no words that will bring you comfort. You will still be in shock so try to be kind to yourself. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help or support.

Sending my condolences, so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry @MrsRkid , not only are you grieving, but you have the trauma of having performed CPR. You did your very best. Please get support for you and your children. WAY is a phenomenal charity and there is the widow's payment mentioned above.

Also give yourself time, there will be a lot to deal with in practical terms.

I am so sorry. Apart from the obvious trauma and distress of losing your husband, you will be suffering some form of PTSD from what you saw and had to do to try to save him. You will need some support to get over this I think.

So sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry to hear this.

There is a very good website/facebook group called Chain of Survival for people who have given CPR to loved ones; they can help you with resources and support that they themselves have used, and can lend a truly empathetic listening ear.

OP, I'm sending you so much love. I am so sorry.

So sorry for your loss. It is so hard to comprehend that they are gone. The first few weeks will be a blur but you will get through.

I'm so sorry, OP. What a traumatic experience for you and what a horrendous loss. Sending lots of love to you and your dd.

I’m broken, confused, I feel guilty that mummy couldn’t save daddy even though I know I did everything I could I still cannot shake the weight of guilt. My daughter looks at me and I just cry I cannot see the wood through the trees right now.

I’m going to look into WAY, I’m ringing recommended financial advisors etc.. Monday but that I’m taking my daughter away for a couple of days with our dog for some quality time just the two of us.

Sending love and support...

You are so brave to have done CPR. You did him proud. It doesn’t always work, thats a sad fact but it is a fact so please do not blame yourself. You are in shock from a trauma. Give yourself grace. Lean on friends and family.

That was a v distressing read op. You could have done nothing more than you did, honestly.
I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you a handhold and hugs xx

Sending you love and strength. I was widowed less than a month ago and also feel traumatised from watching DH deteriorate day by day from metastatic cancer with almost 4 weeks in hospital, where he died. Having spoken to a friend who was widowed in her 30s and witnessed her husband's death in a car accident, we agreed that it simply horrific and there is no 'easier' way for a spouse to experience it. Give yourself time, the guilt will pass. I felt guilty about some things I did in those last few days before DH died but they were things that made my future easier, such as moving funds out of our joint account.

It is relentlessly awful, be kind to yourself. My friends have formed and incredible support network and the kindness of strangers has reduced me to tears more than once. Don't hesitate to reach out to others.