No one has told me dm has died

[Spendysis]

We were a close family until it came to light dsis had been helping herself to dm money and i refused to do an equity release on dm house she blocked me and i haven’t heard from her since

she made it difficult for me to see dm didn’t tell me when she was moved into a care home I had to get ss to advise me.

i have found this incredibly difficult and have stated EDMR for trauma therapy. Dsis had been suspended as poa by opg and they had applied to court of protection to get Lpa revoked a council deputy appointed and the estate restored.

I hadn’t seen dm in the care home for my mental health and i didn’t want to upset or distress dm as there was cognitive decline

i decided to call the care on Monday to discuss visiting her if they could help facilitate a visit and they told me she passed away the week before. No one has told me yet. Sadly most close family friends have believed whatever lies dsis has told them about why we are nc

i don’t think it has hit me yet i feel disgusted nobody has told me like me and my family don’t matter. I am disappointed the opg just close the case and she just gets away with everything i am embarrassed ringing the funeral director asking for details of the funeral dsis hasn’t registered the death yet she advised him she was going to do it yesterday or today but hasn’t got back to him yet. so I will have to ring again next week I am anxious about the actual funeral as I haven’t seen dsis in 2/3 years but think me and my dc have the right to pay our respects to dm I have no intention of going to the wake

i haven’t cried yet just going through various different emotions

That must be so hard for you. Your sister is awful to do this. You have as much right as your sister to go to your Mum's funeral and to plan it too. Go with your family and hold your head up high. No need to even acknowledge your sister. Sorry for your loss.

It's so sad that nobody told you and must be hard to bear.

Were you NC with your mum anyway? I know you said you didn't see her in the care home because of your MH but that seems very odd to me. I have a parent with dementia in a care home and I can't imagine not visiting so I wonder if your relationship with your DM had also broken down?

I’m sorry for your loss. My dsis (less of the d) sounds very much like this and did very similar. It really hurts like hell.

@MyOtherProfilei wasn’t nc with dm though choice dsis excluded me because I knew what she was up to. I still visited dm at home until she suddenly stopped letting me in the house obviously as instructed to by dsis. It broke my heart and I didn’t feel like i could discuss it with dm on her doorstep with a ring doorbell going straight to dsis phone so rightly or wrongly i left it and stopped visiting. There was quite a gap between then and me finding out dm was in the care home and because of this and the cognitive decline I didn’t go as I was worried dm wouldn’t recognise me or it would cause her distress. I know non of this isn’t dm fault she was being manipulated by dsis but I found it very hurtful she went along with all of it.

What changed so that you decided to call the care home to visit?

I hadn’t seen dm in the care home for my mental health

I am embarrassed ringing the funeral director asking for details of the funeral

Big girl pants time. I don’t think you can blame all this on other people.

Wow this is so similar to my experience, very distressing and traumatic, I had asked the home to tell me directly when there was news but they didn’t and I heard the news from someone who assumed I already knew.
I am sorry for you that you have experienced this. Condolences to you x