Struggling to grieve after my grandmother's death while estranged from family

[2021x]

My grandmother died this week. She was 103. She cared for me often, spent time with me, and always told me the truth, which I greatly appreciated. No one is perfect, but I loved her very much and will miss her greatly.

I am estranged from my family. They are all angry at me for various reasons and have all stopped speaking to me. My only contact is email with my Mum, because she told me she doesn't want to speak to me on the phone anymore. To make things harder, I live in another country. In one way, I am sad I won't go to the funeral/memorial, but when I attended her 100th birthday, no one wanted to talk to me, so I don't think it would be good for me to go anyway.

I am starting to struggle. I have told a lot of people that my grandmother died, and they have all been sympathetic, but I have had no response from them since. They are all busy and struggling with their own lives, but I am hurt that they haven't checked in or sent me any flowers, especially from my closest friends. I live on my own and have been on my own since finding out, apart from yesterday when I went to work.

I am finding it hard to grieve because I feel so incredibly forgotten and am angry that I haven't even got a text from a few people. Has anyone got through this without making things worse for themselves, and are there any resources you found useful?

I'm so sorry for your loss

It might help to really recognise your own loss, by putting in rituals and protected time. For example, journal what you loved about your grandmother, light a candle and take time to reflect, go for a walk and cherish her memory. You could designate a particular place, building or church a grieving space or put a small box together at home with photos and momentoes to get out often.

People can grieve alone, it is different but can happen.

You can also grieve for the lack of family connection whilst accepting it.

In terms of resources, the Cruse website has info plus you can call their helpline and talk about your grandmother.